I Don't Want To Leave Without You Buried By My Side.

Okay. Okay. Vic is in the back seat, passed out and bleeding. Just breathe.

I glanced behind me at my boyfriend, taking in his gruesome medical state. I gripped the wheel and tried not to burst into tears, again. His head was leaned against the car window, dry blood smeared on his face.

After the fight, before I grabbed him and ran to my car, I checked him over to make sure nothing vital was bleeding. The only things are his broken arm, which had a really deep gash, a black eye and a bleeding nose which must be broken. My jacket was tied around him in a desperate homemade sling, hopefully to stop the bleeding and provide a little support when he was able to stand. If he would be able.

Right now though, I had to get him somewhere safe. It was hard, because of the trauma that just hit us, and the fact that I was still coming down from my coke high wasn't helping either. It's never hit me as hard as tonight. I still feel so restless it's becoming uncomfortable, with my heart and lungs begging me to calm down. My anxious mind collided with this, putting me into a state of panic. My hands shook on the wheel.

'Christ Kellin, just make it back to the apartment.' I took some deep breaths, trying to ignore the pain in my chest that I knew too well. I turned on some music to try and help me calm down. A good couple minutes passed where I was able to forget a little bit, and then I heard some rustling in the back seat. I looked into the mirror at Vic, who held a confused, painful expression. He sat up quickly when his eyes met mine, and I quickly retorted, "Lay down. We're almost at Jesse's. How are you feeling?"

The tired looking Mexican boy opened his mouth to speak, but decided against it, and leaned his head against the window. "I... hurt. Everything hurts, Kellin."

The pain in his voice killed me. I agree with him, everything hurts. But what was killing me the most was the fact that this is all my fucking fault. Vic wouldn't be in this condition if it weren't for my stupid addiction and self loathe. I knew, in the back of my mind, that it was only a matter of time before I hurt the only ones I love. And now hes suffering because I pushed the thought away. I'm sure after hes fixed and rested, he'll leave. Who would want to stay with a dirty liar anyway? To be honest, he should leave. He'll be much better off without me burdening his life any more.

I sighed as I pulled onto the cracked pavement that led to the apartment building. I put the car into park, and faced my boyfriend. "Vic... I'm sorry this all happened. Really. I know you're hurting, and as soon as we get back I'm going to make you feel better. But after that... you should do whatever you need to do... to be as safe as possible. No, I'm going to do everything I can to keep you safe. And honestly Vic... I'm not safe to be around, so you really shouldn't be around me. I feel like complete shit you had to learn that like this-"

"Kellin, are you kidding me?" Vic leaned forward and cupped my cheek with a cold hand. He started lightly slapping me and shook his head. He giggled at my confused expression and continued, "now don't lie to me, you didn't take anything else before I woke up, did you?" A small smile was toyed on his lips.

I was baffled by the question. He didn't really think that... did he? "What? No, of course not! I love you too much to do that!" The words that came out of my mouth felt a tad hypocritical.

He grabbed my hands. "I know," he said weakly, "What I meant by that is you're talking crazy. a lot happened tonight... but we're gonna talk it out, okay? Because I love YOU too much not to." He somehow found a way to smile at me as I stared back at him, hot tears starting to pool at my eyelids. I didn't deserve him. "And none of that," he reached up to wipe my eyes, unfortunately with his bad arm. He winced, and looked down at the sweatshirt hopelessly tied around his torso.

I felt a few tears slide down my cheek as I touched his other arm tenderly. "Let's get you inside, baby."

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"Unnffh. Kellin." A tired voice sounded from over the overly obnoxious and loud alarm clock that was blaring across the hall in Jesse's bedroom.

"Mm," Was my reply, burying my head into Vic's warm arm.

His head dropped back again onto the pillow as a sigh escaped his lips. "Turn it offff."

"Mmm." I repeated, already dozing off. I was a heavy sleeper, and a really cranky morning person. But Vic was too stubborn for that. He pulled his arm out from under me in a sudden motion and crossed it over his chest.

Face now awkwardly pushed against the mattress, I looked up at my pouting boyfriend annoyingly and snapped, "Was that really necessary?"

"Well, I can't turn it off." He nodded down at the purple surgical cast wrapped around his arm. We ended up taking him to the hospital once he wouldn't even let me take off his hoodie to look at the wound, because of how much it hurt him. We got back really late, and we were too exhausted to do anything but sleep. So we settled into the extra bedroom that I usually occupied, and passed out.

I sat up and threw my lower half off the bed. "Your fucking arm is broken, not your legs," I mumbled as I walked into Jesse's empty room, dragging the blanket with me (which irritated Vic to a high extent,) and turned off the clock. It was seven thirty in the morning. Way too early.

"Kellinnnn," Vic whined from inside the room, "it's cold!"

"Aww, you want me to come warm you up, baby?" I cooed as I walked into the room and leaned against the door frame. Vic's legs were pulled up to his chest, he was only wearing boxers and a thin quarter sleeved shirt of mine.

"You asshole." He tried to say menacingly, but a small smile creeped up into his lips. He was so adorable.

I grinned at him. "What about assholes?" I asked as I flopped back onto the bed, rolling myself up into the blanket like a burrito.

Vic tugged on the blankets. "No fair!"

I laughed from the inside of the burrito. "I love you!"

"It's not funny! It's cold!"

"You didn't say you love me back. So no burrito warmth for you."

Vic wrapped his legs and arm around me. "You know I love you." He pulled the top of the blanket down so my head popped out and kissed my nose lightly.

A giant flutter in my stomach made my face grow warm. I opened up the blanket and pulled him in, wrapping my arms around him. "I know. But I really don't deserve you." I scanned his face in the dim yellow light from under the blanket. The whole area around his nose was bruised, and I couldn't help but feel horrible about it.

Vic shook his head. "Stop talking like that."

"No! Look at you, Vic. You're a mess, thanks to me being a mess."

Vic's brown eyes stared up at me. "Well, what happened is over with now. And yeah, I feel a little... betrayed, that you went and did that when I thought you were over drugs for good. But you you can overcome it. And I'm not leaving you whether you like it or not, even if it means being buried by your side."The words were firm with sincerity.

"I'm so sorry..." I whispered. Vic wiped my cheek. I didn't even realize I was crying. "I just didnt want to hurt you, or bother you any more. I'm always bothering you with my issues. I know that cocaine is bad, but I need it. I can't cope with this life of anxiety and stress and depression, and I come to you way too much about it, and I know you have your own problems, but I kept bothering you with mine and I want you to know that I love you and I want to help you, Vic. I really do." My run on sentence came out in a giant rush. I've been holding it in all night, trying to find a way to tell him.

"Fuck Kellin, I love it when you bother me with your problems. I can't get enough of it. You know why?" I looked down at my boyfriend. Vic continued, "because I love you. I don't know when you're gonna get that through to your head. I may have broken some bones, but its all for you and for you only. I love you so goddamn much, and I don't wanna see you destroyed right before my eyes by a stupid drug. Yeah, shit can be tough for me, but that's just how life works. And I would rather spend my life helping you get out of this addiction and being right by your side. I'll do whatever it takes."

I loved this man so much. I never thought that I could fall for someone so hard, or even imagine someone caring about me this much. It was absolutely surreal. "I love you so fucking much." I leaned in and kissed him softly, holding his face. Vic placed a hand on the back of my neck, fingers tangling in my hair. God, I fucking love when he did that. He deepened the kiss, tongue trailing along my bottom lip (another huge turn on for me,) and I only deepened the kiss on his part, due to the fact that I didn't want to hurt him. He knew exactly and precisely all my weak spots and turn ons, just like I did with him. We've actually never gone all the way to full on sex, but I know I'd be comfortable losing my virginity to Vic. I'm sure he feels the same way.

We stayed there, making out on the bed, until I groaned from all of Vic's little kinks and gently flipped him onto his back. I sat on his stomach, straddling him, all the while never leaving his lips except for oxygen. I gently bit his lip in the middle of a deep kiss. Vic's lips curled into a smile, and I felt his heart rate go up. I then trailed my way down to his neck, and gently started kissing around. Vic's nails gently dragged along my back, underneath my shirt, sending chills down my spine. I knew I found his spot went he stopped his fingernails suddenly and gripped my skin.

"Oh, fuck." He breathed on my neck, nails digging in deeper as I started sucking his spot, getting more and more intense with each breath we took. I started lifting his shirt up, letting my fingers dance on his lower belly. Goosebumps rose on his skin and his breath hitched some more. I opened my mouth just a little bit more, and slowly -but gently- sunk my teeth into his neck.

"Oh..." His voice came out raspy, his nails now dragging down my back. "My god, Kell..."

I swirled my tongue around the spot again, before lifting my head up. I glanced up at Vic, his eyes full of lust and pleasure. "You like that?" I whispered, my hand starting to trail lower and lower down his stomach.

"I fucking do." He whispered back, hands starting to clench again.

"You want me to keep sucking your skin, all nice and rough?" My hand still made its way down, now playing with the elastic of his boxers.

"Yes." He breathed, closing his eyes.

Immediately, I dove back onto the spot and started sucking roughly. Vic gasped, and started clawing me again. He stopped clawing my skin suddenly after I took another nip to his spot, and trailed his hands around to my belly. He started running his fingertips down my lower belly, the way I was to him. It sent a twitch and a rush of warmth down into my own boxers, sending a thousand goosebumps to rise on my skin. Vic giggled at my pleasure, and slipped a finger inside the elastic of my boxers.

He started running his fingers along the interior of my boxers when we heard a door slam.

We both stopped, stared at each other for a second, and I dove off of Vic as Jesse's booming voice filled the apartment.

"Kellin, do you pay for the electric bill?" He yelled.

"What?" I yelled, annoyed, as I pulled on a pair of pants to hide my hard on. Vic threw the covers over himself and pretended to had just woken up.

Jesse appeared in the doorway. "Turn off the fucking lights when you go out of the room you're in, okay?" He looked to the bed. "Oh, hey Vic, how are you?"

"I'm goo-" His voice came out high and raspy. He coughed. "I-I'm good, haha, how are you-"

"Woah, what happened to your arm?!" Jesse ran over to the bed and pointed at his cast. It's a good thing Jesse can be oblivious sometimes, because he was dangerously close to seeing Vic's dick. I could tell Vic was starting to feel uncomfortable.

"Jesse, we just woke up, why don't you go turn off more lights or something?" I pushed him out of the room and shut the door.

"Let's not forget whose fucking house this is!" He yelled, storming away.

I rolled my eyes and sat down on the bed again. "That was rude," I said leaning in to kiss my boyfriend.

Vic leaned away. "Actually, I think it's time I take my meds." He smiled cutely at me, kissed my nose, and scooted off the bed.

I was left sitting on the bed, staring at him open-mouthed. He tugged on a pair of pants, and walked out the door. His head appeared in the doorway. "Seriously Kellin, I know you want me, but sitting there with your mouth open all day isn't gonna get you anywhere." He then grinned and left.

This fucking man will be the death of me.