Will You Be There?
Chapter 7
~~It has been 4 weeks since Felix went missing. Ryan is devastated. He hasn't heard anything from the police, no one has called in to say anything. Ryan made a video to say that he is sorry to say but Felix has gone missing. The comments that where left where. . . Tragic. He has cried himself to sleep every night, he has resulted into cutting himself again, and every morning when he wakes up. . He seems to have that feeling. The feeling of loneliness and emptiness. Could things get any worse than this. . ?~~
**Ryan's POV**
I woke up the the same feeling, the same feeling I've had for two long and horrible weeks. I did what he did every morning, I would called Felix. And as usual, he wouldn't pick up. The feeling of terror that brought me every morning was incomprehensible. How could this be happening to me? I snicker, Forget about my damn self. What about Felix? Where could he be? Could he be hurt? Could he dying of hunger? Could he be. . No. He isn't. He can't be.
I looked at the time, 12:00 PM. I murmur, "Great." I pulled up my sleeve, I observe the rows of cuts on my arm, so many cuts, but somehow, there is still some room to give a few more scars. I expand my arm to the right and into the drawer, I rummaged through the papers and felt a metal object. I smiled, I had found my razor. I examined it as I pulled it out, there was dried blood on the tips and sides.I smirked, I got up and went to the bathroom to wash off the blood. I put my back against the wall and brought the razor to my wrist and cut. Again and again. Over and over. Until I heard the phone ringing. My head lifted quickly, I washed off my blood and ran to the kitchen. I picked up the phone, and with a too high-pitched voice I said, "Hello!"
The voice spoke, "Hello, is this Ryan?"
I nodded, then I remembered he can't see me, "Y-yes."
"This is Officer Robert. I am calling to tell you we have received new information on the case."
I gasped, "R-really?"
"Yes. We have researched and we found out the Felix and Marzia had this place where they would just spend time together. I have asked everyone they both knew, but they have never heard of it. And since you are Felix's best friend, we were wondering if you know where he is."
I crunched my face together, "He told me about it. But he gave me a more general idea. He just told me it was a house in the woods, it was a place where him and Marzia would hang out. Have sex, who knows? Does that help?"
He chuckled, "Yes. Yes it does. Thank you."
I hung up, could it possibly be that Felix might be found within the next few days. Although I was joyful for the news, there still wasn't a sure possibility that Felix would ever be found. I sat in the kitchen chair next to me, this whole ordeal felt like a horrible nightmare. But the scars on my wrist told me otherwise. I sniffed, I suddenly felt very out of it. I wander to my room, I crawled into my bed and put my head into my pillow, within a few seconds. I was dreaming.
~~Dream~~
I was sitting on the counter, looking despairingly at my coffee. I suddenly have this urge to look up and I see Marzia sitting in front of me, smiling. I blink in confusion, "Marzia. . . What are you doing here?"
She rolled her eyes, "Forget that. Let's talk about Felix."
I shifted in my chair, "W-what about him?"
"I know he has done some thing while I've been gone. He's cut himself, he's fainted, and he has ran away. But I'm not exactly here to talk about Felix, I'm here to talk about the feelings you have toward him.", She smiled, "You're in love with him, aren't you?''
I looked at my coffee, not daring to look at her. It was disturbing that she knows I'm in love with her boyfriend. What I find ominous is that she has a sight smile on her face.
"Well?"
I looked up to find her brown eyes watching me, "Yes. I am in love, Felix. "
She sighed, "Oh boy. . . Well, you know. . . I knew all along."
I rubbed my forehead, "Was I that obvious?"
She shook her head, "No. I'm just very observant. But anyway, I want you to know. . . I'm glad you love him. But please, don't lock up that love. Show it to him, it'll help him."
I blushed, "How? He'd make fun of me. Call me a fag and all that stuff."
She smirked, "Do you honestly think Felix would do that? Like, really?"
I bit my lip and shook my head, I knew he wouldn't do that. But I defiantly knew he wouldn't feel the same way, especially now.
Marzia smirked, "You sure about that?"
I looked at her shocked, "How can you read my thoughts?"
She rolled her eyes at me, "That's not important, what is important is, that you love him. And show him that you do. Find him and tell him everything you feel," she paused for a moment, 'Okay not everything, but you have to show him life is worth living. That you'd be crushed if he passed away. Do you think you can do that for me?"
I smiled just a bit, "Yeah. I think so.''
Marzia nodded, "Excellent. I have to go, see you, Ryan. Oh and one more thing."
I looked at here, "Yes?"
"Thank you, so much for being there for Felix. I knew that he wouldn't be as lonely as long as he's with you. Just. . Thank you.", she said with tears in her eyes. I nodded and as soon as I looked back up, she was gone.
~~Dream over~~
I opened my eyes, I looked all around. I was in my bed. What had happened? Could that have all been just a dream? No, it felt to real. Was I in some type of coma? No, that wasn't much of a possibility either,
I looked all around, "Dream or not, I have to find Felix, today."
I put my shirt and some shorts on and slipped into some converse, and put my Cry mask on. I walked out the door with uncertainty. I walked down the streets to the woods nearby. As I walked into the wooded area, the sun barely hit the ground. I heard birds chirping and all kinds of other animal sounds. A chipmunk scurried across my foot, I shouted, thinking it was some kind of rat or something. I kept walking through and saw a trail, I followed it and it lead to a beautiful pond.
I walked over and knelt down to touch the water, it was crystal clear. But I didn't dare drink it, I heard you can get kidney stones by drinking unfiltered water. I heard a snap from my left, I froze, it was silly of me. It could have been a chipmunk or a porcupine. I still had a little feeling that it wasn't any of that. I looked to my left, slowly, cautiously, and I turned to see a duck standing a few feet away from me. I sighed in relief, "Hey buddy."
It quacked loudly and flew away, I frowned, "Am I that unlovable?"
The duck quacked as if saying yes, I scoffed and looked around the pond. "Focus Ryan, find Pewds and worry about carnivorous animals later."
I walked around the pound and back to the woods, I followed a trail. That trail led me to a little house, I gasped, something told me Felix was somewhere here. I walked slowly, with my head held high. I reached the door, and hesitated. I took a deep breath but my hand shook, what is wrong with me? I looked at the door and knocked faintly. I waited for some type of shuffling noise to be heard within the house, but it was complete and utter silence. I sighed, maybe if I knocked a bit louder.
I knocked, a bit louder this time. I heard a quick shuffling, then silence. My eyes widened, I cleared my throat and whispered, "Pewds. . Are you in there? Please. . . Open the door.. ."
Silence.
I sighed, I turned to walk back. I walked maybe a couple feet, when I heard the door open. And a familiar voice followed, "R-Ryan. . Wait!!"
I stopped dead in my tracks, I just stood there, frozen. Could that be. . I slowly turned my head, and there stood the 22 year old man I have been looking for over a month. We starred at each other, and I just couldn't hold in my excitement. I ran to him and hugged him, crying I said, "F-Felix. . You're okay!"
Felix stood there for a moment, then he hugged me tightly, "Yeah, Shh.. It's okay, I'm here."
I looked up at him, so many emotions where whirling inside me, anger, fear, happiness, sadness, hurt. I just starred into his kind and tired blue eyes, then he spoke, "Didn't you read my letter? I told you not to look for me."
My anger started rising over all the emotions, "Is that what you want? To never be found? To have people wonderng where in the Heavens are you? Imagine all your fans, Pewds. All that people that look up to you and adore you, the sorrow you left behind is too much. First Marzia's death, and now you're disapperance? Do you really want millions of people suffering?"
Felix looked down, "No. But there are 7 billion people in the world, my death wouldn't make a diffrence."
"TO ME IT DOES! FELIX, YOU'RE BEING STUPID!'', I yelled, "Felix. . I would feel so lonely, even more lonely than what I've been feeling for the past month. I'd feel empty inside. . I'd be. . . Nothing."
Felix just shuddered, "Let's talk inside, it's a bit chily out here." I nodded nd we walked inside, the inside startled me. There was dried blood on the floor. So much of it, I wanted to cry. Oh Felix, what is he doing to himslef? I looked to the far corner of the house and saw a bed, big enough to fit two people, I looked to my right and saw a small kitchen, and as I looked to my left, I saw in big bold letters; Marzia's and Felix's Place. I shuddered, "So. . This is the place you and Marzia always went to, huh?'' I could hear the sadness in my own voice, I blinked the tears away, I couldn't let my own sorrow add on to his.
I heard Felix sigh as he passd by me to go to the small couch in the small living room, "Yeah. . Oh, if you want coffee there is some fresh made on the counter over there." I walked to the counter and got the coffee pot-thing, I accidently touched the glass and hurt my finger. I quickly jerked away my hand and put my finger in my mouth, I heard a slight chuckle from the living room.
"I told you it was freshly made, bro." Felix giggled, I just rolled my eyed and poured myself the coffee. I walked to the couch and sat away from Felix, I really did not want to be near him. We just stayed that way for 15 minutes, then he cleared his throat, "So. . How's it like over at the house?"
I shrugged, "It's boring, I have no one to talk too. No one to hang out with, no one to laugh with, it's just empty. Or at least, that's how it feels." I tried to rub it in his face. He looked at me with watery eyes, then he cried, "I'm sorry. . I'm so sorry. . I just couldn;t take it anymore, Ryan. I couldn't."
I smiled slightly, "I have a song to show you. ."
He looked at me with connfusion, "A song?"
I nodded, I got out my laptop and played the song,
~~Lyrics to Everybody Hurts by Avril Lavigne~~
Don't know, Don't know if I can do this on my own
Why do you have to leave, me
It seems, I'm losing something deep inside of me
Hold on, onto me
Now I see
Now I see
Everybody hurts some days
Its okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts
Everybody screams
Everybody feels this way
And its okay
La di da di da
Its okay
It feels like nothing really matters anymore
When you're gone
I can't breathe
And I know you never meant to make me feel this way
This can't be happening
Now I see (now I see)
Now I see
Everybody hurts somedays
Its okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts
Everybody screams
Everybody feels this way
And its okay
La da la da la
Its okay
La la la la la
So many questions so much on my mind
So many answers I can't find
I wish I could turn back the time
I wonder why..
Everybody hurts some days (some days)
Everybody hurts some days (some days)
Everybody hurts some days (some days)
Its okay to be afraid (afraid)
Everybody hurts somedays
Its okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts
Everybody screams
Everybody feels this way
And its okay
La a la"
da la da la
Its okay
La la la la"
~~End of song~~
I turned to Fellix.
"T-that was a beautiful song, Ryan. Very beautiful."
**Ryan's POV**
I woke up the the same feeling, the same feeling I've had for two long and horrible weeks. I did what he did every morning, I would called Felix. And as usual, he wouldn't pick up. The feeling of terror that brought me every morning was incomprehensible. How could this be happening to me? I snicker, Forget about my damn self. What about Felix? Where could he be? Could he be hurt? Could he dying of hunger? Could he be. . No. He isn't. He can't be.
I looked at the time, 12:00 PM. I murmur, "Great." I pulled up my sleeve, I observe the rows of cuts on my arm, so many cuts, but somehow, there is still some room to give a few more scars. I expand my arm to the right and into the drawer, I rummaged through the papers and felt a metal object. I smiled, I had found my razor. I examined it as I pulled it out, there was dried blood on the tips and sides.I smirked, I got up and went to the bathroom to wash off the blood. I put my back against the wall and brought the razor to my wrist and cut. Again and again. Over and over. Until I heard the phone ringing. My head lifted quickly, I washed off my blood and ran to the kitchen. I picked up the phone, and with a too high-pitched voice I said, "Hello!"
The voice spoke, "Hello, is this Ryan?"
I nodded, then I remembered he can't see me, "Y-yes."
"This is Officer Robert. I am calling to tell you we have received new information on the case."
I gasped, "R-really?"
"Yes. We have researched and we found out the Felix and Marzia had this place where they would just spend time together. I have asked everyone they both knew, but they have never heard of it. And since you are Felix's best friend, we were wondering if you know where he is."
I crunched my face together, "He told me about it. But he gave me a more general idea. He just told me it was a house in the woods, it was a place where him and Marzia would hang out. Have sex, who knows? Does that help?"
He chuckled, "Yes. Yes it does. Thank you."
I hung up, could it possibly be that Felix might be found within the next few days. Although I was joyful for the news, there still wasn't a sure possibility that Felix would ever be found. I sat in the kitchen chair next to me, this whole ordeal felt like a horrible nightmare. But the scars on my wrist told me otherwise. I sniffed, I suddenly felt very out of it. I wander to my room, I crawled into my bed and put my head into my pillow, within a few seconds. I was dreaming.
~~Dream~~
I was sitting on the counter, looking despairingly at my coffee. I suddenly have this urge to look up and I see Marzia sitting in front of me, smiling. I blink in confusion, "Marzia. . . What are you doing here?"
She rolled her eyes, "Forget that. Let's talk about Felix."
I shifted in my chair, "W-what about him?"
"I know he has done some thing while I've been gone. He's cut himself, he's fainted, and he has ran away. But I'm not exactly here to talk about Felix, I'm here to talk about the feelings you have toward him.", She smiled, "You're in love with him, aren't you?''
I looked at my coffee, not daring to look at her. It was disturbing that she knows I'm in love with her boyfriend. What I find ominous is that she has a sight smile on her face.
"Well?"
I looked up to find her brown eyes watching me, "Yes. I am in love, Felix. "
She sighed, "Oh boy. . . Well, you know. . . I knew all along."
I rubbed my forehead, "Was I that obvious?"
She shook her head, "No. I'm just very observant. But anyway, I want you to know. . . I'm glad you love him. But please, don't lock up that love. Show it to him, it'll help him."
I blushed, "How? He'd make fun of me. Call me a fag and all that stuff."
She smirked, "Do you honestly think Felix would do that? Like, really?"
I bit my lip and shook my head, I knew he wouldn't do that. But I defiantly knew he wouldn't feel the same way, especially now.
Marzia smirked, "You sure about that?"
I looked at her shocked, "How can you read my thoughts?"
She rolled her eyes at me, "That's not important, what is important is, that you love him. And show him that you do. Find him and tell him everything you feel," she paused for a moment, 'Okay not everything, but you have to show him life is worth living. That you'd be crushed if he passed away. Do you think you can do that for me?"
I smiled just a bit, "Yeah. I think so.''
Marzia nodded, "Excellent. I have to go, see you, Ryan. Oh and one more thing."
I looked at here, "Yes?"
"Thank you, so much for being there for Felix. I knew that he wouldn't be as lonely as long as he's with you. Just. . Thank you.", she said with tears in her eyes. I nodded and as soon as I looked back up, she was gone.
~~Dream over~~
I opened my eyes, I looked all around. I was in my bed. What had happened? Could that have all been just a dream? No, it felt to real. Was I in some type of coma? No, that wasn't much of a possibility either,
I looked all around, "Dream or not, I have to find Felix, today."
I put my shirt and some shorts on and slipped into some converse, and put my Cry mask on. I walked out the door with uncertainty. I walked down the streets to the woods nearby. As I walked into the wooded area, the sun barely hit the ground. I heard birds chirping and all kinds of other animal sounds. A chipmunk scurried across my foot, I shouted, thinking it was some kind of rat or something. I kept walking through and saw a trail, I followed it and it lead to a beautiful pond.
I walked over and knelt down to touch the water, it was crystal clear. But I didn't dare drink it, I heard you can get kidney stones by drinking unfiltered water. I heard a snap from my left, I froze, it was silly of me. It could have been a chipmunk or a porcupine. I still had a little feeling that it wasn't any of that. I looked to my left, slowly, cautiously, and I turned to see a duck standing a few feet away from me. I sighed in relief, "Hey buddy."
It quacked loudly and flew away, I frowned, "Am I that unlovable?"
The duck quacked as if saying yes, I scoffed and looked around the pond. "Focus Ryan, find Pewds and worry about carnivorous animals later."
I walked around the pound and back to the woods, I followed a trail. That trail led me to a little house, I gasped, something told me Felix was somewhere here. I walked slowly, with my head held high. I reached the door, and hesitated. I took a deep breath but my hand shook, what is wrong with me? I looked at the door and knocked faintly. I waited for some type of shuffling noise to be heard within the house, but it was complete and utter silence. I sighed, maybe if I knocked a bit louder.
I knocked, a bit louder this time. I heard a quick shuffling, then silence. My eyes widened, I cleared my throat and whispered, "Pewds. . Are you in there? Please. . . Open the door.. ."
Silence.
I sighed, I turned to walk back. I walked maybe a couple feet, when I heard the door open. And a familiar voice followed, "R-Ryan. . Wait!!"
I stopped dead in my tracks, I just stood there, frozen. Could that be. . I slowly turned my head, and there stood the 22 year old man I have been looking for over a month. We starred at each other, and I just couldn't hold in my excitement. I ran to him and hugged him, crying I said, "F-Felix. . You're okay!"
Felix stood there for a moment, then he hugged me tightly, "Yeah, Shh.. It's okay, I'm here."
I looked up at him, so many emotions where whirling inside me, anger, fear, happiness, sadness, hurt. I just starred into his kind and tired blue eyes, then he spoke, "Didn't you read my letter? I told you not to look for me."
My anger started rising over all the emotions, "Is that what you want? To never be found? To have people wonderng where in the Heavens are you? Imagine all your fans, Pewds. All that people that look up to you and adore you, the sorrow you left behind is too much. First Marzia's death, and now you're disapperance? Do you really want millions of people suffering?"
Felix looked down, "No. But there are 7 billion people in the world, my death wouldn't make a diffrence."
"TO ME IT DOES! FELIX, YOU'RE BEING STUPID!'', I yelled, "Felix. . I would feel so lonely, even more lonely than what I've been feeling for the past month. I'd feel empty inside. . I'd be. . . Nothing."
Felix just shuddered, "Let's talk inside, it's a bit chily out here." I nodded nd we walked inside, the inside startled me. There was dried blood on the floor. So much of it, I wanted to cry. Oh Felix, what is he doing to himslef? I looked to the far corner of the house and saw a bed, big enough to fit two people, I looked to my right and saw a small kitchen, and as I looked to my left, I saw in big bold letters; Marzia's and Felix's Place. I shuddered, "So. . This is the place you and Marzia always went to, huh?'' I could hear the sadness in my own voice, I blinked the tears away, I couldn't let my own sorrow add on to his.
I heard Felix sigh as he passd by me to go to the small couch in the small living room, "Yeah. . Oh, if you want coffee there is some fresh made on the counter over there." I walked to the counter and got the coffee pot-thing, I accidently touched the glass and hurt my finger. I quickly jerked away my hand and put my finger in my mouth, I heard a slight chuckle from the living room.
"I told you it was freshly made, bro." Felix giggled, I just rolled my eyed and poured myself the coffee. I walked to the couch and sat away from Felix, I really did not want to be near him. We just stayed that way for 15 minutes, then he cleared his throat, "So. . How's it like over at the house?"
I shrugged, "It's boring, I have no one to talk too. No one to hang out with, no one to laugh with, it's just empty. Or at least, that's how it feels." I tried to rub it in his face. He looked at me with watery eyes, then he cried, "I'm sorry. . I'm so sorry. . I just couldn;t take it anymore, Ryan. I couldn't."
I smiled slightly, "I have a song to show you. ."
He looked at me with connfusion, "A song?"
I nodded, I got out my laptop and played the song,
~~Lyrics to Everybody Hurts by Avril Lavigne~~
Don't know, Don't know if I can do this on my own
Why do you have to leave, me
It seems, I'm losing something deep inside of me
Hold on, onto me
Now I see
Now I see
Everybody hurts some days
Its okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts
Everybody screams
Everybody feels this way
And its okay
La di da di da
Its okay
It feels like nothing really matters anymore
When you're gone
I can't breathe
And I know you never meant to make me feel this way
This can't be happening
Now I see (now I see)
Now I see
Everybody hurts somedays
Its okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts
Everybody screams
Everybody feels this way
And its okay
La da la da la
Its okay
La la la la la
So many questions so much on my mind
So many answers I can't find
I wish I could turn back the time
I wonder why..
Everybody hurts some days (some days)
Everybody hurts some days (some days)
Everybody hurts some days (some days)
Its okay to be afraid (afraid)
Everybody hurts somedays
Its okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts
Everybody screams
Everybody feels this way
And its okay
La a la"
da la da la
Its okay
La la la la"
~~End of song~~
I turned to Fellix.
"T-that was a beautiful song, Ryan. Very beautiful."