Listen to Your Heart

The next few days passed peacefully. Finally it was the weekend. I was lying in bed when my phone began to ring. John’s voice echoed through my room, letting me know he was calling. He’d set their song ‘Everything I ask for’ as my ringtone months ago and I hadn’t had the heart to change it. Groggily I answered the phone, “What do you want Mr. O’Callaghan?” I mocked.

“Do you want to come and help set up?” he asked in what seemed to be disinterest.

“Do I have to?” I groaned, I was enjoying my lazy day.

“Yes. Otherwise I’ll fail you.”

“No you won’t.” John was a lot of things, but he wasn’t going to fail me for not coming to help set up a party. He wasn’t stupid.

“I might...” I could hear the joking in his voice though. I finally relented and told him I would be there in two hours. He tried to persuade me to come earlier, but I warned him if he didn’t pack it in then I wouldn’t come at all and he finally left me alone.

Since the incident in the park John had been being a lot nicer to me. He’d stopped picking on me in class and even attempting to be polite to me outside of class. Of course he let a few sarcastic comments slip but it would have bothered me more if he hadn’t because that wouldn’t have been John. Of course I hadn’t forgiven him yet, and I wasn’t likely to do that any time soon either. I wanted to forgive him, I wanted back what we once had, but he’d betrayed my trust in a way that no one had ever done before and I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to forgive that, let alone so soon.

I hadn’t spoken to Kennedy much since the day in the park either. He’d been watching me so carefully though, he’d even come over to dinner twice since, and I knew how much he hated spending any unnecessary time with our dad. He was worried about me and I appreciated it even though he had no reason to be now.

I finally decided to get ready once the episode of Law & Order: SVU finished. I crawled out of bed and clambered into the shower. I took my time, listening to music and enjoying my time in there. Eventually I dragged myself out to get dressed. I slipped on something comfortable, slipping what I planned to wear to the actual party into a bag with my makeup and curlers.

Eventually I was ready and was making my way to my brother’s house. He and Garrett had begun to rent a house over the summer with a few other boys that they knew. I’d apparently already missed a few wild parties over the summer. Not that I minded, I’d been off in an amazing country, becoming more cultured. Okay, I minded a little bit.

When I arrived at the house it was a little after 3 o’clock and my brother was still passed out in his room. John was sat in the sofa watching crappy TV.

“Is there a reason I am here if no one else is awake?” I growled as I plopped myself down on the sofa next to John, snatching the control from him.

“I was watching that!” he snapped.

“What was it?” I asked, knowing very well he wasn’t even paying attention to it.

He looked at me blankly for a moment, before ignoring my question, “I was bored...I tried to wake Kennedy up and he hit me. So I decided to ask you to come help set up.” he shrugged.

“Why not just ask me to come hang out?”

“Would you have come?” he asked without looking at me. I didn’t reply. We sat in silence for a while longer before I finally got up to go and make us some lunch.

“What would you like?” I asked as he sat down at the breakfast bar. I scanned the cupboards and fridge, both were nearly bare. I wasn’t even sure I could scrape something up out of what was there, “Screw that, we need to go shopping.” I said as I grabbed Kennedy’s car keys and wallet.

“Do I have to come?” he groaned as he rolled off the seat.

“Yes.” he followed me out to the car, trying to snatch the keys off me as we went. “No! No get in.”

Shopping with John was driving me up the wall. He was so annoying. He nagged the whole way round and kept asking if we were done yet. Eventually I sent him off to get the alcohol. He seemed happy to do so, and when he came back I couldn’t help but laugh. His arms were full of glass bottle, all of which looked like they were about to fall out. I wasn’t even sure how he had managed to pick them all up.

“You know that isn’t going to be enough right?” I laughed as he cautiously placed the bottles in the trolly.

“Well obviously, there is only so much I can carry though!” he huffed.

“Okay come on, I’ve got all the food now.” I laughed as I followed him back down the aisles to the alcohol.

He filled the trolley with even more alcohol before we made our way to pay. I handed John Kennedy’s card, being only 18 I wasn’t allowed to buy it. The cashier gave me a funny look as he rang the alcohol through.

“How old is she?” he asked John sceptically.

“It’s not for her. She’s my friend’s kid sister.” John sneered. Something I was used too but somehow it hurt. Everything with John had felt so natural, but it only made me remember the reasons I hated him. Was I really just Kennedy’s kid sister to him? No, now I was a student. Nothing could ever go back to how it was before and it was slowly killing me.

I looked at him as he laughed with the cashier. His smile still made my heart flutter. His laugh was almost as pretty as his voice. I could feel all the emotions I had buried begin to rise again. I thought I was over him, after what he did to me I never thought I could trust him again, but looking at him now...something in me changed. I still didn’t trust him and I knew I could never be with him, but something in me had changed. Maybe it was how unattainable he had become...being my teacher now, I couldn’t have him no matter how much I wanted. You always want what you can’t have right?

I felt myself being snapped from my thoughts as John shook my shoulder lightly. He smiled at me softly as he motioned for me to follow him to the car park. We loaded the bags into the trunk of the car and I handed John the keys. I was in no state to drive, I couldn’t keep focused even if I wanted to. The drive back to the house was silent the only sound was Tom Petty pouring from the radio. John sung along softly, and I listened intently to his voice. There really was something magical about it.

I broke the silence as we rounded the corner to the street where Kennedy lived, “Are you guys going to perform tonight?” I asked curiously.

“Yeah, we have a few new songs. Want to hear them?” he offered as we pulled up the drive.

I didn’t hesitate before agreeing wholeheartedly. No matter how much I tried to hide from John how good his music was I always failed miserably. The man wrote poetry. It spoke to me on a level no other musician did.

I helped him carry the bags inside, before leaving him to pack it away. The house was still silent, so I went to check Kennedy’s room. It was empty, but there was a note on his pillow.

Maria, you are dead. John too. I had work and you took my car and my wallet. I am now going to be late. You owe me.

Kennedy xx

I laughed. I had completely forgotten that he had work this afternoon. I’d picked him up his favourite pizza for dinner though so I figured he’d forgive me. I slipped back downstairs to find John sat on the sofa, tuning his guitar.

“You ready?” he asked, not even looking up at me. I didn’t say anything, just took a seat on the floor in front of him, “There are two I want to show you.” he smiled as he began to strum his guitar. I watched the look of concentration on his face as he began to sing softly the lyrics.


She thinks I'm crazy.
Judging by the faces that she's making.
And I think she's pretty.
But pretty's just part of the things she does that amaze me.
And she calls me sweetheart.
I love it when she wakes me when it's still dark.
And she watches the sun.
But she's the only one I have my eyes on.

Tell me that you love me.
And it'll be alright.
Are you thinking of me?
Just come with me tonight.
You know I need you.
Just like you need me.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming.

She moves in closer.
Whispering to me "I thought I told ya"
And oh she's playing games now.
And I figured it out now that we're
Now that we're closer.
Two kids, one love.
Who cares if we make it up.
Her voice is sweet sound.
Our clothes lay on the ground.
She moves in closer.
Whispers "I though I told ya"

Tell me that you love me.
And it'll be alright.
Are you thinking of me?
Just come with me tonight.
You know I need you.
Just like you need me.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming.

Remember the day when we started this.
And she made the shape of my heart with her hands.
We try to make some sense of it.
But she called me on the phone and said..

Tell me that you love me.
And it'll be alright.
Are you thinking of me?
Just come with me tonight.
You know I need you.
Just like you need me.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming.
Go one and tell em that you love me
And it'll be alright. (I must be dreaming)
Are you thinking of me.
Just come with me tonight.(I must be dreaming)
She moves in closer.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
I must be dreaming.

It was beautiful and perfect, and I suddenly felt a burst of jealousy. Whoever he had written that song about was one lucky girl.

“What do you think?” he seemed timid and I couldn’t fathom why.

“I...I loved it John.” I smiled softly.

“Really?” he questioned and I nodded at him in earnest. This caused his smile to grow, and he began to babble about how much it meant that I liked it. He began to play the next song and I closed my eyes this time to listen without focusing on his face.


I'm taking, taking all of my time
I'm dodging words, but she's saying the right lines
She made me, made me oh so crazy
But this time I feel like I'm doing something right

It made me sick to think about
Everything you put me through and how you left without
(Saying goodbye) And if it's really over now
Then you can walk away and it would be the last time

This is the end
Of you and me
And everything I used to be
Back then it meant something
But you're living a lie, you just can't hide from me

You had me hanging on your last word
And now I'm feeling a little less than trusting
You had me wishing we were something
But left me here with a whole lot of nothing now

This is the end
Of you and me
And everything I used to be
Back then it meant something
But you're living a lie, you just can't hide from me

Love is a luxury
She said "I'd rather be in love than dead"
But now it's her, oh God now it's her
She's the type of girl who makes love... hers

I'm taking, taking all of my time (taking my time)
I'm dodging words but she's saying the right lines (the right lines)
She's made me, made me, oh so crazy (I'm going crazy)
But this time I feel like I got it right

(1, 2, 3, 4, 1)

This is the end
Of you and me
Everything I used to be
Back then it meant something
But you're living a lie, you just can't hide from me

This is the end (this is the end)
Of you and me (whoa oh)
And everything I used to be
Back then (this is the end)
It meant something (yeah)
You're living a lie, you just can't hide from me


I was nearly in tears. He’d made me feel exactly this way and now he was writing this about someone else and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t deny it was a beautiful song. It was perfect, but it hurt. It hurt a lot. I held back the tears though and continued to tell him how amazing the song was before excusing myself.

I just wanted to go home, to go back to bed and pretend this morning hadn’t happened. Instead I crawled into Kennedy’s bed and cried. I cried for nearly an hour as I felt my insides being ripped out. I wasn’t sure where this had come from. I was over him, or so I had told myself. I had been happy over the summer without him. I hadn’t thought of him. Now being back here, being close to him everything came rushing back. Least with Luke all the pain he had caused me had been physical.

I’d never told anyone what happened with Luke aside from Fran and Clare. I mean it wasn’t too bad, but it had happened at the worst possible time. Luke and I started dating not long after John and I had ‘split’ (Which I use in the loosest term as we were never officially dating) and I was still feeling down. He was supposed to be my rebound, but we ended up dating for nearly a year.I liked Luke, but my feelings for him were minimal, I liked him enough to date him but I was still suffering from what John had put me through and I knew we weren’t going to last. At the end of summer we had a huge falling out, and he ended up hitting me. He gave me and black eye and spit on me.

We never really spoke again, and I told everyone I’d fallen and smashed my eye on the table. No one doubted it because I’d done similar things plenty of times. Between Luke and John though I began struggling to trust anyone. I needed to escape. Luke was the final straw, the reason I finally decided that this summer was the one I was going to England and not next. I was glad it had happened though, I needed it.

John eventually came to find me after a few more hours, asking me to finally help him set up. I began to lock away all the valuables and breakables while John set up their kit. He didn’t have a clue about Pat’s drums and sat staring at them for a while before I finally came to set them up for him.

“Thanks.” he mumbled as he went to get the amp from Kennedy’s room. He seemed off and I wasn’t sure why. I shrugged it off though, deciding it was probably nothing. The rest of the day passed in a blur and soon enough it was time for me to start getting ready for the party. I’d decided to dress to impress. I didn’t know who was going to be here tonight besides the list I had been given the other day, and I wanted to draw attention.
Kennedy came home and went to shower while I got ready in his room. I slipped on my dress, studying myself in the mirror. I’d gone for a red dress as red showed confidence and it was sexy, and my Louboutin heels that I had saved up for when I was 15. I’d spent over $1000 on them and worn them once so I decided tonight was the perfect opportunity to show them off.

Kennedy emerged from the bathroom in only his towel, “Dude put some clothes on!” I shouted as I closed my eyes. He just laughed and told me to get out of his room if I didn’t like it. I sighed and grabbed my stuff before making my way to Garretts room. He wasn’t back from work yet, and probably wouldn’t be till about nine which meant I had half an hour to finish getting ready.

I applied a small amount of makeup. It was never something I was overly fond of. I finished curling my hair by which point Garret was home. Then people began to arrive and it was time for the party. I got a sudden nervous feeling in my stomach…what was the worst that could happen?