I Scream For Everything That I've Loved

I watched the strings of the guitar bend under Alan's touch as he ended his session with a ring. He looked up, slowly, as if embarrassed to play in front of me. Why would he be, when he strums those same six strings in front of thousands of strangers daily? He had just shown me an idea he had for our new album, so there was no telling how it would sound out loud, but I had loved it. I smiled, clapping my hands together. 

"That was awesome! We HAVE to put that on the new album!" He smiled, his eyes shining with pride at his work. It was definitely one of the more detailed rhythms he would perform once it was on a track. I hadn't been able to stop watching his slender fingers running up and down the neck of his guitar. I just didn't know how he did it, I never got Into the guitar thing, I found it too hard. But watching him play was simply mesmerizing.

I caught myself staring at his hands, which rested on his lap after putting his guitar down. I moved my gaze back to rest on his light brown eyes as he spoke. 
"So you really liked it? I don't know, it's not really-"

"Shut up, dude. It's awesome, and I'm making sure it gets put on that cd, alright?" I cut him off, pushing his knee teasingly opposite mine. He let out a laugh along with mine. Wow, his laugh... It made my heart flutter. Theoretically, anyways. I could listen to him laugh all day, all night. And I would if I could...but, no. He had to move in with his girlfriend. I grimaced inwardly at the thought of her. I wanted to like her, I did. She was nice. But I hated her, honestly, even though she really didn't do anything. Well...she did take Alan away from me.
I missed hanging out with him, going to eachother's places, sleeping over, riding around town, just spending every minute of every day with him.

"Austin?" 
His voice caught me off guard, and I jumped a bit in my seat. 

"W-what?" I could feel my face starting to get warm at my stuttering, a habit I was trying to lose. 

"You all right, dude?" a worried look painted his pale face. 

"Um...y-yeah, why?" I answered with an attempted smile. 

"You just... You were smiling one second then you looked like you could kill a bitch the next." he laughed, and I followed suit. 
*yeah, that bitch would be your girlfriend* I thought, making me laugh a little harder.
Then I heard a buzzing come from his back pocket, right as he stood to retrieve his cell phone from said pocket. 
Speak of the devil.

"It's Kaitlyn" Alan said to me as he placed the device to his ear. I offered a smile but he was already focused on the voice on the other line. 

"Hey, babe. What's up?" 
I took that as my cue to leave, heading to the kitchen, sighing as I passed Alan.

Taking a glass from the counter, I poured myself some water from the fridge. I had heard this city's water was tainted, and took it upon myself to fill my fridge with jugs of imported water. Nothing fancy, though, if water could even be fancy. Water was water. Which brought me to the conclusion that the water in my hand was no different than that which came from my sink.

I poured the cup over the drain, hearing Alan return an "okay, see you" into his phone. I heard his shoes lightly click across the tile floor, then the soft rustling of his sweatshirt being pulled on. 
"Hey, I gotta go. That was Kaitlyn, she wants to go out. So... Talk to you later?"
I ran my hand through my hair out of habit, turning around to nod at him. 

"Yeah, talk to you later. Don't forget to write that guitar stuff down!" 
He smiled, stepping out the door, yelling back before closing it. "I won't!" and then I was left alone. Shuffling over to the couch, I clicked the television on, scrolling through the channels. Absolutely nothing good was on. Something caught my eye, leaning against the end of the couch. Alan's guitar. I didn't even think of it when he walked out.

Pulling myself from the couch, I walked to the window, picking up his guitar on the way. Alan was just driving away in his new car, courtesy of Kaitlyn. Well... I couldn't bring it to him now, so I sat down, adjusting the odd shaped instrument in my lap. I just stared at it, not sure what to do. Letting my fingers brush across the strings, I jumped at the loud ring it made, and slammed my hand over the vibrating lines causing an abrupt silence. Trying to remember anything I had seen Alan do, I placed my fingers in various places, strumming with each attempt. This just refreshed the memory of why I don't play guitar.

Getting annoyed with the horrible sound I was creating, I leaned the guitar back against the tan sofa, and returned to the kitchen, scouring the cupboards for something to eat. Nothing there; I had to go to the store tomorrow. I could go now, but I was tired from last night's party, and there was still a subtle throb inside my head.

Downing a glass of water, I walked over to the bedroom, already in my boxers, and got under the thick covers. It was pretty cool in here for being mid-summer. The light already turned off, I fumbled for the power button on my alarm clock. It was only 10? I had to get up relatively early tomorrow anyways to go into the studio.

Setting my alarm for 8:00 I rolled back over, closing my eyes. And there was Alan, sitting right behind my eyelids just like I knew he would. It was a vision of him smiling, and I couldn't help but smile myself, thinking back to when we practically lived with each other. Back when I fell in love with my best friend. I relaxed at the memory of both of us sitting on Alan's couch, playing video games. I missed that comfort of Alan sitting on my lap and I just couldn't keep the scene out of my head. 

-&-

  I had just fired at Alan's player, and he was running after mine, grenade in hand. I didn't like these new game consoles, I had a hard time using the controllers; but it's what we had. I remember laughing at Alan as he yelled remarks at my player. 

"Think you can shoot at me and get away with it?! I'm gonna kick your ass Aus10!" I laughed at the name he had made up for my player. He threw grenade after grenade at my running soldier. We were both laughing, I could feel his body shaking against mine as he did, his back pressed to my chest. I rested my chin on his shoulder, throwing my arms around his shoulders and over his arms to deter him from shooting at me. He flung his arms, trying to throw me off. Somewhere in the middle of this movement he shot me dead-on. I fell back into the cushions, throwing my arms up. He was the only one laughing now. 

"What?! You killed me! You little shit, you killed me!" This just made him laugh harder and I was forced to laugh along with him. I playfully shoved his shoulder, he returned my gesture with a push to the side of my head. I gave in and just sat there, but once he was occupied with resetting our game, I leaned up to whisper in his ear.

"I'm gonna get you Ginger-princess." I refered to his player's name that I had come up with.His eyes went wide before he jumped out of my lap and took off running. Man was he fast. I thought about just letting him run; I could wreck his player while he thought I was chasing him, but decided to chase after him. At least these toothpick legs were fast too.

After chasing him around the apartment for a while, I tackled him, throwing both of us onto the squeaky bed. His face turned red as he gasped for air, laughing while I tickled him. He fought to speak through his laughter. 

"Ss-stop! Haha! Austin, stop!"
 I finally let him go to catch his breath after he hit me in the chin with his elbow, trying to get away. He covered his face with one arm, his eyes closed. I couldn't help but smile to myself as I laid down next to him, watching his chest rise and fall heavily as he caught his breath. 

 -&-

I could have layed there forever with him. I really, really missed those times. I wish I could have told him how I felt, before he and Kaitlyn started dating. But of course, that means Alan is straight, and would never have liked me the same way. And we were best friends, telling him something like that-that I was really in love with him- would have ruined everything.

I swallowed hard, feeling my chest tighten like I was about to cry. Taking a deep breath, I rolled onto my stomach, burying my head in the pillow. I didn't feel like wasting my time being upset, and forced myself to sleep.