Don't Wave No Goodbye

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” Nick asks for the sixth time this afternoon, watching Darcy carefully as she lounges across his floor with Lex beside her, belly up so that Darcy can scratch his tummy. Darcy lets out a mock exasperated sigh, rolling her eyes dramatically.

“Nick, once again, thank you but I can’t do that,” Darcy tells him. “It’s your time to be with your family, remember?”

“You’re family too,” Nick pouts as he shoves three sweaters into his bag sulkily. “Besides it’s going to be a truly touching affair, you don’t wanna miss it. There will be family bickering, my mum will call me three different names before my own, my siblings will show up any achievement I’ve ever had, my niece will say something hilariously offensive that I’ll get blamed for, and all my life choices will be questioned over a burnt chicken. Seriously, you don’t want to miss a Christmas with the Grimshaws, it’s an exciting event that can’t be expressed in words!”

Darcy laughs at this, rolling onto her back to look up at Nick through a grin. “You can be such a diva sometimes. And as fun as that all sounds – truly, I can’t believe I’m missing that – I can’t leave. I’m already signed on to do the Christmas Day morning show and if I cancel now, Claire might actually finally decide to kill me.”

Nick grimaces. “She has been rather stressed lately.”

“Only slightly!” Darcy jokes, making a face at the thought. “But hey, I’ll be fine!”

“I just don’t think it’s right that you’re spending Christmas alone,” Nick answers, not looking convinced. “I mean, nobody should have to spend Christmas alone, that’s bollocks! I’d take my bloody family listing everything I pronounce wrong on air than spending the festive season alone.”

“Aww Nick, you can be sweet under all that sass! But honestly, everyone’s busy with their families over Christmas and my mum went and booked herself a bloody holiday to Fiji of all places instead of coming to visit – which is probably for the best – and I won’t be alone, there’ll still be people at the studio and whatever.”

Nick gives Darcy a look. “It’s not the same as spending it with the people you love and who love you. Maybe I’ll jet back home in the afternoon on Christmas day so we can spend the evening together, yeah?”

“No, Nicholas!” Darcy shouts, grabbing a pillow to toss at him that he catches. “Don’t you dare. You don’t see your family enough as it is. For the last time, I will be absolutely okay. I’ve got half a season of Downtown Abbey and New Girl to watch, plus there’s a Nigella Christmas special on in the evening to occupy my time. I’ll get take out and make loud obnoxious comments that no one has to hear and all will be well.”

“It just doesn’t feel right,” Nick says finally, gesturing for Darcy to come sit on his over packed suitcase. She does obediently, jumping up on top of the case and watching as Nick struggles and swears to get the zip across.

“If I get lonely or whatever, I’ll call you and harass you until you hang up on me. Sound good?”

Nick finally gets the bag shut, throwing his hands up in victory before reaching out for a high five that Darcy happily gives him, sliding off the suitcase to look at his progress. Nick gives a final nod at Darcy’s suggestion. “Okay fine. I guess if you’re that desperate not to spend time with my family, that will have to do.”

“Glad we’ve got that sorted,” Darcy responds before looking out the window with a frown. “That weather is really packing in, looks bloody awful out there.” It’s only a few days until Christmas and the snow had already packed in, unusual for London but not at all uncommon.

Wrinkling his nose at this, Nick lets out a noise of annoyance. “It better not get any worse, some of us are important and have places to be,” Nick grumbles.

Darcy turns around to grin at Nick. “Like… out to lunch with their very famous boyfriend?” she asks innocently, before another thought occurs to her. “And hang on a minute, you’ve spend all bloody week whinging about the lack of snow and now that you’ve got it, you’re complaining about it ruining your plans!”

“I thought you’d know me better by now, young Darcy, I’m only happy when I’m bitching about something,” Nick says with a sniff while Darcy just laughs at this. “And yes, for your information, I do have a very important lunch date with my very important and famous boyfriend. Did I mention he’s famous? And important? And also my boyfriend?”

“Only a few thousand times,” Darcy replies dryly. “Although I am over the moon that you two got your shit together and are going to live happily ever after. I even got a congratulatory text from Aimee for getting you two to get a move on!”

“Please, you didn’t even have to put in the hard work!” Nick gripes, looking scandalised.

“I had to put up with you and your whining, that’s hard work at its finest, thank you,” Darcy shoots back, ducking away when Nick grins and tries to pinch at her sides. “Oi, no pinching please!”

Nick grins before moving his suitcase to the floor and sprawling across the now vacant space, waiting for Darcy to lie beside him before he grabs her hand in his, squeezing it gently. “So,” he starts slowly. “How are things going with you? I mean, really?”

“Nick…” Darcy whines, trying to look sad and put out but Nick is determined. “Seriously, I’m not broken up about any of this, I’m just… thinking. Making sense of it all and everything.”

“You’ve been thinking forever, there comes a time where you have to stop and just do,” Nick lectures. “I would know.”

“Yes, you’re a saint because your younger boyfriend took charge of the situation and forced you to tell him how you felt, you’re a visionary for all of us, praise!”

“Less sarcasm please, my dear,” Nick says through a smile. “Okay, okay, you’re right, I had a bit of help to get what I wanted but the bottom line is, in the end it all came down to the question of, can I live without you? It’s not about whether you don’t want to live without them but rather can you continue your life without them? Will there ever be a day where you look back and think, I didn’t actually need them after all. If you honestly care about someone and really want to be with them, then you know you can’t live without them. That’s where the answer lies.”

Darcy is silent at this, thoughtful. “I don’t know when you decided to go get so smart, but I think you’re right,” she says finally, turning to Nick with tears welling in her eyes. “I know that I need to make a decision, to come to terms with all this, but I’m scared about what the answer may be and what happens after that.”

“Hey, no, none of that,” Nick whispers, wiping away a stray tear with his knuckle gently. “It’s Christmas and at Christmas, you’re meant to be happy! And whatever decision you make, whatever you decide, I’m going to be there with you, okay? If you end up with Mr. Popstar or if you end up alone with fifty cats, you’ll always have me because for some god forsaken reason, I’ve grown quite attached to you Darcy Lewis, and I don’t think I’ll ever leave you alone.”

Darcy gives a watery laugh, moving closer to rest her head on Nick’s shoulder. “Somehow, that thought is comforting rather than daunting. Perhaps you’ve ruined me, Nicholas.”

“Probably, I’m rather good at that,” Nick says around a yawn.

“Hmm. Imagine how different my life would’ve been if I’d never met you this year, or if we hadn’t clicked as well as we did upon first meeting,” Darcy ponders, knowing that things would be so very different.

Nick shudders. “I hate to think. And listen, I’m going to be glued to my phone for updates so if you’re in the middle of an existential crisis, don’t hesitate to call.”

Darcy can’t help but laugh at this, nodding as she wipes at her eyes. “Okay, it’s the first thing I’ll do if I hit that point.”

“Good, good,” Nick says pleasantly, the two of them falling into a comfortable silence until Darcy can’t ignore whatever is nudging her hip and when she grabs it out from under her, a smile widens across her face.

“Erm Nick, isn’t this meant to be inside your suitcase?” she asks, waving around Nick’s toiletry bag that he eyes with the filthiest expression.

“Bloody hell!”

It takes another ten minutes of swearing and shoving to get the offending toiletry bag inside the already stuffed suitcase and by the time the zipper closes all the way, there’s a knock on the door signalling Louis’ arrival.

“Hey gorgeous,” Nick greets easily, letting Louis inside and waiting until the door closes before pulling his boyfriend into a kiss that Darcy makes a face of mock disgust at.

“Couples, hiss! Boo!”

Louis pulls away to shoot Darcy a grin. “Hey Darce, you alright?”

Darcy rolls her eyes with a grin. “I’m good, just not used to your sudden PDA all over the place. Too cute, though!”

“Hey, I have to spend a whole week away from this,” Nick gives Louis’ ass a generous squeeze, “so I think you can excuse my handsy ways, thanks,” Nick says, grinning wider when Louis gives a harassed squawk of protest.

“You know you only get away with half of the stuff you pull because you’re so fit,” Louis reminds him and Nick just gives a shrug.

“I think I can live with that,” Nick grins. “Right so I’m just going to go throw all my shit in the cab and then we can go for lunch, yeah? My flight’s at four, so we’ve got some time.”

Louis nods. “Sounds good! Think I’ll stay in here until you’re done, it’s freezing out there.”

“I see how it is, leave me to suffer! You are the worst boyfriend in existence, I’m breaking up with you right now,” Nick calls out dramatically while Louis makes an amused face.

“Please, you can’t live without me. Now hurry up, I’ve made reservations,” Louis demands, slapping at Nick’s bum to spur him on.

“Always so bossy, dear,” Nick mutters but he just looks so pleased, no one can take his mock annoyance seriously.

After watching with matching expression of enjoyment as Nick struggles to drag his luggage out into the snow, Louis turns to Darcy with a curious expression.

“So uh, what are your plans for Christmas?”

Darcy gives him an odd look but answers anyway. “Nothing much, just going to be working. You’re going to stay with your family up in Doncaster, yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s going to be great to see them,” Louis answers with a nod before his expression grows serious. “Look, I’m not about to get all preachy on you or anything but I just think you should know that just because it’s the end of the year, it doesn’t mean things are over. There’s still time for a miracle, you know, if the time is right. You just have to be brave.”

Darcy looks confused, about to ask Louis what the hell he’s even on about when Nick’s suddenly back in front of them, face pink from his struggle with the suitcase and the cold. “You ready to go or what?” Nick asks impatiently.

“Yeah, yeah, alright, keep your knickers on,” Louis answers easily.

Nick just grins at this before turning back to Darcy. “So you’re going to take Lex back to yours then? Don’t forget his lead and his squeaky hedgehog and – oh, if he gets that sort of gassy look on his face –“

“ – I should take him outside and not let him in for a few hours because it could be fatal, yes I know, you’ve told me three times already! Lex and I will be fine, I promise. I’ll send you daily updates to keep you sane, yeah?”

“You’re a lifesaver, Ms. Lewis,” Nick cries, leaning forward to place his hands on either side of Darcy’s head and kiss her forehead. “Merry Christmas, gorgeous. Call me if you need me, okay?”

“Yes, yes, I will, I promise! Just enjoy yourself, okay? Merry Christmas to you, too,” Darcy says happily, watching as Lex shoots outside to almost bowl Nick over and as Nick busies himself with saying goodbye to his dog, Louis turns to Darcy quickly, shoving an envelope into her hand with a secret smile.

“If the time is right,” he tells her again, before making his way towards Nick. “Come on you! Bye Lex, be a good boy for Darce, okay? See ya, Darcy! Merry Christmas!”

Darcy returns the sentiments, calling Lex back and hooking her fingers around his collar to prevent him from running after the two men as they climb into their cab and wave out the window. Lex whimpers even when the cab is out of side and it takes a few minutes to get Lex to come inside.

“I know how you feel, buddy,” Darcy says sympathetically, rubbing behind Lex’s ears as the dog looks up with large, sad eyes. “It sucks to be left behind, but that’s just how it is. At least we’ve got each other, right?”

Lex, as expected, says nothing, just keeps looking up at her pitifully and Darcy sighs. “Alright, let’s grab your things and head on back home. It’s gonna get dark soon and I don’t exactly want to fall into an ice cold pond or something.”

It’s not until she’s at her own flat with Lex all set up and snoozing by the fire that she remembers the envelope that she’d haphazardly shoved into her coat pocket in her haste to get back to her place. She pulls it out and notices there’s a message scrawled along the top right of the envelope corner in Louis’ god awful chicken scratch he calls writing.

Do not open until you’ve made a decision. The right one. – xL

Frowning, Darcy considers just opening it now to see what this is all about but something feels wrong about it, unsettling, and when she looks down at Lex, the dog is starting up at her with expectant eyes.

“What, so I shouldn’t open it yet, huh?”

Lex hides his face under his paws in response and Darcy sighs. “I guess you’re right. I cannot believe I’m taking advice from a dog but considering you’re all I have left…”

Darcy ends up placing the envelope in the small Christmas tree Nick had demanded she put up to get into the festive spirit even though she complained there’s no point, and decided to make herself some tea and start on her Downtown Abbey marathon early.