Not Your Fault

After having an awkward introduction to AP English with Mr. Barry, Alex took a seat in the back next to an eyeing brunette. With sending her a sly wink, he took out one of the many pencils he had and a notebook.

While Mr. Barry, an aging scrawny man with thinning hair, went on droning about Romeo and Juliet, Alex sat daydreaming. Daydreaming about standing up in the middle of class and running away, back to his old school. Alex had all classes with Jack, and he probably would have made it more bearable, but of course, Jack didn’t have AP English.

Sighing, Alex opened up his notebook and began writing down random bits of the notes that Mr. Barry had written on the whiteboard.

“Sorry I’m late.” Everyone’s’ attention, including Alex’s, flickered to the door where the outburst came from.

It was the grocery store girl, the girl who looked like she bathed in the Fountain of Youth She had her hair into .a messy bun, tendrils falling out. She was out of breath and resembled a hummingbird with how fast she was huffing, probably running to the class.

The class reacted differently from how Alex would of thought. He had labeled Tea as probably not the most outspoken girl, probably at the bottom of the food chain. Alex would of thought the class would of made a comment of some sort, but everyone pretended to not notice. They seemed anxious and nervous, not making eye contact with Tea, pretending she wasn’t there.

Even the hot brunette sitting next to him averted her gaze to her notebook, furiously scribbling notes that she didn’t look like she intended to do a couple minutes ago.

Mr. Barry copied the classes’ reactions, too. He nodded at the girl, not making eye contact.
Tea took a big breath a took a seat a couple chairs ahead of Alex’s.

It irked Alex of the sudden atmosphere change. No one was chattering, like they had when Mr. Barry was lecturing. It was as if Tea was the barrier of bad news, and no one wanted to acknowledge it.

Throughout the period, Alex was sending looks to the short girl, who was copying the classes’ actions as well; she was taking notes quietly, not looking up except at the board.

When the class period was over, Alex went in search for Jack, who knew what the fuck was up with the innocent-looking girl in his AP English class.

**

Sitting out on the front steps of the school, Jack and Alex were spitting spitballs at each other. It was lunch time, and Dulany High School allowed the students to roam outside during their lunch hour. Jack had snuck some subs from subway that morning, and Alex and him shared it rather than eat the shit the school offered.

“Bitch, I got you.” Alex yelled, laughing. If you had looked at the boys you would of thought they ahd been friends for ages, not that they had just met each other that morning.

“Asshole, I swear to God I saw it go in your mouth.”

“That’s pretty…wet.” The boys started immaturely laughing at how stupid what Alex said was.
When they had calmed down from their gay laugh fest,

Alex decided to ask Jack what had been bugging him all day.

“Hey, do you know that Tea girl?” Jack’s expression went from laughing to serious in a split second.

“Dude, whatever you’re thinking: no.” Jack whispered, looking around to see if anyone heard what they were talking about. Her name was like taboo around the school.

Alex looked at him confused, but then it hit him. “No, no, no. I’m not thinking about hitting that, no man. She’s too innocent, and no. No.” Alex couldn’t think of her even holding a guy’s hand, even getting near the topic of sex involving her was like…strange.

“Her real name is Tabitha, but everyone had been calling her Tea since pre-school. No one knows where the nickname came from, it just…no one ever calls her Tabitha. I’ve known her like…forever. Her older brother is like insanely cool, and I kind of looked up to him growing up.” Jack started, his face solemn.

“Tea is kind of…how you put it…” Jack was cut off by the girl sitting in front of them, turning around. She had been sitting a couple steps in front of them, her fingers flying over a laptop, which now lay discarded, next to her.

“No-go zone. No entry, don’t even think about it.” She had unnecessary choppy pink hair, and a nose-stud.

Jack huffed. “That’s what I was going to say, Meredith.” He rolled his eyes, and turned back to Alex.

“Meredith is Tea’s guardian, if you want to talk to Tea, you go through her.” The girl rolled her eyes.

“I’m not her guardian; more like…her lesbian keeper, like my sister’s keeper? Yeah, but I’m her friend and I’m lesbian.” The girl said offhand, and Alex was taken by how open she was.

“So, Tea is lesbian?” Alex asked, uncertain of the girl in front of him.

Jack laughed. “No, no. She’s defiantly not lesbian. She went out with some cello-player in, what? Like freshman year?”

“Yeah, that girl is straighter than the pole Jack’s mom dances on.” Meredith laughed.

“NO ONE ASKED YOU MEREDITH. TURN AROUND.” Jack jokingly yelled. “Well, anyways. Where was I at?”

“You were at the part where you try to explain why this Tea girl is like…taboo?” Alex asked.
“Oh, right, yeah. Well, Tea…she uhm. I don’t know how to phrase it…”

“She tried to kill herself.” Meredith whispered, her eyes going wide. Meredith was trying to gage this guy’s reaction, to see if he was legit.

Alex blinked. “Kill herself?” He repeated, whispering.

“Yeah. That’s why everyone watches what they say around her. That’s why she has a Lesbian Keeper.” Jack muttered, a half smile coming up on his face.

“That’s-that’s…awful.” Alex looked down. “Trying to commit suicide. Awful.”

“Don’t feel bad, it happened like a couple months ago, you’re not even a part of it.” Meredith smiled slightly, but it was a little too fake.

Jack clamped him on the shoulder. “Yeah, no one knows why she did it; she just did.”

“You don’t even know, Meredith?” Alex questioned.

She nodded. “She was pretty messed up after she found out she didn’t…succeed. Her mom is still a mess. I went to visit her at the hospital, and they had like trouble making her eat. It was really scary, I don’t think I had ever been as spooked as I was then.”

“Where is she, anyways?” Jack asked. “Doesn’t she usually hang with you and April at lunch?”

“She’s in the art room. They have auditions for the art program at that college, and she’s been working on hers like, religiously.”

“Who’s April?” Alex asked.

“She’s another lesbian keeper, without the lesbian. I’ll point her out in the hall.” Jack explained, just as the lunch bell rang.

Alex grabbed his book bag, flopping it over his shoulder. “Let’s get to biology, I can’t wait.”

“Oh I can feel the excitement, since you know. Tea is in that class.” Jack smirked at Alex, already using his curiosity of Tea to his advantage.

Alex blushed. “Shut up, it’s not like that. I was just curious.”

“Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that.”

**

Of course it was Alex’s luck that Tea was the only student who wasn’t partnered in the class, Jack being with some skinny ginger girl that was April. It was also his luck that they were doing partner luck, and the partners were set up as the people who are at your lab station.

Tea couldn’t believe it. She had been purposely avoiding the boy with the intense eyebrows, and she couldn’t shake him. She caught him staring at her wrists, and thought, great. Now he knows too.

She didn’t understand why people always looked to her wrist when they found out about her…attempt. Does everyone relate self-harm to peoples’ wrists? There’s more self-harm like eating disorders and depression that can’t be fixed with the contents of a First-Aid kit. It bothered Tea. It bothered her a lot.

“Can you quit staring at my wrists, it’s uncomfortable.” Tea whispered harshly to her partner. She was scribbling down on the worksheet the teacher handed out, and decided that she needed to say something.

“Uhm, sorry.” Alex whispered, his cheeks growing pink.

“No, you’re not.” She whispered, her eyes flickering to the ground. “You’re curious.”

“So...how did you do it?” Alex wanted to slap himself once the words left his lips. The expression the small girl gave him haunted him.

“Like I would tell a condescending prat like yourself.” Tea’s eyes filled up with tears, hating how it always got to her. You’re stupid. You’re stupid. Couldn’t even kill yourself. Weak.

“Look, I-“

“Just shut up.” She stated, in a normal level voice. It gained the attention of a few of their classmates, including April. April gave Alex a look of death, when she saw tears gathering at her friend’s eyes.

When the class was dismissed, Tea darted out of the room, away from Alex. She wanted to distance herself as far as possible. She didn’t understand why she started tearing up; the only person she cried about it was to her younger brother. It scared her.

“What the fuck are you getting at, Gaskarth?” April cornered the boy after the class, and after they witnessed Tea dart away.

“I-I’m sorry! I just was curious.” Alex stuttered.

“What makes you any better than me, huh? What makes you think you can know, and I can’t? What in God’s name?” April started tearing up, then dropped Alex’s collar and ran away in the same direction Tea went.

“What was that?” Alex asked Jack, who had witnessed the encounter.

“Honestly, I have no idea.”