Tears Don't Fall

One year later...

Hi! You've reached Veronica. I'm not near my phone right now, so please leave a message, and I'll get back to you ASAP!

I let out an extensive groan and hung up my phone. She hadn't answered me since that night, and it was beginning to get on my nerves. My hands raked through my hair, as I felt myself get frustrated.

I was alone in the green room at the venue for tonight. The room was poorly decorated, and the walls were so vandalized that I couldn't even tell what color they were originally. The couches were worn in, and the old fabric had loads of gaping holes in it. Strategically, I set myself between two of the largest ones and tried to call her again.

Yet, there was no answer. Letting out a loud groan, I rested my face in my hands. This game of cat and mouse was ridiculous. It was tearing at what little sanity I had left. She wanted to talk, that much I knew. I had noticed her front and center at our last few shows, but she hadn't bothered to find me afterwards.

The night she left was still fresh in my mind, and all the anger and pain still reverberated in my skull. She had to know how I felt as it was the only way I would be able to get over it and come to terms with it. At least, that's what Hance had suggested.

I stood up abruptly and sauntered into the hallway, trying to find someone who I could trust that Veronica wouldn't recognize. I had to talk to her tonight, as it was only night that we didn't have to leave almost immediately after the show. If I went out, fans would know it was me, so I had to find someone less conspicuous.

Not far from my position was Andrew, my drum tech. He at least knew what Veronica looked like, making him a good candidate.

"Andy," I got his attention as I walked up to him, "I need you to see if Veronica's in line, and if she is, make sure to give her backstage access, got it?"

Andy looked a little skeptical at first, but nodded. "Why do we want her backstage?" He asked, making sure no one was listening in.

"I need to talk to her man, just do it," I explained, shoving him in the direction of the door.

--

We were about to go on when Andrew finally returned with her. She hadn't changed much in the months I'd gone without seeing her. Her hazel orbs were still empty, but the slight glimmer of recognition was apparent to me.

"Vee," I started, reaching out to touch her. She had almost pulled away, but my fingers gently grabbed the soft fabric of her hoodie sleeve. The sleeve retreated up her arm until it bunched up at her elbow, revealing multiple tiny cuts and scars.

My eyes snapped up to meet hers. The emotion in them tugged on my heart strings, making me want to pull her closer and take her pain away. Shaking my head, I let go of her arm. I turned around and moved toward the stage, not bothering to look back at her.

The ultimate form of betrayal was there, spread widely across her arms. Some of the wounds weren't even healed yet, a telltale sign that she had been doing it recently. There was no way that it wasn't because of me. All of that pain shouldn't be spent on something already painful. She knew how I felt about it, yet she started it anyway.

I let the rage translate into a performance of kick-ass drumming, trying to focus on anything but the doe-eyed girl standing side-stage. Her empty eyes, I'd realized, were more sad than anything. I was so angry. She shouldn't be sad because of me, right? I hadn't done anything to hurt her. Maybe I was just overthinking things, but I knew we had to talk about it after the show.

Twelve songs and a drum solo later, I made my way off stage. In passing, I took Veronica's hand into my own and led her around the back side of the venue. I cornered her between myself and a brick wall. She had nowhere to run to, giving me an opportunity to tell her how I felt.

"How could you do that to me, Veronica?" I asked, a little bit more harshly than I had intended. She flinched at my words, looking like she was about to cry.

Veronica just shook her head, letting tears fall down her pale skin. They shined in the moonlight, making an almost beautiful pattern on her face. In a frightened, hurting state, she could still be beautiful. Her entire body was shaking out fear. I couldn't tell what exactly she was afraid of, but the eerie thing was, I was actually enjoying the situation.

"Why would you do that to yourself?" I kept throwing questions at her, but she couldn't bring herself to speak. She just stared, until I stepped closer to her.

"I... I don't know, Austin. I just... needed to feel something else," Veronica tried to explain, gripping the wall behind her to give herself some leverage. I could tell that it was hard for her to stand.

"And throw away what you felt for me? An emotion is an emotion, Vee. We're meant to go after what we feel, not destroy it," I tried to reason, laying my hands on her shoulders. I gripped tightly, forcing her to look at me. The look on her face was weak.

Seething in anger, I couldn't control what I was doing any longer. My hands wrapped around her throat as I watched her expression turn to fear. Moving one hand to her forehead, I slammed the back of her skull against the stone wall of the venue, blood pouring out of her skull.

"Oh my god," I let go of her and backed up, watching helplessly as her body crumbled to the concrete. I had killed her. I couldn't believe it. I didn't know what to do to help her. I felt lost, confused, and for the life of me, I couldn't come to terms with why I had done it.

I sank to my knees in front of her, kissing her forehead and sliding her eyelids shut. "I love you, too," I whimpered, sliding down to my knees. What had I done?