New American Classic

A bubble encased me in its warmth, causing my skin to prickle and little beads of sweat to form on the surface. It stung my eyes making me squeeze them shut even tighter. A pleasant aroma floated through my nose and into my brain causing my stomach to growl with hunger. After not being able to stand the ache in the pit of my belly I opened my eyes loathingly. I was in my living room, on the couch…my arms hugging a pillow snuggly. Quiet rumbling came from the kitchen as someone tried to gather plates without making too much noise. I perked my head up slightly peering over the back of the couch to get a better look at who my guest was.

Dan

Terror struck a pose on my face and I swiftly buried it back into the sweat-covered pillow. Oh god what was he doing here? What happened last night? Did we happen last night? My heart fluttered feverishly my fingers beginning to tingle.

You don’t remember anything do you?

That’s what scared me the most. The last thing I remember was getting ready to go to some stupid party with Dan…everything else a very distant smudge. I cowered at the thought but decided that it was time to fill my stomach before it began to eat itself away. I sat up slowly, keeping a slick eye on Dan not wanting him to spot me just yet. As I stood my stomach began to fail forcing me to hunch forward, holding onto it as tightly as I could.

“I see you’re awake.”

A pair of dirty white sneakers appeared in front of me. Still in my previous stance I craned my neck so that my glossy red eyes met with Dan’s.

“Dan.” I murmured, choking back vomit. “What happened?”

Dan came to my side, aiding me to the couch. Once we were both sitting he scooted as far away from me as he could. I’m sure the action meant nothing (he probably just didn’t want to be covered in oncoming hurl) but it stung deep.

“What do you remember?” He asked sternly.

His voice was intimidating, different then any other time he’d spoken to me. I didn’t want to say anything at all I just wanted to scurry to the nearest corner and rock back and forth.

“I…I remember getting ready…” I attempted to fish through my memory for more but I just couldn’t remember.

Dan sighed heavily, shaking his head.

“When were you planning on telling me?” He questioned like a concerned parent.

My eyebrows tugged downward, I was completely puzzled.

“Dan, what are you talking about?” I truly was curious.

He glared angrily and stood up.

“The drugs, Lola. When the fuck were you going to mention the drugs.”

My stomach dripped quickly through the floor as my heart flooded my throat forcing any explanation (true or false) to get stuck underneath of it. Dan’s once beautiful eyes burned ferociously through all of my skin, muscle, bone, and soul. For the first time in the whole month and a half we’ve known each other I truly felt that he hated me.

“Dan…please I just…”

“You just what?” He spat, pacing. “Just forgot that you’re a dope sod?”

Dan’s words tore away at my flesh making it’s way to my insides.

“Lola, you’re fucking perfect why would you choose to ruin yourself like this? I trusted you when you told me about your background and you just decided to leave this part out?!”

They were at my bones now just begging to course through my veins, slowly making me deteriorate piece by piece.

“Dan, please.” I pleaded for him to just let me explain.

“Save it Lola.” He quarreled. “Save it for the next person who gives a shit.”

He turned to go towards the door, and quicker then lightening I was up and running after him.

“Dan!” I demanded for him to turn around as I grabbed his arm. “Let me fucking explain!”

I twirled him around, steam pouring from his ears. He was breathing heavily but said nothing. I let go out his arm unwillingly and searched for something to say.

There’s nothing to say you fucked up.

Unexpectedly, I fell to my knees burying my face in my hands. As I sobbed I could feel my chest cracking against the pressure from my rapidly throbbing heart.

“Get up.” Dan ordered offering now help.

I stayed on my knees like a child, my hands flooding with salty tears.

“Lola.” He growled. “Get. Up.”

“What do you want me to say!” I screamed, suddenly gaining strength. “How could you expect me to tell you something like this the day I met you!”

I forced myself up and wiped the tears away.

“How would you have liked me to go about it?” I wept. “Please tell me Dan because I’d really like to know!”

My chest rose and fell heavily…Dan’s eyes explored my face…his expression not as dense.

“If I would have told you any sooner you would’ve walked out sooner then you would now.” I continued. “Oh hey Dan it’s nice to meet you. I think you’re really amazing, oh by the way I’m a heroin addict!”

My words shocked myself. Yeah I had always called myself an “addict” but I never had admitted even to myself that I was a “heroin addict” and here I was spilling everything to someone I just met not even 2 months ago. Dan backed away timidly.

“Lola.” He said lowly, growing full of horror.

“No don’t ‘Lola’ me, Dan. You just called me scum and you expect ME to listen to you?” I shouted balling my fists.

I turned my back towards him as tears of anger, guilt, and embarrassment swamped my vision.

“I need help ok Dan, I need you.”

For some reason those last words rung familiar in my head, but I wasn’t quite sure why.

“Lola.”

Dan’s voice came from behind me softly, and soon his arms wrapped themselves around my waste.

“You’re supposed to accept me as is, you can’t just leave me high and dry at the first sight of trouble. You can’t just leave me alone.” I groaned quietly through tears.

It felt as if Dan pressed his lips against my head, but I wasn’t sure as my body trembled violently. He lazily turned me around so that I was now facing him at arms length.

“I’m sorry.” He said sympathetically. “I’m sorry for the things I called you, I’m sorry for not understanding, I’m sorry I’m just sorry.”

“I came to London thinking it would be my reason to try and get better. Everything is just so overwhelming; it’s making my addiction worse. I’ve done nothing but fuck up my entire time over here. Dan I need you.” I admitted solemnly. “I need you more then anyone I’ve ever needed in my entire life.”

His eyes glistened with what looked like a trace of tears and confusion. He had no experience with someone like me.

“You haven’t fucked anything up Lola.” He advised. “People make mistakes it’s normal. I’ve never met anyone like you in my entire life. You’re mysterious and so beautiful in your own way. I need you now too I can’t help but need you more then I’ve ever needed someone before. I’m here to help you…I won’t leave you alone…I won’t make this worse.”

I sniffled as Dan pushed stray hairs behind my ear. Nothing else was said instead he pulled me into him and just held me there as I showered his once white shirt with fresh streams of tears.

“Please stay.” I said into his chest.

Dan let out a soft chuckled and pulled me closer.

“I’ll stay as long as you like.”