I'm Slowly Drowning

I woke up as the last one the next morning, and I would've slept longer it wasn't for Andy shaking me lightly. He looked worried for some reason, but I didn't get why.

"Morning" I mumbled and blinked a few times, confused about what was going on "what happened?"

"Max and Jamie found this on the floor next to your bunk when they woke up" Andy said and held up a razor, my razor.

"How did it end up there?" I asked, looking confused from the razor to Andy.

I hadn't even touched it for over a week, but clearly Andy was worried that I'd hurt myself last night. I buried my head in my hands and let out a sigh, this didn't make any sense.

Andy crawled into the bunk next to me and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my forehead but without saying anything.

"I really don't know how it ended there" I mumbled and lifted my head to look at Andy "I haven't touched it in more than a week" I sured him.

"I believe you but... I'm just so worried about you" he mumbled with a sigh and smiled at me

"I'm sorry" I mumbled, something was wrong, someone was trying to ruin me, first sharing Andy's and mine relationship online and now telling people about my self harm, but who and why? I didn't get it at all.

"Don't be" he said and smiled again, I really didn't get why he'd waste his time on a wreck like me, and how he kept on dealing with my shit and breakdowns.

"I promise Andy, I haven't touched it for over a week, I'd even buried it in the bottom of my suitcase so I wouldn't be able to get it easily if I felt bad, I don't know how it ended up here. I-I don't g-get it, it doesn't make any sense..." I said slightly desperate, I didn't want Andy to reach the point where my shit became too much for him, I didn't want him to leave me yet.

"Sshhh, babe, I trust you, I'm just confused, how did anyone find it if you buried it in the bottom of your suitcase?"

"I don't know..." I trailed off and stared into space, trying to figure it out, I knew that Jamie didn't like me, but I wouldn't accuse her for doing anything.

"Maybe one of the guys have seen something?" Andy said after a while.

"Maybe" I responded and rested my head on his shoulder, letting out a sigh "all of this is such a mess" I'm a mess I mumbled, not saying the last part out loud, knowing that if I did, Andy would tell me wrong and tell me how much I was worth, and as always, I'd want to believe him but not be able to do so.

"It'll be alright" Andy said smiling and kissed my cheek, "c'mon princess, let’s get up, we're flying in five hours" he laughed, changing the subject on purpose, most likely to make my thoughts change direction since he usually knew when I was thinking bad stuff, it worked.

"Shit, I have to pack and I need a shower before" I mumbled and pecked Andy's lips quickly before I jumped out of my bunk and searched through my suitcase to get some clothes, ending up with a A7x t-shirt and some black shorts with fishnet-tights under.

Andy laughed as he got out of my bunk too and kissed my cheek lightly before he left the van, he had to pack also.

I walked into the little living room of the Fan-Van to instantly be attacked by a really worried Max.

I quickly explained what happened and Max and I cried together over my problem, it took over an hour before he let me go so I could take a shower and get changed.

As always After I had my shower, I changed into the clothes I'd found earlier, my fishnet-tights, my shorts and my A7x T-shirt, I then brushed my hair and pulled it up in a messy bun to the right and lastly I put on a thick layer of eyeliner as usual, put on the pineapple-necklace Max gave me and the Disney-earrings Andy gave me.

After that, I walked out of the bathroom again and hurried into the bunk area to pack my things, since I'd used one hour talking to Max and one hour to take a shower and such, it only left me with 1,5 hour since we had to be at the airport in a reasonable time, meaning that the last 30 minutes was spend on running between the busses to collect all our things.

Surprisingly enough, we managed to collect everything and we got to the airport in time.

The flight went well also, somewhere over the ocean, I fell asleep with my head resting on Andy's shoulder, it was incredible how tired I'd been these past days, I guess there had been too much happening in my life.

"Lex, babe, the plane's landing in ten minutes" Andy whispered in my ear and shook my shoulder lightly.

"Hmm?" I responded and blinked a few times letting out a yawn.

Andy laughed and caressed my shoulder lightly "wakey wakey" he mumbled.

"But I'm so comfortable right now" I mumbled "or not, I just don't want to move my head"

He laughed quietly again and caressed my cheek softly, while I let out a sigh as I lifted my head from his shoulder.

I wasn't entirely awake when the plane landed and we were allowed to leave it, but luckily I had Andy next to me who helped me get my things.

We were met by three people who I instantly recognised as we got out of the airport, those three instantly attacked a person each, Sammi attacked Jinxx, Ella attacked Jake and Lauren attacked CC, everything else would've been weird.

Max ran over to me and grabbed my left arm since my right hand was entangled with Andy's.

"WE'RE IN FUCKING LA!" He screamed making all of us laugh.

"Fucking LA!" I responded with a laugh while Max jumped excitedly up and down, still holding on to my arm.

"I've never been more excited in my life, Hollywood!" Max screeched making me laugh again.

Jamie walked up to us as well and let out a little excited squeal.

"We're in LA" she whispered with a large smile, Max then grabbed her arm and let go of mine where after they jumped around like idiots, squealing about being in LA.

Andy smiled at me and squeezed my hand before he pulled me with him over to the others to say hi.

Andy chuckled as I nervously waved at the new (or something) faces, I was kinda scared that they wouldn't like me, what if they treated me just like Jamie did? I couldn't overcome that.

"So you're the famous Alex!" Sammie said with a laugh as Andy and I reached the others.

"I guess I am, last time I checked I was" I answered and let go of Andy's hand so I could shake Sammi's, yet she surprised me by giving me a hug.

"I'm glad to meet you then!" She said cheerful and let go of me again, she was so nice, just like Jinxx, a person I felt comfortable with.

"Yeah, it's really nice to meet you, I'm Lauren btw” Lauren said and walked over to me, to give me a hug as well, followed by Ella who also gave me a hug and introduced herself.

After introducing themselves to me, they introduced themselves to Jamie and Max and after that we walked to the cars they'd gotten to the airport in and squeezed together before we headed to the guy's place or rather Andy and Ashley's place, since the three other lives with each of their girlfriends, the apartment was one of the most I don't even know how to describe it, it was really really bad, with writings on the walls like fuck you and basically just really disgusting.

"Ehm, yeah, I'll drive you to your place" Andy said after only five minutes at his place.

I laughed and nod before Max, Jamie and I followed and out of their place again and down to the parking lot where we got in what apparently was Andy's car and drove to a much nicer apartment with three bedrooms with double beds and separate bathrooms, a living room and a nice kitchen.

We more or less attacked the apartment, trying to find the best room each, I ended up with one with a small balcony to and in dark grey and light blue colours, Max got a room with a balcony even bigger than mine and in pale green colours and lastly Jamie got a room without balcony but with a nice view and in light pink and white colours.

Andy followed me into my room to help me unpack but instead I just threw myself at the bed and padded next to myself to make him join me, I was so tired, it was far past midnight in London now.

I felt the bed shifting beneath me as Andy crawled in and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my neck lightly.

"I love you so much" I mumbled and turned around so I was facing him.

"I love you more tho" Andy chuckled and closed the small gab between our lips, moving his hands up my back.

I moaned and opened my mouth as he slid his tongue over my lower lip asking for entrance while I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He flipped us over so that he was now hovering over me, not breaking apart the kiss before we was completely drained for oxygen, he then moved to place soft kisses down my jaw line and neck, whispering 'I love you' between the kisses.

I placed a hand on his cheek and pulled his head back up to mine, pressing out lips together again.

Andy slid his hands up under my T-shirt and I gladly let him pull it over my head, he let his fingers trail over the cuts on my stomach, both the newer ones and the older ones before he moved down and kissed them softly.

"You're so beautiful" he mumbled in his most arousing and passionate voice, making my heart skip a beat.

He moved back up and pressed his lips against mine for the third time, while pulling off his vest.

That's when the door opened and Max burst into the room.

Andy jumped off me slightly shocked and I blushed like an idiot while he just giggled, taking it like a man.

Max tho blushed heavily when he realised what was going on.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry" he said but apparently couldn't help but look at the bare-chested Andy.

"Did you want anything?" I asked and searched for my T-shirt until I found it next to the door, great, instead I pulled my legs up, covering most of my stomach so Max couldn't see the scars.

"Ehm yeah, your phone started ringing" he said and held it out to me.

Andy got up and took it before he handed it to me with a laugh showing that he was enjoying how awkward I found this situation.

"I'll just... Leave you to it" Max said with a wink before he left the room and shut the door again, as soon as the door closed, Andy burst out laughing and tossed himself at the bed next to me.

"Ha-ha, really funny" I mumbled and looked at my phone, five missed calls, three from my mom and two from my dad.

"Who was it?" Andy asked after calming down and getting up in a sitting possession on the bed, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him.

"My parents, I'll have to call my mom" I said with a sigh, they really needed to learn to give me some freedom and not call me every fucking day, and it only got worse after they told me about the near-rape incident in my childhood.

"Okay, babe, you want me to leave meanwhile?" Andy asked and I shook my head no, while dialling in my mom's number. It only rang twice before she picked up.

"Hey honey!" She answered it on Danish of cause.

"Hi mom, you called earlier?" I responded also on Danish, getting amusement from watching Andy's confused face as he tried to figure out what I said.

"Oh, yeah, I did. Dad and I just wanted to congratulate you!" She said with a huge smile in her voice.

"Congratulate me how?" I asked confused, giggling a bit when Andy kissed my neck playfully.

"You and Andy of cause! I'm so happy for you, even though your dad is a bit overprotective as always" she said, yet I still didn't catch on entirely.

"Me and Andy?" I asked, getting an even more confused gaze from Andy when I mentioned him.

"Yeah, my little girl is finally in a relationship, I was getting worried that you was gay" my mom laughed into the phone and I found myself blush instantly, I'd forgotten to tell them about the relationship, they must have found out about it else way.

"I'm definitely not gay mom" I laughed, again getting a puzzled look from Andy who only understood the word gay since it was the same on English and Danish.

"But still, honey, I'm so happy for you! But what are you going to do when this month have passed by and you have to travel home?" She asked, way to bring my worries out after I'd finally managed to suppress them.

"I honestly don't know, mom, at the moment I try not to worry about it, I do have to finish school" I said.

"Okay, honey, but remember that dad and I love you no matter what you choose to do with your life" she said and I couldn't help but smile.

"I know mom, I love you too"

"Now, let me talk to this Andy if he's near?" She asked, I knew this would come.

"He's right next to me" I said with a sigh and held my hand over the phone looking at Andy.

"She wants to speak with you" I whispered on English receiving a nod from Andy before I spoke Danish into the phone again.

"You get him now, I love you" I said

"Good, I love you too, honey" my mom answered and I handed Andy the phone.

"It's nice to finally talk to you too, Lex talks about you a lot" Andy said into the phone, waiting a bit while my mom said something.

"Of cause I would never hurt your daughter ma'am, I don't even think I would be able to do so, I love her too much" I blushed at that and Andy reacted by pulling me even closer to himself and resting his head on my shoulder.

"Of cause we'll use protection" he laughed and my cheeks heated up again, I just wanted to go hide in a hole somewhere, or maybe just die right now, gah!

"Thank you, yeah, of cause" Andy continued, and knowing my mom, he'd probably not get a chance to say much for the rest of the conversation.

"Yeah, you'll get her now, it was nice to speak to you as we'll, I'm happy about that, great, goodbye." He handed me the phone again and I took it, even more embarrassed than when Max just ran in on us.

"Did you have to be so embarrassing?" I whined, back on speaking Danish.

"It's my job to be embarrassing" my mom responded and I sighed again. "But I'm happy for you honey, he's a good guy, just what you need"

"I know that mom" I said and smiled again.

"That's good, your dad isn't home right now unfortunately, but I'll say hi to you from him" she said and I nod before I realised that she couldn't see me.

"Okay, I should probably hang up now or it'll just be incredible expensive, I love you, mom" I said

"I love you too, look forward to see you again"

"Bye"

"Bye honey"

I hung up and felt tears sting my eyes, even though I kept on denying it, I missed my parents, they were the only one who'd always been there for me.

Andy kissed my neck and I smiled at him.

"What did she tell you?" I asked shifting back to the English language.

"That's a seeeecret!" He teased and hugged me tight.

"Gah, I swear, both you and my mom really annoy me sometimes" I laughed.

"But you love me for it!" He yelled, with a laugh.

"I do" I answered and pressed my lips firmly against his.

"You look tired, you should go to sleep" Andy said as I rested my head on his shoulder again, enjoying him being there.

"Only if you stay here with me" I mumbled, realising how tired I actually was.

"Sure" he whispered.

We both got out of bed and removed our makeup and brushed our teeth, I didn't have any clean pyjamas so I just stripped down to my underwear and crawled into bed, as Andy did the same and wrapped his arms around me from behind, spooning me, he kissed my neck once.

"Sweet dreams, princess" he whispered, "I love you"

"Not as much as I love you" I joked and found myself drifting rather quickly into a deep and like usual; dreamless sleep.