Deception of Reality

I was drowning; I held my breath for as long as my weak lungs allowed me to, but it was too strong. The water around me broke it's way through when I could no longer go without air, it filled my mouth and traveling down to my lungs. The liquid was tearing my organs apart sending a shot of panic that electrified my body. I was going to die.

I was waiting for the end, anticipating it. I was waiting for the helplessness to stop, to feel the stinging in my chest disappear. But it never came, instead I could feel the force of the water push against me as I was beginning to be pulled. I didn't expect to feel something grip around my wrist, an unfamiliar warmth radiating from it.

There wasn't much I could do, but only let myself be dragged away. I didn't know if it was further in to the water, or to the surface. There was no light in these depths for me to be able to see clearly, or I was simply holding my eyes shut. I couldn't tell.

I inhaled sharply, and with all of my courage I opened my eyes; I was staring at my bedroom's ceiling. It was just a dream, but what I felt was real. So was it really just a dream?

I blinked slowly, going over to what had just happened. I felt my hair stick to my face and neck with the help of sweat that has covered my entire body. My duvet was tangled between my legs, half of it was laying on my wooden floor. My breathing was deep, and despite me sweating, I was shivering.

I lifted my wrists to look at them; I traced my fingers to where I had felt the warmth, though the heat had not yet left, it was still there.

--

"So how have you been doing?" Came the familiar voice of my psychiatrist. Two years have I been going to him, and not much has changed. Though, he has helped me to the extent of making my life just that little bit easier.

"I don't know, nothing's different, just the usual"

"Even your dreams?"

"I have this one reoccurring dream... but it feels so real... more real than all of my other ones." I was laying down on the leather couch, something that I liked in this room. I didn't hate it here, I could tell him what I wanted to, and he would have no choice but to listen.

I have this thing called lucid dreaming, where I couldn't tell a dream apart from reality. It wasn't as extreme as it once used to be, I can sometimes tell when I am dreaming, but for the reality part it is harder. It just depended on how bizarre my dream is.

"Oh?"

"I am drowning, close to dying and just when I think I will slip away, something, or someone grabs my wrist and starts pulling me"

"Do you know what this person looks like?"

"I have tried opening my eyes before, but its too hard, and too dark, though, I have managed to see that he has pale skin, and I have seen his hair, but nothing else apart from that"

"And how do you know it's a he?"

"I don't know, I just have a feeling, that's all"

"And which way is he pulling you?"

"It's hard to tell"

--

I was walking down the street, a familiar street. I walked by the apple trees that were in full bloom, the same apple trees I passed every week, sometimes more often than that.
The pink petals covered the pavement just like snow, and when the wind blew harder some would get tangled in my hair as they danced through the air. Many people chose this route to walk through, have a jog, or cycle. Not many drove, my guess was that they were respecting the beauty at this time of the year that the trees had to give.

I wasn't paying mind to where I was going, my thoughts consumed my mind, and I let my eyes wonder. I had deemed that as a mistake when I felt someone pull me, and I quickly heard someone angrily shouting and honking a cars horn. Guess I had wondered on the road or something.

"Careful" he said, letting go of my wrist. Something felt familiar about him, but I was sure I have never seen him before in my life. With my fucked up mind I could never tell.

"Thanks" I smiled sheepishly, looking back at where I had been walking a few seconds ago. If it weren't for him I would have probably been badly injured, and the same goes for the driver.

When I turned to look at him again, he was no longer there. Was I hallucinating again? Was I dreaming? No, it felt too real. But then again, how could someone disappear so quickly?

--

I was back home, sitting at my desk with my journal open; it was something I did to pass time, and to record most of my memories. There were times when I would simply forget, and not realize how I got to certain places, but loosing actual chunks of important memory was rare to me, so I wasn't worried about that, I just liked writing.

I noted down about the incident today, and the person who had saved me. I wrote down every little detail about him, about how he looked, how he smelled, and how he felt. I know, weird, but I didn't want to forget him in the lest. After all, he may have just saved my life, and that's not something you experience every day.

Pale skin, and dark hair that contrasted nicely. Slim body with a small frame, yet muscular looking arms. His force was strong, but not something that would scare you. His eyes, I couldn't tell; there were many ways in which I could describe them, too many for me to bother to actually write down. His voice was flowing, and easy to listen to, and overall he just seemed like a nice person.

--

The same dream repeated again, this time more vivid, I knew for certain it was a dream. Though, I would doubt that thought every time.

I decided on going to the park today, I had no appointments and no other way of wasting my day away. I didn't feel like doing anything else either, so the park it is.

Coming here wasn't a bad decision; I was sitting on one of the benches, engrossing myself in the silent whispers of the wind that had captured most of my attention. The branches of the trees creaked lightly because of the force of the wind. I could feel the soft sunlight hit my face, and every other part of my bare skin. Not many people were here, it was a weekday after all.
This made my stay here even more pleasant, to be able to loose myself in my thoughts without any interruption, without having to feel that someone is secretly judging you.

I opened my eyes after having them closed for several minutes; I scanned the park in search for any life forms, I had decided that it was still empty, but then movement had caught my eye. There was someone by the pond; it was a fair distance away, but not far enough for me to not be able to make out who it was. I squinted - I am sure that I know him, if only he would turn his hea- and just as if he could hear my thoughts, he turned his head my direction. It's him! The one who rescued me the other day.

I quickly got up and made my way towards him, constantly looking his way, to make sure that he was still there, that he wouldn't disappear on me like he did last time. But looking away for more than a couple of seconds had proved to be fatal; when I had arrived he was no longer there. Strange, was he avoiding me? But he had saved my life, all I wanted to do was get to know him a little, and thank him properly.

It was unnatural how quickly he can make himself seem as if he had ceased to exist.