Should Life End Here?

My past, everything that has happened to me since the day I was born, had been my greatest nightmares. My five year old self kept dreaming the sad agonizing dream again and again; I saw it the young fragile innocent soul that had been killed by god, saving her was something I tried urging myself to do but the truth was I was already dead in the nightmare of afterlife. Blood splatters painted on my soft face and the trees of the dreadful forest. The time I was seven was like death repeating it's flow after the innocent soul. Everyone, they had disgusted looks on their cruel faces. Mother would repeat a cry everyone night , even I had changed my ways of living. Every night I lie in my room just staring into somethings soul, but what? My mama checks on me often telling me in my off universe world sorrow, pain, agony, was within her. I listen to her sad words and start to understand that I may just be a burden holding her back from life. On my ninth birthday I blew out my last candle, my daddy was screaming, yelling in pain for help. He held his heart and shouted painfully, "I'm having a heart attack!" Mama instantly reacted to this and flipped open her cell phone to call the hospital. She realized the line had been cut, and before she knew it father had fallen to the floor unconscious. I screamed in agony, was this my fault daddy had been killed? It doesn't make sense...

After we had a funeral for my dad, my mother started to ponder on about the events in this world. One day after I got home from school mama didn't seem to be home at the moment, she left a small sticky note on the silver refrigerator. It read: Dearest Daughter, I have traveled the many ways to ask the Past Teller many questions about your past of agonizing trials. Love, Your dearest Mother. Why wasn't I panicking like I should be? Was it because I was growing older or for another reason? I just stood their by the refrigerator as still as a leaf without wind.

"So?" Mother asked the Past Teller.
"So what? Hetera?" The Past Teller replies.
"Tell me the exact occurrence that was conducted in lydia's past!" Hetera shouted.
"As you wish." The Past Teller said.
The woman looked deep into her glass ball of the past and saw the event Hetera has been complaining to her about.
"It appears the event occurred when your daughter was four years old." The Past Teller announced. "You went out for a Picnic at Landagale Falls, your husband left with your daughter to show her the beautiful waterfall." "Your husband accidentally came back to the picnic area without your daughter."
"The two of you started to look for your lost daughter, your daughter admired the glamorous waterfall and soon realized her father wasn't their with her." "She panicked and started to cry, just then a bolt of lightning struck the ground right next to her." "A beautiful Angel appeared before her and gave her a black and red note that read: On the next full moon your whole family will be cursed with a tragic life."
"So, are family will be cursed forever?" Hetera questioned.
"Yes, I am so sorry for you..." The Past Teller answered sadly.

Why did it have to be me?