Trespassing

Trip's POV

Awkward.

I said nothing during the whole trip to Ava's place; her parents weren't in yet. So, we were quietly sitting in the bedroom. Her against the headboard—cross-legged—me, sitting at the foot looking at over occasionally.

I was feeling cowardly. Why? Because I was supposed to fess up. Cough up things I'd never told a single shrink.

Ava kept quiet, playing with her fingers. Clearly anxious, but never rushing.

She was so fucking good to me.

I didn't want to tell her a thing about two years ago, because she loved me and... this would send her packing. Maybe. She hadn't slammed a door in my face when she found out about my extra-curricular activities.

This though... It was different. I hadn't slept with those models willingly. What happened had been totally on me. I'd allowed it. Not aware of hidden cameras, but I'd conceded to it.

"You don't need to do this—"

"Yes. I do." I met her gaze. "I don't want to. But I have to. Would I be doing this if Catherine hadn't popped up?" Sooner or later, I would've. "Probably not. The point is, she's here and you'll be seeing her... a lot." I cursed my mother for that.

"See? That's what I'm talking about. I don't want to poke a wound you're not ready to open, it's clear you and Catherine had something complicated." Her brown, soft eyes looked down. "I know I wasn't the first girl who you met..." She rubbed her arms.

Eyes popping outta my skull I leaned her way, "What? No. Ava, it's not what you think. Me and her... what we had was not complicated. It was actually very simple." Too simple and hurtful. Bitterness sparked my veins, I vividly recalled the morning after... it. "Ava..." I whispered turning, placing a knee on bed. "This—what happened—I never told anyone. Only Gabe."

Bambi's pupils shone intensely, like amber under sunlight. That gave me strength.

"When I was fourteen, my mom had a meltdown of some sort. No one ever knew because she went to a house we have on the countryside. Dad said she was too overwhelmed with the competition." I snorted. "She came back a year later, full of new ideas, not only for collections." I saw her eyebrows furrow. "One day, I was dropping off some papers she'd left home and I met Catherine. She'd just been hired and..."

Ava shifted, "And she was a bombshell. I saw her, Trip, okay? She's super hot."

My eyes softened, "So are you. Everyone sees your beautiful, babe."

"I don't care what everyone thinks," Ava sighed. "I care about what you think."

I rested my elbows on my knees. "I think you're breathtaking." Her cheeks pinched in a ruddy shade. "Believe me, she has a nice exterior but the inside is terrible. Catherine isn't a good person. Anyway," Before I lost my courage, I wheeled my ass back on track. "Catherine was seventeen and every guy wanted to it that—I wasn't an exception." I'd felt proud back then; telling her now... All I felt was shame. I actually felt myself shrink. "We spent some time together, talked—"

I shrugged not knowing how to explain the real issue. Blowing out a long breath, I ran fingers back and forth my hair. Was this hyperventilation? My chest was dead-weight, every time I tried inhaling, it failed.

"This is hard..." I hissed screwing my eyes shut. "I thought... I knew her. I thought..." I had no idea. "I thought that I was in love with her." My ears didn't miss Ava's sharp intake. "One night, I went out with Gabe—some bar—when I got to my bedroom... Catherine was there. On my bed." And hormones had trampled me like a herd of Water buffaloes. "I was a fifteen year-old virgin. She was there." I heaved a dry laugh. "Just lying on my bed—naked. I didn't think. At all." My throat felt blocked—I took a deep breath through my nose.

Raising my head had never been more difficult. Our eyes shared a passing look. No judgment. I hadn't reached the bad part yet, so.

"Do you know what bondage is?" my voice came out so small Ava leaned forward, brows squinting. "Bondage? Have you heard of it?"

There was a fleeting pang of humor as my girlfriend gave me a are-you-serious glare.

"Have you been to a bookstore lately? Fifty Shades of Grey sold over ninety million copies worldwide." For a second, tension dropped enough for my mouth to hang open. Ava tsked looking away. "I read magazines... geez."

Whatever, "So you know what it is." She nodded slowly, a ghost of fear back in her eyes. Well, there was no turning back. Sink or swim. "Half-way outta my clothes Catherine said the idea turned her on—she asked if I was... if I was okay with it." I rubbed my wrists on instinct as dark flashes haunted my shattered brain. "I wanted her so bad... I didn't think about anything. She had... rope... she... she bond my wrists..."

Dropping my head into my hands, I struggled to deafen the noises from that night, from the unzipping of my fly, the plights for her to untie me, to my release. I fought hard not to feel the burn of synthetic rope over my skin, the after-cuts—

"I didn't touch her the entire time." I mumbled massaging down my face. "I wanted her to feel good, I did what she wanted me to do, I thought..." I loved her. She loved me. I'd been such a blind idiot. "Doesn't matter. I hated it. All the way. She untied my hands when it was over. I don't—I don't remember falling asleep, but I did and when I woke up... When I woke up she was gone."

Bed springs whined and I knew she was squirming closer. I couldn't look at her, though. A rough laugh bubbled up.

"That day my mom asked me to her office." My fist curled in coiled rage. "You know what she showed me?" I saw Ava's chocolate hair shake. "Me and Catherine. Our sex vid." I tilted towards her, watching as a winded expression overtook her beautiful face lines.

I didn't want to tell her anymore. But I'd come this far. I couldn't stop myself from having a bad case of verbal diarrhea.

"My mother promised Catherine she'd become the face of Lovet if she seduced and filmed us having sex—not just sex, it had to be something compromising. Something that would ruin my life if it ever came out. Catherine put a spy-camera somewhere before I got home." My jaw clenched. "You don't see her face during the entire thing, you see everything else, though. Full R-rated shit."

Hell, you could make out my blue eyes in the darkness!

"That's when my mom gave me a choice. Either I slept with girls she wanted to... loosen up, or that video hit the Internet—worldwide." New York would be bad enough. All my life was centered here. "Of course I said yes to the first option. Ha, wasn't really a sea of possibilities."

My vocal chords numbed, shutting down. There, done. She knew everything now.

The world felt quiet, not just inside her bedroom, her house, the outside didn't seem to exist like we were floating in the great, vast space where sound didn't follow. My heart rate was such a mess waiting on her.

A minute slugged by us and I would take a monosyllable if that was all she had. Anything. Just no more silence, it was killing me.

"Say something," I hushed nearly broken. Hotness poked me everyplace. Nothing. "Any words are better than no words—"

Her palm ran over my cheek, turning my face over. I had no idea how she did it, but Ava kept stealing my breath away.

Shaking her head, she knelt beside me the bed sunk making us close up.

"What do you think I'm going to say, Thomas? That because you have a blackmailing mother and a backstabbing ex-girlfriend I don't love you anymore?" my eyes danced away from hers, my mouth sat in a white line—both hands gripped my face forcing me to look at her. "I don't want to run away just because you had a shitty past—something that wasn't even your fault. You said it yourself, you were fifteen! I'm not going to judge you for being yourself, for trying to make things better for her. It's who you are," she bit her lip. "You're a nice person—you care about others. It's one of the reasons why I fell in love with you." A hand moved up, caressing the bangs of my hair—my eyes drifted closed. "I don't ever want to lose you." She whispered moving closer, onto me. I let her.

Each of her legs were on either side of mine. Ava straddled me gently, pressing our heads together. My hands were shaking badly when I brought them to her hips.

She never wanted to lose me. Hysterical laughter would've ensued, but Ava's mouth slipped on top of mine. I was being too lucky at love to ever play cards again. A million times have a merry love life with her than getting a royal flush.

Ava smoothed down my hair, tipping forward. Her hips rocked against mine. We fell back, bed squeaking. My lungs burned for air but the addiction that were her kisses had me hooked 'till the last second.

I drew in a shaky one. Nudging her nose, I opened my sapphires. Brown hair fell around our faces making for a very confining curtain. Like we were in our little private cocoon.

No DVD, no Catherine, no mom.

Just me and her.

Ava braced her weight on an arm, tracing my jaw.

"I should tell you a few more things..."

She shushed me with a chaste kiss. "Tell me later."

It all came crashing down. Desire overtook shame, overtook self-disgust. My hands rode up her back, sinking to the delicate skin on her neck. A strangled moan left when Ava's leg rested between mine.

"So hot..." Ava whispered as my hand slid down her leg, rubbing behind a knee. "Ah, Trip..." she groaned pushing closer.

I kissed her neck liking her more with each moment, adoring her innocence. She was experiencing intimacy with me—I was her first everything. Such a major turn on. She tasted my lips inch by inch, muscles tensed—went limp. A total blood rush.

Bambi made a wonderful sound when my feather kisses reached the hollow of her throat. I hit replay. Again. And Again. It was like discovering a new favorite song.

She stared through long lashes. "Tease,"

"You love it." She smiled cutely, I cupped her cheek. "What?"

Ava flushed against my palm.

"I want to make you feel good, too." Truth glinted making me shudder. She cared about me even after finding out. "Tell me what you like?"

Easy one. "You," I sighed. "Anything you do to me, I'll enjoy. As long as it's you." Shit. If she wanted to tie me up, I'd let her. If Gabe knew, he'd drop a boulder on me.

The moment became fractured into pleasure with Ava's knee pressed to my crotch, moving in circles. It was outpaced, not professionally done. It was so fucking off the scale. Left me panting.

I caged her to my chest feeling stiff already—I saw admiration as she looked below, then amusement.

"You like that?" I brushed her hair, lips on her chin.

"Mmm," I met her lobe. "Let me do you."

She held her breath. My hand coursed down her stomach, running around her navel, then passed her jean's waist band. A sharp one left her when I undid their fly.

"I want to show you just how crazy you drive me." I popped the button so my hand would fit.

"Thomas..." she grasped my forearms when I touched her panties, sliding my finger slowly, to a lower spot—Ava braced her hand against my chest, thrusting her hips against me.

"The simple thought of you..." I massaged her placidly, feeling her wet up. "Makes me a fucking mess. It's exactly how you're feeling now." I loved her touch—anywhere she touched was like a nuclear plant of ecstasy blew up in my veins.

"Tell me..." I breathed over the curve of her neck. "When to stop."

Ava arched like no other girl had done before. Our positions swiftly turned. I watched with delight and lust as she pushed back on her mattress, throwing her head like she was being whipped but instead of pain, it brought her satisfaction.

She lifted her gravity center off bed, forwarding herself closer to me. I was fully palming her.

"...don't..."

Roger that. I heightened the friction, moving down to nip her mouth. Ava's fingers grabbed my shoulders pulling me to her. Her mouth pressed behind my ear, running down—sucking. My arms balked, I slipped onto her making Ava giggle and moan.

"That's a nice sound..." I husked between a smile. "Baby, you need to slow down—" I wasn't made of iron. This was supposed to be a make out, not foreplay for more.

With her I wanted to take it slow.

My neck prickled coldly as her lips severed contact. Slow was looking very dull. I had to cut this short.

I rubbed above her silk panties, Ava carved her nails in me. She was close—I moved my heel a little higher and watched her head shoot up. Bambi called out my name with a heaving chest.

She slumped on bed, relaxed. Her hair spread around her head like a dark halo. I took a minute to make sure I wouldn't suffer an accident if I moved. Rolling over, I found some strength to pull Ava, leaving her head to rest on my shoulder.

I was aware of every loving breath she took. I'd made that happen. A slinky, happy feeling exploded in my chest.

"...that was... really something..." she murmured and I chuckled burying my nose into her hair.

Keeping her awfully close, I whispered, "First time?"

Squirming carefully, not touching my throbbing center, Ava looked up. "You're the first guy I... hmm... felt attracted like this. So, yeah." The first. I liked that.

"You never explored south on your own?"

"Nope..." a blush made Ava look down. "Are you okay?" No. I felt like a dam about to burst; but I wasn't about to force her to get me off.

"It'll... go away." When I got myself away from her and locked myself in a bathroom.

She arched a brow, "I can—"

"No," I cut off, grabbing both her hands strongly. "You don't have to do anything. Especially when you're not ready." And she wasn't. Ava was looking at my crotch like a baby stared at book.

No idea what to do with it. And I was okay with that, when she was ready, I'd walk her through. But not right now.

"We should probably stop touching, then." She began pulling away. I thought about stopping her, but I knew if my friend swelled another inch I'd lose it. "This enough?"

Ava was turned on her side, at arm's length. I nodded not really thinking about what she said.

Her face became tainted with rage, "Your mother's a bitch." A humorless laugh left me. "I can't promise I won't lose it when I see her face—or Catherine's."

I winced, "Please do. I don't want my mom to have motives to end our arrangement." Hell knew she would. "Just do what I do, ignore."

"How can you ignore something like that? It's abuse, Thomas! And blackmail. They're monsters."

My eyes pinched painfully.

"I should've told Catherine no, I didn't ever think that..." breaking our no touching-rule, Ava took my hand. My fingers had a little stickiness, she blushed furiously. I tangled them. "I wish I'd met you sooner."

"Me, too." She meant it. "But it wasn't your fault. It's theirs." Ava sighed heavily, eyes going from pure, to angry. "You're her son, how could she do that? That woman should be in jail. Does your father know?"

"No," I ground out. "I never told him. Mom said she'd release it if I did—if I told anyone." I turned over looking at her ceiling. "Not that I would ever tell him. I'm too ashamed of it." Her mouth kissed the back of my hand. Ava's breath kept running over my wrist. "You're not angry?"

"Of course I'm angry—" she stopped. Seeing a spark of fear on me. "Well, no—not at you, Trip! It's them. How could you think I'd be angry with you?" shaking her hair away, Ava inched for me. "I would never be mad at you. This isn't your fault, you couldn't have known your own mother would set up something so horrible—!"

Deep down, I knew I couldn't have known. Still, hearing her say those words...

"You are..." I grinned, beside myself. "You're really amazing, you know? If I wasn't in love with you this second, I would've fallen right here and now." I pulled her up close kissing her on the forehead. "You know what?"

"What?" she was smiling slightly.

"I think I fell a little harder."

"Really?"

"Yep. Wanna hear something even crazier?" her other hand stood on my chest. I shook massively. "I want to fall in so deep I'll never be able to fall out."

She burst into giggles and I wanted to record that sound. Because I knew I had to head home soon. Or self-control would be damned.

"Ava, you probably already know this—"

"I won't tell anyone. God, Trip, it's me. I'm a chamber of secrets, you know that." I did.

"Don't even mention it to—"

"Ms. Coleman? I know." Could she be any more perfect? "Thomas?"

"Yeah?" I tucked in a loose hair.

"Would it... really ruin your life?"

A dark shadow crossed my eyes. "Yeah, baby, it would. No Ivy league College would take me, they're all high on morals and values. The Upper East Side has more depravation than any other place I know of. Most people put up appearances, that's all. If that vid got leaked people would think I was into that sort of thing—" I stopped running a hand down my wary face. "I worked really hard on my grades, Ava. I want to attend Yale with Gabe. I like living here. I want to have a life of my own—here."

Nodding mutely, she pecked my lips.

When I got into my SUV my mind got split. I was pretty sure I was going to have to pull over—maybe a parking lot. I wasn't going to make it home. And I was left wondering, why had Ava been put in a shrink?