This is the End of Everything

I woke up in the morning curled up in Daryl's Arms, neither of us had clothes on. I rubbed my eyes and tried to move slowly so I wouldn't wake him up. I looked over and Daryl had his eyes open. I sat up and stretched out. I turned and looked at Daryl, I couldn't think but how hot he looked with his messy hair and sleepy eyes.

"I see someone is a light sleeper" I said scratching my head.

"I see someone looks beautiful" Daryl said with a small smile.

"The sun isn't even up yet, and you're just making me want to jump on you" I said laughing.

"Well we could...." Daryl said looking away.

"I have to get up and go with Andrea, we have to go on a run for some clothes. Sorry, looks like you'll have to wait until next time" I said grabbing some clothes.

I could feel Daryl outlining the scars on my back. I pulled on my shirt, it was cut up on the sides, I grabbed some jeans and pulled on my doc martins. I sat facing Daryl and looked down at my tattoo covered arms. Each tattoo was carefully thought out and planned. I knew Daryl had some too, I didn't know if I should ask about his tattoos. I grabbed a cigarette and offered one to Daryl He took it and we just sat in silence. It wasn't awkward, but it was comfortable.

"I guess I should go find that blonde jerk" I said getting up. "Merle was looking for you last night, I told him I didn't know where you were" I said.

"Don't get lost, I don't feel like looking for ya" Daryl said nodding as I walked out.

Seems like things will stay the same. I found Andrea and asked her if she was ready to go. Amy and Hailee were still asleep. This was the time to leave, Andrea had no choice in saying no, and Amy couldn't stop her from going. We walked over to a car and got in, we hadn't said much since we got in the car.

"So you know how much stuff we need to get?" I asked Andrea

"Yeah, I figured we can get enough clothes for everyone, there's a little town not far from here, and we can get some gas on our way" Andrea said.

"Sounds good to me" I said turning and looking out the window.

"So you and the Dixon brothers getting along? I never thought I'd see the day they were nice to someone" Andrea said looking over at me.

"Hey, we all need friends these days, those boys aren't as bad as any of us thought" I said shrugging.

"Well I'm glad at least someone would rather show them the time of day. I know I don't need to waste my time on them" Andrea said.

Oh how I really am starting to hate her. I just shook my head and kept looking out the window. We pulled up close to the town. We got out of the car and walked inside slowly. It seemed like the walkers had moved out of this town for now. We both knew we couldn't make any noise.

"You go look for the girl clothes, I'll get clothes for the boys. Did you get any sizes?" I asked Andrea. She handed me a piece of paper. We walked in different directions.

I found a men's clothing store and ran in. I found a bag and grabbed it, I got a few new pairs of clothes for Shane, Daryl, Merle, Morales, Dale, Kevin, Mark, T-dogg, and Carl. I guess I should be somewhat nice and grab some clothes for Ed. I tried to get a good variety so they could pick and choose what they wanted. I grabbed wireless razors for the guys in case they wanted to shave. I walked out of the store and didn't see Andrea yet, I walked over to the gas station and found more cigarettes, I grabbed a few more bottles. I looked over and saw there was still some energy drinks left over. I grabbed them. I needed something to keep my mind from going back to doing drugs. I walked back to the car, Andrea was still not back, I threw the bag into the car and walked in the direction she went off into. I wasn't sure if I was going to run into a bunch of walkers. I wondered around looking into the stores. I saw Andrea.

"What's taking so long?!" I asked in a hushed whisper.

"I couldn't decided on what to get! I already got Carol, Sophia, Hailee, and Jacqui out of the way. though!" she said.

"Could you take any longer, get what you and Amy need and lets go." I said grabbing my own clothes, and grabbing some for Hailee. I grabbed a pair of converse because I really wanted them.

Andrea finally hurried and she we ran back to the car. I was just glad we hadn't run into any walkers. We drove back to camp in silence. It was probably around noon when we got back to camp. I got out and pulled out the bags of clothes. I threw the men's bag in their little circle, for once it was all the boys together. They nodded and began to look through what I had brought. Andrea walked over with the girls bag, we dug through the clothes, I grabbed what I had gotten for myself. I walked back to my tent and laid down on my sleeping bag. It was definitely time for a nap. I fell asleep and woke up to Merle poking his head in my tent.

"You better have a good reason for waking me up" I said looking at Merle with one eye open.

"Thought you might want some of what I found" Merle said holding up the bag.

"I don't know, I'm sleepy though" I said laying my head back down. I heard some leaves crunching behind the tent. It had to be Daryl listening in.

"Awww come on, we need to have our bonding time!" Merle said getting in and sitting next to the door.

I motioned to the back of the tent. "Maybe later. And after being stuck with Andrea I may need some. But I'll let you know later."

"All the more reason to do it now! But if yer sure, I guess I'll just do my usual thing and we can still have our bonding moment." Merle said pulling out his drug of choice.

"K, have fun" I said pulling the covers up.

"No your stayin and talkin with me. So what about you and my baby brother?! Did he do it?!" Merle asked sounding like a high school girl.

"You sound like a high school girl, go ask your brother" I said yawning.

"Well then why are ya so tired, and why is he in a good mood?!" Merle asked snorting some of what ever he had.

"Dunno, maybe Daryl had fun with himself" I said trying not to laugh or smile. Merle would be able to tell something happened easier if I did that.

"Then tell me sweetheart, why do you have hickies, and why does he have scratch marks on his back?" Merle asked with a smirk.

"You're lying" I said looking at him.

"Fraid not darlin" Merle said pointing towards my mini mirror.

I grabbed it and looked, Merle was right. I sighed and looked at him. I knew he wouldn't say anything, but I still felt like I needed to tell him.

"You don't say shit to ANYONE, and if you do I swear to god I'll kill you!" I said glaring at him.

"I won't say nothin to anyone. Sides I don't need to, everyone will already know!" Merle got up and threw the small bag at me.

"Tell NO ONE" I said glaring at him and putting the small bag into one of my boots.

Merle nodded and walked away. I laid there staring at my shoes. This was the first time Merle had actually given me the bag. He usually keeps it and rations it out for me. I was afraid that I might do it all right then and there. I heard a grunt, I looked up and Daryl was standing in the doorway.

"Whats up?" I asked looking at him.

"Merle give you a present?" he asked looking towards my boots.

"Uhh...yeah. I mean I haven't touched it...yet" I said still staring.

"Keep it that way" Daryl said with a stern look.

"You can't baby sit me all the time" I said being serious.

It was almost dinner time, Daryl zipped the tent closed behind him. He came over to me and kissed me like he meant it.

"Do I need to take yer mind off of it?" He asked.

I couldn't help but agree, I definitely make me forget about what was in the boot. After we finished we got dressed again and Daryl headed out first. I heard Shane yelling for everyone to gather around. I walked out and stood next to Hailee who I could tell wanted to say something about the hickies on my neck. I gave her a look and she knew exactly what it means.

"Listen up, we just got a transmission, a man, heading into Atlanta, we need to stop him. I need some volunteers to go. We just need you to get in, find him, and bring him back. I'm sure he'll be stopping for the night. You leave first thing at sunrise." Shane said. Everyone looked at Glenn first.

"I'll go with" T-dog said, a few others volunteered.

I didn't need to go to the city, it was too dangerous, and besides I had a lot of staring and hoping to do when I got back to my tent. We all ate dinner in what seemed like a dreadful silence. I finished my plate and walked back to my tent. I stared at the boots once more. I wasn't sure if i could handle myself. I sighed and grabbed the boots, if I did it all know I wouldn't have to worry about it. I slowly opened it. A hand grabbed the bag and pulled it away. It was Daryl, he just looked at me. I felt like a deer caught in headlights. I didn't know what to say, I felt like I needed it. I wasn't going to even try to reach for it.

"I thought we had an agreement" He said looking at me.

"Well what do you expect when you put something like that right in front of me??" I asked looking at him.

"Well then let's try this, either you finish this off tonight and tomorrow if it's still there, we're throwing it in the lake right now" Daryl said being serious.

"Can I just have it and you can come back in the morning and decide my fate?" I asked holding my hand out.

"You decide then, I can't always be tryina baby sit you" Daryl said handing it back and walking out.

Now I don't even want to do it anymore, just that little conversation made me feel bad. What am I going to do? I guess a little wouldn't hurt, and then tomorrow just throw the rest. But I really don't want to have to go through the withdraw, physically it isn't bad, but emotionally is what always gets me. I can't deal with being depressed, or the anxiety, and I feel like I need to sleep, but when I try I just can't. There was so many factors in this. On the plus side since the city is going done with, I won't ever be able to find it. I laid in my tent staring at the roof. Did I really want to face my reality? Did I want to bring back all my demons that I hid away with this drug? Was it worth it to finally confront everything? Would this just make me feel weak and helpless if I just stop? All these things running through my head, right now I wish Merle was here to talk to. I guess I should go and find him, maybe I can just talk to him without needing to do anything. I grabbed the little bag and stuffed it into my pocket, I went looking for Merle, Daryl was talking with Shane, I checked the tent, Merle wasn't there. I went down to the lake, I saw Merle sitting next to the water. I walked over and sat next to him.

"You comin over here to actually bond with me?" Merle asked throwing a rock into the lake.

"I don't know, Daryl gave me a choice, either I can throw this in the lake now, and if I do there's no going back, or I can do it now, and if there's anything left we throw it. I just don't know what to do" I said rubbing my face.

"Well, we can have one last go with our secret bonding time and then I guess we'll have to get used to just me being the fucked up on" Merle said looking over at me.

"yeah I guess, I just don't know, After Daryl said that it made me feel bad, and I'm so torn, I guess I just don't want to face reality." I said trying to decide.

"Well if it makes ya feel better we can go off into the woods and do it, and when we get back no one has to know" Merle said patting my arm.

"Well I guess let's go then" I said standing up and waiting on Merle.

I guess this means this is the last time I'll be doing any sort of drugs for a while. I'm still amazed I managed to stay away from painkillers or anything like that, but then again I like feeling like I'm on top of the world. The feeling it gave me, like I could do anything. I guess it's time to say good bye to my crutch.