You Never Really Can Fix a Heart

I slept through my entire flight home since I didn’t sleep at all last night. All I could do was cry. Jack tried to comfort me the best that he could without having sex. Since Zack called Rae and Briana, they were expecting me home when I arrived. I wish he hadn’t because I just want to be alone. I just got finished explaining what happened that caused me to leave tour and come home since Zack kindly left out that information. Why couldn’t he just tell them? I really didn’t want to relive it. I’m curled up on my couch with Max, Baz and Peyton. Peyton is the dog that Alex and I adopted when we got Bentley for Rae. Bentley and Tarzan are running around with Faith and Izzy.

“I swear I’m going to Avada Kedavra his ass.” Briana grumbled.

“Good one.” Rae laughed as she high-fived Briana for her Harry Potter reference.

“No one is killing anyone. I just want to forget all about it.” I told them. I was on the verge of tears; I really didn’t want to have this conversation. I don’t want to hear about people wanting to kill Alex. I just want them to tell me that everything will be okay and move on from this whole situation. I know most girls don’t want to hear that everything will be okay when they get their heart broken, but that’s exactly what I need to hear. I’m not a normal girl, I don’t want to bad mouth my ex. All I want is to forget and go on with my life. I don’t have time to dwell on Alex cheating on me; I have a custody hearing to prepare for. I have to focus on Faith and getting ready to hopefully move her back in mine and Rae’s house.

“Like hell I’m not. I told that asshole that if he hurt you that I was castrating him. And we both know I don’t go back on my word.” Briana retorted bitterly. I don’t blame her for being angry, because I am too, but this is not what I need.

“Yeah and I will go kick his booty right now. I have an excuse to be on that tour bus.” Rae said.

I rolled my eyes. “No, Rae you’re going to Florida with Scarlett like you planned. And Briana, you just stay in Baltimore and stay away from Alex. I’m done discussing this. I’m leaving.” I got up and told Faith we were leaving. I couldn’t stay in that house a minute longer. I honestly had no idea where I am going but I just needed away.

I drove passed Zack’s parents’ house and remembered that Carla was at work so I just kept driving. I can’t go visit my mom because I know it’ll go the exact same way as with Briana and Rae. Somehow though I ended up at the Gaskarth’s. I’m not entirely sure if I should be here, or even how I got here, but something in my heart says this is exactly where I should be. What Alex doesn’t know is that I’ve spoken to his mom every single day since we left for tour. I know he really doesn’t see the big deal to call his parents that much while he’s on tour but I grew up admiring my mom and with me being so close to my own mom and to Carla that I felt the need to at least let her know that he is alive and not destroying his liver more than usual. Plus as a parent I know how worried a mom gets even though we know that we don’t need to. I’ve gotten pretty close to Isobel over the past few weeks and I know it’s her I need to talk to right now.

I got Faith out of her car seat and started up the driveway to the Gaskarth’s door. “Mommy, what here?” Faith asked me. This was her way of asking me where are we.

“This is Alex’s mommy’s house.” I told her as I rang the doorbell. I was nervous to be here, I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into.

Isobel was shocked when she opened the door. “Oh, Lauren, I didn’t know you were back in Maryland.”

“I got back a few hours ago.” I told her. I know that she knew that I left tour; I guess no one really expected me to come home though. Hell, I didn’t even know I would be coming back home. In situations like this I usually go to Florida to be with Liam.

“Come in.” she said stepping aside and letting Faith and I walk inside. “This must be Faith.”

“Yes.” Faith said shyly. “You grandma?”

Isobel looked at me confused but didn’t respond. “She thinks Alex is her dad. It’s the closest thing she’s ever had to a dad. I really don’t know what to do or say about it. Alex just lets her because he fell in love with her the second he met her.”

Isobel smiled at me then looked down at Faith, “I’m Isobel and I’m sure I’ll be your grandma one day.” I was confused to why she would tell that to my daughter. I’m sure that she knows why I left tour, right? If she does that why is she so sure that she’ll be Faith’s grandma? She saw my confused expression, “We should talk.”

Isobel led us to the living room; we sat down on the couch. Faith sat down on the floor and took out her coloring book out of her backpack that she had brought with her. “I’m not really following what just happened.” I said dumbfounded.

Isobel smiled and rubbed my shoulder. “I know honey. And before you ask, yes I have spoken with my son. I’m extremely disappointed with him. But I have hope that you two can work things out.”

“How?” I furrowed my eyebrows. “Cheating is a rule breaker for me, I got burned from a guy who constantly cheated on me and I refuse to go down that road again.”

“I don’t expect you to forgive and forget so easily. Cheating is never okay and I am not condoning Alex’s actions, I yelled at him when he told me what he did. But he is also my son whom I love deeply and I had to listen to him cry his heart out for two hours this morning. He’s deeply sorry for what he did. And there is a lot that you don’t know about, things that I can’t tell you. It’s not my place. So my advice to you is to hear him out. You don’t have to take him back if you don’t want to, but at least give him a chance to tell his side of the story.” She advised me.

I sat quietly just staring at Faith coloring a picture on the floor. She’s only seen Alex once but that one full day with him changed her. She believes Alex is her dad. I even Skype Briana just so Faith can talk to Alex. They have grown so close in the short time they’ve known about each other and that makes my heart swell. It has always hurt me that I have never given my daughter stability. She was with me the first part of her life then I was out of her life for two months while I was in treatment, then I come home just to lose custody of her. None of us knew how to tell her that she couldn’t live with me until I could prove that I was stable. She’s never known her dad since he wants nothing to do with her. Faith and Izzy are so sad seeing the little kids at daycare have dads and they don’t. So even though I really don’t want Alex back in my life, I think I owe it to Faith to listen to Alex’s side of the story and even if I can’t work things out with him I should at least learn to be civil to him. I know he is not Faith’s dad, but I can’t rip something else away from her. As long as Alex wants to go along with being her dad then I’m going to let him.

I finally look back up at Isobel, “I’ll hear him out, for Faith’s sake.”

“You should do it for yourself as well.” She told me. “I know you still love him. I also know you’ve been hurt in your past, but my son truly didn’t mean to hurt you. Again, I’m not condoning what he did nor am I trying to defend him. I’ve grown to love you over the past few weeks as one of my own so of course I don’t want to see you hurt. I don’t care if you don’t take Alex back; just know that I will always be here for you. Just as Carla has been there for you as a second mom.”

“I really appreciate it. Usually I would go to Carla at times like this but she’s at work, my mom is at work and my sister just wants to talk about killing Alex. I couldn’t take being at home with all of that. So I ended up here. I’m not exactly sure how, I just knew that I could be relaxed here.” I rambled.

“It’s perfectly fine, Lauren. I want you to be able to come to me with anything. Even if it’s something my son has done stupidly. I know he can get himself into a lot of trouble.” She smiled at me.

We talked for a while longer; Isobel even made Faith a snack. But it was dinner time so I was getting ready to leave with Faith when my phone rang. I saw that it was Zack so I ignored it. I am just not in the mood to talk right now. But when he called again I decided to answer it, knowing that he would just keep calling until I answered the phone. “I’m not in the mood to talk right now, Zack. Plus I’m about to drive home so I can’t really talk anyways.” I said when I answered the phone.

“I’ll make it short, I need to call Alex’s mom anyways.”

“I’m actually with Isobel right now.” I cut him off. Isobel looked at me with a curious look on her face but I just shrugged. “What’s going on?”

“I know you hate Alex right now, but I thought you should know that he’s in the hospital right now.” Zack said solemnly.

My heart sank to my stomach. Isobel noticed my change in expression and now looks worried. “What happened?”

“He didn’t eat anything all day. He stayed in his bunk until we finally had to force him out and pour water down his throat so he wouldn’t dehydrate. We had to practically drag him to the stage today. He tried to power through the show, but everyone knew he wasn’t on his A game. A couple songs in, he just stopped singing and the next thing I know he passed out and hit his head on a speaker on the way down. The doctors said that he was really dehydrated which is why he passed out and he could possibly have a concussion from the head injury.” Zack explained.

“Oh my god.” I gasped. I did this to him. He was drowning in sorrow because I left and didn’t give him a chance. I looked up at Isobel, “Alex is in the hospital but he’s okay.” I told her trying not to worry her. “He was dehydrated and passed out on stage.”

“Oh god.” She said bringing her hand to her mouth. I could see the tears in her eyes. I walked over to her and hugged her tightly before turning my attention back to my phone call.

“When he wakes up, tell him that I will be on the first flight out.” I told Zack.

“You’re coming back?” Zack sounded excited.

“Only to talk to him face to face. I need to figure out what the hell is going on and see if I can fix it. Faith loves him so I have to do this for her.” I explained.

“Fucking shit.” I heard Zack mumble. Before I could ask what is going on I heard a familiar voice. Lisa’s to be exact. She was asking where Alex’s room is. “Please ignore what I know you just heard.” He begged. “Alex wants nothing to do with her.”

“You know fuck it. I’m done; tell Lisa that she can take care of him. And don’t try to convince me of anything because if Alex doesn’t want her then he wouldn’t have had his tongue down her throat last night.” I said angrily and hung up before Zack could respond.

I tilted my head back trying to will the tears away because I didn’t want Faith to see my crying. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think I could go back there and face him. I’m just going to stay away from him, when he gets home then he can see Faith but I won’t see him. Lisa and him were made for each other and I have to deal with that. “Sorry.” I apologized to Isobel. “Come on, Faith. We have to get back to grandmas.”

On the way home Faith asked if she could have a muffin, since I really didn’t feel like fighting with her over her having to eat dinner first, I decided to just go to this café by my mom’s house to get her one. We were standing in line waiting when I heard someone say my name. I turned around and saw someone who I really didn’t want to see and someone who I never thought I would see again.