Outlines

ZACK'S POV

I swear I saw Alex in first period. I swear. And now, in second, ALMOST third, he's gone. Maybe he's just smoking behind the portables with those guys, Alan and Austin. No, Alex told us he never wanted to smoke.

"Hey, where's Lex?" I hear Rian ask from behind me as the bell rings. I shimmy down the narrow row of desks and shrug.

"I dunno. But if he's with Jack I'm gonna kill him." I say. And I mean it. If Alex is just trying to mess with his emotions, I will hurt him. And he basically told me he was so...

"Cass!" Rian shouts as we finally make our way to the hall. Rian runs over and picks her up, both of them smiling. Yeah, way to make me feel better, Ri. I think. Oh well.

I walk to French and sigh. School sucks. And I'm happy we graduate in a month. This place is stupid.

"Hey, it's Zack, right?" I hear someone say from behind me. I turn around and see this guy Brendon I've always thought was hot. His lips are huge and look super kissable.

"Uh, yeah." I can feel myself blushing.

"I heard you were gay and I, um, just came out, and was wondering... Maybe you would wanna go out with me?" He rushes the last part but I catch it. I start beaming. If I can't have Jack, I at least deserve something. I mean, Jack is my one and only but I can't go without... sexual things... forever. Or until he finds out about Alex.

I haven't seen Lisa all day either. I wonder why.

"Sure, Brendon, I'd love that." I say. He quickly kisses my cheek and I smile. Yay!

Now I'll have something to daydream about in French. I think to myself.

Wow, Brendon's hot. I think as I watch him walk away. But there's something on the inside that keeps pulling at the band-aid holding my heart together.

And that thing is Jack.

JACK'S POV

I can feel Alex twirling a chunk of my hair and I smile, eyes still closed, my head still on Alex's bare chest, which is way comfier than the shitty pillows here.

We made out for what seems like a day and then fell asleep. No sex. Alex understood.

Both of our shirts are off, just pants on. Alex kept his on because I did. And he understood that. Well, after I said no a few times. My cuts are too bad. He'd hate me if he saw them. Maybe after they heal. But maybe not.

He pulls my hair a little.

"Ow." I mumble.

"Sorry, babe." He says. He puts his arm on my bare back and I close my eyes again.

I never knew Lex was so talented when it came to boys. I mean, wow.

My mind starts to wander to Zack.

Is he still mad at Lex? Is he sticking to his story that Lex is just leading me on? Playing me? Because obviously, after that, I think Lex likes me way more than he liked Lisa.

I laugh into Lexy's chest.

"Hey, that tickled." Lexy says, rubbing my back. I can feel his hand sliding down my pant leg and I don't really register it until I feel his hand rubbing my cuts and bumpy, disfigured skin.

"Stop!" I say, shooting my head up.

"Please, Jacky, let me see them."

"No."

"Please."

"Alex, no." And his hand slides out. "I- I can't risk l-l-losing you t-this s-soon into this."

Alex nods and I start crying into his shoulder.

He doesn't say what Zack would say if he was here, that I am beautiful, I deserve better, I am better, I am strong- none of it.

Did I make the wrong choice?