But Loving Him Was Red...

I pulled the comforter up and rolled over, finding myself face to face with Sidney, who’s arms I was currently lying in.

The second I seen him, my heart started racing at the fact that we just had sex last night. He’s engaged, I am kind of seeing Seth, why am I such a slut?

I looked under the covers, finding my white bra on, but nothing else and Sidney was completely naked. What did I do?

I turned the other way to get out of here as fast as possible, but I was stopped when his arms pulled me back to him effortlessly. “I’ve really missed you Emily,” He breathed in my ear. Oh god. I rolled over and seen the pleased look on his face. Did he plan this? Was getting me over here with Lucia some kind of coy to get in my pants?

What a fucking pig! I fought myself out of his arms and pulled my pillow with me to cover my downstairs. Sidney sat up, furrowing his brows and running his fingers through his messed hair.

I put my hand out as tears rolled down my cheeks.“Ohmygod no. No. No. Sid, you are engaged. This is not how this is supposed to happen. What just happened, does not leave this bedroom,
understood,” I put my finger down and ran out of the room, to the guest room. I would pack up and leave immediately when Lucia woke up.

How could he do this to me? I got in my closet and pulled clothes out of my bag. My body was shaking and tears were falling down my face. I was so happy last night, why was… what am I so upset for?

“Emily wait,” Sidney ran in after me, pulling his boxers up. I came out of the closet, pulling jeans and a sweater on as I glared at him. “Look, what happened last night…” He started. I saw the look on his face and he seemed just as confused as I was.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I pushed past him and headed for Lucia’s room. She was still sleeping, so I decided to leave her in there and headed down the stairs. I took a place at his island and put my head down on the counter top. Why did this happen? I sobbed into my arms, wanting to go back to yesterday when things were fine between us.

“Emily, can we please talk about this?” Sidney’s voice came from behind me. I stiffened up and looked over my shoulder at him, standing there. He of course had a goonish smile on his face. How was he happy about this? He just cheated on his fiancé!!

“Fine,” I leapt off the stool. “I’m leaving the second Lucia wakes up, I can’t be in the same house as you right now,” I pushed past him, wiping the tears off my cheeks and hurried back up the stairs. I would pack and go wake up Lucia, I had to get out of here.

He turned after I shoved past him and I felt his hand touch my arm. “I thought you were staying until New Years,” He shouted up the stairs. I stopped on the second last step and looked back at him. How was he thinking this was still going to happen? “I mean, you told Lucia you were,” He held his hands up. It was true; she wanted us to stay with Sidney until New Years.

“That’s before you turned me into your whore,” I screamed at him as I ran down the stairs and glared at him. “How are you standing here not acting like what we did wasn’t a big deal, it’s a big fucking deal, Sidney, you are fucking engaged. How could you do this to me?” I stopped and sobbed heavily into my hands. “How could you?” I spoke between sobs. I was technically the ‘other woman’ right now.

“Calm down, Emily, I made a mistake getting with Carly. I honestly don’t even know why I’m with her to begin with” He said, sitting down on the stool and looking directly at me. What was happening here?

“You obviously got engaged, you had to think you had feelings for her,” Sidney shook his head ‘no’ and that floored me. “What are you talking about?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Look Emily, we got together as a spoof. To be brutally honest, and she started blabbing about marriage and I said ‘yeah, marrying would be cool’ and she took that as I was proposing, and now her Mom’s freaking out that she’s marrying a big shot hockey player and it’s way over my head,” He ran his fingers through his hair. “And my Mom is telling me to get a pre-nup, but I don’t want to ask her to sign it, so I am just confused right now Emily,” He huffed, putting his head in his hands. Poor guy.

“Sidney, you are worth a lot of money, I’ve known that for a long time, you need to secure your funds so when you divorce, she can’t take half your shit and you don’t have to pay alimony,” I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to resist the urge to go over there and comfort him and tell him everything is going to be okay. “My Dad had his new wife sign one,” Believe me Carrie was not impressed when she had to sign a pre-nup. I told everyone she was with my Dad for his money.

“New wife?” Sidney looked back at me. “What are you talking about?” I frowned. “Emily, what?”

“My Dad cheated on my Mother with his 22 year old secretary, and got her pregnant,” I sighed. “I found out when we were still together, but I didn’t say anything,”

He leapt off the stool and come up to me, putting his hands on my arms. “Are you okay?” Am I okay? Is that really the question one asks someone when they find out their Dad left his wife for a much younger woman?

“I am fine, Sidney,” I glared. “This was like two years ago, it’s fine now and my Mom has a new boyfriend,”

“Why didn’t you say something then about it?” He asked.

“Because you look at your parents, they are so in love and meant for each other and my parents were just fucked up, I knew you wouldn’t understand,” I looked back up at him. “But whatever, it’s done,” I started walking away from him.

“I don’t regret what we did, Emily,” He spoke. I turned on my heel and looked at him. “It happened and it’s best to just understand that this did happen,” He had a light smirk on his face. He thought he was Mr. King Cock Of The Walk, didn’t he? This is why my Dad always told me men are jerks.

“I understand that it happened, Sidney, what I don’t understand is how you can be so damn calm about this?” I fought the urge to just walk up to him and smack the smirk right off his face. “You cheated on your fiancé,”

“Look Emily, I didn’t hear you complaining last night and you never once told me to stop, so you must’ve wanted it as badly as I did,” He approached me, stopping right in front of me a bashful smile on his face. “And it’s not like she’s never cheated on me before,” He sighed and walked up the stairs. Wait, Carly cheated on Sidney?

As he was walking, I noticed dark red marks on his back; just above his shoulder blades… they looked like nail marks. I looked down at my nails and I instantly blushed, knowing they were mine.
I growled into the air and sat down on the arm chair.

What did I just get myself into? Sidney and I had an amazing night of sex and I am so distraught over this, but I didn’t understand why to begin with. I mean, to be honest, I am just as much to blame as he is. I hated my life so much.

= = =
“I want to stay with Daddy,” Lucia whined, when I was putting her coat on. Since the talk this morning, Sidney and I haven’t made eyecontact, things were so awkward beween us and I just wanted this over and done with.

“I know, but we’ll see Daddy on New Years,” I zipped up her coat and looked into her eyes. This was breaking her heart. Sidney came out of the kitchen, carrying her duffel in his hand.

“Emily, look… she can stay until New Years, it wont bother me none, you can just pick her up at the family skate thing,” He offered, setting the duffel on the ground behind Lucia.

I grabbed my purse and stormed out of the house, letting the door slam behind me as I trudged out to my Jeep. I just wanted to get the fuck away from him. I wanted to punch him for being so calm and then I wanted to go back to last night again.

I wanted two different things and I didn’t know what to do or what I wanted more.

“Emily,” Sidney popped up beside my Jeep. “What the hell was that about?” I rolled my eyes, stuffing the key in the ignition and turning it, immediately jacking the heat up.

“Sidney, I just can’t believe how calm you are, knowing what we did,” I faced the front. “If you weren’t engaged, I wouldn’t be so mad at you,”

“It’s my relationship, how can you be mad at me about that?” He put his hands on my window. “Look what we did doesn’t have to leave us; just pretend it never happened,”

“Because this makes me see that you don’t take relationships seriously and that maybe you cheated on me when we were together,” I threw that in his face. “I just can’t pretend it didn’t happen,” I rolled my window up and backed out of the driveway, not shocked at the tears falling down my face. I was so hurt by this.