You Can't Shake the Noise From Their Bones

SHANE'S POV

Jasey was asleep on the couch in my hideout, as my little brother had dubbed it. He was jealous that he didn't get this room, even though his wasn't exactly small. I set the fluffer nutter sandwiches down on the small table next to the couch and shook my best friends shoulder.

'Jase...Jasey, wake up, Jase. Come on. Get up, I got food.'

At the mention of food she shot straight up, and we would have bumped heads if it wasn't for the fact that I moved to the side a little. Instead, we bumped...well, mouths. It was the awkward accidental kiss between two friends and the embarrassment was way too much for both of us. Jasey straightened up and sat at the farthest end of the couch as I took up the other. After a tense moment, we both mumbled a quiet apology, at which we both laughed and then things were back to normal.

Kind of.

'So, you wanna talk about what happened before? Why you were crying?'

Jasey's eyes focused on her sandwich as she took a tentative bite. 'Not really.'

I sighed, way too loud and Jasey looked at me with annoyance.

'Seriously? It's my problem, not yours. Don't try and make this about you.'

'Get over yourself!' As soon as I said it I regretted it, but it was out. Before Jasey could close her mouth and get her words together. 'You think it's just your problem? You think it's all about you? Okay then, so who do you call every damn time you feel lonely, or you feel like crying or you need a distraction? Who replaces your busted guitar strings? Who brings you hot chocolate? Who makes you freakin fluffer nutters and sits through Princess and the Frog on repeat with you while you cry and ruin my shirt? And who never complained once? Yeah, that's right, me. And you know why? Because you're my best friend and I love you and I hate to see you going through shit on your own. So next time you think it's not my problem, and that it's not about me, think again. You're the biggest part of my life, Jasey. I need you to be okay. I need it to be my problem too.'

I thought Jasey wouldn't reply, because she wouldn't look at me. But then, very quietly and very slowly she said, 'I'm sorry.' That was all it took for her to break out in tears again, but she wouldn't be crying alone because like I said, I'm her best friend, if she needed me, I would be there. Always.

I did the only thing I could and wrapped my arms around her, resting my chin on the top of her head as she buried herself in my chest. 'Shhh. It's okay. It's fine. It's all okay. Shhh. Come on, nothing's ever that bad.' That was a lie. We both knew it. Because things had gotten that bad.

'No, it's not.' I waited another half hour before she could bring herself to carry on. 'Mom told me some stuff and...and it just...I don't know. It got me thinking I guess. It hurt, because she nailed exactly what I was feeling and I don't want her to know. She can't know because then I'll have let her down. I'll have become everything she didn't want me to be and I can't stand that. I don't want her knowing what's going on...but she already does and the fact that she pointed everything out, well I hate it. I don't want her second guessing me, watching over my every move. I won't be able to breathe, that house is gonna be like a pressure cooker.'

'Okay,' I said, nodding. 'So when it gets too much you call me, like always.'

'But that's not the point. She'll KNOW. Dad already knows. If I go to my room and call you they'll be lurking. And I don't wanna push all my problems onto you.'

'Hey, I push mine onto you all the time. Don't sweat it. And in that case you just come round here.'

Jasey laughed and I leaned back to look at her, with a questioning look on my face. 'Seriously? God, Shane, I can't just snap my fingers, it isn't that easy.'

'But I'm only down the street.'

'Not for much longer.'

I furrowed my brows in thought. 'Wait, what? What do you mean? Are you moving or something?'

Jasey gave me an equally as confused look. 'No,' she said. 'You are.'

'Me?' I resisted the urge to laugh. 'What are you talking about? I'm not moving.'

'Yes you are, dad said so , I heard your dad say it too. You don't have to lie to me anymore, I'll get over it.'

'But I'm not moving!' I insisted. 'I'm not! Look, I'm gonna go get mom then she can put this whole thing straight, okay?'

Jasey shrugged, and in that moment she looked small. Sad. Vulnerable. I stood up straight, asserting my confidence and marched downstairs.

'Mom?' I yelled, hoping she'd pop out of somewhere. Nope, no answer. Dammit. I searched the house and couldn't find her anywhere, until I checked the garden. 'Mom!' I yelled, and this time she looked up in surprise from watering some sort of plant.

'Oh, hey hun, alright?'

'Are we moving?' The question was direct, to the point.

Mom looked speechless for awhile. 'What?'

'Are we moving?' I repeated. 'Jasey was just up their bawling her eyes out, and feels even worse because she thinks for some reason that she'll need me one day and I won't be there, that we'll have moved. I just don't understand it, she's got something wrong, right?'

My mom bit her lip and stood up, avoiding my eyes. 'We were gonna tell you and Nate tonight-'

'When?' I asked flatly.

'At dinner, when your dad-'

'No! Not when were you gonna tell us, when are we moving?'

'After the winter tour. When you and your dad get back, you'll be going straight to the new house. Nate and I will already be there.'

I laughed a little. 'Great, thanks for telling me, mom.'

'We didn't want to upset you-'

'Too late!' I yelled, and ran back upstairs, leaving my mom speechless.

No. No, no, no, no, no. NO! I couldn't leave her, no. She needed me, she always had. I looked after her, it was my job. Without her, I'd be useless. No!

When I threw the door open to my room and climbed into my hideout, Jasey was still there, knees drawn up to her chin and tear tracks still visible. Upon my entry she looked up, a flicker of hope in her eyes. I couldn't move, I couldn't say anything, I didn't have it in me to say the words that would break her heart.

So, after a long moment of silence, she smiled a little, looked down and said 'I see.'

The tension was too much, and I moved to sit next to her, placing an arm around her. It took a while but Jasey eventually leant into me, and I felt tears stain my shirt, but it didn't bother me. If all I was good for right now was a sponge, then so be it. That's what she needed.

When she spoke next, her voice was so weak and vulnerable, I barely heard it. 'How long?'

'I get to go on the tour, but when that ends, I gotta go. I promise we'll still see each other. I'll come visit, and you can visit me and we can call each other and-'

'It won't be the same though.'

I couldn't argue with that, so I held her a while longer, until Jasey eventually told me that she had to go home, but she'd see me soon. I didn't want her to go, but she probably needed some time out, and our dads were gonna be back soon. I decided I'd walk her home, despite her objections.

'Do you want a hot chocolate?' she asked me as we reached her house. I said yes, and when we stepped through the door we came face to face with our dads. Great.

I locked eyes with my dad. He knew he was in trouble.