"Blessed" with a Curse

“Kellin…”

I reached for the other side of the bed and felt nothing. It was still cold and empty.

Another dream…

I rolled over and looked at the clock.

8:34 A.M.
I groaned and curled back up into the covers.

I don’t want to move. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to think.

I just want to sleep…

A loud alarm from the clock pierced the silence.
I didn’t set an alarm, so it must be Kellin messing with it.

I slammed my hand on it to shut it off, only to have it sound again seconds later.

“I don’t want to get up today. I don’t have to work. Just let me sleep…”

I shut the alarm off again. It rang once more.

“Kellin…! Please! I just want to sleep! Just…let me sleep…please…”

I buried my face into my pillow and started sobbing quietly.

The alarm stopped.

“Austin…please get up. You need to eat something.” I shook my head.

“I’m not hungry…”

“You’re lying. Baby…please get up…”

My heart swelled at that word.

“Kell…please…anything but that word…”

“Why, baby?” He was using his adorable seductive voice now.

“It’s cruel…”

He knows that I’ll do anything he wants when he calls me ‘baby’ in that voice.

It isn’t fair…

I turned over to face him. He stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, waiting for me to move.

“Please…”

I groaned and got out of bed, walking downstairs with Kellin lingering behind me.

I pulled out a bagel from the pantry and popped it into the toaster. I leant against the counter and stared outside the window.

“It’s snowing again…” Kellin broke the silence.

“It always snows. Ever since we moved here… yet, you never wanted to leave. Of course we stayed here because I knew how much you loved the snow.” I smiled slightly at him.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

The shattered glass…the cold pavement…the blood on my hands and on the snow…

The screams of agony as I held his cold, trembling body in my arms…

My eyes shot open at the sound of the toaster.

Suddenly, I lost my appetite and ran back upstairs into my room, shutting and locking the door.

I started to panic, looking through every drawer for it.

“Austin? What are you doing?!”

I completely ignored Kellin as I continued my search.

I ran into the bathroom and closed the door when I found what I was looking for in the cabinet.

I sat against the door and stared at the silver, sharp metal. I was ruthless this time.

I made five gashes on one arm without even stopping. Six more on the other arm.

“No! What are you doing?! Stop, Austin!!!”

Kellin was in front of me, standing there helplessly.
I ignored him again and made another cut.

Before I could do it again, the razor was slapped out of my hand.

I looked up in shock to see that Kellin was the one who did it.

He stared down at me in fury, tears streaming down his face.

I covered my face with my hands and started to cry too.

“It’s my fault, Kellin…! It’s all my fault…! If I hadn’t dropped your camera…If I had paid more attention…then you would still be here…!”

“Austin…! Please…stop it. There was nothing we could have done. I’m dead and there’s no bringing me back. So please…Stop hurting yourself over it! I’ll never forgive you if you die from your own account!”

I bit down on my lip and nodded in understanding before I got up and started cleaning my cuts, wrapping them with gauze.

“I’m sorry, Kell…”

“It’s okay, Aus. Just…promise me that you’ll never do it again.”

“I’ll try…I really will…”

It was silent for a moment.

“How about we have movie night? Just like old times.”

I looked at him and smiled.

“I would love that.”