Dakota South

“Hey Jack.”

I turn slowly to face the only way my day could get worse. Jack Andrews. He hasn’t changed at all since the last time I saw him. Something stabs at my chest, and it feels suspiciously like heartbreak. I had almost forgotten about him. Jack has a funny way of turning up when you least need him.

“I’ll be honest I didn’t expect to see you here,” he says, lounging in the desk next to mine.

I shrug, not quite sure what to say to this.

“How’ve you been?”

“Fine.”

I turn away from him, pointedly taking out my notebook to start my calculus homework. Unfortunately, I have no homework. I pretend to do it anyway. I know Jack can see through this though. He lets out a laugh next to me.

“Are you ignoring me?”

“Look, Jack, I don’t really know what you expect me to say.”

I refuse to look at him.

“How about, ‘how’s it going?’ or maybe ‘how was your summer?’”

I give him a brutal glance out of the corner of my eye. But he hasn’t finished.

“Or maybe ‘hey you wanna hook up?’” he grins at me. “That would be kinda nice. It’d be just like old times, yeah?”

I slam my pencil down onto my paper and turn back to him.

“I couldn’t think of anything worse,” I snarl.

Jack grins at me impishly. There’s no way this day could get any worse now. And that’s an observation, not a challenge. If I have any more classes with Jack, I’m never coming back to school. My life has become a series of ultimatums.

“I can think of a few things,” he says.

I hate him. Maybe not as much as I hate Marie Donnelly, maybe more, but I definitely hate him. He looks like an angel: golden blonde hair, big blue eyes, pale skin. He’s anything but. Jack’s probably one of the biggest assholes I’ve ever met. Unfortunately, he’s also the asshole I fell for. We never officially dated, because that’s not his scene, but we spent the whole last school year talking and hooking up. He’s probably the biggest mistake of my life, and it’s the top of a very long list. It hurts, it really hurts seeing him right now.

I turn away from him, trying to ignore him and trying to fight back tears. Instead of focusing on him, I doodle on my calculus notes. If it keeps raining, I’ll go home. If Jack tries to talk to me again, I’ll walk out of class. If I start to cry, I’m never coming back. My life has become a series of ultimatums. I wish I had something to do, instead of sitting here dwelling on him.

Maybe I could sneak out tonight and get shitfaced. It’s the first day of school, but it’s Friday. There’s bound to be a party somewhere. The best way to forget about a broken heart is to drown it. When the bell finally rings, I bolt out of class, much in the same way I ran away from Marie earlier.

I wonder briefly when I’ll be done running.



It was way too easy to sneak out. Like I’ve said before, my parents think they’re clever but they’re really not. You’d think they’d be more careful after my history, but I guess they’re just too ready to believe the lies. People believe what they want. They want to believe I’m trustworthy, so they do.

It’s crazy crowded in this house. I’m not even sure who it belongs to. I stopped caring after a couple of shots. The best way to fix a broken heart is to drown it. So that’s what I’m going to do. Bodies are pressed up against me, and I wish I could have some space. It’s hard to drown without the room to do it. People are hooking up in every corner of the house. Some, I recognize from school. Some, I’ve never seen before in my life. The music is terrible. I hate parties, really, I do, but it’s hard to drown without a party.

“Hey,” some guy taps my shoulder. “You want another drink?”

I may be drunk, but I know better than to take drinks from a stranger.

“No. Thanks.”

I shrug him off and make my way outside. I love the feeling of being drunk. I love how light everything feels, and how the world turns lopsided. It’s nice to see that I’m not the only one falling over. I’m not the only one who needs to drown sometimes. I thought I’d find some space outside, but if it’s even possible it’s more crowded in the backyard. There are people in the pool, most are still clothed. Maybe they want to drown too.

“Hey,” another guy comes up to me. I think I recognize him from school, but I could be wrong. “I’m Matt.”

“Okay,” I say.

“You’re really pretty,” he slurs.

“Okay,” I say.

He leans in and presses his mouth to mine. All I can think is: this is definitely not okay. I push him away, but he’s drunk and relentless. I’m sobering up fast now.

“Stop,” I say though his lips.

He ignores me.

“Stop!”

I’m starting to panic a bit. Really, it’s just a kiss. He’s not pressing for anything more, but I still didn’t ask for anything less. I don’t want it. I don’t want him. I want to go home now. I’m done drowning. I push against him again. It’s like pushing dead weight. He’s drowning more than I am.

“Hey!”

Suddenly the boy is ripped away from me. I sway without anything to support me. It takes a moment for me to adjust to suddenly being alone again. It’s welcome though. I wonder what made the boy stop. Then I see. Jack. He’s fuming. I’m confused.

“When a girl says stop you fucking stop,” he snarls.

He’s got the boy by his throat, and I can see his eye starting to swell. Did Jack hit him? I hadn’t noticed. Suddenly Jack lets him go, and the boy runs away. Jack turns to me where I haven’t moved an inch.

“You alright?” he asks.

“I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

He reaches a hand out to me but I move away from his touch. Even after drowning, he still hurts.

“I’m gonna go,” I say and I turn to walk away.

“Are you walking home?”

Jack doesn’t seem to be able to take a hint. I don’t want to see him.

“Stop following me.”

“I’m just making sure you’re gonna get home okay.”

I stop to look at him. Somehow, we’ve already ended up on the street. I can still hear the bad house music. I really do hate parties.

“What happened to when a girl says stop you fucking stop?” I demand.

“This is different.”

I study his face, and I can tell he’s not backing down.

“Don’t talk to me,” I order.

I start walking home. Jack is next to me but he stays a pace behind me at all times. Neither of us says a word. I still feel a little dizzy, but I’m nowhere near drunk anymore. I guess adrenaline has a way of bringing me down. I wonder if Jack had anything to drink. He smells like beer, but then again I could just be smelling myself. I’ll have to bury these clothes in my hamper when I get home. Just a precaution if my parents decide to act suspicious. For all the suspicious behavior I exhibit, my parents don’t suspect a thing.

We reach my house.

“Bye, Jack.”

He doesn’t move to leave.

“Dakota, listen.”

I’m already halfway up my driveway, but I turn back to look at him.

“I know I was an ass to you in class today, but I just want you to know I really do miss you.”

I don’t say anything.

“Are you okay?”

Somehow, I can tell he’s asking about more than just tonight. I wonder what rumors he’s heard. I wonder what rumors he’s chosen to believe. I’m not really sure how I feel about it either. Does it bother me that he might think differently of me after hearing the rumors? I don’t know.

“I’m fine.”

He studies me and slowly walks up to where I’m standing in my driveway. I watch him carefully. Even after tonight, I don’t trust him. He reaches me and holds out his arms, obviously expecting me to rush into them. It’s something so familiar between us, but I don’t know what to do. Finally, habit wins over caution, and I lean in to hug him. We stay like that for a long moment, but eventually I pull away. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

I nod, avoiding his gaze. Suddenly I feel his hands reaching for my sweatshirt sleeve. It takes me a second to understand what he’s doing. But then I realize he’s trying to roll up my sleeve. So he has heard the rumors. I slap his hands and jerk my arm away from him.

“I hate you,” I spit at him before running up the front steps and quietly entering my house.

Jack has a funny way of ruining a good moment.