New American Classic
Naive
Tonight Dan was taking me to a friend’s apartment for a party. I wasn’t nervous to meet his friends…it wasn’t that at all. What really made me nervous was the liquor…the environment. Alcohol made my dependence for my “monster” very high and since that night at Dan’s house I really had changed. I haven’t touched anything in the past three days and the irritability only lasted a few hours.
Just don’t drink.
It was a party though…who doesn’t drink at a party?
Lots of people. Don’t torture yourself.
I rolled my eyes insensately at my thoughts. It’s one or two drinks…it’s not a whole bar. Plus it might not even be that type of party. There might not even be any alcohol.
“Holy shit.” I half whispered when we entered Dan’s friend Kyle’s apartment.
It was definitely THAT kind of party. No, it wasn’t like a high school party, ya know loud music, red cups and stupidity…there was definitely alcohol and lots of it…an entire kitchen counter plus one worth.
I squeezed Dan’s hand tighter as we walked towards a guy and a girl conversing with Phil…Dan’s roommate.
“Dan m’boy you’ve made it!” The boy cheered already half blitzed; it was Kyle.
Phil gave me a strange, embarrassed look and hurried away not speaking a single word. Dear god I’ve scarred the poor boy.
“And who’s this?” Kyle slurred, eyeing me up.
Dan put a protective arm around my waist, pulling me snuggly into his side.
“I’m Lola.” I said cheerfully.
Kyle gave Dan a look of approval then opened up his arms.
“Enjoy yourselves mates, there’s plenty to go around.”
Kyle then vanished, taking the hint that I was with Dan and not for the taking. Dan freed me from his grasp and grabbed two glasses from the table.
“Drink?” He asked, holding up a bottle of 99 Bananas and flashing me a brilliant smile.
One won’t hurt…
I nodded sheepishly and watched as he mixed the clear toxic liquid with cherry Pepsi. I took the cup reluctantly, slowly sipping the mixture. I winced at the initial burn of the carbonation mixed with vodka but the next three sips…well gulps went down smoothly.
“You ok?” Dan’s words were coated thickly with liquor.
We were sitting on Kyle’s balcony, a cigarette hanging from my mouth.
“Yeah.” I said quietly, inhaling heavily.
I really wasn’t. I had drank way too much way too quickly. My head was swarming with too many thoughts and a disgusting urge to shoot up.
“You sure?”
Dan scooted closer to me his hand now rubbing my back. I sat unresponsive…a sudden anger bubbling in the pit of my stomach. I stood up unexpectedly and braced myself against the railing.
“If I were to jump right now Dan, would you be upset?”
Don’t even ask where it came from. Even I wasn’t quite sure. I heard Dan shoot up out of his seat.
“What?” He asked, completely lost.
I took a deep breath, having to repeat myself making me angrier.
“If I were to jump, would you be up-“
“I know what you said Lola, but why the fuck would you say that?”
The liquor quickly vanished from Dan’s voice he was worried now. I shrugged then turned around, now resting me back against the railing.
“What are we Dan?” I asked, changing the subject abruptly.
I watched as Dan looked down at his feet, processing what I just asked.
“I don’t think we should be having this conversation drunk Lola, christ you just wanted to jump off the balcony now you’re asking that.” His voice was venomous.
I chuckled sarcastically and took one last deep drag off of my cigarette, flicking it over the rail watching as it sunk into darkness.
“Lets face it Dan, that’s a conversation we’re never going to have. Drunk or not.”
I didn’t plan on bringing this topic up, but like they say about alcohol…liquid confidence.
“Lola, please. You have no idea what you’re saying.” His voice was softer now, pleading for me to just stop.
“Dan..” I started, swallowing hard. “I need you.”
The expected silence came tumbling down, and I really felt like jumping over the railing.
Why did I say that? How could I say something like that so suddenly to someone?
I waited patiently for Dan to walk away, never speaking another word to me again. But instead he stood there…he just stood there…his mouth opening every so often like he was going to say something…but nothing came out.
“I’m sorry.” I said breathlessly, bolting towards the sliding door. “I have to go.”
“Lola no wait.” Dan urged, reaching for my arm.
“Dan I have to go, I’m sorry.”
I dodged his grasp and rushed through Kyle’s apartment, all the faces and balcony now a blur. I had blacked out. What had I said? Why was I leaving? I needed to go, that’s all I could remember. Something went wrong, and now I needed to go. Luckily Kyle’s building wasn’t far from ours. No not “ours” I meant mine…it wasn’t ever going to be “ours” it was my apartment…it would always just be mine.
The air outside was thick and muggy, a slight drizzle of summer rain beginning. I pumped my legs as quickly as I could, nervous that Dan was following me. It seemed like years before I reached the building, but it seemed like only seconds before I was in my living room…followed by my room…and then of course the only place I was most comfortable…my bathroom. I remember sliding down the wall… I remember telling myself I probably shouldn’t…I remember feeling the small pinch as the slim needle pierced my skin. I remember feeling myself slip into my own dark euphoria.
After that nothing. I remember nothing. Until I opened my eyes to a blurry yet familiar face hovering inches from mine.
“Lola.”
The voice sounded like it was drowning.
“Lola, please what the fuck are you doing?”
I couldn’t pay attention to the voice though; I was enjoying myself too much. So I smiled, I smiled wickedly as I felt my eyes drooping heavy with the high.
“Lola.”
Good job…
Just don’t drink.
It was a party though…who doesn’t drink at a party?
Lots of people. Don’t torture yourself.
I rolled my eyes insensately at my thoughts. It’s one or two drinks…it’s not a whole bar. Plus it might not even be that type of party. There might not even be any alcohol.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Holy shit.” I half whispered when we entered Dan’s friend Kyle’s apartment.
It was definitely THAT kind of party. No, it wasn’t like a high school party, ya know loud music, red cups and stupidity…there was definitely alcohol and lots of it…an entire kitchen counter plus one worth.
I squeezed Dan’s hand tighter as we walked towards a guy and a girl conversing with Phil…Dan’s roommate.
“Dan m’boy you’ve made it!” The boy cheered already half blitzed; it was Kyle.
Phil gave me a strange, embarrassed look and hurried away not speaking a single word. Dear god I’ve scarred the poor boy.
“And who’s this?” Kyle slurred, eyeing me up.
Dan put a protective arm around my waist, pulling me snuggly into his side.
“I’m Lola.” I said cheerfully.
Kyle gave Dan a look of approval then opened up his arms.
“Enjoy yourselves mates, there’s plenty to go around.”
Kyle then vanished, taking the hint that I was with Dan and not for the taking. Dan freed me from his grasp and grabbed two glasses from the table.
“Drink?” He asked, holding up a bottle of 99 Bananas and flashing me a brilliant smile.
One won’t hurt…
I nodded sheepishly and watched as he mixed the clear toxic liquid with cherry Pepsi. I took the cup reluctantly, slowly sipping the mixture. I winced at the initial burn of the carbonation mixed with vodka but the next three sips…well gulps went down smoothly.
“You ok?” Dan’s words were coated thickly with liquor.
We were sitting on Kyle’s balcony, a cigarette hanging from my mouth.
“Yeah.” I said quietly, inhaling heavily.
I really wasn’t. I had drank way too much way too quickly. My head was swarming with too many thoughts and a disgusting urge to shoot up.
“You sure?”
Dan scooted closer to me his hand now rubbing my back. I sat unresponsive…a sudden anger bubbling in the pit of my stomach. I stood up unexpectedly and braced myself against the railing.
“If I were to jump right now Dan, would you be upset?”
Don’t even ask where it came from. Even I wasn’t quite sure. I heard Dan shoot up out of his seat.
“What?” He asked, completely lost.
I took a deep breath, having to repeat myself making me angrier.
“If I were to jump, would you be up-“
“I know what you said Lola, but why the fuck would you say that?”
The liquor quickly vanished from Dan’s voice he was worried now. I shrugged then turned around, now resting me back against the railing.
“What are we Dan?” I asked, changing the subject abruptly.
I watched as Dan looked down at his feet, processing what I just asked.
“I don’t think we should be having this conversation drunk Lola, christ you just wanted to jump off the balcony now you’re asking that.” His voice was venomous.
I chuckled sarcastically and took one last deep drag off of my cigarette, flicking it over the rail watching as it sunk into darkness.
“Lets face it Dan, that’s a conversation we’re never going to have. Drunk or not.”
I didn’t plan on bringing this topic up, but like they say about alcohol…liquid confidence.
“Lola, please. You have no idea what you’re saying.” His voice was softer now, pleading for me to just stop.
“Dan..” I started, swallowing hard. “I need you.”
The expected silence came tumbling down, and I really felt like jumping over the railing.
Why did I say that? How could I say something like that so suddenly to someone?
I waited patiently for Dan to walk away, never speaking another word to me again. But instead he stood there…he just stood there…his mouth opening every so often like he was going to say something…but nothing came out.
“I’m sorry.” I said breathlessly, bolting towards the sliding door. “I have to go.”
“Lola no wait.” Dan urged, reaching for my arm.
“Dan I have to go, I’m sorry.”
I dodged his grasp and rushed through Kyle’s apartment, all the faces and balcony now a blur. I had blacked out. What had I said? Why was I leaving? I needed to go, that’s all I could remember. Something went wrong, and now I needed to go. Luckily Kyle’s building wasn’t far from ours. No not “ours” I meant mine…it wasn’t ever going to be “ours” it was my apartment…it would always just be mine.
The air outside was thick and muggy, a slight drizzle of summer rain beginning. I pumped my legs as quickly as I could, nervous that Dan was following me. It seemed like years before I reached the building, but it seemed like only seconds before I was in my living room…followed by my room…and then of course the only place I was most comfortable…my bathroom. I remember sliding down the wall… I remember telling myself I probably shouldn’t…I remember feeling the small pinch as the slim needle pierced my skin. I remember feeling myself slip into my own dark euphoria.
After that nothing. I remember nothing. Until I opened my eyes to a blurry yet familiar face hovering inches from mine.
“Lola.”
The voice sounded like it was drowning.
“Lola, please what the fuck are you doing?”
I couldn’t pay attention to the voice though; I was enjoying myself too much. So I smiled, I smiled wickedly as I felt my eyes drooping heavy with the high.
“Lola.”
Good job…