Cold summer hearts

Ever felt like your worlds falling down and you’re to blame? Ever thought that life couldn’t get any worse and suddenly it does? Well I have. I’ve dreamt a thousand wishes on stars only to watch them fall and crash.

I am the youngest. I am the one that holds things together. But what happens if I fall apart? Will I be picked up and put back together only to find a piece missing, or will I remain shattered?

I am the yeller, the one that ends up creating a scene. But it’s only to hide what I’m thinking. For I’ve seen what are in their eyes, how they don’t want to hear the truth or how it hurts me too. I give up when it’s bad, for I don’t want to lose a friendship. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I started thinking this way last summer. Before it all happened. Before the lies spread and the hatred started.

I miss that summer. I remember one time when Tj, Jay, Beth and I headed down to the beach for the weekend. We each packed a bag and jumped in Tj’s car. It was a bit rundown and the roofing above the passenger seat had a whole in it. The seats needed a new cover and the radio didn’t work.

Beth’s cousin was lending us his shack for the weekend because he was getting married and needed some time away from the shack with his fiancé. So we drove down at 8 in the morning so we could spend the day in the water.

I was sitting in the passenger seat next to Tj, who was driving. I kept looking over at him and seeing him looking at me. I knew from that first glance that I was falling in love with him. His hand slide off the steering wheel and rubbed my leg softly as he asked if I was okay. I hadn’t realized I was staring at him until that moment. I mumbled something about not having a lot of sleep and that I was just thinking. Tj smiles and out of the corner of my eye I could see Beth laughing as Jay kissed her on the cheek.

I never had two friends stay together for so long but Beth and Jay had started dating when they were 13 and 15. Beth was now 18 and Jay 20. I thought they would have had issues but they hadn’t even had their first fight.

I looked out the window in front of me and suddenly saw the ocean spreading out so freely. I felt at home. When my Father was still alive, he used to take my 2 brothers and me to the beach because we lived so far away. But then he died and we hadn’t one back as a family again.

As Tj parked in front of Beth’s cousins’ shack I smelt the salty air. I almost yelled out, “I'm home!” but then the car went dead and everyone but me was outside. Tj suddenly opened my door, undid my belt and picked me up. I whispered to him what he was doing and he said taking me to bed. As he stepped away from the car I could hear my heart in my ears. His breath was warm on my neck as he spoke, “You almost passed out on us back there.”

My heart stopped.