Ignite.

Saying that Saturday in its entirety was awkward would probably be the understatement of the century. Probably. Because it was extremely awkward when I finally woke up and found myself in Zayn’s hotel room. Thankfully, he wasn’t still there and the mussed up blankets on the small couch told me he had slept there. But still. And then the walk of shame back to Harry’s and my hotel room was pretty awkward as an older couple brushed by me with snarls on their lips. I did get lucky though, as Harry was not in our room when I got there. However, I was greeted by a broken lamp and most of his belongings tossed about the room. And that’s about when Bri called me and demanded that I meet her in the lobby in twenty minutes because the girls were going for a spa day since the boys were apparently going out to do something. Which was fine, because it meant I could avoid Harry for a little longer. However, I was not exactly prepared to be stuck with Allie for the day. I mean, I knew it wasn’t her fault. They’d been sleeping together long before I’d entered the picture, but c’mon. It was still weird.

It didn’t help that I couldn’t tell Bri either. Because even though I wanted nothing more than to have a little bitch-fest up in her room for the day, I didn’t want to bring down the weekend. This was supposed to be a fun time, right? Right. So I suffered through the spa day.

Okay, I didn’t really suffer per se. It was extremely relaxing and helped me clear my head, and Eleanor was a really lovely girl. But again, being stuck in a room with Allie for most of the day was not my first choice. So after that whole ordeal, Bri said she’d gotten a text from Alex saying we were all meeting for dinner. So brilliant. I did my best throughout the night to make sure that no one knew anything was wrong. I held Harry’s hand when it seemed appropriate, kissed him on the cheek when I absolutely knew someone was watching, and made conversation when it was needed. Everyone decided they wanted to go clubbing again that night, but I feigned a stomachache and escaped back up to the hotel room. Harry of course offered to join me, but I politely declined, telling him he should go enjoy his time with his friends. And since he knew I was still pissed at him, he agreed.

Okay, so yeah, I was being a little dramatic. Harry had been drunk and he accidentally said the wrong thing. And maybe it wasn’t even the fact that he called someone else’s name anymore. I think really a part of me was jealous. Jealous of the fact that he had been so intimate with Allie before, because why didn’t he just date her then? What was keeping him from doing that? Clearly they were very close, so what made me any better than her?

When it started getting late, I snuck back off to Zayn’s room and buried myself beneath his covers, praying for sleep to take me. So yeah. Saturday blew.

--

I thanked my lucky stars the next morning when I woke up at eleven and recalled that we were actually going home in just an hour. Zayn was sitting out on the small balcony having a smoke, so I poked my head out to thank him once again. He waved me off, saying it was no problem, but practically begged me to talk to Harry and fix things. So with Zayn’s words in my head, I left for my room, planning out exactly what I was going to say to Harry. But when I got there, the room was empty, save for both of our bags which were sitting zipped and waiting on the end of the bed. He’d packed for me. Of course he had. And there was a small folded up piece of paper sitting on top of mine which immediately piqued my interest.

Jude,
I’m sorry I’m so shit at this. Please talk to me though?
Harry. xx

A small sigh passed my lips as I refolded the note and slipped it into the front pocket of my bag. Then I gently rifled through what I’d brought to find clothes for the day. After a quick shower, I scurried back to the room to get changed before holing up in the bathroom again to do my hair and makeup. By the time I came back out, Harry was sitting on the bed, his hands clasped together in his lap and his eyes trained on the floor. As the door swung open, his eyes darted up to my own and for a fraction of a second, I thought I saw fear in them.

“Hi,” he finally spoke, his voice incredibly quiet. It took me a second to compose myself, given that we hadn’t been alone together since his birthday. So after swallowing roughly, and barely able to keep his gaze, I replied,

“Hi.”

“Can we-?” But I held my hand up to stop him.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” It was his turn to swallow roughly.

“Right. Okay. We should probably head down.” So I nodded and he rose from the bed, grabbing his bag and then waiting for me to get my things together. Once I was ready we walked in silence to the elevator, neither of us knowing just what to say. Finally we reached the lobby, where everyone else was milling about. I stood over with Bri while Harry checked out and my stomach tightened as he headed back to me. “Are you going to come with me?” he asked quietly, his eyes pleading.

“Uhm…” I mumbled, my gaze falling to the floor.

“Jude.” And my eyes snapped back up. “Please.”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bri giving us the strangest look and I’d almost forgotten that she knew nothing of what had happened. So not wanting to cause a scene I nodded silently, letting him take my hand. Goodbyes were exchanged quickly then and I knew Harry was itching to get to the car so we could talk, so I followed along like I was supposed to. Just as we were settling into the car, my phone buzzed with a text from Bri.

okay seriously, what’s going on with you and harry?

I thought about answering, but the sound of Harry clearing his throat caused me to lock the phone and toss it into my bag.

“Is there anything you want to listen to?” he asked almost timidly, and I knew he was just trying to get me to talk to him.

“Whatever you want is fine,” came my quiet reply and I didn’t miss the low sigh he gave as he scrolled through his iPod and selected something.

And off we went.

--

We were about halfway through our journey and we hadn’t spoken once since we left the hotel. Isn’t that why he had wanted me to go with him though? To talk? And yet here we were. Until,

“Can I ask you something?” To be honest, I jumped at first, not expecting the noise in the small space.

“Uh, sure.”

“Where were you sleeping the past two nights?” It’s disgusting how quickly I decided to lie.

“With Bri and Alex,” was my near immediate response. Harry was silent then and I thought he was going to drop it, but then he spoke again, sounding much more agitated this time.

“That’s bullshit, Judith. I talked to Bri-”

“What do you mean you talked to Bri? What, you were checking up on me?” I spat incredulously, rolling my eyes as my arms crossed over my chest.

“I was worried about you and I wanted to make sure you were okay! Sue me, Christ.”

“Whatever.”

“So where were you staying?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, it fucking matters!”

“Fine! I stayed with Zayn.”

And then we nearly rear ended the car in front of us. When Harry spoke again he sounded murderous.

“You’re joking.” His knuckles were turning white as he gripped the steering wheel and he refused to look at me.

“Harry-”

“You’re fucking joking. What the fuck were you doing with Zayn?”

“I wasn’t doing anything, he just- no. No, I’m not doing this.”

“What?” I think I was happier when he wasn’t looking at me, because if looks could kill I’d be a goner.

“I don’t need to explain anything to you because nothing happened, but you’re gonna be a prick about it anyway. So what’s the point?”

“Judith-”

“No, fuck you.”

“You’re seriously just not going to talk to me.”

“No, because all you’re doing is jumping down my throat! This is bullshit, Harry!” A deep grimace took over his features as he inhaled deeply and soon he was veering off of the road and onto the shoulder, immediately shutting the car off. “What are you doing?”

“We’re talking about this. Now.” But at that point I was so sick of him demanding things that I simply hopped out of the car. As I was shutting the door I heard him growl out a “Jesus Christ” and then he was flinging himself out of the car as well and coming around to my side. He stopped in front of me and then ever so slowly took my hands in his. “Just tell me what happened.”

“Why? What-?”

“Because not knowing is going to kill me. Please, just-”

“Harry. Nothing happened. He bought me something to eat and he let me crash in his room. He slept on the couch. He’s one of your best friends, he wouldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t do that to you.” His hands squeezed mine gently and his eyes sort of saddened at my words.

“You’re right. I’m- I’m sorry. Does he know what happened?” So I nodded lightly. “Okay.”

“He told me about you and Allie.” Harry’s eyes shut briefly as he tried to collect his thoughts.

“He shouldn’t have-”

“I kinda forced it out of him. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think it mattered. Did you want a list of all the women I’ve slept with?” he asked incredulously, his eyebrows pulling together.

“No, but Allie’s still a pretty big part of your life and it’s just- who’s to say you guys wouldn’t-?”

“No, no, no. That’s the thing, she’s just my friend now. We’re not- I wouldn’t- I don’t want- Jude, I only want to be with you. Allie’s one of my best mates. That’s it. I know what happened the other night was difficult for you and trust me, I feel like an absolutely idiot, but I was drunk. It was an accident. I didn’t-”

“It’s fine, Harry,” I cut over him with a small shake of my head, but he shook his back much more vigorously.

“No, it’s not fine, Jude! I don’t want to lose you over this because- because I just- fuck, I think I love you. And that’s terrifying and I know you won’t say it back, especially not now, but that’s okay because I still mean it. I don’t think I’ve ever let myself be so close to someone like I am with you, and I love that. And it’s like, no matter what happens or what argument we get into, I know that I want to be next to you at the end of the day. I just- I want to do this properly and I want the whole fucking world to know that you’re mine and- and I want to be yours, Jude. And I mean it this time, I’m not just saying it. I want us. I want- Jude, please don’t cry. Babe-” And then I just pushed myself into his arms, locking my own around his waist and burying my face in his chest. He quickly reciprocated, pulling me as close to him as possible, one of his hands gently rubbing up and down my back.

I couldn’t hear the cars rushing by us anymore and I couldn’t feel the frigid air nipping at my ankles. All I could focus on was the steady thrum of Harry’s heart and the way his hand continued to smooth down my back and the small kisses he kept leaving to my hair. Harry felt warm, and Harry felt safe, and Harry felt like home, which is something that took me a bit by surprise.

He pulled back a bit after a while, cupping my face in his strong hands and smoothing his thumbs over my cheekbones. He stared down at me for a few seconds, a small smile touching his lips.

“I love you, Jude.”

And then he kissed me.