Metanoia

Rory had been coloring when I entered the room. He looked up at me, one eyebrow raised and questioning me.

“Ro, I’m gonna get another job. So that means you’ll have to be here alone more often,” I announced. He frowned a little, and looked down at his legs.

“So does that mean I’ll have to have cereal for dinner a whole lot more now?”

I sighed and sat on the floor next to him. “Well that’s the thing, Rory. You’re old enough to cook for yourself now too. If you don’t think you can make mac’ n’ cheese, then you can make yourself some TopRamen.”

He was silent for a few moments, and then he sighed, let himself lean onto me, and closed his eyes. “How come you have to get a new job?”

I didn’t really want to tell him. It hardly concerned him, or his level of maturity. But I did anyway. “I can’t really pay any of the bills and have food in the house all the time. Rossi cut my hours, so now I’m gonna get another job. Then you can have new clothes and you’ll stop wearing those fucking dungarees.”

I at least got a smile out of him.

I squeezed him tight and held him close to me with one arm and used my free hand to try and tame the clusterfuck he liked to call his hair. He smiled wider and tilted his head back with my hand like something a cat would do.

I kissed his forehead. “Ro, you’re taking this well. Anything you wanna say?” I asked. He just shrugged.

“You sound like my dad used to sound. He would always say stuff like that and then make sure I was okay with whatever he was deciding. You’re kinda like my dad to me now, except he never used to kiss my forehead or play with my hair. I don’t know, Jace. You’re giving me feelings right now for you that I shouldn’t have for a dad. It’s weird and confusing.” He looked away at the ground guiltily.

I didn’t quite know how to respond to that. I took my arm from around him and just kind of sat there uncomfortably next to him. “So, what are you saying?” I asked. I cleared my throat. “What are you thinking?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. I just kinda wanna fuck and I wanna call you Daddy and I guess just be cute and stuff like a son but also be able to fuck.” He looked up at me almost like he was going to start crying again, so I wrapped my arm around him again and held him close to my chest. “Please don’t think I’m weird,” he squeaked.

I sighed again and wrapped my other arm around him and kissed his forehead again. “It’s okay, Ro. I don’t think you’re weird. Everyone has their kinks.”