The Most Unexpected Faces

CHRIS’S POV

~

Zander led me outside and well away from the bus, where yells were still emanating from. His arm was wrapped securely around my waist as he directed me towards a closed off area near one of the smaller stages, which would not be used until a few hours time. Off to the side, there were several large cases and pieces of equipment in large square boxes. Because of their contents, the boxes were very strong, and – as I had found out due to my occasional laziness – can be used as seats. We both climbed on top of a large, empty, black container that had a large enough top for us both to fit comfortably on. That was definitely a good thing, because I really needed to talk and we could easily have been there a while.

The wind picked up ever so slightly, causing Zander’s inky black fringe to fly across his face, obscuring his vision and making him wave his hands around in an attempt to brush it back against the wind. Despite the tears still lingering on my cheeks, I smiled; Zander just had that effect on me.

“So, what the hell happened back there?” he asked, crossing his ankles and leaning back on one hand with his head turned so he could see me without the wind throwing his hair in his face.

Because of how many events and different things what just happened was linked to, I couldn’t just tell him one segment of the story. I had to start from the beginning, right back to when we first joined the tour and I started to realise I was having more than friendly feelings towards C.C. Soon enough, it felt like everything inside of me, every pent up emotion, every complex feeling, every confusing action and every misinterpreted word was spilling from me. I was laying out my feelings in plain sight, not hiding them in cryptic gestures of half told stories and whilst I did feel a little vulnerable, I also felt lighter. Like somehow - by telling Zander all of this - the weight of the problems didn’t seem as much.

Whatever could be told as separate tales just merged into one long chain of events, starting with experiencing an attraction to C.C, to Ashley’s accusations, to Andy and I’s conversation, to the accidental kiss, to the interruption, to the screaming and the shouting and the fighting and the crying and the way I now can’t think of CC without picturing him and Jake and so on and so forth. Throughout the good hour I was talking in constant flow for, Zander sat by me, not interrupting, just listening to everything I had to say. When I got teary over some of the more sensitive parts of the story, he grasped my hand in his, rubbing the top of my thumb with his. When parts that made me angry made me raise my voice he rubbed my arm soothingly. In the form of little gestures, he stood by me as I poured my heart out, offered support in ways others could only with words. Once I was finally finished and eventually run out of words to speak, he pulled me into a gentle hug, wrapping his hoodie clad arms around my waist and rocking me very gently as I took deep breaths.

“Why can’t it just be simple?” I asked in conclusion, burying my head into the crook of his neck. Whatever fabric conditioner he used to wash his hoodie smelt really nice and comforting, hence I was actually quite reluctant to pull my head back. I did though when I felt his cool fingers lightly cup the edge of my jaw and tilt my head up towards him.

“You just have to think of everything as separate issues, work out how you feel about each one and then, sort of, let them go, I guess. You haven’t done anything wrong, at least not intentionally, so just relax and right now, think about yourself. Not about pleasing Andy or Ashley or being upset about CC or Jake, just focus on making yourself happy. Things can be simple, you know?”

As his speech came to an end, his voice gradually got softer and quieter until he was just murmuring. Shortly after he finished, I realised just how close he was to me; in fact, his pink lips were just centimetres from my own. Acting on pure impulse and instinct, I leant in at the same time he did and our lips joined gently. I gripped the front of his hoodie slightly tighter as the kiss intensified and I leant into his body more, letting him hold me gently. It was quite a shock to be kissing him, actually; in fact, it brought back a lot of old thoughts and emotions. In a way, I couldn’t believe it. Zander Petra was kissing me and that was definitely something I'd never thought would happen and even something my sixteen year old self wanted. Yes, I used to have a thing for him, and not just a little crush, I was full out in love with him. But at the time, we were just best friends and he had a boyfriend who he would always talk about and be so close with; so I just gave up. After a year, I couldn't deal with loving him when he didn't have feelings for me back, soI tried to push him to the back of my mind and find someone else. It never really worked, feelings remained, well, that was until I met C.C. He was the first person in a while I'd developed actual feelings for besides Zander. Of course, I made the foolish mistake of thinking that C.C might like me back, only to find out that he's in love with Jake. Zander though, Zander who I always thought would never like someone like me, was kissing me, and all the feelings about him I'd forced myself to ignore just came flooding back to the surface.

Lost in euphoria, I just let myself focus on him and only him. I pushed all the BVB drama from my mind and thought only of the dark haired boy in front of me - who was holding me like I was something precious. He pulled me into his lap and looped his arms around my waist before breaking the kiss and leaning back slightly, looking into my eyes with a goofy smile on his face.

"Things can be simple if we want them to be, just you and me and no more relationship drama with people who we're not even with. Let CC and Jake do what they want and hopefully Ashley will back off and won't come down on Andy too hard about what happened, because, after all, it was an accident" he whispered, his warm lips brushing against my ear as he spoke.

For once, I didn't overthink or second guess the situation, I just went with what I wanted to say and threw any self-conscious doubt about why he would like me to the wind.

"Yes, I would like that very much" I replied, re-joining our lips because I already missed the contact and the way he tasted of raspberry from whatever drink he had earlier. "But I can't just forget about everyone elses relationships immediatly; from the way Ashley was yelling at Andy, they're going to be having an argument for at least a few days because of a mistake. I don't want either of them, particularly Andy to be upset. Knowing how Ashley can over react though, it's probable, so I need to fix the damage i've caused. Then, we'll be the only couple on my mind" I explained, twiddling the dangling strings on his hoodie between my fingers.

"That's fine, in fact it's really sweet that you want to make sure Andley over there-" he nodded in the direction of the Black Veil Brides tour bus "don't ruin their relationship". He brought his hands up to meet mine so that our fingers were entwined inbetween us.

Sixteen year old me would have been squeling and fan boying everywhere right then. But because I was now four years older and far more mature, I kept my displays of joy to acceptable levels which wouldn't make me seem like a crazy person (well, at least until I could go back to our staff bus, hide away in my bunk and giggle/blog about it).