Believe in Me

“What are you doing today?” I asked Rachel. I was sitting at my dinner table eating a bowl of cereal, waiting for Patrick to come over. The boys had 3 days off after a pretty long road trip, so Patrick was determined to spend them with me.

“Crib shopping!” Rachel exclaimed. I choked on my Fruit Loops. “A crib? Already? You found out you’re pregnant 3 weeks ago, and you’re already buying a crib? You don’t even know the gender!” I exclaimed.

She chuckled. “I’m 7 weeks pregnant and eager to shop. Besides, Jon thinks we should go with a dark wood or Black crib, so we’re getting one of those. We’ll decorate the room once we know the gender.”

“Has Jon told the team yet?” I asked. I knew the two of them wanted to keep it a secret. Rachel felt bad quitting the Ice Crew, and she’d feel worse telling everyone that she got pregnant by the Captain only a few months after. She sighed, “No. I probably won’t reveal it until we know the gender.”

“You’ll be showing by then.” I explained to her. “You’re tiny. When you’re 4 or 5 months along, your stomach will definitely be showing. People are going to figure it out.”

“Then let them. They can look and talk all they want. I’ll admit it when I’m ready.” She defended. I didn’t want to argue with her, so I gave up. I heard a knock on my door, so that gave me an excuse not to respond.

“I gotta go.” I told Rachel, opening the door. “Patrick’s here. Send me a picture of the crib you get.” Rachel agreed, and hung up the phone. Patrick stood in the hall, holding a bouquet of flowers. “I got these for you.” He smiled. I put them up to my nose, taking a whiff of the flowers. “Thank you.”

He grabbed my hand and walked inside. I set the flowers on the counter and pushed him against the wall. His hands were behind my neck while mine were around his waist. I could feel his smile against my lips.

We moved onto the couch, where he slipped my pajama shorts down my legs, and threw off his button-up. We didn’t speak at all. I was on his lap, his hands wrapped around my waist, moving across my bottom every so often. He groaned when I kissed his neck, and pulled up my tank top. He didn’t hesitate kissing me all over. He’d go from my lips to my neck, and my neck to my chest, then to the top of my breasts. My bra was off next, and his hands ran all over my body.

Before things moved further, I stopped. “You should go get a condom.” I told him. He nodded. “I have some in the drawer next to my bed.”

He got up and walked to my room while I sat there awkwardly naked on the couch. We didn't have tons of sex, surprisingly. I knew Patrick had a past with hooking up with lots of women, but for some reason, he wasn’t like that at all with me. He’d rather eat dinner and cuddle up next to me watching TV than have sex. Every so often we would, of course, but it wasn’t an every night thing. It took him a while to come back from my room, and when he did, he walked straight to the couch and put on his clothes.

“You didn’t have any.” He said bluntly. I rolled my eyes, “They’re in there, babe. I bought them a few days ago. I know for a fact I put them in there.”

He shrugged, buttoning up his shirt. “I got a call from Q. The team is required to be at the UC right now for a Playoff meeting. I gotta go.” He told me. I sighed. What the hell is up with something always interrupting our sex? I got up, putting my bra back on. He grabbed his coat from the closet by my front door, and prepared to leave.

I walked to him, wrapping my arms around him and trying to kiss his lips. He turned his head when I went for him, so I ended up awkwardly kissing the side of his chin. “Everything okay?” I asked nervously. He nodded once, then walked out of my apartment.

What the hell? I thought to myself. I grabbed my clothes from the couch and quickly put them on. I charged to my room, and found an opened Tiffany&Co box on my bed. The note from Cameron was left out on my pillow. I realized it then. Patrick knew.
__________________________________________________

He didn’t answer any of my calls. I tried about 12 times. I knew what he was thinking. He thought I was here when Cameron was. He probably thought we hooked up, too. I needed him to pick up. I needed him to know the truth.

I sighed, and dialed Rachel’s phone. “Helloooo?” She answered, sounding annoyed.

“Rachel.” I began, a tear falling from my eye. “Patrick…he found out.”

“Found out what, Lilly? What’s going- JON SHUT UP, I’M ON THE PHONE!”

“He found out Cameron stayed at my place.” I cried to her. She gasped, “Oh my god.”

“Cameron got me a piece of jewelry with a note attached and I set it in a drawer. I had Patrick go to that drawer to grab a condom. I completely forgot the bracelet was in there!”

“Give him space, Lilly. Let him cool down.” She advised. I was freaking out. I didn’t want space. I wanted him back in my apartment right that instant. I wanted him to know what really happened. Rachel told me she had to go, so I was left alone. I couldn’t believe how stupid I was. I should’ve pawned the stupid bracelet. I threw it in the drawer as an instinct. I knew I wouldn’t wear it, but I threw it in there to get rid of it.

That entire day and night, I heard nothing from Patrick. I knew he was getting my calls…since he ignored half of them, and let the rest go to voicemail.

I tried to text him before bed.

ME: We need to talk. It’s not what u think.

I thought it was no use, but minutes later, my phone vibrated.

PATRICK: K.

K? Really? I just got K’ed by my own boyfriend? I didn’t even bother to respond. He wasn’t just mad, he was furious. I had to give him space, as much as I hated to. Tomorrow, tomorrow I’d tell him everything.
_____________________________________________

“It’s been almost a week, Rachel. He’s completely ignoring me.” I
sighed. “I’m such an idiot.”

Rachel shrugged, sipping her tea. “I told you to tell him and you didn’t. He’d find out eventually.”

She was right. I was so damn stupid for not telling Patrick. I learned the hard way. My boyfriend was furious because of this. Hell, I wasn’t even sure if I could still consider him my boyfriend. Every text was ignored and every phone call went straight to voicemail. I hoped and prayed that this was just a phase and that he’d get over it. I didn’t want things to be over.

I unlocked my phone, trying to text him one more time. Every time I sent a message, I knew he wouldn’t respond. I had a little hope inside of me each time I hit “send.” Hope that he’d reply.

ME: Patrick, please call me or come over to my place. I really need to talk to you. Please.

I threw my phone in my purse…the one Patrick got me. It’s like everything reminded me of him after this. On my way to Starbucks with Rachel, we saw a man wearing a “Kane” jersey. At Starbucks, the girl in front of us ordered his exact same order. While I was watching TV last night and channel surfing, the TV stopped on SportsCenter and they were talking about Patrick’s goals. I couldn’t escape him. Every reminder of him just showed me how much I needed him.

“Have you talked to him lately?” I asked Rachel. I knew she had. She lives with his best friend, for God’s sake. I’m sure he’s been over there every day.

“Not really. Maybe twice. He didn’t say much when he was over. Not to be rude, Lil, but I think this whole fight is good for you and him. He’s been scoring so much lately and doing so well. You’re realizing how much you love him. You two haven’t ever had an intense fight like this. It’s good for your relationship.” She explained. It didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t care if it was ‘good for the relationship’. I wanted Patrick back. I didn’t want to fight.

“I gotta go, Lil. My stomach is killing me and I have a job interview.” Rachel told me, getting up from her seat and grabbing her coat.

“A job interview!? Where at!?” I asked in awe. I didn’t know Rachel planned on working. With a baby on the way and Jonathan always gone, I thought she’d be willing to stay home the whole time.

“Nordstrom.” She winked. I gasped, “I’m so jealous! That’s my favorite store!”

She chuckled, wrapping her satchel around her body. I rose and gave her a hug before she headed out of the coffee shop. I gathered my things to leave, checking my phone once more.
My eyes lit up when I saw the text message from Patrick.

PATRICK: Come over.

Come over? That’s all? If a text message could scare the crap out of you, this one has, I thought to myself. I left Starbucks and grabbed the first cab I could, instructing him to drive to Patrick’s.

My stomach was flopping and I felt a lump in my throat as I took the elevator up to his penthouse. I closed my eyes, praying that everything would be okay. I couldn’t express how nervous I was.
This is my boyfriend, I shouldn’t be so damn nervous. I felt like an honor student on her way to the Principal’s Office for the first time.
I knocked twice, and waited for him to open the door. He swung it open, an emotionless look on his face.

“Hi.” I said sadly. His face had no emotion, but I could tell how upset he was. He didn’t say anything, he just sat down at his dinner table and expected me to follow. I sighed, sitting across from him, folding my hands over each other.

“Do you want to explain to me who Cameron is?” He asked harshly. I swallowed, here it goes. “My ex-boyfriend.” I mumbled. He threw his head back, laughing a sarcastic, angry laugh. “Your ex-boyfriend? Really Lilly?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Let me ex-”

“Explain what? Your boyfriend stayed at your apartment, and bought you a gift to say thanks. Did I mention he bought the same fucking bracelet I bought?” He told me, his voice rising after each word. “Looks like the two of us really do have the same taste, huh?” He chuckled.

His sarcastic smile faded immediately. “I don’t want to hear your explanation, Lilly. I trusted you. I have been trying so fucking hard these past few months. For you. Everything I do is for you. I’ve been trying to make myself a better person for you. Then you go around and fucking hide the fact that your ex stayed at your place with you?” He yelled. I think he noticed the fear in my face after he yelled, because he stood up, pacing around his living room to calm himself down.

“I can explain.” I cried. I sat there like a child getting punished. He was silent for a minute, just pacing around the room. “I don’t want an explanation. I can’t be with someone who lies. I can’t date someone I don’t trust. I can’t keep loving you if you keep up with this shit. Who knows if you've lied about other things? How am I supposed to know if this whole thing has been a lie? I can't be with a liar.”

Tears kept falling from my eyes. Please, God. Wake me up. Please tell me this is all just a dream. I swallowed, the lump in my throat growing. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“I don’t know.” He responded quickly. “I think it’d be best if you left. I think we need our own space for a while.”

I closed my eyes, not believing what he just told me. I sighed, and led myself to the door. I looked back once before leaving, taking one last glance at Patrick, who stood there helplessly.