My Eyes

It's been about a week since my encounter with the Cullens and now Marilyn, Adam and I were far away, nearing Canada's border. I haven't been able to stop thinking about the Cullens and their astounding lifestyle. Well, at least in my opinion, it was pretty remarkable.

Marilyn was intrigued at first, but she just wanted to get out of their way as soon as possible. Since vampires could sometimes be unpredictable, she worried about any trouble that might occur with the Cullens. They seemed to have such a great advantage over us and she didn’t want to wait and find out.

Sometimes I think she worries too much, which is why we barely interact with any other vampires. She prefers keeping it safe and is usually the peacekeeper and leader of the group.

Adam, on the other hand, can turn out to be quite a hot head at times. He thought the Cullens were beyond odd and didn't agree with the fact they could just come up and tell us that all that land was theirs. He would quickly dismiss any comment related to them that I would have to say over the course of the last week, so I gave up and stopped mentioning them.

We stopped at a nearby cliff-side beach, deciding to freshen up a bit and enjoy the scenery. I dived off the rocky cliff into the ocean. I swam deep down and decided to stall in the icy depths of the Pacific for a bit, finding a moment of peace.

It’s always been clear to me that my problem is my slight self-hatred towards the fact that I'm a vampire. One would think that with no memory of my human life, it would be so much easier to just accept being a vampire. This was never the case for me. Ironically, just the knowledge that I was a human before consumes my mind. I have no memories of a past identity to lean back to.

Most of Marilyn’s human life was a secret to me. I only knew she had been a bit of a socialite in New York during the last years of her life, before being turned into a vampire during the late 1920’s. I knew a lot more about Adam. He had told me countless stories about his human life. I always did my best to create my own images of a human Adam; as a farmer in his early life, then finding himself with a small fortune from a late distant relative and moving to the city to finally become a civil engineer. He always enjoyed describing Josephine to me, his late wife, with who he had a rather short marriage of only three years before she sadly died from smallpox. I noticed how he usually enjoyed describing these times of his life, how a small smile would always replace his usual smug smirk.

I didn’t have a human backstory and a vampire’s life can easily become very dismal. Satisfying my thirst with the beings I once was a part of would usually make me feel guilty most of the time. Then, add the fact that I woke up as a newborn vampire all alone. My maker was mysterously long-gone. In a way, I was born alone into this new life and I dread having that feeling again. The loneliness proved it could very easily consume you.

The Cullens showed me that there could be a different way to endure this eternal life. Maybe trying to feed on animals instead of humans would help me get on the path of self-acceptance. They weren’t just a coven of vampires, but seemed to be an actual family. I wondered if maybe they could be part of the solution to my problems somehow.

Interrupting my thoughts, Adam pulled me by my leg upwards towards the surface. I hadn’t noticed he was also in the water and had caught me off guard. When we reached the surface, I spat salty water onto his face.

"Thanks for that, jerk," he said, as he splashed water on my face.

I laughed, "You're the jerk, ass face!"

"You know my arse is actually pretty nice," he stated jokingly as I rolled my eyes. "What's wrong with you? You've barely said a word these past few days, Jules."

"Sorry, I haven’t really noticed, I guess. And please stop calling me Jules, for the love of god," I stated as we neared the shore where Marilyn was waiting for us.

"It seems the Cullens left an impression on you, haven't they?" Adam said, crossing his arms in front of his bare chest. "The whole lot of them were odd."

I gave him a mean stare.

"Are they your new friends now? You’re always getting defensive about them. Get them off your mind, and get over it.”

I stayed silent as we swam towards the shore, meeting up with Marilyn, who seemed to have overheard everything.

“As if you've never met other vampires before, and besides, it's not like we're going to see them again," she concluded as she brushed her hair with her fingers.

"Why wouldn't we?" I asked.

"There's no point,” she simply stated.

"No point? I mean, maybe we could visit sometime in the future. I'd really like that," I claimed, slightly frustrated.

"Those vampires were just extremely polite, but it was obvious they wanted us off their backs," Adam said as he put his shirt back on.

"But-," I started, before being cut off by Marilyn.

"I'll repeat myself, Julianna. There is no point. What is this sudden infatuation with the Cullens?" she spat, suddenly angrily.

Marilyn rarely ever lost her temper, so I was a bit scared and confused. Even, Adam seemed surprised with Marilyn's current state of anger.

"I find their choice of lifestyle quite fascinating," I whispered almost inaudibly.

"Very amusing, Julianna. As if you'd try something like that. You're one of the most impulsive vampires I've ever met," Marilyn declared standing up as if to get ready to start travelling.

"I don't want to keep being a monster," I said louder this time.

Adam and Marilyn looked back at me, shock present on their pale faces. Marilyn started glaring at me and I had no choice but to look down towards the sand.

"Then, I guess that’s what we are to you," Marilyn said breaking the silence.

I shot my head back up, "No, Marilyn! I didn't mean-,"

"I know exactly what you meant. If this is how you truly feel, then I guess you should leave us and join them," Marilyn interjected calmly as ever.

I seemed to have touched a nerve with saying that. Marilyn’s face was cold and I could barely face her. I looked over at Adam who seemed to have worry and confusion etched on his face. His brows furrowed, as he seemed to be unsure on how to react.

"Marilyn, please. Don’t take it to heart.” If I could cry, tears would've been streaming down my face. I was at a loss for words.

"I’ve grown tired of you always sulking around, Julianna. And now it’s more obvious than ever what you think of this life and what you- we are. Maybe it’s time for a change for you and it’s time to say goodbye.”

Her words were like poison. It killed me to listen to her. Yet she remained so calm. I dropped to my knees as she turned away from me.
“Marilyn, please. Forgive me, I didn’t mean it.”

“Yes, you did, Julianna. Stop lying to yourself.”

“I take it back. I’m sorry.”

Marilyn’s back was to me, but I knew she was pondering over what to do. Adam would shift his gaze uncomfortably from me to Marilyn.

Marilyn suddenly spun around and walked closer to me. “Don’t look so sullen, Julianna. You can go live how you want now.”

Her gaze was almost unreadable, but I knew she felt betrayed. There was no going back with what I said. I stared at her, until left towards the nearby woods and disappeared in the darkness of the trees.

“I’m afraid I’m going with Marilyn.”

I stayed silent, as I lowered my head in defeat. Adam stepped closer to me, gave me a light kiss on my forehead and disappeared towards where Marilyn took off, leaving me alone for the second time in my life. The situation at hand proved what I already knew: vampires can be fickle creatures.