"Blessed" with a Curse

I opened my eyes in a daze, staring at a white ceiling.
My head throbbed slightly and my breathing was shallow.

I passed out again…didn’t I…?

“Good…you’re awake…how do you feel?”
Kellin was standing next to me with a sad smile on his face.
I slowly sat up.

“What happened…? Where’s Austin…?”
“He left… he was scared, Alan…he thought he had hurt you again, then he ran off…”

Why should he feel sorry? He had a right to hurt me…
I’m the one who messed up everything…I’m the reason he’s suffering like this…

“You should go to him Alan…” I glared at him slightly.
“Why should I…?”

“He really does love you, Alan, and I honestly believe that he needs you more than you need him.”
I didn’t respond.

“He’s at the lake…you saw the picture.”

I bit down on my lip and nodded.

He disappeared from sight, leaving me alone.

I got up from the bed and ran downstairs, quickly putting my jacket on and slipped on my shoes.
I ran out the door into the snow-filled air.
~*~*~*~*~

“Austin?!”
I called out his name as I continued to run towards the lake.

“Austin!”
Still no response.

The snowfall was getting heavier, but that didn’t stop me.

I reached the top of the hill and looked from there.
I still didn’t see him.

“Austi—”
I was cut off as my foot slipped, causing me to tumble down the steep, snow-covered hill.

I could only curl up in pain when I reached the bottom.

I have to get up…I have to find him…

I struggled to pick myself up from the ground, but I was able to do so.

What if I can’t find him…? What if something happened to him? What if…
I started to cry at the thought of anything bad happening to him.

I wiped my tears away and looked ahead.

There was a person…lying in the snow.

Could it be…?

I walked towards the person’s body, which was still lying still.
As soon as I reached it, I nearly cried out.

It was Austin.

I knelt down next to him and pulled his body into my arms.
He’s cold…he’s so cold…

“Austin?! Austin! Please, wake up! Say something!”
His eyes were closed. He was breathing, but shivering uncontrollably.

“A-Alan…I-I’m s-s-sorry…I’m s-sorry…”
“Austin…you have to stay awake…we have to get back home…”
I wrapped an arm around his waist and helped him off of the ground.
We started to head back home before the snowfall could get any worse.

“Alan…I’m…I’m…sorry…”
“Don’t apologize anymore, Austin…you didn’t do anything wrong…”
~*~*~*~*~

I feel so helpless…
All I could do was place his body in the bathtub with warm water.

He was awake, but he didn’t move…
He didn’t even say anything…

“Austin…Are…are you still mad at me…?”
“…I don’t have a reason to be mad at you…I let my anger take control and I hurt you again…”

“You did have a reason to be mad at me…all of this is my fault anyway…”
“Why would any of this be your fault…? I’m the one who’s cursed…”

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

“It’s a long story…if you are willing to listen…”

He looked at me and nodded. I sat down on the floor and crisscrossed my legs.

“I was only a kid. Everything seemed fine. Everything was normal…My parents loved me deeply. I did well in school. Just your average family.

But then…something happened to my mom that my dad or myself couldn’t explain…

She started to distance herself away from me…every time I tried to get close to her, she would look at me in fear and tried to get away from me.

I was only eight. You could only imagine how I felt...

‘Are you mad at me, mommy? Did I do something wrong?’
That’s all I could ask her before she would run and hide in her room.

Things only got worse as the year passed by.

Dad was at work one day and it was my bath time, so I pleaded my mom over and over to stay in the bathroom with me because I hated being alone.
She finally complied and I felt so happy. She didn’t try to avoid me that time.

I should have known…I should have seen the look in her eyes.

‘You’re an evil child…the voices told me you’re evil…I have to end this. I have to save myself and my husband!’

That’s what she told me before she wrapped her hands around my neck and forced me under the water.

I couldn’t fight her off. I was only nine years old when she killed me.”

Austin’s eyes widened as he sat up.
I nodded.

“Yes, I died…but somehow, they were able to revive me.
My mom was sent to a rehabilitation center. And after five years, she was allowed to come back home to us. Of course I was scared of her…but I still loved her and clung to her. Of course my dad didn’t stop loving her either.

Dad and I chose to forget about the past and we were a happy family once again.

But…it didn’t last for long…

My dad had to go to work again…and mom decided to skip taking her pills.

She didn’t give me the same reaction as before…she wasn’t afraid of me…she didn’t call me an ‘evil child’… She gave me a small smile and ran a hand through my hair. And I was scared because I was used to my dad doing it…

‘Let’s go to your room, Alan…I want to play a little game.’

I was still so naïve…so naïve…”

I hugged my knees to my chest, resting my chin on them.
I tried to choke back my tears, but they were already falling uncontrollably.

“I barely remembered what she did…all I could remember was that I was curled up on the bed…only in my boxers…begging her to stop…

‘Don’t tell your father about this. This is our time only. Okay?’
Of course I listened to her…

This went on for about three years…until one day…dad came home early…

I could only sit on the bed and watch as mom and dad yelled at each other…
Mom was upset because dad interrupted. Dad was upset because mom wasn’t taking her pills and she harmed me again…

Mom left the room in frustration…dad sat next to me on the bed and pulled me into a hug, running his hand through my hair, like he always would when I’m scared or upset.

He told me to pack my things and meet him downstairs, kissed my forehead, then left the room.
I did what he told, and ran downstairs to meet him.

Soon, we were speeding down the road in the car, not caring about the weather.

I believed this was the hardest on dad…he had to choose between his son…and the woman he loved dearly.
He chose me…and tried to get me as far away from mom as possible.

But…the weather was bad…the snow was falling and the roads were frozen…”

I bit down on my lip harshly, drawing blood as more tears fell.

“He tried, Austin…! H-he really tried to stop…! But the roads were frozen! A-and he c-couldn’t…! And Kellin…he…”
I shook my head and sobbed.

“It’s all my fault! I should have remained dead when mom drowned me! Kellin would still be alive…! Dad wouldn’t have died in prison…! Him and mom would have lived happily together without me…! This is all my fault…! All my fault…”

I heard movement and shut my eyes.

He’s gonna hurt me again…but I don’t blame him…
I deserve every punishment possible.

I tensed up when I felt two warm arms wrap around me and pulled me into a hug.

He was…hugging me…?

“Alan…just because you couldn’t control the things that happened doesn’t mean that they're your fault…”
He ran his hand through my hair, calming me down a little.

“And I don’t ever want to hear you say that you ‘should have been dead’ ever again.
Do you understand me?”
I slowly nodded.
He sighed and held me a little tighter.

“I…I love you, Alan…”

I didn’t respond.

All I could do was hug him tighter and bawl like an idiot as he continued to run his hand through my hair.

“I-I love you too…A-Austin…”