I Scream For Everything That I've Loved

As soon as Alan had closed the bathroom door I had scrambled from the bed, throwing the blankets in a tangled bunch to search for a shirt in my messy bureau. I had only taken my shirt off because I was sure Alan would wake up after me, just like he always did. 
But of course, the one time I'm betting on it he wakes up before me, my torso fully exposed along with the thin marks over my hips. I don't think he had seen, but the again, who knows how long he had been awake before me? How much time he'd been laying there, completely able to see the mess I created. I had thought for sure he'd been looking about them before he left to shower. 

I pulled a shirt out of the drawer, not even seeing which one it was before pulling it over my head. Feeling a bit better about this, I sat on the edge of the bed to try and calm my heart which was still racing from when I thought he'd been looking at them. When he emerged from the room in his towel I had my head in my hands, elbows resting on my knees. 

"You okay, Austin?" He walked around to the side of the bed he'd slept on, picking up his clothes to get dressed. 
"Y-yeah...I'm fine." I turned to smile at him and found that he was just putting his boxers on, and I laughed. 
"What? Are you laughing at me?" He stared at me, now standing in his underwear. God, he was beautiful. 
"Yes, I am actually." I laughed a bit harder.
"What is so /funny/?" He almost whined.
"I just turned around and you were just standing there naked, how is that not funny?" 
He chuckled at me when I leaned forward on the bed, moving my hands up to cover my mouth, he slowly laughed harder.
"Yeah, I guess that is kind of funny." He slid his shirt on, then tossed the towel into a basket.
"No! It's really funny! I just...I don't even know why I'm still laughing though!" I choked out in my fit. He was laughing at me now.
"Calm down, man, you're gonna hurt yourself." 

I grinned at him, taking a deep breath to steady myself. He was fully dressed now, beanie and all. 
"Did you eat a bucket of sugar while I was gone?" He joked, and I smiled at him.
"No. I don't know, I'm just in a really good mood. And I'm hungry, too," I said, looking down at my stomach as it growled. 

"Same here, wanna go out?" He asked, making his way closer to the door of my room. 
"Nah, I know what I'll do." I grinned, jumping up from the bed to almost run to the kitchen. 
Kneeling in front of the cupboards, I pushed around some pots and pans until stumbling upon the one I needed. 
"Go in the living room, it's a surprise!" I ordered Alan with a wave of my hand. He shook his head a little but obeyed, heading to the sofa while I searched for the materials I needed. 
Within a few minutes I had the batter for pancakes mixed, and poured some into the pan on the stove. I smiled as I shaped the mixture into a heart, but sighed as I slid it back into a normal shape, thinking it'd be odd to give him a heart-shaped pancake.
 Another ten minutes later I'd gotten both of our breakfasts ready, along with a huge mess on my counters that I'd probably forget to pick up, and was just perfecting the stack of food on Alan's plate. 
With the pancakes perfectly aligned, I picked up our plates and brought them to the living room to set on the coffee stand. 

"Your surprise was pancakes?" He laughed, pulling the table in to our knees as I sat next to him.
"Yeah, everyone loves pancakes, and look how beautiful they are!" I gestured towards his plate of perfectly placed and buttered pancakes. 
"I don't know man, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were weird or something." He nudged me in the side, laughing, but then agreed that they did look pretty good and we began eating. 

With our stomachs full and nothing to do, we sat sprawled out on my couch for quite a while, Alan's legs laid across mine as he leaned into my side. We hadn't sat like this in a long time it, and I swear I could feel my heart swell when he had positioned himself this way. My arm around Alan's side, I was tucked comfortably between him and the arm of the couch with my legs under his. We had been talking and joking, laughing at the stupid happenings on the television, but neither of us had spoken for about half an hour now.
 I looked down to his face and found his eyes closed, mouth slightly ajar and breathing deeply with his face buried in my side.
I don't understand how he slept so much, he always seemed to be tired when we were together. But I didn't mind, especially since It gave the opportunity to really look at him without questions being asked. My eyes wandered along his facial features, seeming to not miss a single cell. Every thing about him was so perfect, so beautiful to me. From where his light orange hair met his eyebrows, to his perfectly splayed eyelashes, the curve of his nose that wasn't too big or too small, where his skin indented slightly underneath his cheekbones, his lips that would cover his now open mouth, to the short stubles of hair that covered his chin that told me he hadn't shaved in a few days. It was all so perfect it was almost hard to stand being so close to him. I reached into my pocket beneath his thin legs to retrieve my phone. Holding it out in front of me, I angled it just so it would get both of us in shot and took a picture, a grin plastered on my face. The fans would go nuts over this picture, I thought as I uploaded it to my twitter. And sure enough, within minutes it had been re-tweeted and liked more times than I felt like counting. 

Putting my phone on the stand next to the couch, I went back to studying the ginger in my lap. My Ginger princess. I brushed my fingers over a section of his hair, wanting to just bury my face in it. 

Then I realized, while he was asleep, I could. And so I did. I buried my nose into his hair, closing my eyes. I wish I could do this every day, all day, whenever the fuck I wanted without him having to be asleep for me to do it. I'd stay here forever, holding him, hugging him. I'd give anything to be able to tell him I love him and for him to understand that it goes more than friend deep, to be able to call him mine and mine only forever. To be able to hold him as close as possible to listen to how my heart always beats near him, veering off it's regular pace to a skip that is probably unhealthy and to wake up to the same. One day, I would tell him. Wether it be tomorrow or on my death bed I would tell him how unconditionally I loved him. 

And I would do whatever it takes to allow him to fall in love with me.