Pretty Girl

I had been doing better, honestly. Despite throwing my medication down the toilet, the tension between Adria and me, as well as the escalating fights between my mom and I, I've been doing good. I can feel emotions, when I'm happy, oh man I am happy, and nothing is going to stop me. When I'm sad, which is more than I would like, I just know that soon the ride will be over and I can go back to feeling okay.

Teddy had stopped sleeping over, per Adria's request. She doesn't like how close we are. I couldn't blame her; I wouldn't want my boyfriend sleeping in the same bed as some girl that is better looking than me. But it hurt, because Teddy's mine and I'm his, and to see him choose her side over mine, made me sad.

I made new friends, or tried to me friendlier to the current friends I already had. I spent a lot of time with Courtney, the girl who threw the party. She's not so bad, she's really loud and gets excited about everything but it beats being the third wheel to the newest couple.

But today, it was just me and Teddy because Adria had some family coming in for Thanksgiving. I fold myself against Teddy while we lay in bed, late that night. "I've missed you," I murmur against his cotton tee shirt.

"You see me every day."

"It's not the same. Your attention is always elsewhere," I say bitterly.

"Well the world doesn't revolve around you."

"Your world used to."

"That's because I didn't have a life outside of you," I could feel his laugh against my cheek.

"Now it's all about Adria."

"She's having sex with me, so yeah, it's all about Adria."

"If you wanted to have sex, I would have had sex with you," I tell him truthfully. I would do anything to go back to being the center of his attention.

"That would be a very bad idea."

"Why? You don't think I'm attractive?"

Teddy sits up, pulling me with him. I watch as he shakes his head lightly, covering his face with both of his hands before looking at me. "You're very attractive," he promises.

"Who's better looking? Me or her?" I was probably digging myself my own grave but I wanted to know.

"Why does that matter?"

"Because it's important."

"I think you're both equally attractive," he tried saying but I shook my head. There could only be one answer. "You're very beautiful but-"

"But you think I'm crazy and too fat and not tall enough and wear too much clothing, to be attractive like Adria?"

"No!" Teddy said too defensively. "Why are you making this such a big deal? Why do you hate Adria so much?"

"I don't hate her," I try to say.

"That's bullshit."

"Fine, I don't like her. I think she's a whore."

"Well your opinion doesn't matter."

"It should! I'm your best friend, my opinion matters the most."

"Are you so desperate that you are trying to get me to break up with Adria just so you can keep me at your pity party forever? I don't want to be there, I don't want to take care of your psycho-self anymore."

"Take that back," I try to choke back the tears but there's no use.

Teddy shakes his head but apologizes. "Maybe we should take a break from each other," he says as he gets up out of the bed and puts on his shoes.

"What does that mean?"

"That means we're going to take a break from being friends for a bit."

"Does Adria want that?"

"No, it's what I want."

I watch him walk out of my room then I hear the front door slam shut. The roar of his engine tells me that he's really going, Teddy's gone.

I had been so strong, I'd been healthy. I was doing well. But I could feel the dam I had built around my emotions starting to break. I couldn't stop it, this was it. Teddy had been the only stable thing in my life and now that I no longer had him, I was going to get washed away.