Chasing the Sun

Lilly hoped the pelting rain wasn’t a metaphor for what was about to come. She raced to her car with a lightning speed she never imagined her legs would be capable of. The traffic was miraculously almost nonexistent as Lilly sped down the motorway in her small car, whizzing by, and overtaking every vehicle that dared to get in her way. She was driving above the speed limit, but she couldn’t even worry about being pulled over or fined right then. All she could think about, and all she could focus on, was getting to Gerard before he boarded his flight. She had to try at least, not just for herself, but for the baby too. She couldn’t think about what would happen if she didn’t reach him in time. She couldn’t think about raising a baby on her own without him. She couldn’t think about Gerard not being there, about him not being in the same country as her, with his arrogant smirk that she hated as much as it made her swoon and blush when he sent one her way, long black hair that as always messy, even when it was styled within an inch of its life with hair products, beautiful hazel eyes that were framed with long, thick eyelashes that any woman would have killed for, and his ability to make her smile, even when she was angry, and smiling was the last thing she wanted to do. She couldn’t contemplate the idea of living in regret for the rest of her life, knowing that she had let Gerard go without doing everything she could to make their relationship work.

It was only then, when Gerard was leaving, that Lilly could see everything in new light. What Gerard had done was inexcusable. He had hurt her down to her core, and in her pain, she had cut him off, instead of trying harder to get through to him just how badly he was hurting her. She could see that she should have done things differently. She should have been more assertive when he tried to brush his issues under the carpet. She should have spoken up earlier when his behaviour got out of control. Ignoring his attempts to contact her, when he was trying to make things right, and change, was something she would never forgive herself for, if he got on the plane without her at least having a chance to say goodbye.

She managed to make it to the airport in forty minutes. Not that Lilly was fully aware of the time that had passed her by. Her eyes had been on the road, and her foot had stayed on the accelerator, and every car that she'd passed by had been a blur. She had occasionally checked the clock, only truly aware that it wasn’t yet eight o’clock. She found a space to park close to the terminal, cursing when she had to push through a crowd walking into the airport. It wasn’t until she stood there, in the wide open entrance, that she realised she had no idea what flight he was on, or if he had already boarded. He could have gone through security already, in which case he was already as good as gone.

“Fuck,” she cursed, every molecule of oxygen escaping her lungs.

She felt the full weight of fear and panic land on top of her shoulders, with frighteningly sharp pain striking her chest. She hadn’t thought about the practicalities of chasing somebody through an airport. There was security – she couldn’t just go to the departure gate. If he had gone past security, which was likely, given that his flight was probably due to leave shortly, she had already lost him. She dashed through the crowds, racing to check the departure screen. There were several flights going to the United States, in various parts of the country, but only one was scheduled for eight that was marked for New York. She let out a sharp breath, and thanked whatever god was watching over her that the flight was marked ‘DELAYED’ in bright red writing, indicating that it was delayed by at least half an hour. The sprint to the security area wasn’t long, but to Lilly it felt like an eternity, when it was a matter that felt like it was life or death. If she didn’t get to him on time, her life may as well be over. She couldn’t see her future if there was no Gerard in it, in some shape or form. If he got on the plane, she knew it would be the end, and all hope that something could be salvaged would be gone. Her heart was thumping in her chest, a painful reminder of what was at stake.

She was out of breath when she saw the long queue that winded into separate splintered lines where the carry-on luggage was checked, before checking into the departure lounge. Her eyes scanned the crowd, but she saw no sign of Gerard at first glance. He was average height, average build, with dark hair – he was the kind of guy that could fade into the crowd, if he wanted. She cursed under her breath again, not giving up the search. She could see one or two people glancing at her curiously with a worried expression.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she muttered, her utterances gaining volume, and sounding more desperate with every passing second. Her heart began to break, as her mind finally began to process the fact that she may have missed him. The hope that had been shining brightly, clinging to every desperate move and thought was now vanishing, and a choked sob wretched from her throat in a short exhale of breath, the wet tears leaking from her eyes instantaneously.

She'd missed him. He was on the other side of the barrier, probably sitting on one of the uncomfortable metal seats just outside the gate his plane was boarded at, completely unaware that she had tried to say goodbye. Unaware that he wasn’t just leaving her behind – he had left a part of himself behind, a product of the time they'd spent together.

Then she saw him. It took a couple of blinks for her watery eyes to clear her tears and focus on the figure, clad in a baggy t-shirt and a pair of jeans. His dark hair was messy and all over the place, and from where Lilly stood, it was obvious that his hand had gone through it many times. Her heart skipped a beat, giving her chest a little moment of reprieve from the relentless pounding. Then she saw him shrug his carry-on bag onto a tray, lining up to go through the scanner.

“Gerard!” she yelled, louder than she had ever raised her voice in her twenty four years of existence.

He didn’t hear her. There were too many people in such a relatively small space, talking and dragging suitcases, and filling the air with white noise that drowned her attempts to gain Gerard’s attention. He walked forward, with only two people in front of him, before he went through the scanner and went to the departure area.

She yelled again, her voice carrying a bit further, judging by the people who had turned to look at her with wide eyes and expressions that clearly questioned her sanity. Then, on instinct that was driven from a primitive part of her brain, she ducked under the barrier that separated her from the queue.

People stared at her, people cursed at her as she fought against the crowd.

“Gerard!” she called out again, running and breathless, but still crying out, loud enough for her voice to creep over the white noise.

He turned around, perplexed and bemused. He searched the sea of people, his hazel eyes narrowed as he looked for the source of the noise. He couldn’t see her, though.She knew she was still too far away, and lost in the queue. She could see him turn around again, his back facing her. The security guard called him forward with a wave of a hand, and he stepped through the body scanner.

“Gerard, wait!” she screamed, her voice making him turn around again.

She pushed a women out of her way, muttering an apology that tumbled from her lips from force of habit. His eyes went wide as he finally saw her push through the crowd, glares and evil looks following her.

“Sir, you can’t-“ the security guard berated when Gerard stepped back through the scanner, ignoring the beeping sound, and the amused stares of the people in the queue behind him.

She was breathless, red in the face, and barely able to speak, when she finally stood in front of him. There were so many things she wanted to say, too many thoughts and feelings she needed to express, but her mind couldn't process anything as she stood there.

“Lilly, what are you doing here?”

His tone was pleasantly astonished, his face breaking into a smile, while his arms brought Lilly into a hug.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry for everything. I’ll go with you. I’ll go with you, if you wait for me.”

The words were ripped from her throat, rushed and full of feeling.

“What?” he gripped her arms and pushed her back, so that he could see her face.

His face was hopeful, almost disbelieving what he heard. Lilly hadn’t thought about the words she just spoke, but there was no taking them back now.

“It’ll take a while to get a visa – I don’t know how long it’ll be, but if you wait for me, I’ll follow you.”

His hands found her cheeks, his face dipping to bring their lips together.

“I’ll wait.You know I’ll wait. Do you mean it? You’ll come to New York? Don’t say, it and then change your mind...”

“I mean it. I’ll go. We can work this out. I know we can. I need you. I can’t do this on my own.”

“Lilly, I’m-”

“I’m pregnant,” she cut him off, knowing she needed to say it, before the security guard interrupted them.

“Sir!” The security guard came up behind Gerard, looking extremely pissed off, and clearly not impressed with the display in front of him. Gerard was pale, clearly in shock at the unexpected announcement.

“I’m gonna have to ask you to continue on through security, or go to the back of the line, in which case you may miss your flight.”

“Fuck, are you sure?” Gerard muttered, his voice raising a few octaves, before paling even further when she nodded.

“Sir,” the security guard warned threateningly.

“I have to go, but we’ll talk when I land okay? We’ll skype the minute I get to my parents’ house.”

“I love you,” Lilly whispered.

“I know,” Gerard replied, a smirk on his face.

“Now is not the time for Star Wars quotes.”

He gave her a last kiss on the lips, then giggled breathlessly, before following the security guard back to the scanner.

She watched him collect his scanned bag on the other side of the barrier, his hands shaking badly, and almost dropping the black messenger bag he carried everywhere with him. He turned towards her, their eyes meeting, and Lilly was vividly reminded of the first time she had seen his eyes, almost a year ago, in the park. He mouthed ‘I love you’, and blew her a kiss. She blew him a kissback, before a sob escaped her lips, when he gave a last wave, and joined the people making their way to the departure gates.

She didn’t attempt to stop the flood of tears falling down her cheeks, or even out the shaky breaths her lungs were releasing. They were tears of victory and joy. Things were screwed up, but knowing that Gerard was going to be there, knowing that he was going to wait for her, made everything seem a little less scary. The true gravity of her announcement to relocate to the US didn’t hit her yet, and probably wouldn’t for some time.

She had no idea how important he was going to be when they met, no clue that he would turn her world upside down, and make her feel like she was finally living life, not just letting life pass her by. Her organised, carefully planned existence went out the window when he caught her attention that day, but she couldn’t help but feel like it was all worth it.