But Loving Him Was Red...

A Month Later

“Lucia,” I turned from packing up her overnight bag to find her not behind me where she was before. Damn kid. Sidney had a few days off, and was planning a trip to see his parents, they’d be leaving tomorrow.

I got him to take her today, so I could finish off my final assignment for my college prep courses.

“Come on, Daddy will be here any minute to pick you up,” I looked all over the living room to see her nowhere around me. Where the fuck did she go?

As it stands, Sidney and Carly were still seeing each other and no one could tell me how she was with my daughter, but I guess I’d find out eventually. For her own sake, she better be nice to her because if not, I will come down on her like the hammer of god.

Taylor packed up and left for Cole Harbour when her notice came in a week ago. Nothing happened, no handcuffs, just a paper saying she had a week to leave the country. Not a big deal.

Taylor was going to make some phone calls, explain what happened and see if they can reinstate her at Ridgemount High School in downtown Pittsburgh.

I would see to it that Taylor attends these classes and you bet your ass her parents would.

SO Taylor was hoping to be back in America by August, or even September at the latest.

I heard her large footsteps come pounding through the living room, as she displayed a bag of baby carrots in her hands. “I’m ready,” She smiled, climbing up on the couch to wait for Sidney to get here. She had on a white tank, blue jean shorts and her sandals.

I left her hair down, but fastened her bangs back with a ladybug barrette.

Lucia and I both looked towards the door as we heard the stones being crushed. I seen his Evoque pulling up and I quickly grabbed her bag and let her follow behind me outside. It was a hot one today.

Supposed to be 95. It was only 9AM and already the sidewalk was melting my bare feet. I already felt the perspiration on my skin, coating through my oversized grey tank and simple baby blue jean shorts.

It was July 15th. Sidney was making his rounds, to see his parents and other family before training camp started next month.

So far, since June, he’s been taking Lucia practically every day since the season ended. I had no problems with it, I loved that he wanted to spend time with her and she loved him back just as much.

“How long are you at your parents for?” I asked, scratching the back of my arm and moving my bangs out of my eyes to focus on him, loading Lucia into the back of his car.

“I was hoping about a week, maybe until the end of July, that is if you’re okay with it,” He sighed, rubbing his chin. “If you aren’t or you have plans, its fine, I can bring her back,”

“No, that’s fine with me,” I put my hands out. “You deserve all the time you can get with her, Sid, besides, I have a huge assignment for my college prep and I need to study for my final exam,” I handed him her overnight bag and stepped up to the door, as I stuck my head in the window.

She was buckled into her car seat and was happily munching her carrot sticks.

“So, you’re still doing the whole Journalism thing?” He climbed up into the drivers’ seat and shut his door. I nodded my head, finding it fascinating that he remembers everything from when we were together. “That’s good; I always knew you’d end up being an amazing writer,”

“Thanks Sid,” I smiled, patting his hand, feeling my heart start beating out of tune. “So, what are your plans today?”

“I am taking Lucia to this fair day thingy they have going on at the zoo, I don’t know, Lovejoy told me about it,” He shrugged, unsure as to what he was saying. “If you want to join us, I am fine with it,” He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, not making any motion to leave until I said yes.

“No, its’ okay,” I smiled, stepping back up on the porch. “You guys enjoy yourselves,”

“Aw, come on, I am taking Lucia for almost an entire month, we should all do something together,” He made a circle with his hands. “It’s the zoo Emily, you can’t say no to the zoo,”

“Come mama,” Lucia yelled from the backseat. I guess I could, I had no real plans beside finalizing my assignment and I could finish that off tonight. Sidney was giving me his precious smile, practically begging me. Didn’t he have a girlfriend?

“Yeah Mama, come on,” Sidney cheered Lucia on, patting the passenger seat. I huffed, nodding my head as I reached in, grabbing my gladiators and my purse, shutting the lights off and locking up.

I climbed up into the Rover, smelling Sidney’s cologne. I threw my bag on the backseat by Lucia.

“So, you and I are going to the zoo,” Sidney smiled, backing out of the driveway. I had no clue what to think about this. Sidney and I are going to the zoo together with Lucia, what was happening. Was this the first step of us… getting back together?

A million thoughts were running through my head, and I was left with a goonish smile on my face before slipping my sunglasses on.

“Yes, you and I and our daughter,” I sighed. “You think Carly will like it?” I had a feeling Sidney didn’t care what she thought, but part of me did. I didn’t want to get in a fight with his girlfriend over nothing.

He smiled, driving onto the main road in the heart of Pittsburgh. I had no clue what zoo he was talking about. “Meh, you are the mother of my child, of course we are going to be spending time together. All we are doing is going to the fucking zoo with Lucia,”

“I was just asking, I wouldn’t want to get in a fight with her over this,” I huffed, turning my eyes on the road.

“Emily, she’s a dance instructor in Pittsburgh, but she’s getting a transfer to DC, so I won’t be seeing her that often,” He whispered. “She’s starting in August and is already looking at places,”

“If you two are serious, as you claimed, why is she accepting the transfer?” I was shocked. I didn’t understand why she would do that.

“I don’t know, she’s always wanted to dance in DC, and finally got the offer, I hated long distance with you,” He rolled his eyes. “But part of me feels okay with it with her,” I blushed, hearing him say he hated long distance with me.

= = =

“Fants,” Lucia shouted, prying herself out of Sidney’s grip and took off running towards the elephants’ cage, with a group of people. Sidney quickly trailed after her, scooping her in his arms and lifting her up high enough to see the elephants.

I was left pushing the stroller with my bag hanging off the back, and an iced tea bottle in one of the cup holders. The zoo was 15 minutes from my house. Taylor and I got a house roughly 10 from Pittsburgh, and 10 from Sewickley. We were smack dab in the middle.

“Look, unkeys,” She pointed, from sitting on top of Sidney’s shoulders. It was the sweetest thing I had ever seen, he was so sweet and gentle with her. “Ni-ni look, unkeys,” He walked over towards the monkeys standing at the front of the cage.

I walked through the group of people forming and was not surprised at flashes from cameras taking Sidney’s picture.

I knew we’d be splattered all over the front page of tomorrow’s paper. It was something I got used to after dating Sidney as long as I did but I wasn’t ready for all the papers claiming we were together, and I hadn’t really talked to Sidney about this… Not that he was oblivious about it either.

“You feeling alright?” Sidney popped up in front of me, Lucia secured on his shoulders by his hands holding her legs and her hands holding to his forehead. I meekly nodded, not really wanting to delve into this right now. “You sure?”

“I am fine, you two go on ahead, I’ll trail back here, I was never one for the zoo,” I waved them off and secured a spot on a nearby bench. Sidney sat down beside me, putting Lucia on the ground and handing her a bag of bread crumbs, telling her to go feed the birds.

Once she was out of range, I turned to Sidney who was looking at me with a concerned look on his face; it was evident in the softness of his eyes. “Sidney, what are you doing? You know I’m not a fan of zoos or amusement parks, I don’t want to wreck this for you,”

“Then tell me what’s got you looking so upset,” He scooted closer on the bench. “Emily, I may still be a little mad at you, but I want to help you,”

“Now that’s comforting,” I patted his knee, the sarcasm falling from my tone. “Look, people are everywhere taking our pictures, what if someone starts saying shit about Lucia? I really don’t want my daughter to be subjected to this,”

“She’s two, I highly doubt she’ll even know what the hell is going on anyway,” He laughed, casually brushing it off. “Come on Emily, I can handle this. I’ll have to do another fucking press conference to clean anything up, but I’ll do it. She’s my daughter and I will protect her, you can count on that,”

I smiled, feeling a little less afraid of this, as I rested my hand over his, letting him take it in his. What was going on? I couldn’t pull my eyes away from his. I was dying to kiss him right now and have everything go back to normal. What if I didn’t leave? What if Sid and I had Lucia together…? What would my life be like now?

I was startled when Sidney’s other hand brushed my cheek between his thumb and index before he leaned inward, moving his other arm behind me on the bench. My heart was racing beyond belief.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I watched Lucia reach a piece of bread out to a bird, and in a second she fell and landed on her arm. It didn’t take Sidney long to jump off the bench and race to Lucia’s aide, she was crying and flipping about the blood on her palms.

Lucia was a toddler, so she was top heavy, and I had to watch her everywhere she went, for the simple fact, me and my Mother had the clumsy genes and she was also inheriting the clumsy genes.

“Don’t worry, peanut, Daddy will take care of you,” Sidney cooed, sitting back down beside me, sitting Lucia in-between us and I quickly leaned over to inspect the cuts on her hands. Very small and nothing more than polysporin would be needed.

He grabbed out a Ziploc bag from the back of the stroller --full of first aid things and grabbed out two Band-Aids and some anti bacterial spray. “Baby, this is going to sting… okay, but you got to trust me,” He held her one hand in his and she flinched as he sprayed all over the skin. “See, it wasn’t that bad,” He smiled, blowing on the skin.

My heart was melting at the sight of this. He was so cute with her.

“It stings,” She frowned, rubbing the tears off her cheeks. He fastened the Band-Aids on her hands and planted kisses on the tops of them. I was overseeing this and couldn’t help the smile.

Why did I ever doubt he’d be a good Dad? “Birds,” She slipped off the bench and decided now to chase the pigeons.

She was definitely Sidney’s daughter, she got knocked down and still wanted to get back up and go after it again.

Silence filled the space between us as Sidney was packing up his Ziploc bag and stuffed it in the back compartment before looking at me.

“What?” He asked, grabbing out his water bottle. I couldn’t help but continuing to smile. If he wasn’t attractive to me before, he sure as hell was now. “Seriously Em, you’re freaking me out,”

“I love how you are with her, you’re so gentle,”

“I am a hockey player, not the fucking Hulk,” He laughed. “Not all hockey players are vicious animals,” He explained himself, watching Lucia giggling and chasing the pigeons. “Honestly Emily, I was afraid to be a Dad, but she has to be the best thing that has ever happened to me,”

“You are doing a fantastic job, Sid,” I scooted over and placed my hand on his thigh. “I always knew you’d be a great Dad, no question,”

“What the hell was I thinking, waiting ten years? I could do a family right now,” He beamed, covering my hand with his. “Maybe I would have like 3-4 kids,”

“Chill Ramona, you aren’t the one who has to pop the giant head out of your vagina, trust me, it’ll never look the same after that,” I waved it off casually. “When you find someone to have 3-4 kids with you, hold onto her as tight as you possibly can,”

“I tried to, once…” He mumbled, his eyes never leaving mine. “I had you…. You wanted that massive family,”

“Sidney…” I whined, rubbing my forehead. “At that time I did, but then I realized I’d have to birth them all. You get the fun of conception and I get the pain of childbirth, not as much fun,” With a sigh, I looked back up at him. “Does Carly want kids?”

“No. She doesn’t really enjoy kids, and their presence. She says she’d rather focus on her career and have cats… Who the fuck has cats?” He rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t matter, I really like her, you know. How are you and Seth?” He said ‘Seth’ as harsh as I think he could say it.

“We’re okay, we’re supposed to go out again on Friday,” I picked at my nail polish. I wasn’t going out with him persay, we were doing coffee every once in a while when his Mom could take Cruz. I didn’t think we were dating at all… “I think it’s getting kind of serious…”

I was shocked at the look on Sid’s face. He was obviously not expecting that. He looked kind of mad. “Woah, you and a 29 year old? What the hell,”

“Oh I’m sorry, I am not allowed to date someone who’s ten years older than me. He’s more mature than the guys my age, he has a daughter and his girlfriend left him,” I patted his knee, obviously pissing him off. “Look Sidney, he’s nice and I think I could settle down with this guy,”

“Is he bigger than me?” He asked, and I wasn’t sure if he was joking or being serious. I mouthed a ‘what?’ and he replied slyly. “Oh, so he’s smaller than me, that’s good,”

“Seth and I haven’t slept together, if that’s what you think,” I laughed. “I’m not trying not to be a whore, because I have to consider my daughter and her feelings,”

“Please Em, you weren’t a whore before,” He assured me. “AS I recalled, I was your first and then…. The fucking Flyer,”

“Sure and you guys are buksvager,” I giggled, referencing the Swedish term I learned over the past year. I was stunned it was legit.

“I’m sorry, we are what?” He stopped, and looked me directly in the eyes.

“Bulksvager, it’s a term in Swedish that literally means abdomen brothers in law,” I smiled, trying to make a joke out of this. He arched an eyebrow. “Wow Sid, I knew you had your head mashed off the boards, but I didn’t think it was that bad,” I rolled my eyes, earning a glare from him. “Buksvager means generally that you and Claude are abdomen brothers in law, you slept with the same woman,”
“What? Who did we…” He spoke, before realizing what it was and stopped himself. “Ohh… lovely,”

“Fascinating, isn’t it?”

“That’s so gross,” He covered his ears. “I really could’ve gone my whole life without knowing that,”

“I thought you’d find it interesting,” I mused, chewing on my thumb nail. “I did,” He simply rolled his eyes, not finding it as amusing as I did.

“So it’s just me and the Flyer?” He relaxed against the bench, stretching his legs out. Lucia was still chasing the birds around, she was too adorable.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I laughed it off, knowing I’d never truthfully answer him. “If you honestly think I’ll tell you that, you are high. You didn’t tell me the entire time we were together,”

“I didn’t think it was important,”

“Oh I’m sorry, but the times I’ve been plowed are important? If I sleep with too many guys, you’d think I was a whore, if I didn’t sleep with anyone, I was a prude. It’s a fucking double standard,”

“Don’t call it plowed, that just makes it weird,” He scrunched his features. “Besides, I’m the guy… the older guy, I was five years older than you, trust me, my total was pathetic,”

I scoffed on the inside, knowing he’d shit his drawers if he found out my total. 30. I could probably cut the number down to a better size to fit. “Sid, honey, you are still five years older than me. Because we broke up, we don’t age at different times,” I patted his shoulder. “And your total is a lot better than mine… trust me,”

“Obviously I was your first Emily, so woooooo… you had two people, I had four,”

“Four?” I tried to hide the sadness creeping in my stomach. He waited for me to say something. “Before or after me?”

“Two before… then you and one after… but I was drunk and never saw her again, so I really don’t think she counts and then Carly, so sorry, five,” He huffed. He’s sleeping with Carly? I frowned, upon hearing this. “Go ahead,”

“Why does this matter now? We’ve been broken up for two years; it’s stupid to fret over this now,”

“I’m not fretting, I just know it’s only two for you,” Why was he being cocky?

I leaned into him and whispered, my eyes narrowing. “You are in for a rude awakening,”