Nothings Gunna Change My World

I have agreed to go to Raven & Joshua's house. I haven't been there since that night when he--I haven't been there in a while.

It' Raven's birthday, Massie and Jason are coming for it special. So yee-ha the gangs all together again.

I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and sat on the curb across the street from their house. I wasn't going in until I was sure the party was already going on. Because then I could just lose myself in the room and not think about anything else. I tugged at my jacket sleeve. It was getting pretty fucking cold. The holes up and down my clothes didn't do much to keep me warm either. I pulled my lighter out and stuck the cancer-filled-stick into my mouth, lighting it and exhaling the smoke.

Yum, an early painful death.

After I was done with my smoking I heard footsteps. I looked to the left and saw the new kid. Alec. "Hey." He said and sat next to me. "Sup." I said against my better thoughts. I was too high to care if he fucked the boy I once loved.

Love...no, no loved.

Asshole. "You holding?" He asked after a second and I laughed, "Yeah, what do you need?" He grinned at me and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. Well that won't buy much. "I don't need a lot." He said as if he could read my mind. "Mkay man." I said and pulled out a small bag containing even small bags of proportioned white powder. I handed him one of the smallest ones. "You owe me ten bucks." I said and he nodded. "Yeah man, I won't forget this." He said and got up, walked right across the street and knocked on the door.

Joshua answered, Alec waved the bag in front of Joshua's face and Joshua let him in, looking around to see if anyone had seen their small exchange. Didn't matter if I saw it though, I provided it. I was like god...only stoned.

I laughed at this thought and locked my eyes with Joshua's eyes when he spotted me. I wiggled my fingers and then lied back on the sidewalk. The sidewalk was freezing. I liked feeling something solid underneath me though. I looked up at the graying sky and smiled. Stars are beautiful. Even though I couldn't see any stars I was looking. I could make a wish as soon as one appeared.

"KEVINNNNNN GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!" Raven was yelling at me, Joshua told her I was out here. It's an on-going game we have. I tell on him, he tells on me. He tells on me, I tell on him. The circle never ends.

Maybe I should tell on him about the new boyfriend who buys his drugs for him.

Maybe later. I ran across the street and tackled my best friend. "HAY HOOKER!" I yelled and kissed her cheek before straddling her. Massie was staring at me. "Hi Massie." I wiggled my fingers at her and she just looked at me, "Hi...?" She asked and I giggled. She didn't know who I was. How hilarious. I took my present out of my bag and handed it to Jason who was standing in front of the table with other wrapped boxes.

"Kevin get the hell off of me." Raven said and I rolled off of her. "KEVIN?!" Massie and Jason both said at the same time and got another look at me. I spun around in a circle and then said, "In the flesh." Massie ran and hugged me. "I love what you've done to yourself." The way she said made me laugh. Like when people say 'I love what you've done with the place'

"Me too cutie." I saw before plopping down on the couch and humming a random song under my breath. I needed another cigarette already. "I'm going to go outside for a moment." I said and everyone nodded or ignored me completely.

Alec followed me. I sat on the swinging bench they had in their backyard and lit up. "I have your ten dollars." He sat next to me and I looked at the bill he was holding out to me, "I don't want Joshua's money." I said and Alec looked confused, "He said you'd say that," He said after a minute and I flicked my ash off my cigarette. "Yeah he would. Look next time you want anything just bring enough to buy all of it okay?" I said and stood up, "See you inside kid." I crushed my cigarette under my foot, picked up the butt, and walked back inside. Joshua was sitting on the couch now.

At least he was kind of high. Even at school he's easier to look at high. So much more relaxed.

Stop. I went into the bathroom, dry swallowed five Percocets and walked back into the room. Tonight was going to a long night.

Drugs fix everything I thought half an hour later when the lights in Raven's house were pretty and my thoughts were hard to think so I stopped. I stopped thinking. I said whatever came to mind. "I need to get laid." I whined while Raven was making out with Jason. Watching straight people make out is awkward I want to scream at them that's gross but I don't. Instead I think about making out altogether which in turns reminds me I really need to get laid.

Like soon.

"Raven I think I have to go home." I said and he pulled away from Jason, "You barely got here." She said and I shrugged, "He runs away from his problems." Joshua said from his seat on the couch next to Alec. "Ha. Ha Joshua, go smoke the crack I sold your boyfriend." I said and got up to leave. "WHAT?!" Raven screamed and grabbed my arm. "What the hell did you just say." I shook my head. "I can't deal with this shit." I said and pulled away from her and out of the house.

I went straight to Mike's house. He opened the door and smiled at me. "Hey Kevin." He said and I smiled. "Hey cutie, got any money now?" I asked and he smirked, "Not enough for that." I just smiled, "Give me what you have." I said before stepping into his house and crashing my lips against his.

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I stumbled home at around two am. My mom was sitting in the kitchen with a mug of coffee, "Kevin is that you?" She asked and I felt along the walls to keep myself steady. "Uh...I was at Mike's house mom." I said trying my hardest not to show her I was so trashed standing was difficult. "Oh...okay." She said and walked to her room. I sighed and stumbled, fell, and crawled to my room. Miley was in her bed. Susan was in her arms and I glared at their love. I crawled into bed and fell asleep, not bothering to change.

"Are you ashamed of me?"

I looked up with big eyes; how could he think that? "No, no"

He sighed. "Then what is it?"

I shook my head and looked him honestly in the eyes. "It's not about you." It's about me. But I didn't say it. It was about my perfection. I cursed myself for the obsession. Joshua skipped his fingers across his hurt hand.

We stared at it for a bit. "How is it?"

He looked up. "Mm, it hurts."

I nodded and traced my fingers lightly over the swelling. "I hope it gets better."

I surprised myself at my sudden confidence towards Joshua. He however, was not. He traced a heart on my leg. "I hope you get better."

Fuck. I hate....dreaming.

I sighed and rolled out of bed. I had a headache. I took a quick shower. Not bothering with changing the temperature at all. Who cares? When I got out I pulled on black pants that hugged my legs and a blue shirt that had a picture of a penguin holding balloons. I went into the bathroom and pulled out my pipe. It was white with rainbow swirls throughout the entire thing. I packed it down and then lit up.

When I was so high that I forgot that I already took a shower I put on my large sunglasses and sprayed on some Axe. I smiled at my reflection and walked out of the bathroom.

"God Kevin..." Miley said walking out of the bathroom as soon as she had walked in. I winked at her even though she couldn't see me through the sunglasses. I walked downstairs, grabbed a piece of toast and walked out of the house munching on it. Joshua was standing outside my house. Nothing new him and Susan were good friends. I smiled at him and he glared at me before saying, "What the hell is your problem?" I looked up at him. "My problem Joshua?" I asked and he flinched.

I don't know why. It was actually pretty weird. "Why did you have to tell Raven about Alec?" He spat back and I laughed, "Why do you care about anything I do." I spun around in a circle and jumped into the middle of the street. "You proved a long time ago you care about only yourself Joshua." I said and started walking briskly to school.

"Yeah, right Kevin. Like everything that went down was my fault!" He yelled after me and I ignored him. I don't need a buzz kill this early in the morning.

Raven was standing by my locker when I finally got to school. "Why are you selling drugs Kevin?" She asked and I smiled at her, "Because I can." I said before walking to my first period art class.