But I’ll Still Sing for You

Laura and I talked for a little while longer before Max summoned her back. “Hey, I have to go, but I got you a cab first.” I looked up at him a little shocked. He set my keys and phone on the table and flashed me an apologetic smile. “Sorry,” with that he rushed back out. I looked over my shoulder at Josh handing the cabbie some money and pointing at me. I groaned and got up, grabbing my scone and hot chocolate.

“Thanks,” I mumbled to the driver, he was holding the back door open for me. “What a prick.” I muttered to myself. I told the driver my address and he brought me home. “He pre-paid right?”

“Yes ma’am.” I nodded slowly. “Quite a bit more than it costs,” he added softly.

“Keep it. Thank you.” I got out and walked into my apartment. “Stupid, fucking, asshole.”

I spent the rest of the day murmuring about Josh and cleaning the apartment. I hadn’t really done much since my belled has begun swelling more and more each day. I found myself exhausted much earlier in the day, and my feet hurt nearly minutes after waking up. Pregnancy is a bitch, don’t let anyone fool you. I love it, but this baby is killing me.

I called Oli once I was bored of doing chores but he didn’t answer.

As afternoon merged into evening I found myself slouched in my bed with my laptop in hand. I was trying to pick a movie from Netflix when I heard raucous in my kitchen. “What the fuck,” I groaned and climbed out of bed. As I trudged closer to the kitchen I saw the scruffy outline of Josh’s jaw and his wild, dark hair sticking up in all directions. “Get the hell out of my fridge, Josh.” I ordered. He looked up at me and grinned widely.

“Guess what?” I groaned and turned slowly on my heel. I heard his sock clad feet padding after me. “Lex, guess what!” He whined. Sighing, I turned to face his stupid grinning face.

“What?”

“We’re gonna start recording soon!” I nodded slowly. “New tunage, babe!” Josh exclaimed gently gripping my shoulders. How I wanted to be angry with him. I wanted so badly to be mad, but I couldn’t yell at him. I couldn’t kick him out with that cheeky smile on his face. And maybe another reason I could tell him to leave was because the way he called me babe made me weak in the knees.

“That’s really great, Josh.” He smiled wider and pulled me into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, I just love making music. This makes me really happy.” I smiled into his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his middle. “I miss this.” He mumbled lowly.

“Me too.” I whispered back. “I was gonna watch a movie, want to join?” I suggested, pulling back a little. I looked up to see a small smile on Josh’s face as he nodded. We pulled from each others arms and made our way lazily to my bedroom.

Once in bed and under the covers Josh was taking control. He had the laptop in his hard in seconds and was finding a movie for us. We ended up with Drive, thanks to Josh. I was thinking more of a romantic comedy but I got stuck with a graphic movie with murder and cars.

Typically, I would love a movie like that but recently I’ve felt much more romantic and needy. I feel bad that Oli has to deal with me, honestly. I felt Josh’s arm wrap around me and pull me towards him. I rested my head on his shoulder and watched the movie with him.

I ended up falling asleep before the end, but Josh filled me in on what happened the next morning. I woke up before he did, and jumped into the shower. I decided to make him breakfast, because he bought mine yesterday and paid for my cab.

“So basically,” Josh began, shoving a bite of plain waffles into his mouth. “He killed all the people who fu-” I shot him a look, obviously displeased with his habit of talking with food in his mouth.He ceased talking until he’d swallowed. “You know I only do it to upset you.” Rolling my eyes, I looked away. “I’d kind of forgotten how good of a cook you are.” I refused to turn my head back to him, I didn’t want him to see my cheeks burning red. “Y’know, I’ve seen you blush before.”

I groaned and turned to face him. “Damn you, Josh.” His smile wavered slightly but still held strong. “So, what’re you doing today?” I asked him, taking a bite of my waffle.

“Band meeting mostly.” I nodded slowly and grabbed my milk. “How about you?”

After swallowing I replied, “I have a doctors appointment, I’m finding out the sex.” Josh’s eyes lit up and he stood up straight. “No, you have a band meeting. I promise to call you after.”

“It’s not until three, when is your appointment.” I sighed and leaned back to look at the clock. It was about ten forty.

“In two hours. Are you sure you want to come? It might be a little weird, my doctor has only seen Oli. As far as she knows he’s the father.” I noticed Josh’s hands grip the sides of the table. “Josh,”

“He isn’t the father, I am. That baby in their is not this it is mine.” Josh declared, breathing heavily. He was getting angry. I understood why, he was right. It isn’t Oli’s baby, it’s Josh’s but still- Josh didn’t need to get so angry that he was gripping the table until his knuckles were white.

“This baby is ours.” I mumbled under my breath. Josh’s face softened, his angry eyes looked down at his food. “It’s our baby, Josh. I know that.”

“Does Oliver?” I sighed and looked away. “He should know.”

“He’s never asked, Josh. Why create drama when there’s no need for it?” Josh tilted his head and raised his eyebrows. “It would ruin everything and you know it. We’re not going to get back together, and if Oliver finds out the baby is yours and finds out everything that happened between us- he is going to leave me. And I will be all alone and I can’t handle that.” I told Josh. I felt myself getting angry. My body felt hot and my heart beat quickened.

“Maybe you deserve it.” He spat bitterly.

“Maybe I do, but this baby doesn’t.”