Right Here in My Arms

I shook my head at Ensio, not believing him one bit.

“Don’t bother to lie to me because I know what I’ve seen. I know you two are hanging out,” Ensio mentioned, seeming slightly calmer than he wants to be.

I pursed my lips and stared at him, “You don’t know anything, Ensio.” he couldn't have seen us together. it's impossible... I mean, what are the odds of him actually seeing Ville and me together? I doubt he was serious about this.

He took a deep breath and shook his head, “I don’t know anything? I’ve seen you two, okay? You are an awful liar, Rowan. I can right through your lies.”

“Okay then, if you've supposedly seen us, where? Where have you seen me with him?” I asked, hoping that he was just bluffing seeing us together and hoped that I’d breakdown and tell him. But something was telling me that with his seriousness that he was indeed not kidding. He seem to be acting very honest about this, so I thinking that I was caught.

“I just saw you at the restaurant with him, for fuck’s sake. Also, a couple weeks ago, you two were here getting coffee... You sat exactly right there,” he pointed to the seat in the corner of the shop, “Not to mention, I’ve seen you around town several times walking around with Ville.”

I turned to look in the direction he was pointed and it was indeed where Ville and I had sat only a few weeks back. Okay, so maybe he isn’t bluffing and he was being honest. He did see us, but why hadn’t he confronted me about it when I lied to him? “Okay then, what the hell? Are you, like, stalking me or something?” I asked, with a slightly annoyed tone.

“Helsinki may be big, but it’s not that big, Rowan,” he retorted, “Just because I happen to see you around town a few times, doesn’t say that I’m fucking stalking you. Jesus Christ.”

“Well, then, why do you care so much about this, Ensio? Why does it matter if I hang out with Ville or not? I can choose who the hell I want to hang out with because it’s my life,” I barked, beginning to get extremely angry. Why the fuck was this suck a big fucking deal with him?

He furrowed his brows and slightly scoffed, “Have you completely forgotten what I’ve said about him?”

“You’ve never said anything about him other than you don’t want me to hanging around him,” I mentioned, shrugging my shoulders.

“Well, clearly you weren’t listening very well, so let me tell you again... Ville is messed up person and he’s bad to be hanging out with, okay? He isn’t good friend or anything for you and is-”

“Who are you to tell me who’s good for me, Ensio?” I interrupted him, “You don’t know me and who’s good for me. You don’t get a say in this. It’s my life and I will see who I want to see.”

He quickly stood up and slammed his fist on the table, causing everyone in the shop to stop talking and look at us. “Would you shut the fuck up for one goddamn minute and listen to what the hell I have to say?” I shouted at me.

I stared at him and chewed on my lip.

“Sorry to burst your fucking bubble, but Ville is a bad goddamn influence and will fuck you over the same way he does to every single person he knows. He is a bad friend and you need to listen to me on this. I’ve know him for years and I’ve seen him do this over and over,” he stated, leaning in close to me, “He wants something from you and when he gets that from you, he will drop you like you are nothing to him.”

I stared at him in disbelieve. No, Ville couldn’t have been like that, could he? I mean, I guess he got me drunk and we potentially slept together, but would Ville actually drop me like I’m nothing if he got what he wanted from me? It couldn’t be true.

“Why does it matter to me? Because I fucking cared about you and I didn’t want to see you get hurt,” he leaned away from me and stood up straight.

“Maybe it’s different with him and me,” I mumbled.

Ensio shook his head at me, “No, this is not any different from any other time. But, you know what, if you think so, then go ahead and continue to see him. I already told you to stay away from him and you went behind my back and liedand did it anyway, which show that you clearly just don’t give a fuck and that this time telling you isn’t going to be any different.”

“Ensio,” I sighed.

He shook his head and waved his hand, “No, I don’t want to hear it. I’m fucking done with this. When he hurts you, and he will, do not come crying to me about it... Because all I’m going to say is I told you so.”

I frowned and stood up, “Ensio, wait.” I grabbed his arm and looked at him, “Don’t do that.”

He tore from my grip and shoved passed me, storming to the door and exiting out of the coffee shop in rage.

I knew Ensio was extremely mad and that I really screwed up. I screwed up with Ville and I screwed up with Ensio – especially Ensio. I had just potentially lost the both of them from my life and that broke me heart. I looked down at the ground and bit my bottom lip.

I didn’t know what to do and I was on the verge of tears. If I go and see Ville, I’d still be going behind Ensio’s back but if I didn’t see Ville, I knew that I’d be hurting myself. If what Ensio was saying was true about Ville, then he really doesn’t care about me. He’s trying to get something from me, and not only does that hurt, but it scares me. I feel so taken advantage of by Ville already.

“Miss, are you alright?”

I looked up to see a young girl with auburn hair that was up in a messy bun. She had a cute face with soft features and big brown eyes which showed concern. I put on a fake smile and nodded at her, “Yeah, I-I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” she asked.

I nodded again, “Yeah.”

“Can I get you anything?” she kindly asked, smiling.

I shook my head, “Uhm, thanks, but no thanks. I think that I’m just going to go home now.”

“Well,” she started, “Can I at least give you a ride there?”

I smiled at her, “I’d really appreciate that.”

She grinned and nodded, “Okay, c’mon.” She led me out of the coffee shop and to her little red car that was parked in front. She unlocked the car and climbed in. She turned to me once I had climbed in and held her out, “I’m Rachael.”

I smiled and shook her hand, “Nice to meet you, Rachael. I’m Rowan.”

“Nice to meet you as well, Rowan. So, where am I taking you?” she asked as she started her car up.

I told her my address and sighed as she pulled out of her parking spot.

“So, what happened back there, if you don’t mind my asking?” she questioned, “I know it’s none of my business.”

“Uhm... Just a bunch of stuff. I went behind my friend’s back and saw someone that he didn’t want me to see,” I mumbled.

She nodded, “And is this friend – the guy at the coffee place – a good friend of yours?”

“Yeah... Well, he was. I don’t know about how good of friends we are anymore,” I mentioned.

“Oh,” she replied, “And this other friend? Are you two good friends?”

I shrugged my shoulders and thought about that for a little bit, “I’m not sure. I mean... I guess we’re just friends. I thought we were better of friends, but something happened between us that proved that we aren’t.”

“I see,” he mumbled, stopping at a red light, “Uhm.”

“I don’t mean to involve you in any of this, but I don’t know what to do. I mean, I need a second opinion,” I looked over at her.

“What do you think you should do?” she questioned me.

I sighed and shrugged. I really didn’t. I was caught between the two of them. I didn’t want to lose Ensio because he was a great guy and a good friend, but I also didn’t want to lose Ville because he had helped me out a lot in my time of need and he was also a pretty great guy. I didn’t know what to do.



I was still sitting in Rachael’s car talking with her for the past hour now. We had been parked in front of my house the entire time, but I told Rachael that I needed to finish talking about everything.

So far, she had said a lot of good things that got me thinking and she pointed out a lot of important stuff. We talked about the pros and cons of stuff and I actually figured out a few things, but I still felt pretty bad about how today went with both of the guys.

I sighed and looked at my house, “Well, I guess I better go in now.”

“Alright. Well, here, let me give you my number. You can call anytime,” she said.

I looked over at her and saw her writing on a little piece of paper, “Thank you so much, Rachael. I really appreciate you talking with me about this.”

She shook her head and handed me the piece of paper, “I’m happy to help you out. Please, call me if you ever need to talk to someone.”

I grabbed the paper and stuffed it in my pocket before smiling at her, “Thanks again.” I said goodbye and climbed out of the car. I quickly walked up to the front porch and into my house, revealing that no one was home. I frowned and took my shoes off before I slowly walked into my bedroom. I grabbed a change of clothes and walking into the bathroom, starting up the shower. I stripped out of my clothes and stepped under the warm water.

I took a pretty long shower and pretty much stood in there to think for a little while. I got out and got dressed and immediately felt better. My back still kind of hurt from the way I was sleeping last night on Ville, but my mind was definitely much clearer and I could say that the shower helped. I didn’t even bother to do anything with my hair other than put it up into a ponytail. I didn’t exactly feel like going through the entire process of having to blow dry it.

I quickly stepped out of the bathroom as I heard the front door open and close. I pursed my lips as I said my dad and sighed, “Hey.”

He looked at me and raised a brow. “Hmph, you’re home,” he mumbled, taking his shoes off and setting them by the door.

“Uhm, yeah,” I nodded and sighed, “Dad? I really need to talk to you.”

“Okay,” he said, “What about?”

I said again and walked to the couch. I sat down and looked at him.

He followed me and sat next to me, looking at me curiously.

“Dad, I really want to apologize for the other day. I’m sorry you couldn’t rely on me. I really fucked up and I feel awful ab- ”

He put his hand up and shook his head, “Rowan, don’t start. I’m not in the mood for this.”

“I’m just apologizing. I promise that I’ll do better next time if you give me another chance, okay? I promise!” I said

He sighed and looked down, “I can’t risk losing my job because of your mistakes.”

I pursed my lips and closed my eyes, trying to hold the tears back, “Dad, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to screw up so bad.”

“Rowan... I’m not,” he sighed, “I’m not mad at you, I’m just disappointed. Disappointed that you let me down. Disappointed that I counted on you and you couldn’t follow through what I needed you to.”

I nodded and opened my eyes, “I get it... I’m going to bed now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I stood up from the couch and quickly walked to my bedroom before he could say anything more. I climbed into my bed and under and the covers. I immediately started crying from how bad I actually felt.

I could easily say that today had been the worst day of my entire life. I got in a fight with Ville, I pretty much lost Ensio from my life and my dad is so disappointed in me that he wont even give me a second chance at all. At this pointed, I really didn’t even want to existed, but I was really hoping not to wake up in the morning.

You know that it’s worse than you thought when your own father says that he’s not mad at you but he’s disappointed. That hurts so much more than anything in the world to know that you let you father down when you’ve tried so hard to make sure that he could always count on you.

I sighed and calmed myself down a little bit. I decided to try and get some sleep, even though it was still kind of early in the day. I just didn’t feel like being awake any longer, so I might potentially just lay in bed for the next twenty four hours. I sure as hell wasn’t going to go to work with my dad tomorrow, so what better to do than just stay in bed all day?