You Never Really Can Fix a Heart

*Three Months Later*

“Oh. My. God.” I whispered as I looked at the two pink lines telling me that I was pregnant. I had been feeling sick for awhile now but I never thought I would be pregnant. Alex and I are always so careful. Even when Zack and Rae joked about me being pregnant, I thought they were crazy because I am on birth control. But then today happened, I got a phone call from my doctors office saying that I had missed my appointment to come in and get my shot which means that I haven’t been on birth control for three months.

“Lo, are you okay in there?” Zack asked as he knocked on the bathroom door. I’m over at his parents house because I couldn’t take the chance of taking a pregnancy at home. Plus I was at my mom’s house across the street. Briana had called me late last night, panicking because she slept with Drew for the first time. I wasn’t sure why that was such a bad thing, but she was freaking out. And I didn’t want to take a test there and have my mom find out before I told her.

After throwing away the test I opened the door, meeting Zack’s eyes and felt like I was going to throw up. “I’m pregnant.”

“Are you okay with that result?” he asked skeptically.

“I haven’t even been dating Alex a year, now I’m pregnant? I just got Faith back, I’m just getting used to being a full time mom. I can’t have two right now.” my voice cracked from me holding back tears. How am I going to get through this? How can I tell Alex he’s going to be a dad when he’s hardly ever home. He tours a good nine or ten months of the year. Hell they just got back from almost a month in Europe.

“Hey, this time is so much different. You are strong and healthy.” Zack smiled at me. “Plus Alex loves you and he loves Faith, so there is no doubt that he will love this baby. Hell aren’t you two supposed to be moving in together today? You are an amazing mom, Lo. I know that you didn’t really get to be a mom to Faith when she was a baby, but now you get to experience those times with this baby and with Alex. I know you guys haven’t been together long, but it doesn’t matter as long as you two love each other and I can see that you do. I had my doubts in the beginning, but I’ve watched Alex stop being that prink he once was, and I’ve seen you become happier than I’ve ever seen you. Alex healed you, he broke down those walls that you built up, now you two get to start a whole new adventure.”

“I’m scared.” I admitted. That’s one thing I’ve never admitted out loud. People may notice that I am scared, but I never admitted to it. I think that was my biggest downfall. Maybe if I had just told someone that I was scared then I wouldn’t have done such stupid things in my past.

“Don’t be, we are all here for you, no matter what.” he pulled me into a hug. He took my hand and led me back to the kitchen where Carla was cleaning up after our lunch.

“What’s the verdict, sweetheart?” she asked, looking up from the sink.

“Faith is going to be a big sister.” I smiled weakly. I’m still unsure of how I feel. Part of me is excited to have another baby. But the other part is petrified.

“Oh, that is so amazing.” Carla gushed as she came around the counter to give me a hug. “Next time you have to bring Faith to see me. I miss that little one.”

“I will, I promise. I probably should get home though, tell Alex the news.” I sighed.

“Don’t be scared to tell him. I’ve seen how Alex is with Faith as well as Brie and Liam’s kids, that boy is ready to be a dad.” Carla reassured me.



“Are you sure you want to do this now?” Zack asked as we walked into our house. My hands were shaking and I felt like I was going to puke my insides out.

“Yeah, I have to. I don’t want to keep secrets.” I told him.

I heard Faith in the living room so I went there, but to my surprise neither Rae or Alex were with her, it was Jack. “What are you doing here?” I asked him.

“Rae got called into the bakery and since I was already here I said I would watch Faith until you got home.” he shrugged without looking up at me.

“Where is Alex? His car is in the driveway.” I pointed toward the front door with my thumb as Zack walked in behind me.

“Yeah, he took mine since I was blocking him in. He said something about having to go back to his house to do something. I don’t know, but he should have been back by now.” Jack explained.

I looked back at Zack who held onto my shoulders trying to steady me. “Can you take me over there, please?”

“Sorry, I can’t. Lena just text me and I need to go pick her up from the airport.” he apologized.

“Why do you need to see Alex so bad?” Jack looked up at me with a confused and worried look on his face. When he saw me standing there shaking he stood up and came over to me. “What’s going on?”

I couldn’t hold it in any longer, I ran out of the room and to the bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before the contents of my stomach started spewing out. I definitely don’t miss this part of pregnancy. You always feel like you’re dying when you’re throwing up. Once I was finished, I groaned and sat against the wall. I heard the door creak open and Jack walked in. “Zack had to go, but he told me what was going on.” he said flushing the toilet.

“How do you think Alex is going to react?” I asked as I rested my head against the wall.

“Shocked, but in a good way.” Jack said without a second thought. “Between you and me, Alex has already started to plan your engagement. He doesn’t want to scare you by moving too fast. This whole moving in together thing is the first big step for him. He wants to marry you, and he never once thought about marriage when he was with Lisa. So I know he will be happy to father your child.”

“When did you get so grown up?” I chuckled.

“I have my moments.” he shrugged with a smirk. “I’m going to go check on Faith but I can take you over to your soon to be home if you want. I don’t think you should drive with you feeling so gross.”

I thanked Jack for the offer and told him that I would be out soon. After taking a few deep breaths I got up and brushed my teeth. The aftertaste of vomit is worse than that cotton taste in your mouth when you wake up in the morning. Faith fell asleep in the car on the way to Alex’s house which I thought was good so I can tell Alex without her wanting her daddy’s undivided attention. Even though I knew that Carla, Jack and Zack were right that Alex would be okay with me being pregnant, I was still nervous as hell. I’m still not sure if it is because I’m scared of Alex’s reaction or because I don’t want to be pregnant.

“Do you want me to come in with you?” Jack asked when we pulled up to Alex’s house.

I looked back and saw that Faith was still asleep so I shook my head. “No, she’s asleep and I don’t want to wake her then get distracted telling him.”

Jack nodded then I got out of the car. My legs felt like jelly as I walked toward the front door. I started to knock, but then remembered I have a key so I let myself in. But before I walked into the house I was stopped dead in my tracks at what I saw. I looked back at Jack, debating on if I should leave or not. I think he misinterpreted my enraged look for nervousness because he motioned for me to go inside. I looked back into the foyer and glared at the half naked Lisa standing before me with a satisfied smirk on her face.

“What the hell are you doing in my house?” I yelled at her. This was the first time that I acknowledged that this was now my house too, and it will probably be the last.

Her smirk got bigger and she laughed. “What does it look like? I’m in only one of Alex’s shirts, we both know what that signifies. We had hot, steamy, sweaty sex all afternoon. He wanted it and he wants me.”

“Alex would never cheat on me. Especially with a psycho like you.” I growled at her. I wanted to slap that stupid smirk on her face, but I am in no condition to get into a bitch fight right now. Instead I stalked upstairs and went to the master bedroom. I hoped to see Alex there ready to give me an explanation to why his psychotic ex is in the foyer in only a t-shirt. But instead I found him passed out on the bed, naked.

Suddenly I didn’t feel sick anymore. I felt pissed off. I wanted to kill Alex right now. Jack said he wanted to marry me. We are supposed to be making this OUR home. But once again he proves that he is still the same asshole that I met in high school. I picked up the first thing that I could grab and threw it at him causing him to jump. He sat up on the bed and squinted his eyes. I just kept throwing things at him, he dodged them the best he could but most of them hit him. “What the hell?”

“I fucking hate you!” I screamed.

“Lauren?” he said confused. He finally woke up completely and got a good look at me. “What the fuck is your problem?”

“Oh like you dont know. I trusted you and once again you made me look like a fool. Never again, Alexander. Don’t ever call me again. We are through.” I turned and left the room. Alex calling after me. I heard him trip, he was probably trying to get dressed.

Lisa met me at the bottom of the stairs, along with Jack. “Please tell me that there is an explanation for her being nearly naked.” he looked at me with hope in his eyes.

“Sadly no.” I said angrily then looked over at Lisa. “He’s all yours now.”

As I walked out of the house I heard Alex yelling for me and his footsteps close behind me but Jack stopped him. “Just leave her alone, dude. You’ve done enough damage for one day and she doesn’t need anymore stress.”

After I heard Jack say that I ran to the car, getting in the passenger seat once again and let myself break down. The drive back to my house was filled with my sobs and Jack trying to get me to calm down. I text Zack on the way back home and told him to get home as soon as he gets Lena. He called me to see what was wrong but I was crying too hard to form words so Jack took my phone and told him what had happened. When we got back to the house, Jack said he would get Faith. I just curled up on the couch and cried.

About ten minutes after we got home, Zack and Lena arrived. Zack rushed to me and held me until I stopped crying. “So you’re sure that you that you want this to be over permanently?”

“This is one too many let downs. I can’t handle another. I just want to raise this baby on my own and forget all about him.” I sniffed.

“Okay, but he’s not going down without a fight. The only way he will let you go is if you give him a good enough reason.” he pointed out.

“If that’s the case, then you should just tell him that you cheated on him. Once he finds out you’re pregnant he will know it is his baby and will try to win you back. The only way he will back the hell off is if you tell him that you cheated and the baby is not his.” Lena said.

“And who do you suggest I say that I fucked? He won’t believe that. The only one he would believe is Jack and we all know that I wouldn’t betray Rae again, so that won’t work.” I shook my head.

“There is one person….” Lena trailed off and we all looked at her. “Zack. He knows that you once had feelings for Zack. You and Rae have previously made jokes, so this will work.”

“I would never do that though.” Zack shook his head.

“Lena is right, Alex feels threatened by your relationship with Rae, as well as mine.” Jack told us.

“But how would this have happened? You guys have been on tour. And if I’m correct, I got pregnant when we were either on tour or right after we got home. We were always together so he would never believe that.”

“Then sell it. I know you and Zack would never sleep together. But I am telling you to do this, I want you to do this.” Lena stressed. “I’m in love with Zack and I admire how protective he is of you, Rae and Brie. I have always admired how close you guys are. It’s part of why I fell in love with him. When one of you is hurt, you all hurt. So as long as you hurt then Zack hurts and when Zack hurts, I hurt. So I am doing this for you guys. Tell Alex that you guys slept together drunkenly one night.”

We didn’t have time to argue because Alex came bursting through the front door. “Lo, please talk to me. What you saw was nothing. I didn’t sleep with Lisa, I swear to you.”

I took a deep breath and looked over at Lena, Zack and Jack. Lena nodded her head, letting me know that it was okay. “It doesn’t matter, if you did or didn’t.”

Alex breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that I had just forgiven him. “thank god. I can’t lose you.”

“No, Alex, you don’t understand.” I said as tears started falling from my eyes once again. “I don’t forgive you, it just doesn’t matter because I cheated on you first.”

“You wouldn’t do that.” he furrowed his eyebrows.

“I’m sorry, but I did. It was a mistake but I did and now I’m pregnant since we didn’t use a condom.” I prayed that I sounded convincing.

“What the hell? No, you’re lying. Don’t do this, please Lo.” Alex tugged at his hair as tears formed in his eyes.

“Sorry, bro, but it’s true. She is pregnant, I was with her when she found out.” Zack told Alex. “And I know that she cheated on you because it was with me.”

Alex looked at Zack with rage in his eyes. Alex pulled back his arm and punched Zack square in the jaw. He looked at me and went to say something but closed his mouth and just left the house, slamming the door behind him. In that moment, I started a new chapter in my life. One that wouldn’t involve Alexander William Gaskarth. Now it’s just me, Faith and my baby with Alex. But he will always know our baby to be mine and Zack’s. I know it’s wrong to keep Alex from his own child, but I just can’t handle anymore heartbreak in my life. I refuse to go back to that dark place that I was once in. I have my daughter back and have a baby on the way and I need to stay strong for them. This is now my life and nothing else matters.