As if Being a Teenager Isn't Hard Enough

*Luke*

I arrived at Lilly's house in no time. After all she didn't live that far from me. I instantly went to her and held her out of instinct. After I realized what i was actually doing I tried to pull away and she held me tighter. After a few moments she let go and said we should go, her condition inst getting any better.

We walked out to my car and I opened the door for her and she hopped in and put her seat belt on. Her face seemed pale and she seemed almost like she was just on autopilot. She had the same face I had when I found out that my mom passed away. I got in and put on my seat belt as well. Started the car, backed out of her driveway and headed toward the hospital. I reached for her hand and clasped it tightly in mine. I could feel her tremors as they shook her and I felt like I was loosing my mom all over again. I drove quickly barely looking at the road because I know the way so well. When we got there I got out and helped Lilly out of the car. Together we walked into the building that looked like it had death written all over it. I saw out of the corner of my eye that Lilly had straighten her shoulders and lifted her head up. An attempt to seem normal I assumed but her hand still shook in mine. When the nurse approached us and directed us to where her mother was, she nodded her head. I felt awkward being there with her for i have never met her mom. In fact I haven't talked with Lilly ever about her mom. I don't even know what she looks like.

When we arrived at her room, Lilly asked for me to stay in the waiting room. I was not shocked by this and went willingly to the chair. I was both relieved that I didn't have to go in there and both nervous about whether her mom and her got along at all. Like i said, I don't even know the woman. I went from sitting on the chair, to laying on three of them, to standing against the wall, to pacing. I was still pacing when I saw a bunch of the nurses and staff head into the room where Lilly and her mom were. I started to panic and tried to look into the window but people were blocking my view. I saw Lilly in the corner screaming at the nurses and staff to do something. I knew then deep in my gut, her mom had passed on. After what seemed like an eturnity, the staff stopped trying to save her mom. Slowly, one by one the staff headed out. The last one to come out was the nurse looking after Lilly's mom. She came over to me and stated that what I already knew, Lilly's mother had passed on. I knocked on the door and stuck my head in the doorway. I guess she didn't hear me because she was still by her mother's side, clenching her hand holding it to her heart and crying. I walked in slowly as though not to spook her and went to her. I encircled my arms around her and squeezed her tightly. She turned into me and shook her head crying harder. I haven't known Lilly long, but the pain I felt in that moment was one that will connect me to Lilly for the rest of my life. It was the pain of losing the one who gave birth to you. The pain of not knowing where to go to next. The pain of all the what ifs and the what am i going to do next. The pain of uncertainty. It was the pain of a broken heart.

After about ten minutes of Lilly crying on my chest, she finally looked up and the pain in her eyes made me winced. I knew I couldn't leave her alone and pulled her up to her feet. Then I picked her up and sat in the chair with her on my lap. I didn't want her to leave her mothers side just yet so i decided to move closer to her mothers bed. Lilly cries slowly stopped and she started to sniffle. Eventually her breathing slowed down and I knew she had fallen asleep. Her body shook every now and then and she had a few rough breaths. Her body's way of letting you know she was still upset. I kissed her head and played with her hair.

I must have fallen asleep, because i awoke to find Lilly laying by her mother holding her tightly while her body shook with sobs. A nurse knocked on the door and came in to take Lilly's mother to the morgue. Lilly kissed her mothers cheek and hands and reluctantly crawled out of the bed. the nurse covered her mom with a white sheet and wheeled her away. Lilly walked two steps behind her then fell to the floor, clenching her sides and sobbing horrible sobs. I went to her and picked her off the ground and held her cradled in my arms as i would do with a baby. My heart broke listening to her pain and I played with her hair trying to soothe her. I have never felt this much affection for a human being since i moved in with my dad. It scares me how much I care for her. I held her that way as I walked out of the hospital and to the car. She cried the whole way as I expected her to do. I put her in her seat and buckled her. Then I got in and drove to the river. I know its wasnt anything perfect but going to my house wasnt sounding pleasent for me and i dont think she would want to be back in the house where her and her mother lived. And the river is the same place I went to when my mother passed. Its like a healing center to me, therefore I took her there.

When we got there, Lilly was silently staring out the window. She didnt say anything as i got her out of the car and carried her toward the water. Only when i got closer she spoke.

" Why didn't you leave? Why did you stay? Where are we?" It seemed like she just needed to hear someone talk so she didnt lose her mind. I wish i had someone to talk too when my mother passed.

" There was no need for me to leave. If I were to have left you would be alone. I was alone when my mother passed away and not even the nurses stayed with me. I stayed because I know how it feels when all the what ifs and the uncertainty starts to sink in. It was scary for me to do it alone and I care for you and didnt want you to have to go through that yourself. And we are at the same area I came to after they took my mother to the morgue."

Lilly got quiet and didn't say anything. All she did was stare out into the water. I started to chew on nails and stood up. She looked at me but didn't say anything as i pulled her up. I know its not my style but I couldn't stand to see her cry or be in pain anymore. So I decided to try something. I pulled out my phone and played slow music. In fact I put on a country song, something that looks weird when you dress the way i do but to be honest I have never been normal. I put on Lee Brice's song I dont dance and turned up the volume. I grabbed her hand and slowly started to dance with her. She leaned into my chest and rested there as we swayed back and forth. When the song was halfway over she was starting to get into the song. She lifted her head and I gave her a twirl as the lyrics " I don't dance. But here I am, Spinning you round and round in circles. It ain't my style, but I don't care, I'll do anything with you anywhere," came on. She smiled and shook her head and then we kept dancing. Me twirling her ever so often and her smiling and going with it. By the time we were done, she was smiling slightly and leaning into my chest. I got up and grabbed two blankets from the car and laid it on the ground. She laid on it and I joined her. We instantly moved closer to one another and we cuddled. She closed her eyes and next thing i knew she was sleeping. I pulled the second blanket over us and fell asleep beside her. It was the best sleep I have had in awhile.