Happily Never After

I didn’t know who I was anymore. I didn’t like the person I was becoming. After two months, it was the middle of December, the Pens were doing great this season, and I had been seeing Max almost every day. I felt dirty, like I couldn’t get clean. There wasn’t anything that I could do either. I couldn’t stop seeing Max, because somewhere deep down, I knew he was falling for me, he just didn’t know it yet. Did I have feelings for Max? That was the million dollar question. If I did have feelings for Max, then I wouldn’t have found myself sitting in my living room tipsy, shocked, confused, and hating every ounce of the person I was becoming.

It was easy in October, it was sort of easy in November, and then one night in the beginning of December, Max and I were sitting in my living room, watching some stupid movie, not really paying attention, when his phone rang. It was Kris. The few times I had talked to him, my attraction for him had grown with each conversation. That scared me so bad. I also managed to learn a few things about him in the mean time. He was dating the girl he met in high school. He was in love with her and he wanted to propose over Christmas. The only downfall was he thought she was cheating on him, but he just loved her so much, he thought he could look past it since he never could prove it. He was kind of shy, and was unsure of his English, but a generally nice person. He was nothing like Max, and even worse, nothing like me.

When Max received a phone call from Kris, he hurried and spoke some words in French, and he hung up. “I have to go beautiful.” He said and stood up, and kissing me gently he left. He didn’t say why, and he didn’t call for three days. A little bird named Jack had told me that Kris finally broke it off with her, and he wasn’t taking it well. He had been staying with Max, and he was playing like shit according to Jack. I didn’t know what to think about this. I was happy. What kind of sick person was I? I was happy that the man I was crushing on was heartbroken. I sat on my small deck sipping some hot coco. Max had invited me to his game tonight, but I told him that I had to get ready for a dance recital my kids were putting on at the studio for Christmas. I was ready for the recital. I had been ready for two weeks, and that’s where I found myself lying yet again.

I walked into my bedroom and looked at my phone. “Call me.” It was a simple text from Max. I looked at the clock. He sent it five minutes ago. I wasn’t sure what on earth he could want, but I picked up my phone and called. “Hey.” I breathed when he answered. I could hear the sound of music in the background. “I am gonna stop over.” He said and I blinked and looked at the wall, he knew that I was busy tomorrow and didn’t want to be up too late. “Um, ok? You know you don’t have to call or anything right?” I asked confused, since when did he call and want permission. “Well the thing is, I told Tanger he could come too. I hope that is ok.” He said and I looked down at my appearance. I looked like I was ready for bed. Sweat pants and a thermal shirt. This just wouldn’t do. “Sure, um how long until you boys get here?” I asked and prayed that I had a few minutes to throw something on. It didn’t matter how many times Max told me he liked it best when I looked lazy. He said it makes him remember why I was so beautiful. Max really was good with words, after all, he knew how to play, but so did I. “We are pulling up now.” He said and I felt my eyes widen. There goes looking good out of the window. “Ok.” I said and stood up and unlocked the door. “Doors unlocked, bye.” I said and hung up the phone.

I looked across my living room at Kris. He looked like shit. I wanted to voice just how bad he really looked but I felt like that would be pointing out the obvious. I was sure at this point everyone was pointing that out to him. The apartment was filled with an awkward silence. I didn’t like it. “Max and I are going to get our Christmas tree tomorrow; did you want to come along?” I blurted out. I wasn’t sure where that came from. Max and I weren’t going to get a Christmas tree, and by the look on Max’s face, he was as surprised as I was. Tomorrow I had dance until 4, and then I was supposed to go straight to my parent’s house for dinner. “Like a live tree?” He asked and looked at the two of us. “No, I don’t want a real tree, I was thinking something fake.” I said and he looked thoughtful for only a second and then his eyes filled with such sadness, I felt terrible. “Marie and I were supposed to have a live tree this year.” He said and looked down. “I asked her about it in October, I wanted to go get one, since our families were supposed to come down here to celebrate.” I looked down at my glass of wine, and then to Max, begging him with my eyes to help me out here. He smirked, he wasn’t going to help. I think he knew about my crush on his heartbroken friend. “What time were we doing that again doll?” He asked his voice laced with a fake sweetness that an idiot could pick up on. “After 5.” I mumbled. “You two go, that’s something that boyfriends and girlfriends do, and I would be a third wheel, kind of like now.” He said and I blinked. He so wasn’t the third wheel, Max was. As soon as I thought it, I felt terrible. There I was being this awful person again. “No, so not true, we love spending time with you, um, you know it’s always fun.” I stuttered. Since when did I stutter and stumble over my words?

Something must be wrong with me. That is the only logical excuse I could come up with. Something was wrong with me. I have become someone I am not. Some bug must of crawled into my ear one night while I slept, and it must of lodged itself into my brain, and I was a losing a few signals, like a filter on my mouth. I could not believe for the life of me why on god’s green earth would I ever blurt something like that out. “She’s a slut anyway.” Thank god Max jumped in and saved me, claiming I was really on my 7th glass of wine, and not my 2nd, because if looks could kill, I am positive that Kris is guilty of murder.

“Why don’t you head out?” Max said tossing him the keys. Kris caught them, threw me one more glance and left. “That was so awful.” I mumbled. Max nodded and sat down across from me and took my small hands into his large ones. “Let’s be honest yeah?” He said and I looked at him and nodded. “You are crushing on my best friend.” He said and I looked down. “You are using me aren’t you?” He asked and I was wide eyed and shocked. He was on to my game, yet he didn’t sound mad. “I’m using you to.” He said quietly. “Huh?” I said and my head whipped up. “Everyone thinks that I have been staying over here all the time, at night.” He said and I nodded. “Jack kept asking me about that. I just chose to ignore him.” I said and he sighed. “Thing is, we need each other.” He said and I looked up at him, confused as to what he could mean. “Huh?” I asked again, seems that bug that crawled into my ear, has now chewed up the part of my brain that controlled speech. “Everyone thinks that we are dating.” He said and I nodded. He was right. Everyone thought that we were together. “Truth is, I have a girl.” He said and looked me in the eye. “She knows about you, it was her idea.” He said and now it was my turn to feel hurt and used. “What are you getting at?” I asked and looked up at him. “You need to keep Kris close, and away from me.” He said and I looked at him like he was crazy. “Please don’t tell me you thought I actually was falling for you? Don’t get me wrong, you are a beautiful girl, just not my type. I like them easy.” He said and grinned. “Who is she?” I asked and looked at him. “Kris’s ex.” He said and I looked at him wide eyed. “I think we can make an arrangement.” I said and he grinned at me.