You've Made Me Stronger

"Ava! What's the sex of the baby?!"
"How is Nick handling all of this?!"
"When are you getting engaged?!"
Same questions, different day. I ducked and dodged the cameras in my face to the best of my ability as I walked Elvis, Nick and I's 3 year old Golden Retriever that Kevin got us a few months after the miscarriage, down Hollywood Blvd.
Elvis seemed to sense how tense the paparazzi made me, because he would bark and yip at the men if they got too close.

Apparently, Nick and I's pregnancy was a hot topic, because I couldn't go out for long without the paparazzi in my face, shouting the same questions with the same silence from me. You think they'd realize I wasn't going to talk to them and leave me alone, but they were persistent.
I quickly tied up Elvis, ducked into my favorite cafe and watched as the manager shooed the paparazzi away. Once he was done, he turned to me and shook his head.

"Damn animals," he mumbled. I laughed.
"Sorry about that, George. You'd think I was the one in a world famous band," I joked as I followed him to the counter.
"Yeah, well, anything with a possible story and they're there," he replied. I nodded my head in agreement.
"Oh, I know. But you think they'd realize they weren't going to get a story out of me," I countered. He simply shrugged his shoulders.

"Get Ava here the usual, on the house," he told the guy behind the counter before waving at me and walking to the back.
"Thanks, George. You're a lamb," I called after him, at which he gave me a playful wink before going through the door into the back. I turned to the guy behind the counter and watched as he prepared my usual; a grilled chicken and bacon club and a lemon iced tea.

"You sure did luck out, Ava, baby," a voice behind me whispered, and the unwelcome familiarity of it sent shivers down my spine. I turned around to be greeted by a face I was hoping to never see again.

"Jeremy?" I asked in disbelief. He smiled a cold, sadistic smile.
"The one and only, baby," he stated. My jaw dropped open and my heart raced. When I left Jeremy, he threatened that he would find me, but I didn't think he ever would. I broke up with him a few weeks before the night of my rape... The night Nick found me, and I had and will always believe that he was behind the rape. That he had gotten that disgusting man to find me and rape me. That it wasn't random. It was one of the reasons I didn't want to be taken to the hospital. I knew Jeremy could find me, if the cops didn't first.

"Speechless, eh? I'm flattered," he stated, his voice never leaving a low, creepy monotone. I shook my head and took a step back, but my back hit the counter behind me.

"Stay away from me, you asshole," I finally managed to whisper as fiercely as I could, but I wasn't feeling very fierce. I felt like I could be broken at any moment. I put my hand defensively on my belly as I looked around for someone, anyone to witness this, but the guy behind the counter was gone and the cafe was otherwise empty.
Just my luck.

He laughed at my panicked expression. "Don't worry, baby. We're all alone," he whispered. Since I knew Jeremy, I knew he was strong, so I knew I couldn't possibly fight him off. Instead, I tried a different tactic; pleading.

"Please, Jeremy, I'm-"
"Pregnant? I know. I've been keeping tabs on you, Ava. I know how my plan backfired on me. How he found you that night and took you in. I know how you're now set for life," he stated. I shook my head.
"It's not like that. I love him, Jeremy," I whispered. He laughed once more.

"The one woman I was willing to spend the rest of my life with but who couldn't love me back is now in love... With a member of a boy band?" He spoke through gritted teeth as he said the last part.

"I'm sorry I couldn't love you, Jeremy, but you have to move on," I tried to reason with him, but he wasn't hearing it. He grabbed me by the shoulders with strong hands and shook me hard.

"Shut up!" He hollered. I gasped at his out burst and closed my eyes in fear of a punch, but he didn't hit me. Instead, he yanked me away from the counter and pulled me out of the store, the whole time holding what I assumed was a knife against my back. I winced as the blade pushed through my blouse and a little bit into my skin, letting me know that if I made any move to escape or draw unwanted attention, he would find a way to drive it into my body.

"Smile for the cameras, baby. Let's put on a nice show for the boyfriend," he whispered harshly into my ear. I knew better than to do anything but what he told me to do, so for the sake of me and my unborn babies, I tried my very best to look at ease. I leaned into Jeremy, who's arm was around my waist with the knife hidden under my purse against my side, and tried to look like I was simply being escorted by an old friend.

"You're not going to get away with this, you know," I whispered to him through a fake smile as the paparazzi snapped pictures and hollered questions about who my guy friend was, or if Nick and I had broken up, or even if I was having an affair. I cringed inwardly at what was going to be in next week's gossip magazines. What would Nick think? I silently prayed he would see through the rouse.
Jeremy laughed casually at my comment, doing a great job at making it look like he was laughing fondly at some joke I had made, which I suppose to him, it really was funny.

"Oh but I just might. You know me, baby. I'm very resourceful," he replied as we finally got to his car. He opened the passenger door for me, but before I could step in, he grabbed my hand, spun me around and dipped me down before smashing his lips into mine. Instinctively I went to push him away, but he pushed the knife he was holding deep into my hip, causing me to open my mouth and gasp in pain, giving his tongue full access to my mouth and effectively stopping my resistance. After a few moments of a cringe worthy, completely possessive kiss which had to have been photographed about 50 times by 5 different paparazzi, he straightened me back out and directed me into the passenger's seat of his car.

"Don't fucking move," he whispered through a smile before shutting my door and walking back to the cafe to untie Elvis. He walked him back to the car and directed him into the back seat before getting into the driver's seat and starting the car.

"I'm bleeding really bad, Jeremy," I stated through gritted teeth as I held my hip as tightly as I could in an attempt to stop the bleeding. "I need a hospital."
"So you can find a way to rat me out?" He asked through a chuckle. "I don't think so."
"Jeremy, if you're going to do this, you have to keep me healthy. I can't lose these babies," I pleaded as tears streamed down my face. If I lost these babies I'd lose my mind. But Jeremy didn't seem to care.
"Like I'm going to let my girl keep someone else's babies. It's too late to have an abortion, but you're not keeping them. I don't care where they go, but as soon as they're born, they're gone."

I cried so hard that I think my wound bled more. I pushed my hands hard against it and winced as the pain raced through my body. Jeremy looked over and noticed the blood as it spread through the fabric of my blouse. Once we were stopped at a red light, he took off his shirt and threw it onto my lap.
"Use this," he demanded, though his voice was softer now, almost caring. I grabbed the shirt and lifted the side of my blouse before pushing the shirt against the wound, making sure there was the right amount of pressure. The small wound was bleeding non stop, and I was beginning to feel dizzy. I laid my head against the head rest of the seat and watched Jeremy out of the corner of my eyes. I looked at the toned muscles of his arms and abdomen, his chiseled features and feathered blonde hair. You'd never think he could be so sadistic, and I didn't know him to be until I told him I was leaving him. I felt bad I couldn't love him back, and that I couldn't stay with someone I didn't love. I couldn't take advantage of his love anymore, of everything he did for me because of it. He gave me a safe place to live with him, he kept me fed, kept me off the streets. I decided I would rather take my chances than take advantage of him anymore.
"You won't make it," he warned me. "I'll make sure of it." And he did. If it wasn't for Nick, that is. I shed tears as I thought of Nick thinking I had left him again, pregnant with his children. I had hurt him bad enough already. What would he think of me? I suppose it didn't matter, Jeremy was resourceful and I doubted I would ever get back to Nick anyway.

"Stop crying," he demanded. "He's not worth it."
I hardened my eyes and gritted my teeth. "He saved my life, you asshole. I'd probably be dead right now if it wasn't for him," I spat. His features seemed to soften at this.
"He wasn't supposed to rape you. He was only supposed to toss you around a little, scare you enough for you to come back to me," he whispered. I laughed a fake humored laugh.
"I wouldn't have come back, Jeremy. I'm not fucking helpless," I informed him through a clenched jaw. He shook his head.
"You're fucking stubborn is what you are. Always have been." And I could swear I saw a fond smile appear and disappear on his lips as quickly as I could blink. I huffed and turned my eyes back to the window.
"It doesn't matter anyway. It backfired and he found you. But he wasn't going to keep you. It's either me or nobody. It took me a while, but I have you back." He turned the car onto a familiar street and parked it on the curb in front of a duplex. It was the same place he lived in when I was with him. He got out of the car and walked around to my side before pulling me out of the passenger's seat. He flipped open what I now knew was a pocket knife that he had in his pocket before holding it to my side.
"Unless you want another stab wound, don't move. I don't want to hurt you, Ava, but you won't leave me a choice."
I glared at him but nodded my head in understanding. He opened the back door and grabbed Elvis' leash before leading us both to the front door of his place. I walked in to see that not much had changed. I turned to him as he locked the front door and let Elvis off the leash. Elvis ran up to me and sniffed at my wound before whining to me, obviously knowing something wasn't right. Jeremy walked over to me and went to grab the bloody shirt from my equally bloody hands, but Elvis stood in front of me and barked ferociously. Jeremy's eyes widened and he took a step back.
"You'd better not try to touch me. And you better not touch him," I warned. Jeremy took a confident step towards Elvis to grab his collar, but Elvis' lips turned up in a snarl.
"He's trained to protect me, Jeremy. All it takes is a command." I informed him. He narrowed his eyes at me.
"You're bluffing. You would have had him attack me at the cafe," he whispered. I smiled at him.
"Elvis, warn," I commanded, the word being the command for him to step towards the offender and bark, snarl, or snap in warning of an attack if they didn't back off. "Don't make me take it farther."
Jeremy took a few steps back and held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to see your wound. Call him off before I grab my gun." Jeremy was watching Elvis closely, and I knew that he would shoot him if he could. I wasn't going to underestimate him, and I didn't want Elvis to get hurt.

"Elvis, back," I hollered over his barking and snapped my fingers before pointing to my side. In an instant, Elvis was sitting at my side. "Good boy, you did good," I smiled down to him, my approval being the only reward he needed to be happy and calm. Jeremy let out a breath of relief.
"You trained him yourself?" He asked me as he studied Elvis. He was looking up at me and panting happily. I nodded my head. Jeremy ran a hand through his hair and stepped towards me.
"You have always been good with animals. May I?" He asked as he gestured towards the bloody shirt. I sighed and nodded my head again in consent. I took my hand away from the torn blouse and Jeremy placed his hand there instead. He lifted my blouse and took his ruined shirt away from the wound. It stuck a little and I winced as it peeled away from the wound, which was now sticky with half dried blood around the wound which was still slightly bleeding fresh blood. He furrowed his eyebrows and frowned.
"God, I'm sorry, Ava," he whispered as he studied the wound. I knitted my eyebrows in confusion.
"Then why did you do it?" I asked him. He sighed.
"I was angry. I got carried away. I don't like hurting you, baby, but you make me go crazy."

I shook my head in pity. I wished he'd get over me, especially if I was the reason he could be so cruel. He was so sweet when I was with him, and I had never known him to be anything else until I angered him by leaving. This wasn't healthy.
"It needs to be stitched, come on." He grabbed my hand and led me into the kitchen, with Elvis right on our heels. He sat me down on one of the bar stools that was placed in front of the marble kitchen bars. Elvis sat beside it and rested his head on my thigh.
"That dog really loves you," he stated softly as he wetted a wash cloth at the kitchen sink. I looked down at Elvis and petted his head, enjoying the familiarity of his soft golden fur while in a place that will now forever haunt my dreams.
"He was a present to Nick and I from his brothers after my miscarriage," I stated, figuring it wouldn't hurt to try to gain some sympathy. He sighed as he ringed out the wash cloth before walking over to me.
"I am sorry about that. It must have been tough." He placed the washcloth on the bar before grabbing the hem of my blouse. I instinctively pushed his hands away. He smiled softly.
"It's nothing I haven't seen before, babe," he said through a chuckle. I sighed.
"Please, I'm not your babe anymore," I stated, trying but failing to keep the disgust out of my voice. Suddenly he grasped my chin hard, causing me to gasp in surprise.
"Yes, you are. You are mine now," he said through gritted teeth before smashing his lips hard into mine. I whimpered softly in pain as he pushed his tongue into my mouth. He moved his hand to the back of my neck and put the other on the small of my back and pushed my body into his, making me spread my legs to fit his torso in between them. He bit my lip and I gasped, tasting blood on the tip of his tongue, the metallic taste stinging my senses. I pushed at his chest, but he wouldn't budge. When I got a chance, I tried to bring him back to his senses.
"You're hurting me, Jeremy," I whispered. He pulled away and rested his forehead against mine instead. He was breathing hard.
"You drive me insane," he growled.
"Then let me leave," I reasoned. He tightened his grasp on my neck.
"It's not going to happen." His voice was fierce. I whimpered my protest but otherwise stayed silent and still as he came back to his senses. He pulled away from me and let go of my neck and back, but stayed between my legs. "I love you, Ava," he whispered, a sort of sadness in his voice. I shook my head.
"I'm sorry to hear it," I replied, silently letting him know I would never love him back.
"You will love me," he stated. I closed my eyes briefly as a tear fell down my cheek.
"I'm in love with Nick, and it will never change. I don't know what you expect from me, but you tore me away from the man I love, the father of my children. How did you think this would work? Did you really think I wouldn't resent you? That I'd make this easy?"
His eyes hardened in a glare. "No, but at least I have you," he whispered before turning and waking away, going into the bathroom and rooting around in the cabinet and drawers. After a minute, he came back carrying a large needle, some dental floss and some gauze, a patch and medical tape. He placed the items on the bar before pulling a lighter out of his pocket and placing it next to the other items. He took the hem of my blouse in his hands and pulled it up, forcing me to put my arms over my head so he could remove it. I quickly covered my breasts up, but he wasn't even trying to look at them, instead his eyes were on my pregnant belly, seemingly deep in thought.
"Those should be my babies in there," he whispered to himself as he shook his head before tearing his eyes away from my belly, which held Nick's little boy and girl, before grabbing the washcloth. He crouched down and gently wiped at the now dried blood that surrounded the wound and all the way down my hips to soak my skirt. I winced as the roughness of the washcloth glided over the wound before scrubbing at the dried blood around it and down my hip. He pulled the elastic of my skirt away from my hip and cleaned off the dried blood underneath before letting it snap back onto my skin. He stood and threw the washcloth onto the bar before grabbing the needle and floss. He concentrated hard as he threaded the floss through the needle and knotting it a few times before cutting off the floss about a foot down from the needle. He then knotted that end before picking up the lighter to heat the end of the needle to disinfect it. Once he was done, he turned to me.
"Ready?" He asked. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly before nodding my head. He crouched down and placed his fingers on either side of the wound to pull them together. I closed my eyes and tried my best to prepare myself for the penetration of the needle into my skin.
"Here it comes," he whispered and suddenly the needle pierced into my skin. I cried out in pain and instinctively reached out to grip his shoulder. I could feel the floss glide through my skin as the needle pierced the skin on the other side of my wound. I gritted my teeth as he continued, and after about five minutes, he was done. He tore the needle off of the floss before throwing it onto the bar and grabbing the gauze and patch. He placed the gauze over the stitched skin before placing the patch over that. He then grabbed the tape and taped down the edges of the patch before smoothing it out.
"There, done," he whispered before standing up and facing me. "You barely made a sound. You were always tougher than I knew," he stated. I shook my head.
"I'm not tough," I replied. He laughed.
"And stubborn."

Jeremy spent the rest of the evening acting like we were a couple again, being nice to me and forcing me to cuddle against him as we watched TV. Elvis watched him closely, sensing how uncomfortable I was and so stayed uncomfortable himself. Jeremy would kiss me every now and then, but surprisingly he never made a move to go further, and I thanked whoever was above that he didn't. I think my pregnancy made him uncomfortable, even if my belly was still only four months along. It definitely hasn't effected Nick and I's love life. As I sat on the couch under Jeremy's muscled arm that I used to love to run my hands over, I kept my hand protectively on my belly. I couldn't stop thinking about Nick, or the statement Jeremy made about the babies being gotten rid of as soon as they were born. I prayed that I wouldn't be with him that long, that Nick would see through the rouse and come and save me. As I sat and stared blindly at the television screen, my thoughts keeping in a constant direction towards Nick, I felt my stomach move. I stilled and gasped. Suddenly a kick came.
"Oh my god!" I exclaimed as I stood from the couch.
"What is it?" Jeremy asked as he stood as well. Another little kick came and I smiled.
"The babies just kicked. This is the first time," I whispered as I looked down at my belly.
"My I?" He asked as he gestured to my stomach. I furrowed my eyebrows at him, confused.
"Why? You don't care," I stated matter-of-factly. He frowned.
"Actually, I was thinking... Maybe we could keep them. I could raise them as my own." I suppose this should have made me happy, at least relieved, but the thought of this man raising Nick and I's babies angered me. But then the thought of living the rest of my life without them, my little pieces of Nick, made me sad. If I was forced to live with this man, and away from Nick, I wanted these babies. I sighed and nodded my head solemnly. He stepped forward and placed his hand on my belly where mine was a moment ago, and at that moment, one of the babies kicked again. Jeremy smiled, and in that moment it hit me. This should be shared with Nick. This was the first kick from the babies, and it should be their father holding his hand over their little feet. At that moment, tears came falling out of my eyes. I put my hands over my eyes and sobbed.
"What's wrong?" Jeremy asked as he took his hand away from my belly. I shook my head and continued to cry. Jeremy grabbed my wrists and took my hands away from my eyes. "This is about him, isn't it?" He asked. I nodded my head cautiously. He huffed petulantly.
"You'll get over it," he growled before turning away from me and plopping down angrily on the couch. I walked over and stood in front of him.
"Please, Jeremy, just let me call him. Just once. I just want to hear his voice." Jeremy stayed silent. "If he doesn't hear from me he will call the police," I warned. This seemed to get his attention. He rubbed his chin as he thought about it.
"You're right. Maybe you should call him, explain to him that you're leaving him, that you never want to see him again. You've found someone else."
I wiped at my eyes and nodded my head. He grabbed my cellphone out of his pocket and handed it to me before grabbing the knife off of the table and standing behind me to keep it against my back. I dialed his number and waited for it to ring. After two rings, he answered.
"Ava! Where are you? Are you okay?" I stifled a sob at the sound of panic in his voice.
"I'm okay," I answered in a whisper. He was breathing heavily.
"No you're not. I can hear it. What's wrong?" He asked in the same panicked voice.
"Nick, I..." I paused, trying to think of what to do. Jeremy dug the knife a little into my skin and I whimpered in pain.
"Ava?!" He basically hollered at the sound of my whimper. I couldn't talk for fear I may cry. Jeremy growled and grabbed the phone before switching it to speaker phone.
"Ava, talk to me," Nick's voice came from the speaker. Jeremy laughed.
"She's leaving you, Mr. Jonas," Jeremy stated from the other end. Nick gasped.
"Who is this?" He growled. I cried silently as Jeremy watched me.
"The man who's banging your pregnant little girlfriend... Well, ex girlfriend," Jeremy laughed. I heard a sound that seemed to come from low in Nick's throat. It was feral and all angry male.
"Bullshit. You obviously don't know Ava like I do. Who are you and what are you doing to her?" He asked. Jeremy laughed and covered the receiver of the phone.
"He's not as dumb as he looks," he whispered to me before uncovering the receiver. "You want to tell him yourself, babe?" He smiled sadistically at me as he twisted the knife a little further, now piercing a thin layer of my skin. I gasped involuntarily.
"Ava?" Nick whispered in a pained voice. I cried silently as I realized my choices. Either lie and save myself and the babies but kill Nick inside, or get thoroughly hurt, maybe even killed, and save Nick's feelings of betrayal. But I knew if he lost me for good by the hand of this man he would die inside. I decided he would rather have me alive and safe and have harmed feelings than have me dead and buried.
"It's true," I finally managed to whisper. He gasped.
"No it's not. Where are you?" He asked. I shook my head in sorrow and took in a deep breath.
"I'm with him now." And I decided to give him a clue, praying it would get past Jeremy. "I left him right before I met you, but he found me again and stole me from you."
It seemed to go over Jeremy's head, but Nick seemed to take the hint.
"I see," he whispered, making sure his voice continued to sound disappointed. "Can I at least see the babies again?" He asked, and I took it as his way of making sure they were okay.
"He'll be their father now," I replied. I could faintly hear a breath of relief at my hint, but he had obviously taken the phone away from his ear to do so.
"Ava... Don't do this," he whispered. I bit my lip in frustration, wishing I could just shout where I was so he could find me sooner, but I knew I couldn't.
"I don't think I could find my way back to you, Nick. I love him now," I hinted to the fact that I wasn't quite sure where I was. We were still getting away with it, because Jeremy was still smiling contentedly.
"But why?" He asked.
"Because leaving him was a mistake," I answered. He sighed.
"Take care of them... And yourself." He whispered before hanging up the phone. I knew he was going to go right to work to find me. Jeremy grabbed the phone from me and placed it back in his pocket before doing the same with his knife. He began to clap his hands.
"Bravo, Miss. Alina," he smiled. I glared at him.
"Leave me alone," I snapped before turning and walking into the bathroom to cry privately.