But Loving Him Was Red...

“Say Merry Christmas to Mommy,” I heard Sidney’s voice as my door opened. Oh god. I pulled the covers over my head and rolled over to face the door as my eyes opened.

The first thing I saw was the clock on my nightstand saying 8AM and then Sidney standing two feet from my bed carrying Lucia. She was rubbing her eyes and he was in his boxers.

“Merry Christmas Mommy,” Lucia giggled. I sat up, pulling the top of my tank back up and rubbed at my eyes. 7hrs of sleep was no good for me. Sidney sat her on the bed beside me and dropped down at the foot of my bed.

Lucia crawled over and gave me a hug. “I love you Mommy,” I was watching the way the muscles in his stomach and chest flexed as he rocked back and forth, rubbing his eyes.

“I love you too baby,” I hugged her back tightly and pulled her into my lap. “Are you excited to see what Santa got you?” I held her little face in my hands and kissed both of her cheeks.

“Yeah,” She smiled widely, turning to Sidney. “We open presents?” She pleaded with him.

“Mommy and Daddy need to get dressed and have coffee, and you need breakfast, my dear,” He poked her nose and stood up, pulling her into his lap. “You don’t need to grow anymore, you’re already growing like a weed,” He tickled her belly with his fingers while she giggled and squirmed in his hands.

“Daddy,” Lucia giggled, kicking her legs. “Get dressed,”

“Yes ma’am,” He sat her on my floor. “You mind watching her, I just got to put on pants,” I nodded as he shut my door. Just pants? I climbed out of bed, thanking god that he didn’t ask me to get out of bed. I was in my underwear and a skimpy top. I dressed in the closet, pulling on a white tank top and a pair of black jeggings, slipping on my favorite pair of moccasins and came out, fixing my hair.

“You ready for breakfast my queen?” I picked her off the floor. “You need to get dressed too,” I opened the door and walked out into the hallway, making a bee-line for her room. “Go get your clothes and Mommy will dress you,” I sat on her bed and watched her go and grab a dress out of her closet and underwear from a drawer.

She ditched her own clothes and I watched her pull her dress on and fasten the buttons. Tears met my eyes. My girl was growing up. Sidney slowly walked in when she was pulling her underwear up. “You okay Em?” He asked, obviously seeing the tears in my eyes. He was pulling a long sleeved blue shirt over his head.

“She’s getting dressed by herself,” I sniffled, picking her up in my arms. “Baby, you’re growing up so fast,” I hugged her tightly.

“Mommy, open presents,” Lucia groaned against my chest. I released her and I followed Sidney down the stairs. We got breakfast, which was cereal for us and cups of coffee, and Sidney made her hot chocolate with marshmallows and a bowl of cereal.

Lucia was eyeing the tree when we first came down and was now staring at it. The presents lined the floor and I knew she’d be surprised by the stuff she got.

Sidney gasped when he came from the other side of the tree, carrying the cookie plate. “Lucia, look the cookies are gone,” Sidney and I snacked before we went to bed last night. They were pretty fab, I had to admit.

“Santa ate them,” Lucia whispered. “He got my wish?”

“I think so, no paper is here anymore,” Sidney sat the dish in the sink and sat down beside us. We put her paper in one of the Christmas decoration boxes and put it back upstairs. It was a Christmas wish from when she was little and when she got older, I wanted her to look back on it.

Lucia was almost done her cereal and Sidney and I were taking our time with our breakfast. Seeing her face light up on Christmas morning made the pain of childbirth seem worth it and to see Sidney’s eyes fill with tears at the excitement of it all, just made my heart melt. Could we ever be a real family together?

Once we got all the presents opened and Lucia was off playing with her BarbieDreamHouse. I picked up all the papers and stuffed them into the garbage bag.

“Hey Emily,” Sidney’s voice came from around the corner by the stairs. I looked over my shoulder at him standing, with something behind his back. “Look, I got something for you for Christmas,” He showed me the small box in his hands.

“Wait,” I put my hands up and raced to my purse and pulled out the box I had sitting in there. I knew Sidney would buy me something, so I had to buy him something.

It took me two weeks to decide on a silver Rolex. I hoped he’d like it. “I got you something too,” I held the box behind my back.

“Awh shucks Em, you shouldn’t have,” I joined him on the floor where we sat down and exchanged gifts. He shook it to his ear, the same as I did. I had no idea what was in here. He tore the paper off of it and let his jaw drop open, with no sounds coming out. He was holding the Rolex box. “Is this a fucking Rolex? You didn’t, did you?”

“I thought you’d like it,” I meekly nodded. “Oh god, you hate it, I knew I should’ve bought you a yacht like my Dad told me to, but no I went with my gut and now you hate it,”

“No, no Em,” Sidney covered my hand. “No. I fucking love it, wait until the guys get a load of this thing,” He got it out of the box and put it on his arm, where he began shaking it around. “Son of a bitch, this thing is so amazing,” He eyed his box in my hands. “Dude, open yours,” He smiled. He seems happy about it.

I tore open the paper and pulled out a Tiffan&Co box. “Sidney,” I whispered. “What is this?” I held up the box. My heart stopped, it looked like a ring box. Was he proposing? Doesn’t he already have a fiancée? Slut. He opened it and my heart started beating normally again. “Oh,it’s just earrings,” I gasped out my relief.

“OH gee, you’re totally welcome Emily, I didn’t just walk through a Tiffany for 3 hours trying to find the best earrings ever, no not at all,” He laughed, rolling his eyes. “What did you think it was?” He took the paper and shoved it in the bag.

“I thought you were proposing,” I said through laughs as Sidney immediately looked into my direction. “But you are already engaged,” I waved it off, lifting back up the case to look at them again now that I am not afraid it’s an engagement ring. “Oh Sidney, they are so beautiful,” I looked over the diamond studs in the case and wanted right then and there to just reach across the mountain of Christmas wrapping and kiss him, but I had to fight it when Lucia came stomping back into the living room.

“Daddy, my window fell out,” She stood there, hands on her hips. Sid smiled, as he stood up and followed her out where her BarbieDreamHouse was. I helped myself up and began cleaning up the papers off the floor.

= = =
“Merry Christmas guys,” Sidney and I smiled, letting the door shut when his parents stepped off the porch. 10PM and his parents were leaving after having dinner with all of us. I loved his parents so much. They got Lucia some new dresses and burettes for her hair.

Lucia was yawning on the floor, rubbing her eyes. “Come on turd, let’s go get you a bath and put you to bed,” Sidney walked out from behind me and scooped her up in his arms. He got to the stairs and turned over his shoulder. “Do you want to help me Em?” I slowly followed them up the stairs to his bathroom where he set her on the toilet.

He knelt down by the tub and started running the water.

Lucia was getting herself undressed and I got her new pyjama set Sidney and I picked out for her and walked back in. “Yes, Loosh, I’m putting in your Princess whatever her name is bubble bath,” He undid the top and started pouring it under the water.

“Ariel Daddy,” Lucia smiled. Sidney rolled his eyes, before picking her up and putting her in the tub. I took her spot on the toilet and helped him do her bath. “We sleeping here tonight?”

“Yes we are Lucia,” I smiled at Sidney. “We’re going home tomorrow,”

“Wait,” Sidney stuck his bubble covered hand up. “I want you and Lucia to stay until New Years, it’s only a few days,” A few days? It’s like five. What if Carly comes over? Oh god.

“What?” I dropped my jaw. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, why not, what else could you be doing?” He laughed, squirting her soap on a loofah and helped her wash her back. “I mean, it’ll be fun, we could do the family skate before the Classic, I think Loosh would like it,” He turned to Lucia. “So, Lucia, you want Mommy to stay?” He handed her the loofah and she washed her legs and bottom. She always liked to wash her own parts and felt grown-up doing so.

“Yeah. I stay with Daddy,” Lucia giggled, waiting for Sidney to wash her hair for her. She was only two; she couldn’t really wash her hair all the way by herself.

Sidney wet her hair and started scrubbing her scalp with the shampoo sitting on the tub. I knelt down beside Sidney who moved over and I helped him wash her hair. I’d rather not sit there like a moron. I grabbed the cup and Sidney covered her eyes when we rinsed it out. He washed her hair twice, same as I did, so once her hair was clean, he grabbed her towel off the rack and wrapped her in it. “You ready for bed?”

“Uh-huh,” She smiled, snuggling into his chest as he carried her bridal style into her room. I followed after them with her pyjamas. She got her underwear on and we dressed her. Sidney grabbed her head with the towel and dried her hair with it. She got out of his grip and shook her hair around, drying it herself. She ran to Sidney and hopped in his lap. “I love you Daddy,”

“I love you too princess,” Sidney pushed her bangs out of her eyes and kissed her cheek. “Time for bed,” He put her in her bed and pulled the blankets up. I got in beside him and kissed her cheek, while Sidney turned out her light and handed her the stuffed bear.

I followed him out into the hall as he shut the door and sighed, connecting our eyes together. What do I do now? He slowly turned for his room. “You know Emily, I think Lucia is pretty happy,” He pushed open his door and stepped inside. I went against better judgement and followed him inside.

He crawled on his bed and I sat down on the end. “SO, are you going to stay until New Years?” He asked, removing his socks and leaning back against his headboard. Same sheets, same comforter, same bed. My eyes quickly located a photo sitting on his end table.

Was that? I tried to keep my eyes on Sidney while looking at the photo. It looked like a picture of us, from a few years back. Why did he still have that?

“I guess we could,” I crossed my legs under myself and smiled. He slowly moved closer to me. I had memories of being in this room and my fondest was when he told me he loved me. My eyes met my hands and I frowned. Why didn’t I just tell him I loved him then?

I looked up when Sidney’s face was inches from mine, eyes focused intently on mine, his face inching closer and closer by the second. “What’s-“ He pushed his lips against mine and my stomach started doing flip-flops.

I was surprised I didn’t fight against it and let myself go down to the bed, while his hands reached under my shirt, caressing my stomach with his fingers. He leaned down and pecked my lips, sliding up on my hips further, making me feel powerless with his large frame above me. But I felt safe, and secure at this very moment.

I watched him run his fingers under the trim to his shirt and he pulled it off, letting it drop to the ground below. I let my hands go over his toned chest and I started yearning for him. I wanted him now.

I tore off my shirt and sat up, re-connecting our lips back together as I pushed him back against the soft comforter, straddling his hips, not letting our lips part. We seemed to move so majestically together, like a dance.

We got our pants off and he flipped us so I was underneath him and he pulled the blankets over us, positioned himself between my thighs and got inside. I pushed us up towards the headboard and he moved the blankets with us, our lips not parting for a second.

My legs were wrapped around his back, keeping the contact with him. I didn’t want him to go away for one second. I dug my nails deep into the flesh of his back, hearing him wince out in pain against my lips.

I couldn’t believe we were actually having sex, it seems like it’s not really happening. But when I opened my eyes and he’s above me, panting and kissing my lips, it dawned on me that this was real. What did this mean?

He finished, resting his head on my shoulder, while he was panting and his forehead was all sweaty. So adorable. He climbed off and lied down beside me, pulling the covers up.

I turned and put my head on his chest, while his arms circled around me. I could hear his heartbeat go from fast as it slowed down, along with his breathing. His lips pressed against my cheek and he pulled the blankets up over us.

The last thing I remembered was thinking to myself that this was what I wanted since I saw him for the first time again and now that I had it, was I truly happy?