Please, Won't You Push Me for the Last Time

~Vic~

“Alright, I’ve found a couple blueprints,” Jack said, entering the meeting room with a large stack of papers. It’s early, and I already suspect it’s going to be a long day. We agreed to meet here first thing this morning so we could have time to work on our plan while Alex and Kellin are still at their voice lessons. I have a bad feeling about this, I have a bad feeling about today in general. I decide I might as well let Jack know.

“Jack I have a bad feeling about today,” I say bluntly. It’s not unusual for us to be blunt with each other though. He surprises me by sighing and sitting next to me, tossing the pictures on the table and saying, “me too,” with a defeated look.

“Is this a normal thing to happen then?” I ask, I feel a bit stupid that I still have so many questions, but I haven’t been off cures for that long and I’m still not used to all the things that go on in my head.

“Only on bad days,” Jack says, looking down, “but I mean, it could also be stress. This whole thing is stressful.”

“You seem pretty stressed,” I observe, wondering what the best thing to say is in these situations.

“Vic,” he says, sighing sadly again, “nobody knows what happens to people who go to the hospital twice. All we know, from all our friends across the whole damn country, is that they don’t come back. I’m so upset with Alex for doing this and risking it and I’m so tired of all of this. But I can’t lose him… he’s become everything to me.”

I pause at that. I’ve known a lot of couples, obviously. In school as well as adults like my parents and their friends, but I’ve never seen someone worry so much about someone else’s safety. Probably because there aren’t many things that could cause anyone to get hurt anymore. Nonetheless, the look in Jack’s eyes is intriguing and I can’t help but wonder exactly what led him here, to be uncured and so in love. I wonder exactly how dangerous that is. Which brings me back to the situation. We are, after all, working on a plan to break into one of the most respected and important buildings the government owns, and we are talking about doing probably one of the only highly illegal things left in this world; corrupting the sane.

“So,” I say, figuring the best way to cheer him up is to get back to working on the plan to protect Alex and Kellin, “I assume we are going to have to work quickly then. After it happens I mean, if it happens.”

“Which will be easier said than done,” Jack says, sitting up and getting back to the papers, “if they get caught, we have to make sure everyone involved is safe and here. Nobody who knows anything can go back to the normal world because they’ll know in a matter of days who was involved…” he trails off, looking at me as we both come to the realization that I’m involved, but I just nod so he’ll keep going, “um, so Zack, Rian and I are in charge of the contingency plan, which means we will be busy for a while doing headcounts, supply counts, and getting ready to evacuate whoever is left to Baltimore… which is likely where anyone caught will be taken anyway,” he points to a map he brought that lists all the hospitals in Maryland, “this hospital is the biggest and highest security in the state, it’s where they take the ‘most difficult’ cases and I suspect anyone trying to corrupt society or whatever they call it will be there and…” he stops talking, looking down at the map.

“Jack,” I say seriously, “it’s going to be alright. We’ll find a way.”

“I just don’t have anything after that. I know where it is that they’ll take him and what it looks like inside and out but… I have no idea how to do this…” he looks down hopelessly at the papers in front of him, and I don’t know what to do but I put a hand on his shoulder and start looking everything over.

“There’s really not a lot of security,” I point out, “nobody in their right mind would try to break into or out of a place made for the sick to heal you know? It’s just a matter of following the corridors and not seeming suspicious right?” I try, but he seems dead-set on being hopeless, so I figure it best to just stop talking. We just sit for a while as I check out the blueprints and books that Jack had brought in. It’s all illegal to have, and I know that, but it’s so interesting. The way it seems to work is that the people inside, the patients, have no idea where the entrance and exits are. According to the book written, I assume, by the creator of this design, patients are to be brought in while unconscious, and there’s a lobby area with about sixteen doors, many of them just opening to blank wall, where patients are to be put in that state. The idea is that once inside, you don’t focus on getting out but rather on recovering, which the book says is necessary for anyone who hasn’t been able to benefit from modern medicine.

Each hospital’s blueprint follows a similar concept, though they are all vastly different from each other. I assume they couldn’t send Alex back to the same place as before, because he will have seen the way out. Not that it would matter though, the corridors to enter and exit are all long and winding, with many turns and curves that can lead you to nowhere. It’s a bit terrifying to think about. I can’t help but let my mind wander to Kellin. That boy has been on my mind a lot lately, and I’m just really angry about some things. I’m angry that I didn’t get to know him that well before the doctor incident, and I’m angry that he’s still different. But I also can’t help but like how he is, even now. I don’t understand a thing about him, but he fascinates me. If I’m not with him I’m thinking about him, and I know it’s probably just because I’m new to being off cures, but I get all sorts of feelings every time he crosses my mind. Some are good, some bad, but I know he’s important. I can’t imagine him in one of these hospitals. I don’t know what I’ll do if that happens. Thinking of him wandering all those spiraling halls for hours or not being able to get to them at all is more upsetting than I can handle.

Jack seems to sense my discomfort as he finally snaps out of whatever sad daze he was in and takes the papers from in front of me, “I think that’s enough for today alright? Neither of us are quite ready to hash this out. We’ll sleep on it alright?” I nod, honestly a bit relieved. I am going to have to find a way to sort through all these emotions. I have no idea what to do with myself right now.

I finally decide on just going back to Kellin’s original tunnel, picking up that guitar I love so much and playing the song I’ve been working on so I can calm down enough to act normal for our date tonight. I really want to make it special for him, and I haven’t used any of my Enjoyment Allowance this month so I will probably blow it all on him. I wonder what it was like back when everyone had to fuss with money, sometimes completely unable to take someone on a nice date because you didn’t have the money for it to begin with. In school they said that was another explanation for everyone being so unhealthy; they couldn’t afford to feed themselves sometimes, nonetheless have stress-free and fun evenings. People were obsessed with money, they had to be. This system seems a lot better so far, in school everyone has the same amount, and then you get as much as you work for once you find a job, always enough to keep you going with at least a little extra as long as you do your part.

I briefly wonder if that system would change if my new friends and their revolution are successful. Who decides that anyway? What is their goal and who will be in charge? It’s sure a lot to think about, maybe I will ask them if they ever decide to let me in. Jack is supposed to tell Alex what I said the other day, and I’ve been off cures for a while, so hopefully they’ll let me officially join so I can find out what’s going on.

I notice I have been just sitting here doing nothing for a while, so I figure I might as well just put everything away and go get ready for tonight. I can think while I get dressed can’t I?

Once I’ve gotten home and headed to my closet, I find myself at a loss. All my clothes are, of course, plain and designed purely for comfort, except my one set of special occasion clothes, but those are a bit over the top. I feel myself getting nervous again, this happens now and then since I’ve stopped taking cures, especially where Kellin is concerned. I want to impress him I guess. “Ugh!” I exclaim carelessly and flop onto my bed in frustration.

A moment later Mike comes into my room, and I don’t even bother to look up, he’s the only one whose home as both our parents are working.

“Problem in here bro?” he asks, sounding a bit concerned though not too much.

“Why do all my clothes suck,” I whine.

“Big date tonight or something?” he asks me, smiling a bit, which is annoying.

“Yeah,” I say quickly, so it’s a bit snappy, and he chuckles which irritates me even more. This is a big problem!

“Is it that kid you were at the party with? Kellin right?” he asks, and I look at him for a second wondering if we should discuss things like parties here.

“Don’t worry, nobody’s home or listening, trust me,” he says, seeming to understand my glance. This still hasn’t solved my clothing problem though. “Anyway,” he says, “if you wanna impress someone like Kellin you gotta kick it old school, show him you like the old days too, which you do by now I’m guessing?” he asks, oh, it seems like he’s gonna help me.

“Of course,” I say simply.

“C’mon I’ve got some stuff in my room, some of the jeans I found turned out to be too short on me, which makes them perfect for you big bro,” he says and smiles at his comment.Typical Mike, always making jokes about me being shorter than him. I just roll my eyes and follow him. Eventually I settle on black skinny jeans, which are kind of like the ones Kellin gave me when I met him, but a little tighter, and a black shirt which has buttons going all the way up the front. I examine myself in the mirror, for the first time actually trying to figure out if I look good instead of just appropriate. I actually think I do, though I don’t want to be too overconfident. Hopefully Kellin will think I look good? Oh no, there’s the nerves again.

“You’ll be fine, he’ll love it no matter what, I’ve seen how he looks at you,” Mike says, smirking and leaving the room. What’s that even supposed to mean? I push it to the back of my mind, it’s time to go meet up with Kellin. We are having a bit of an early dinner so we can make it to the party, which starts at 7, because it’s Friday so curfew isn’t until midnight and that gives plenty of time for everyone to hang out and still have time to get home or make an excuse not to go home. I told my parents that I would be out with Kellin and then over at Jack’s house with some other friends, so that can be my alibi if I end up needing one.

I knock on Kellin’s door and he answers wearing something quite similar to mine, except his shirt is red and jeans are lighter colored and he has these flat, wrappy-type shoes and his hair looks amazing. I didn’t think to do anything special with mine, should I have? Oh come on Vic, stop being so nervous.

“Hey Vic,” Kellin smiles at me, and I feel my heart pounding a bit harder. This is the first time we’ve got to do something just for ourselves, without all the seriousness, and I can’t help but be nervous because he looks so fantastic and just is so fantastic and I’m not even sure why he likes me.

“Uh, hey Kellin,” I say nervously, but he quickly pulls me in for a hug which automatically makes me feel better somehow.

“You seem nervous,” he says, smiling, “it’s cute. But don’t be. You’re already my favorite person.”

I don’t know how to react to that except to hold him a little tighter and feel a little better. Finally we let go and I smile at him and we make our way to the rails.

“So where we going?” Kellin asks me cheerfully.

“I wanna take you to this restaurant on the other side of town, it’s pretty small but the food is amazing and the owners are super nice and it’s my favorite,” I explain and he smiles at me again, we are getting pretty cheesy right now if I’m to be completely honest with myself, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We hold hands the whole ride to the restaurant and we talk about nonsense. My day was okay, his was pretty good but boring, I like his hair, he likes my shirt, it’s Mike’s, he likes my eyes, I like him. That sort of thing. When we get there I greet the owner, Jeremy, and he gets us to my favorite seat which is by the window. It overlooks some of the old city, places that got shut down a while back because people weren’t healthy living there. I don’t know why I always found it so fascinating, but you can see the old buildings and the broken windows and the paint on the outside still. Nobody is allowed in there, because who would want to go there anyway? But my favorite part is the hearts. Lots of couples put their initials in hearts together on the closest building before they left the area. There’s hundreds of them in different colors, sizes and handwriting. It has always looked so romantic to me and I’ve always thought once I found that someone I really like I would bring them here.

I look over at Kellin, who is looking out the window intently, and I know that he was just the right person to bring.