Heartbroken

"I can't even look at you right now", Isabella spat through gritted teeth at her boyfriend as she snatched her hands back in pure anger from his tattooeed ones in his lap. Turning her emerald gaze from his chocolate pleading one to look out at the sunny and already warm weather that was so usual for the place they called home, Huntington Beach, she tried desperately to stop the tears in her eyes from falling, but failed miserably when Brian tried to take her hands again.

"Don't touch me!", she half screamed raising herself from the dark grey couch and walking away from it, rounding the little wood coffee table that stood in front of the couch. She ran her hands through her platinum blonde hair, ending with painful pull to it. She didn't care if she would pull out a large amount of her newly dyed hair, and she definitely didn't care if Brian felt hurt and rejected when she had pushed his hands off her. She didn't care if she would just drop dead right then and there, it would probably hurt less than what she was going through right now. Isabella could almost feel how her heart was breaking, piece by piece at what her boyfriend had just told her. Everything had been fine just minutes ago, and then he had to tell her something so devastating.

They had just made up and talked things through about their relationship and their latest fight, where things had gotten so ugly Isabella had wanted them to take a break, so that they could spend some time apart from each other. All they had seemed to do these past few months was fight about stupid, small things that had led to more and bigger fights, and their latest and biggest one had been the final straw for Isabella's patience.

All she had wanted when she had suggested going on a break was to let things cool off, and she had hoped that the break would make them realize how much they mean to each other, and that their love would win over all those stupid fights that were slowly and painfully destroying their relationship. Isabella had hoped that the break would be over within a few weeks, and then they could go back to being the same old Brian and Bella they were before, the couple their families and all their friends admired so much.

Being away from Brian had been really hard for Isabella, and it hadn't even gone a whole day before she had regretted suggesting going on a break. She had resisted the urge to call him, though, thinking it would do no good for them, they would just go back to their old routine and fight constantly within the next few days after getting back together.
It was not how she had wanted to spend her time off work this summer. It was rare that Brian and his friends in his band got to be home in the summer, almost always touring somewhere in the world, and even more rare that they were home when Isabella was home on her vacation, now from the hair salon she was training to become a hair stylist at. Fighting with Brian when he was home for two weeks was the last thing she had wanted to do, she had just wanted to spend some time with him and their friends all day at someone's house, or down at the beach like they used to when they were home.

She had gone through a huge amount of chocolate feeling sorry for herself the last twelve days having lots of tv-shows marathons with herself, since her roommate Hanna had been on vacation to Greece with her family. She hadn't gone out at all except for grocery shopping, and the only socializing she had done was when her parents and sister had called and dropped by to check on her. Isabella had been asked last minute if she wanted to come along to Greece with Hanna and her family on their vacation, but feeling more like drowning in her own miserable tears, she had declined politely.

As for Brian, he had done something completely different on their break, something that would really change his relationship with Isabella forever.

Isabella had noticed how nervous Brian had sounded when he had called her and asked if he could come over that morning, but she had just assumed that he was nervous about calling her since they hadn't talked in almost two weeks. She had been so happy when he had called, even though he had woken her up from her precious sleep at 8.24 am. They had decided that he would show up at her house at nine so they could talk, so Isabella had flown out of her bed and taken a shower, blow drying her hair and putting on underwear, her favorite light blue jeans shorts, and a plain, yellow low cut t-shirt when she was done taking a shower. She had heard a few knocks on the front door as she had been walking down the stairs, and when she had opened the door and seen a nervous smiling Brian standing there in a white v-neck t-shirt and camouflage colored cargo shorts with plain black flip-flops on his feet, she had thrown herself at him and smashed their lips together, wrapping her arms around his neck, something she had wanted to do since the last time she had seen him. She had invited him in and they had sat down on the couch in her living room and talked everything through, Brian explaining how he had been nervous that she maybe hadn't wanted to see him, and Isabella explaining that she had had the urge to call him and go visit him from day one of their break. She had also told him that she never wanted to be away from him like that again, and had told him how much she loved him. Brian had been relieved at her words, and told her how much he cared for her and that he loved her with all his heart, and had told her that he never would hurt her intentionally, the last part in which Isabella hadn't heard the desperation his voice held. They had hugged it out in a long embrace before ending it with a kiss that would have sent Isabella to the floor if she hadn't been sitting down.

Isabella had noticed how off Brian had acted after that, and had asked him what was wrong, to which he had answered that she had to remember how much he loved her, and that like he said before, he would never hurt her intentionally, and this time Isabella had caught onto the desperation in his voice.

"I'm so, so sorry, Bella, but I was heartbroken! We were on a break that, for all I knew, would, could last forever! I just wante-", Brian had started explaining his terrible and stupid mistake as he stood right behind Isabella a few feet away from the tv in her white colored living room, trying desperately to get her to turn around to look at him.

"So you go sleeping with some random girl?!", Isabella raised her voice to interrupt his talking, whipping around to come face to his chest. Looking up at him with narrowed eyes and furrowed eyebrows and with arms crossed over her chest, she waited for his next excuse for sleeping with another woman.

"I didn't mean to!", Brian answered tossing his hands up in the air, growing a little exasperated that Isabella couldn't see it from his point of view.

"You 'didn't mean to'? You 'didn't mean to' what, Brian? Didn't mean to sleep with someone else when we were still together, is that what you 'didn't mean to' do, huh?", Isabella used air quotations before dropping her hands to her sides as she waited for Brian to explain himself.

"Yes I didn't mean to do that! Look, I would forgive you if you were the one that had cheated, because I know you would never do it, just like I would never do it! I just fucked up, okay?", Brian tried to make Isabella feel guilty for not forgiving him for making a mistake anyone could have made in that intoxicated state he was in when he made the mistake of sleeping with another woman. He knew he was playing dirty now, but what else could he do? She was persistent on not hearing him out.

"Oh, really? You would be understanding and forgiving if I were the one who cheated?", Isabella asked getting off topic. She let out a humorless laugh at how oblivious he seemed to be to his own personality, because she knew that that was not how he would react with his hot temper. Crossing her arms over her chest, she looked down at the floor shaking her head a little. Looking back up at Brian, she smiled and shook her head a little again at his answer.

"Yeah, really", Brian looked a little dumbfounded at the change in Isabella's mood when he answered her. How could she go from pissed off and crying to smiling and laughing in a matter of seconds?

"So you would be okay knowing that I had been with some random guy?, Isabella raised one eyebrow at him waiting for his answer.

"Yes."

"You would be okay knowing that I had been kissing and been naked with some other guy?", Isabella smirked at him, urging him on when he first didn't answer.

"Yeah", Brian tried to sound convincing, crossing his arms over his chest, mimicking Isabella's movement from a few seconds ago.

"Even with one of our friends?", Isabella was pushing it now, but she really wanted Brian to admit that he never in a million years would be okay with that. She knew he'd be livid if she had cheated on him.

Brian swallowed hard, and answered a mumbled "yes" again. He looked away not wanting to meet Isabella's gaze, knowing that she knew that he would most certainly not react like he said he would.

"So you would be okay knowing that, for example, Matt and I had been naked, and that our hot sweaty, writhing bodies-"

"Okay okay, I don't wanna hear it!", Brian shouted covering his ears with his hands and clenching his eyes shut to stop the images in his head. "I would have been furious and devastated, sure, but I would still want to be with you, after kicking Matt's ass, because it's, I mean, it's you", he said, looking Isabella in the eyes with a pleading look, smiling softly. Isabella melted inside, but not wanting him to know how much she loved hearing that from him, she played it off with a sarcastic remark.

"Oh Brian, that is so sweet, I think I'm falling in love with you all over again!", she said dramatically putting one of her hands over her heart on her chest. Hearing the sarcasm in her voice, Brian's look soured noticeably, scowling at her.

"Did you honestly think that one sweet comment would fix all this?", Isabella motioned between the two with her hand. When he didn't say anything for a few moments just staring at her, obviously having thought that that comment would at least help him in some way, she growled and stomped out of the room to the adjacent kitchen.

Brian followed Isabella into the kitchen and waited as he watched Isabella take a water bottle out of the fridge and uncapping it to take a large sip of water from it. Unsure of what she would do next, he prayed that she wouldn't chuck the bottle at his head, even if she had every right to do so. He let out a quiet sigh of relief as he watched her go sit down on a chair at the wooden table, and he himself jumped up onto the kitchen island that stood in the middle of the room. He traced his forefinger on the grey and white marble surface, tracing imaginary patterns as he waited for Isabella to lash out at him from her place at the table. When he didn't hear her move or make a sound in what felt like hours, he looked up to see her staring blankly at one of the pictures that sat on the white wall in front of her, fiddling a little with the water bottle that stood on the table now. He sighed and jumped off the counter to go sit on the chair to Isabella's left. When she still didn't do anything, Brian sighed loudly at her leaning his left elbow on the table as he sat facing her side, rubbing his right hand through his dark mess of hair that he hadn't bothered to style this morning.

"Look, I know we've been fighting a lot lately, but I never did it to piss you off or anything. Sure, I got pissed at you from time to time at your childish behavior when we were fighting, but I'd never do something so cruel just to get back at you. I'd never do something like that, I'm not that type of guy that goes off cheating on his girlfriend just because they've hit a particularly rough patch in their relationship, and you know it", Brian stopped to let Isabella say something, anything. When she felt his eyes burning a hole into her temple waiting for her to say something, she just turned on the chair to her right so her back was to Brian crossing her arms, his little speech only hurting her and pissing her off more.

"Oh so now you won't talk to me?", Brian scoffed at her childish behavior, shaking his head a little when she still didn't say anything. Isabella ignored him and reached her left hand out to start playing with a corner of yesterday's news paper that laid on the table near the vase full of beautiful yellow tulips, not wanting to walk away like she always did when she felt uncomfortable or felt pressured to do something she didn't want to do. She stood up quickly when she felt one of Brian's hands on her shoulder, still not wanting him to touch her. Brian, finally having enough of Isabella's silent treatment, raised himself from his chair and stomped forward with long, quick steps, gripping her elbow, forcing her to turn around when he pulled at it. Isabella looked up at him, scowling and she was just about to tell him to fuck off, but Brian was the first to break the silence.

"I've done nothing to hurt you this past one year and a half we've been together, you know I love and care about you too much to do anything like that", Brian let go of Isabella's elbow and hoped that she would meet his gaze when she didn't look at him, not wanting to listen to him. When she didn't, he sighed for what felt like the thousand time this morning. "You've got to see this from my point of view, Bella; I was heartbroken, I thought we were done for good, and I just wanted to stop hurting and numb my feelings that night we went on a break, so I went to the bar with the guys to get drunk off my ass so I could forget all about our break up!", he continued raising his voice in desperation and irritation that she didn't seem to care for what he had to say.

"Look, I didn't mean to sleep with her, I can't even remember meeting her for Christ's sake! She didn't mean anything, and-", Brian continued, lowering his voice but stopping the second he heard Isabella speak for the first time in half an hour.

"Yet she was worth jeopardizing our relationship?", Isabella murmured looking up at him with tears in her eyes, sounding and looking so broken and defeated it made Brian's heart break all over again. Watching Isabella wipe a tear away from her cheek, he stepped forward and closed the space between them, cupping her cheek with his hand to wipe away the tears falling with his thumb.

"You have to understand that I never, ever wanted to hurt you. I love you so, so much", Brian murmured the first part and whispered the last when he heard his own voice waver when he spoke, getting emotional. He leaned his forehead against hers looking at her closed eyelids, now cupping both of her cheeks, softly stroking her cheekbones with his thumbs. When Isabella didn't do anything to stop him, he took his chance and snaked his arms around her waist and lowered his head to kiss her throat. Surprised that she still didn't do anything to stop him and that she actually moved her head a little so that he could get a better angle, but also more than happy that she finally had seemed to forgive him for his unfaithfulness, he started pressing small kisses up on her throat, under her ear, over her jaw and finally on her lips.

"You can't just kiss me like that and think it's okay, Bri, because it's not!", Isabella exclaimed as she first slapped at his arms and then pushed him away from her, stepping away from him when she had caught onto what he was trying to do. He was trying to distract her, but he was not getting out of this that easy.

"I used to think that you of all people, were somebody that would never, ever hurt me", Isabella spoke in a soft voice, and sniffled when she paused to wipe her tears away from her now tear streaked cheeks. "I'll never be able to trust you one hundred percent again, Brian, and no matter how much I want to, I'll never be able to forget this, and I want to so bad. I'm sorry, but I just can't. You're like a whole new person to me to me, and God, I just can't stop picturing you with some other woman-", Isabella broke her sentence off with a loud sob that had Brian flinching from his place a few feet away from her. Feeling tears of his own fill his brown eyes, he took two small steps forward and went down on his knees on the hardwood floor, grasping Isabella's hips with his hands as he pressed his left cheek to her right side. Starting to panic, he let his thoughts wonder off. What if they couldn't get through this? What if he had fucked their relationship up forever? Starting to really panic, he started alternating between pressing small kisses to her shirt covered abdomen and hips, and whispering "we can get through this" over and over again, not only trying to convince Isabella, but to convince himself. Isabella just stood there with her arms by her side, crying quietly at Brian's desperate actions and at the situation she found themselves in. They stayed in those positions for a few minutes that felt like hours, long, painful hours, before Isabella broke the silence, having stopped crying by now, only sniffling a little once in a while.

"I think it's time for you to go", she spoke in a soft voice, running her hand through his hair a little. Brian looked up at her not believing his eyes; she wanted him to go? Didn't she want to work this out?

"What?", he sniffled a little.

"I think it's time for you to go now, Brian."

Standing up slowly, Brian wiped away the few tears that had fallen onto his cheeks angrily, thinking that Isabella didn't want to work things out.

"That's it? You just want to give up on us like that? I want to fix this, but I won't be able to if we don't talk, Isabella. I want to make things right", Brian said angrily pointing his forefinger to his chest repeatedly. Isabella just stared out the glass sliding doors that led out to the patio in her backyard, not wanting to meet Brian's gaze as he shouted at her. Brian continued when she didn't say anything,

"See?! You're the one who's destroying this relationship even more by not talking! I know you want to do lots of worse things to me than just shouting at me, so slap me or just do something! Because I'm tired of you being quiet and telling me to leave, because I won't until you tell me what you want to do. Or are just gonna run away like you always do when you don't feel comfortable? Huh? Are you gonna let me stay so we can talk about it, or are you gonna run upstairs and just ignore this and not face our problems?", Brian shouted first and then lowered his voice a little to get his message through to Isabella.

"I think it's time for you to leave now, Brian", was her answer as she repeated herself for the third time, really not wanting to deal with all of this now. She needed time to think, and she thought that he could at least give her that, because it wasn't a lot to ask for, being in her position.

She stopped Brian as he made to leave, taking his arm, making him turn around. "I need time to think, Brian, and I can't do that with you shouting at me. I want to fix this too, but it's gonna take a while before I can trust you again, so you have to give me time to think, okay? I know you go back on tour on monday, and that's actually perfect because then we won't see each other, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't call or contacted me at all during that time away", Isabella said, talking about the month and a half long North and Central American tour Avenged Sevenfold had coming up in two days. Brian just looked at her, still mad at her for ignoring their problems.

"Fine", he snapped as he snatched his arm out of her grasp, then started walking out into the hall, leaving Isabella all alone in the kitchen. Isabella sighed, not wanting him to leave while he was still mad at her.

"I'm gonna miss you", she said as she followed Brian into the hall, watching him open the front door harshly.

"Doubt it", he answered looking back at her sourly, before he slammed the door closed and started walking down to his black BMW that stood parked beside Isabella's old red Chevrolet Impala on the driveway. Isabella watched from one of the windows beside the front door as Brian got ready to drive away, with tears in her eyes. Walking away from the window when she had seen Brian drive down the street out of her sight, she rushed upstairs to her bedroom, looking for her black iPhone that had a plain turquoise cover on it, wanting to call Brian to just tell him she was sorry and that she loved him. Dialing his number and waiting for him to pick up, she chanted quiet "please pick up"'s in desperation. When he didn't pick up and let it go to voice mail, not wanting to talk to her, she almost threw the device at the nearest wall in frustration. Deciding that it was not the best move, she sniffled and ran the hand that didn't hold the phone through her hair, deciding that she could just text him instead if he didn't want to hear her voice. Sitting down on the side of her unmade bed, she quickly typed up a text simply saying that she was sorry and that she loved him, before putting the phone down on the bed beside her. Putting her elbows on her bare knees, she put her head in her hands, starting to cry hard in despair.