Awkward

After that eventful night, everything slowly started getting a bit easier for Alex. The distance that Zack gave him, especially since Alex know knew he would keep that distance, helped Alex’s stress levels drop completely, his anxiety no longer constantly bubbling at the surface. It helped Alex finish off his year and his work without the constant worry that was plaguing him before.

Not to say that he hadn’t seen Zack around. He still studied and worked with Rian. Matt wasn’t talking to him, sure, but Rian needed to for classes. And that was fine. Alex could actually deal with that. Zack had been a presence in his life for so long now that he still needed that little input. And Zack was behaving. Oh how he was behaving. Every time Alex had seen Zack, the burly boy never looked hungover or high or even tired. Zack was doing well, and Alex was proud of him.

And he really hoped Zack was doing this to prove that he was serious about them.

With this extra space, Alex had even sorted out his living arrangements for next year. While he was going to stay in the dorms again, he was mixing things up a little bit. Alex was going to share a dorm with Sierra next year, his Senior year, as Matt and Rian were going to share a dorm. Rian’s dormmate Evan was moving in with his boyfriend Jeff, and Alex had actually volunteered to live with Sierra so Rian could live with Matt. His mom had approved of him trying to break out of his routine but still being within his comfort zone, and to be honest Alex could really class Sierra as one of his friends now, Rian too.

Alex had even found out through Rian that Zack wouldn’t be living with Jack next year – he would in fact be living in a single dorm because he decided to separate himself from Jack and the party lifestyle. He’d given up those friends to prove to Alex that he wanted to change. Zack’s exact words, apparently. But it filled Alex with hope, and there was nothing wrong with that.

Right now, Alex was finishing off his last assignment before the summer started next week. One asshole professor wanted an essay in tomorrow so he could grade it by the end of the week, and Alex had been in the library nearly all afternoon writing it. Sure, he was nearly finished now, but he’d had to skip dinner and he dreaded to think how late it was. Too late to contemplate. Oh well. At least it meant he’d have another year of all assignments in before the deadline.

“Hey, Alex,”

Alex flinched at the sound of another voice, breath hitching in his throat. Fuck.

He turned his head, blushing slightly as he saw Zack sit down next to him. Damn it. Not now.

“You know you can’t distract me, I have to get this in by tomorrow,” Alex said bluntly.

“That’s not like you to leave assignments to the last minute,” Zack mused, ignoring the harsh tone of Alex’s voice.

Alex blushed again.

“I was distracted yesterday,” Alex muttered.

“What Sierra wants, Sierra gets, huh?” Zack teased.

Alex blushed a little more. Sierra had asked Alex for his opinion on which lingerie set Matt would like the most, and modelled them for him. Alex had obviously protested but Sierra said the only person she could trust with this was Alex – how could he refuse?

“Can I not borrow you for an hour?” Zack asked.

Alex bit his bottom lip and shook his head. Zack looked crestfallen, making Alex's stomach flip. Damn it.

“Come back in an hour’s time and I’ll have a rethink,” Alex found himself saying.

Zack grinned and pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek before standing up. Alex froze slightly, hand rising to touch where Zack’s lips had been, making Zack smile before he left. What the fuck was that?! They were nowhere near that stage again yet. Nowhere.

But that didn’t stop Alex from liking it.

~

An hour later, just like Alex asked, Zack came back and Alex was just about finished.

“What is possibly so important that you need me for?” Alex asked, scrolling through the document to check for spelling errors.

Zack blushed slightly. Huh.

“Well, I want to spend some time with you before we leave. Just you and me,” Zack explained.

Oh wow.

“But we’re not leaving until the 15th of June,” Alex blurted.

That wasn’t until next week. And that was a change of topic and Alex knew Zack could tell, as he rolled his eyes, smiling.

“I know, but I know you’ll want to spend the rest of your time with Matt, Sierra and Rian, as well as packing up your room,” Zack shrugged.

Alex sighed. Zack should not know him that well.

“Fine,” Alex mumbled.

Zack frowned.

“We don’t have to go, if you don’t want to, Alex. I just…I wanted to show you how serious I am about being with you again. I wanted to leave you with a good memory of us before I don’t get to see you for the summer. And I know you haven’t eaten – you never do when you’re working in the library like this,” Zack explained.

Alex swallowed heavily. It still hadn’t quite processed that he wouldn’t be seeing Zack for so long, not even in passing, especially since he had plans to go up to Chicago two weeks early to see Matt and Rian. But right now he couldn’t be anymore than neutral with Zack. He just couldn’t. It still hurt too much, even if they were slowly working their way back to being friends.

Alex bit his bottom lip and looked up at Zack’s hopeful face, his resolve crumbling. One innocent good memory couldn’t hurt, right?

“Fine. But not too late, I’m starting packing tonight,” Alex said firmly.

“Deal,” Zack said, smile wide and genuine.

Alex’s stomach ached at the beaming smile (although possibly due to lack of food too) and he fought hard to ignore that feeling.

“I’ll print this off and hand it in, and then we can go,” Alex said.

Zack nodded, still smiling widely, and Alex couldn’t help but smile too.

Maybe this was for the best. Maybe this separated summer would be good for the both of them. And then, come September, maybe they’d get a fresh start. Maybe.