You Never Really Can Fix a Heart

“I’m surprised you remember me.” I rolled my eyes as I looked at Kara Diakoulas. She never did anything to me but I hold a grudge for the fact that she is Lisa’s best friend. How can you be friends with a person when you know damn well that they are bullying another person? In my book, knowing and doing nothing is just as bad as the person doing the bullying.

“Sorry,” she said quietly, she looked sad which made me feel bad. “I probably wouldn’t have recognized you if I hadn’t seen pictures on Alex’s twitter.” She admitted. At least she’s honest.

“Probably won’t be seeing any more of those, so this might be the last time you recognize me.” I snapped at her. I saw her wince but made no attempt to acknowledge it.

“Can we talk, please?” she asked. I looked down at Faith then back up at Kara. I was going to tell her that I didn’t have the time right now but she started to talk again. “Look I know that you’re busy and I am one of the last people you want to talk to you, but this is important.”

“If you just want to say you’re sorry so your guilt can subside then save your breath because I don’t want to hear it.” I told her. The lady behind the counter handed me my order and I went to walk away but once again Kara stopped me.

“Wait, this has nothing to do with my guilt. Well maybe it does.” She rambled causing me to roll my eyes. “Look, I know what I did back in high school was wrong. I shouldn’t have sat back and let Lisa treat you so poorly. But I am trying to at least make up for it now. She’s going to do something bad and I want to stop it.”

It seemed really important to her and she didn’t seem like she was going to let this go so I took my phone and headphones out of my purse and gave them to Faith. “Hey sweetie, go watch SpongeBob or something on my phone okay?”

“Okay mommy.” She smiled at me then sat down at the nearest table. I took her muffin out of the bag and sat it down in front of her as well.

“Your daughter?” Kara asked with wide eyes.

“Yeah.” I nodded then motioned for her to sit at the table next to where Faith sat. “So what is Lisa up to now? Because she’s already done enough damage for one century.”

Kara mumbled something that I didn’t hear then looked up at me with an apologetic look. “So she already has done her damage. I’m so sorry.”

“If you knew that Lisa was going to wreck my relationship with Alex, why not go to him?” I questioned her.

“Alex may know that Lisa has a not so nice side, but he still has her on this pedestal. I’m not sure what it is or why, but no matter how much she hurts him he can’t seem to just hurt her. I’m sure that’s why he gave her until the end of tour to move out of their place. Any other time if a girl did what she did to you the guy would kick her out on her ass, but once again he was so nice about it.” she explained. Now that I think about it she has a point. I wondered why Alex gave her so much time to move out. This is a lot of information to take in; I don’t know what to think.

“So you didn’t say anything because you thought he wouldn’t believe you or because you thought it would go down exactly how it did?” I asked.

“How did it go down exactly?”

I took a deep breath before answering. “She showed up in Vegas, not sure what she was doing there or what really happened but I caught them making out. When I confronted him about it, he just said it wasn’t what it looked like.” I rolled my eyes. “Typical guy line. Zack said he was crying when he confronted him. I went over and saw his mom and she said he’s been pretty broken up about it. But why be upset about it if he blatantly cheated on me after promising that he wouldn’t?”

“I think she’s holding something over his head. What else can it be? Why would a guy be so nice to a girl who has hurt him and a girl he’s obviously in love with if it isn’t guilt or blackmail?” Kara pointed out with a shrug.

“Why are you even helping me? Lisa is your best friend; shouldn’t you be just like Mel and helping her get what she wants? And why say such implicating things about her? Doesn’t seem much like a friend to me.” I am beyond confused right now, was this just another ploy in Lisa’s games? Since she already pulled the ultimate ploy by being in cahoots with Blake and Melanie. I just don’t know what else to think. I’m so sick of all of these damn games.

“I love Lisa to death, she is my best friend and I would do almost anything for her. I could never help her break up a relationship. She has some sort of fixation on Alex; I don’t know what it is. It’s like she is obsessed with him. She is dead set in making sure no one can have him but her.” Kara explained.

“Well thanks for telling me, but I doubt it will do any good now. I broke up with Alex and I don’t plan on going back to him. Lisa wins, she can have him.” I sighed as I looked over at Faith who was laughing at whatever she was watching on my phone.

“So you’re going to hurt Alex and end the best relationship I’ve ever seen him have so he can be with a girl who is way too toxic for him and will probably end up killing him in the end?” she asked me confused.

I tried so hard not to cry, “It’s not that easy. I have a little girl to think about. I can’t have her in the middle of all that drama. I love Alex so much and everyone keeps saying that I am the best for him, but I just can’t deal. I have a lot of baggage and I can’t trust him right now.”

“Mommy, daddy is calling. Can I answer it?” I heard Faith say. She held up my phone so I could see the screen. I looked over at Kara who had wide eyes.

“Um, sure baby girl. But I don’t want to talk to him so when you’re done just hang up okay?” I told her. Faith’s face lit up because she’s been waiting to talk to Alex. She doesn’t understand why I am home without him when I told her that we both would be home soon. It’s so hard to explain things to her sometimes because she’s only two and doesn’t understand much. I saw her press the answer button and say hi. I tuned her out after that.

“How is Alex her dad?” Kara asked highly confused.

“He’s not.” I said making Kara look even more confused. “She thinks Alex is her dad and since her dad isn’t in her life and never will me I haven’t corrected her. She loves him and he loves her, why ruin a good thing?”

“But by leaving Alex, aren’t you ruining it?” Kara pointed out.

“Alex will always be in her life, but that doesn’t mean he has to be in mine. I grew up without a dad and I was fine. It may not be ideal, but how exactly can I give her the ideally perfect family if Lisa will never let Alex go?” I retorted. I get where her and Isobel are coming from, I don’t want to break up with Alex and I don’t want to tear apart the family that Faith has conjured up in her mind. But how can I keep my sanity and not relapse if Lisa keeps interfering? I won’t lose my daughter, she is far more important to me that any relationship.

“I see your point.” She nodded. “He obviously wants to talk to you; maybe you should give him the chance to tell his side of the story before you write him off for good. Maybe if you both team up you can figure out a way to get Lisa off your backs.”

“Daddy say he love you, momma.” Faith told me with a big smile on her face. I looked over at her and smiled. The call was ended so I know he’s not still on the line.

“Are you ready to go home?” I asked her and she nodded. I looked back at Kara, “Thanks for telling me about Lisa and I will take your advice into consideration.”

As I was walking to my car Rae text me and said that she and Scarlett were on their way to the airport. So I text my mom and told her that I would be taking Faith home with me for the night. I just didn’t want to be around anyone right now. I had far too much to think about. When I got home I made me and Faith a grilled cheese sandwich because I really didn’t feel like cooking but knew I had to feed Faith. An hour later she ended up falling asleep on the couch. I covered her up and sat on the other couch. Max jumped up on my lap and laid there while Baz cuddled on the couch next to me. Finn cuddled with Faith on the other couch as well as Peyton, the dog that Alex and I adopted when he got Bentley for Rae. I’m not entirely sure where Tarzan and Bentley are though, probably playing upstairs.

I picked up my phone and went through my contacts until I found the number I was looking for and clicked call. After a few rings I realized the time and was about to hang up when I heard the person answer. “Lauren? Are you okay?” he asked worriedly. There was a lot of noise in the background.

“Yeah I am okay, but don’t let anyone know you’re talking to me.” I told him.

“Let me find a quiet spot.” He said. I heard some rustling around then it wasn’t as loud. “What’s up?”

“I want to come back to work, but the thing is I need a few more days. Something has come up that I need to take care of before I can go back unless I can take a couple days off to come home.” I said.

“Do whatever you want. I would love for you to come back sooner rather than later, but I want you to be comfortable with your decision. I won’t rush you and like I told you when you left, we’ll pay you no matter what.” As you guessed it, I called Matt. He’s become like a brother to me over the past couple of weeks. He’s a good guy.

“I was going to wait and just come with Rae, Scarlett and Briana but I think I should come sooner. I think I am going to meet you guys in Minneapolis. I just don’t want anyone to know about it. But I will have to leave after the Chicago show and come home then meet up with you guys in Michigan.” I explained to him.

“That sounds perfect.” I could hear the excitement in his voice. “But I have to ask, what if it doesn’t work out once you talk to Alex? Are you just going to leave for good?”

I took a deep breath; I was hoping he wouldn’t ask that. I’ve spent the past two hours thinking about this and I’m not even sure. “To be honest I’m not sure. I will try my hardest to be professional, but if the worst comes then I will just stay on someone else’s bus. Cady offered to let me stay on hers if I ever needed to. So hasn’t Jonathan but I’m sure that would just add fuel to the fire so I would never go there.”

“We all miss you.” Matt said leaving alone what I just said. We both don’t really want to think about the worst case scenario.

“I miss everyone too. Even Alex.” I sighed. Baz looked up at me when I said Alex’s name. I smiled and scratched his head.

“It feels like you’ve been gone longer than a day. It’s a mess. At first no one would talk to Alex, Rian even threatened to leave the band. Alex just sat in his bunk and cried. But when Alex fell today and we saw the blood, it scared us all to death. The guys made up, they are all still pissed at him but at least they are talking. I’m not even sure how Alex is sleeping right now with all this noise. It’s probably a mixture of the medicine he’s on and the fact that he’s done nothing but cry.” Matt told me. I know he didn’t want me to feel bad but I do.

“What about Lisa?” I asked.

“Colussy told her to stay the hell away the night in Vegas, then she showed up today and shit hit the fan. I wouldn’t let her in to see Alex at the hospital then Jack yelled at her and told her if she doesn’t stay the hell away from Alex and you then bad things would happen. I’ve never seen Jack so angry before, it scared me. I’m not sure if she got the message or not. She kept calling his phone earlier; I don’t think he answered though.”

“He called me earlier, but I didn’t answer. I let him talk to Faith though.” I said. “I should let you go; I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Take care and let me know when you’re in Minneapolis and I’ll have someone pick you up or we’ll work something out.” he told me. I told him I would then hung up my phone. I sat my phone on the coffee table and curled up with Max and Baz. The dogs could sense that I was upset because they just kept licking my face like they were letting me know that it was okay. I couldn’t help but start to cry. Soon enough though I cried myself to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day and I have a lot to do before I go see Alex and I just pray that things go smoothly, not only with Alex but also with what I have to take care of.