Saudade

Middle school is exactly what they tell you it is; a stepping stool for high school. Something that is going to prepare you to grow up and handle responsibility before they throw you into the big kids club. I never quite took thought into how middle school could affect my life especially since it was being drilled into my head that high school will be the best and worst four years of my life. I took it upon myself to begin making my own decisions. The joke was on me since I was too young to realize exactly what I was doing. I skipped my first class in seventh grade.

Every quarter they had a presentation set up in the auditorium to award the kids who made it into honor roll. Third quarter, seventh grade was the first time I wasn't awarded an award for honor roll so a group of friends and I decided to skip second period and attend the presentation anyway. I walked up to my second period teacher and told her I was attending the presentation for the honor roll. I had math second period and I wasn't too fond of the teacher so I didn't think twice about what I was doing. For some reason I had myself convinced that I wasn't going to get caught. Later that day, I was called into the office and I was definitely handed a piece of paper. A piece of paper that stated my write up for skipping second period and I was awarded an after school detention which took place from 3pm to 5pm. My attitude: fuck the world.

It was approaching summer. The sun was warming the earth, the scent of fresh cut grass was swirling in the air and I couldn't keep myself to stay still. Summer meant happiness to me. Summer meant late nights, bon fires and all the time in the world to hang out with my friends and make memories. I have this best friend that I have known since fifth grade. We clicked immediately upon meeting and I've never met someone so full of energy that just infected everybody they went near. His name is Nick and he's one year old than me. He's the person I go to when I can't stop myself from crying or when I'm so happy I feel like screaming. Having him as a friend is definitely a blessing.

In sixth grade Nick introduced me to my other best friend who I consider more like a brother. His name is Dillon and he actually lives across the street from my father's house. We met at the hood movie theater on the release date of the movie Twilight. We call it the hood movie theater because we live near a hood and everyone from the hood goes there. At the end of seventh grade, Nick introduced me and my twin sister to two of his childhood friends, Cody and Brian. Nearly immediately, the six of us became an unbreakable group of friends. We had the loyalty, the commitment and the judgement free zone so all six of us can spill our heart at any moment. It was a package deal and we were inseparable.

My twin sister is the epitome of my other half. We stick to each other like glue and do everything together. She's the person that lends me a hand every time I fall down and stands by my side no matter what decision I make or how I feel or think. Every morning Danielle would come into my room, raid through my clothes, wake me up and do her makeup and hair in my room. I never understood why but it was always pleasant waking up to her even when I'm yelling at her to stop touching my clothes. I had a severe anger problem so eventually my yelling would end in punching but she never failed to get back up.

As school ended and Summer 2009 was here, every morning was a wake up call from Danielle. We'd get up just as my mom's leaving for work and get ready then meet up with our group of friends at my father's house. From eight o'clock in the morning to seven o'clock at night was strictly friend time. We'd hang out at Pathmark in the magazine aisle, under the beds of trucks behind the building who were there for delivery, what we call, 'The Pond, or we would pick a direction and walk. The pond is a beautiful nature reserve. You walk through a trail through the woods until you come to an opening where the path widens significantly and there's waist deep water where you can swim or kayak. My favorite days were spent at The Pond. We also had an awesome hang out spot which is what we called, 'the train tracks'. It's self explanatory where it was but if you were to take a small stroll down the train tracks there was an opening on the side surrounded by trees where you could hang out and watch the trains pass. This place was where I smoked my first cigarette.

In middle school my mom was very strict. Danielle and I weren't allowed to hang out with our friends or do much of anything but sit at home all day. This was the rule we were given but I always argued how having a social life is critical for growing teenagers. We found ourselves leaving right after my mom left for work and we would make it home right before she came home. My dad understood having friends is very important and vital so hence why we always went there and hung out with our friends. My dad's only wish was that Danielle and I were home for dinner and made time to hang out with my dad. My mom and dad are the complete opposite. They divorced while I was in sixth grade. Half of me was relieved but the other half of me felt ripped apart. My mother didn't handle it well and she took it out on her kids. My dad enjoyed finding the positive in everything and he didn't want the family to fall apart.

It didn't take much until I started taking advantage of my dad. He had a collection of alcohol under the counter in the kitchen so one day Nick, Danielle and I decided we were going to drink and hell, we got drunk. We then passed this on to Cody, Brian and Dillon. Dillon wasn't too happy about it. He was the kid that followed all the rules and never went against his mother's wishes. Cody and Brian on the other hand, were excited and eager. We'd spend our days in my dad's basement with a bottle of red wine or tequila and drink away. During the summer of 2009, I didn't know what I liked more: the feeling of being drunk or the feeling of pure freedom.