Disenchanted
A Sad Song With Nothing To Say
Frank lay on his couch with a beer bottle clutched in his hand. He stared at the muted television screen as he watched tributes for the plane crash victims. People were setting flowers in front of pictures and crosses as rivers flowed from their eyes. Frank didn't go now. He wanted to be alone when he saw her.
Frank took a long swig of beer before dropping the empty bottle on the hard wood floor. "Oh, Kara..."
Frank had no more tears left in him. All that was left was an ache where his heart used to be; he had died when Kara died. Now, there moments they spent together were just on repeat in his mind...
"Kara, I don't fit in here." Frank whispered to his friend. They were at some sort of banquet, for a charity cause. The only reason Frank actually went at all was because it was against animal cruelty and Kara forced him to go.
"Please, you're vegan and in a tux, you fit in just fine." Kara retorted, "Now, lets go mingle."
Frank pouted but let the raven haired beauty drag him off anyway. Instead of pulling him to a group of strangers like he had expected, Kara pulled him to the dance floor and wrapped her arms around his neck.
Frank felt his stomach flutter a bit but place his hands on Kara's waist anyway, "Our definitions of mingling are completely different." he muttered and Kara bit her lip to hold back the laughter as they swayed to the music.
"This song doesn't make any sense." Kara whispered into Franks ear.
He had to agree, the song was supposed to be sad but he heard so many random words shoved into the lyrics that it could've been about anything.
"Oh, stop complaining, you're the one who wanted to dance." Frank grinned. It was kind of awkward for him because he was so short and his head only reached Kara's chin. At least she had worn flats so it wasn't too bad.
"I'm just saying, it's a sad song... But it's got nothing to say." she shrugged and Franks face morphed into a goofy grin.
"That would be a great song. Just a sad song with nothing to say." he sang it out softly and Kara giggled.
"You work on that and you better dedicate it to me when you finally get in a band." Kara nudged Frank. "First, get a band."
Frank chuckled as the song ended. "Alright, I'll work on it."
Frank snapped out of his daydream as his eyes strayed to the guitar leaning against the side of his apartment. He had flown back to New Jersey for Kara's funeral. He would probably out again in a week to join the band but he knew they wouldn't force him to go on stage if he couldn't handle it.
Frank picked up the guitar and flipped through his black songbook until he found the unfinished song he had started to write for Kara, so many years ago.
"I was there on the day, they sold the cause for the Queen..."
Nobody had seen Frank for a week. Gerard and Mikey tried visiting him but he wouldn't answer the door, only talk through it to tell them he was fine. Ray called once a day but after the first few days, Frank just stopped picking up all together. The only consolation they got that their friend hadn't killed himself, was from the neighbour, who reported that 'he was strumming that damn guitar every waking hour.'
Two days before Frank was supposed to come back to the band, everyone got a text. It was sheet music - well except for Gerard, who got lyrics. Nobody had to ask what it was for, they all knew.
Frank stepped off the plane, clutching his guitar case as his friends came to greet him. Not saying a word, each band member pulled Frank into a tight embrace before leading him to the tour bus.
Franks black hair was greasy and huge bags showed under his eyes. A frown tugged at the corner of his mouth, making him look a decade older than he really was. He didn't say a word to anyone on the bus, just pushed past them to his bunk and curled up into a ball.
They were supposed to be having a concert that night and they weren't sure if he would be ready. They hadn't had a full practice in a week and they weren't sure whether Frank was ready emotionally to go on stage.
But they did, after constant questions asking Frank if he was good to play and him just giving them blank nods.
"Frank, it's time to go on now." Bob urged. Somehow, Frank had managed to do his stage makeup and all, despite looking like he might drop dead any moment.
On stage, it was a blur. Time seemed to skip through all the introductions and cheers until Gerard was about to play the first song. Immediately, Frank jumped to the mic and snatched it from his friends hands.
"I have something to say." Franks voice was hoarse from all the crying and singing he had done on his week off. Nobody stopped him so Frank kept on going, "Uh, I know you've all heard about the... The plane crash that happened last week..."
A murmur passed through the crowd and the rest of MCR clicked in on what Frank was going to do.
"My best friend was on that plane and she... She didn't... I-" Frank choked up, "She was on that plane because of me-"
"Frank, it wasn't your fault." Gerard whispered, away from the mic. Frank shook his head as his vision blurred.
"I- It's all my fault." Frank whimpered, despite what Gerard had said. "I don't even know what to do anymore, this is all I can do... She was my best friend and now- now she's never coming back!"
"Just- lets just play the song. This is Disenchanted, and this and all the other songs we play are dedicated to you, Kara..." Frank finished.
A few notes started playing as Frank took a step back and Gerard took control of the mic.
"I was there on the day, they sold the cause to the Queen, and when the lights all went out, we watched our lives on the screen. I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene." Gerard sang softly.
Everything boomed through the speakers as Gerard sang louder, "It was the roar of the crowd that gave me heartache to sing! It was a lie when they smiled and said, "you won't feel a thing." And as we ran from the cops, we laughed so hard it would sting."
Memories flashed through Franks mind and he tried to shake his head to get them out. To get Kara's haunting face out of his mind. He needed her out!
If I'm so wrong, how can you listen all night long.
It doesn't matter, after I'm gone because you never learned god damned thing.
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya
A single light shone in the crowd from someone cell phone. Then another beside them, and another as people started lighting up their phones and swaying them back and forth.
A smile forced it's way onto Franks face as he knew Kara would be watching. He knew she was hearing the song he had spent so many years to write.
I spent my high school career
Spit on and shoved to agree
So I could watch all my heroes
Sell a car on tv
Bring out the old guillotine
We'll show 'em what we all mean.
The song was a little shaky since nobody had ever played it together before, but even then it sounded magical.
Franks fingers worked his guitar as hot tears rolled down his cheeks. Two long rivers smudged its way into his makeup and made his skin show through the white and the X's over his eyes.
If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter long after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya
Frank couldn't hear the singing or the crowd or even his own breathing anymore. All he heard was Kara's voice as she screamed with the sound of a crashing plane in the background. Flashes of a plane crash appeared in Franks mind and he squeezed his eyes tight to make the images go away.
So go, go away, just go, run away.
But where did you run to? And where did you hide?
Go find another way, price you pay
Frank couldn't do it anymore. His fingers stopped hitting the right chords and his hands dropped to his sides as he collapsed on the floor. He was shaking his head left and right, trying to get the pressure to stop building in his head. He was seeing Kara even when his eyes were squeezed shut.
She was just smiling at him. Her brown eyes had the same brightness in them and she was one of the few people's who's smile reach their eyes every time. Her black hair was in its normal waves and the freckles splattered across her face was exactly how Frank remembered.
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya, come on
"I'm so sorry..." Frank whispered as he placed his hands over his face and sobbed. He was shaking like a leaf in a tornado as choked sobs escaped his lips. Kara's smiling face turned into laughter as the last words she said to Frank repeated in his mind, louder than the band, louder than the plane crash and louder than the cheers in the crowd.
"I love you." she had said.
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya
At all...
The song ended and Gerard walked over to Frank and helped him up. "Are you going to be okay?" He asked and Frank nodded. Yes, he would be okay. At least that's what he said.
Gerard yanked his friend into a tight hug and tried to soothe the cries that was making his body shake.
Frank lied though. He knew he wasn't going to be okay. He knew that nothing was ever going to be okay because Kara would haunt his thoughts and the sound of screams and ripping metal would be on replay in his mind, even though he hadn't even been there during the crash.
And even though he should have found some comfort in the thought that Kara's last words were I love you. He couldn't. Because he couldn't forget his last words to her.
"I hate you."
Frank took a long swig of beer before dropping the empty bottle on the hard wood floor. "Oh, Kara..."
Frank had no more tears left in him. All that was left was an ache where his heart used to be; he had died when Kara died. Now, there moments they spent together were just on repeat in his mind...
"Kara, I don't fit in here." Frank whispered to his friend. They were at some sort of banquet, for a charity cause. The only reason Frank actually went at all was because it was against animal cruelty and Kara forced him to go.
"Please, you're vegan and in a tux, you fit in just fine." Kara retorted, "Now, lets go mingle."
Frank pouted but let the raven haired beauty drag him off anyway. Instead of pulling him to a group of strangers like he had expected, Kara pulled him to the dance floor and wrapped her arms around his neck.
Frank felt his stomach flutter a bit but place his hands on Kara's waist anyway, "Our definitions of mingling are completely different." he muttered and Kara bit her lip to hold back the laughter as they swayed to the music.
"This song doesn't make any sense." Kara whispered into Franks ear.
He had to agree, the song was supposed to be sad but he heard so many random words shoved into the lyrics that it could've been about anything.
"Oh, stop complaining, you're the one who wanted to dance." Frank grinned. It was kind of awkward for him because he was so short and his head only reached Kara's chin. At least she had worn flats so it wasn't too bad.
"I'm just saying, it's a sad song... But it's got nothing to say." she shrugged and Franks face morphed into a goofy grin.
"That would be a great song. Just a sad song with nothing to say." he sang it out softly and Kara giggled.
"You work on that and you better dedicate it to me when you finally get in a band." Kara nudged Frank. "First, get a band."
Frank chuckled as the song ended. "Alright, I'll work on it."
Frank snapped out of his daydream as his eyes strayed to the guitar leaning against the side of his apartment. He had flown back to New Jersey for Kara's funeral. He would probably out again in a week to join the band but he knew they wouldn't force him to go on stage if he couldn't handle it.
Frank picked up the guitar and flipped through his black songbook until he found the unfinished song he had started to write for Kara, so many years ago.
"I was there on the day, they sold the cause for the Queen..."
Nobody had seen Frank for a week. Gerard and Mikey tried visiting him but he wouldn't answer the door, only talk through it to tell them he was fine. Ray called once a day but after the first few days, Frank just stopped picking up all together. The only consolation they got that their friend hadn't killed himself, was from the neighbour, who reported that 'he was strumming that damn guitar every waking hour.'
Two days before Frank was supposed to come back to the band, everyone got a text. It was sheet music - well except for Gerard, who got lyrics. Nobody had to ask what it was for, they all knew.
Frank stepped off the plane, clutching his guitar case as his friends came to greet him. Not saying a word, each band member pulled Frank into a tight embrace before leading him to the tour bus.
Franks black hair was greasy and huge bags showed under his eyes. A frown tugged at the corner of his mouth, making him look a decade older than he really was. He didn't say a word to anyone on the bus, just pushed past them to his bunk and curled up into a ball.
They were supposed to be having a concert that night and they weren't sure if he would be ready. They hadn't had a full practice in a week and they weren't sure whether Frank was ready emotionally to go on stage.
But they did, after constant questions asking Frank if he was good to play and him just giving them blank nods.
"Frank, it's time to go on now." Bob urged. Somehow, Frank had managed to do his stage makeup and all, despite looking like he might drop dead any moment.
On stage, it was a blur. Time seemed to skip through all the introductions and cheers until Gerard was about to play the first song. Immediately, Frank jumped to the mic and snatched it from his friends hands.
"I have something to say." Franks voice was hoarse from all the crying and singing he had done on his week off. Nobody stopped him so Frank kept on going, "Uh, I know you've all heard about the... The plane crash that happened last week..."
A murmur passed through the crowd and the rest of MCR clicked in on what Frank was going to do.
"My best friend was on that plane and she... She didn't... I-" Frank choked up, "She was on that plane because of me-"
"Frank, it wasn't your fault." Gerard whispered, away from the mic. Frank shook his head as his vision blurred.
"I- It's all my fault." Frank whimpered, despite what Gerard had said. "I don't even know what to do anymore, this is all I can do... She was my best friend and now- now she's never coming back!"
"Just- lets just play the song. This is Disenchanted, and this and all the other songs we play are dedicated to you, Kara..." Frank finished.
A few notes started playing as Frank took a step back and Gerard took control of the mic.
"I was there on the day, they sold the cause to the Queen, and when the lights all went out, we watched our lives on the screen. I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene." Gerard sang softly.
Everything boomed through the speakers as Gerard sang louder, "It was the roar of the crowd that gave me heartache to sing! It was a lie when they smiled and said, "you won't feel a thing." And as we ran from the cops, we laughed so hard it would sting."
Memories flashed through Franks mind and he tried to shake his head to get them out. To get Kara's haunting face out of his mind. He needed her out!
If I'm so wrong, how can you listen all night long.
It doesn't matter, after I'm gone because you never learned god damned thing.
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya
A single light shone in the crowd from someone cell phone. Then another beside them, and another as people started lighting up their phones and swaying them back and forth.
A smile forced it's way onto Franks face as he knew Kara would be watching. He knew she was hearing the song he had spent so many years to write.
I spent my high school career
Spit on and shoved to agree
So I could watch all my heroes
Sell a car on tv
Bring out the old guillotine
We'll show 'em what we all mean.
The song was a little shaky since nobody had ever played it together before, but even then it sounded magical.
Franks fingers worked his guitar as hot tears rolled down his cheeks. Two long rivers smudged its way into his makeup and made his skin show through the white and the X's over his eyes.
If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter long after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya
Frank couldn't hear the singing or the crowd or even his own breathing anymore. All he heard was Kara's voice as she screamed with the sound of a crashing plane in the background. Flashes of a plane crash appeared in Franks mind and he squeezed his eyes tight to make the images go away.
So go, go away, just go, run away.
But where did you run to? And where did you hide?
Go find another way, price you pay
Frank couldn't do it anymore. His fingers stopped hitting the right chords and his hands dropped to his sides as he collapsed on the floor. He was shaking his head left and right, trying to get the pressure to stop building in his head. He was seeing Kara even when his eyes were squeezed shut.
She was just smiling at him. Her brown eyes had the same brightness in them and she was one of the few people's who's smile reach their eyes every time. Her black hair was in its normal waves and the freckles splattered across her face was exactly how Frank remembered.
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya, come on
"I'm so sorry..." Frank whispered as he placed his hands over his face and sobbed. He was shaking like a leaf in a tornado as choked sobs escaped his lips. Kara's smiling face turned into laughter as the last words she said to Frank repeated in his mind, louder than the band, louder than the plane crash and louder than the cheers in the crowd.
"I love you." she had said.
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya
At all...
The song ended and Gerard walked over to Frank and helped him up. "Are you going to be okay?" He asked and Frank nodded. Yes, he would be okay. At least that's what he said.
Gerard yanked his friend into a tight hug and tried to soothe the cries that was making his body shake.
Frank lied though. He knew he wasn't going to be okay. He knew that nothing was ever going to be okay because Kara would haunt his thoughts and the sound of screams and ripping metal would be on replay in his mind, even though he hadn't even been there during the crash.
And even though he should have found some comfort in the thought that Kara's last words were I love you. He couldn't. Because he couldn't forget his last words to her.
"I hate you."
♠ ♠ ♠
Well, that's kind of sad. But next chapter, things will really be starting up!