Half a World Away

I remember when we were fifteen we thought we could take on the entire world - then Ruben realized he couldn't move mountains and hid up in the tree in my backyard.

Ruben was more gangly then, with limbs too long and feet awkwardly big. His hair was a jungle in its own, cheeks ruddy and the palms of his hands calloused with mischief. I was thin and seemingly frail, eyes like dish plates and shoulder blades protruding from white skin.

Ruben wouldn't tell me why, but he was hanging off a couple of thick branches crying, so mad that he kept clenching his hands into fists and snatching leaves off the tree. I stood by the tree looking up, asking him over and over what had happened, but he never told me anything, just cried and snatched leaves in bitter silence.

It was because of Mr. Price, I knew. They had a lot of falling outs around that tender age, most resulting in him coming to complain to me. But that was the first time he didn't tell me anything about it; he just cried and cried, eventually coming down to sit at the base of the tree, by my feet.

In the middle of the night, he draped himself over my legs and let me tell him mundane, pointless things, like my plans for when I graduated, and even what I wanted to eat for breakfast the next day. Ruben would only lie there, on my thighs, and listen. Sometimes he'd sniffle, other times whimper, but mostly just remain quiet and absorb my words.

We jumped over a hurdle that night, I think. I'm not sure what it was we accomplished, but gears shifted and the ridge between us dissipated, if only by a bit. Maybe Ruben realized that there's a force out in the universe that'll move mountains for him, so he won't have to do it himself. It's a nice feeling to believe that you're that force.

But there always comes That Moment. The moment when you discover, regretfully, that you're not the only force out in the universe, moving mountains and fixing ridges. You always hope that that sinking realization will come later than sooner, but it'll happen eventually — always will.

I'm having That Moment as Alice reaches over Ruben to pick out some chips from the bowl on my lap. She stuffs the handful into her mouth when Ruben gets brutally killed in the video game, and she laughs so hard that tiny pieces blow out from between her lips. Slapping the palm of her hand to her mouth, she says, "Oh my gosh, he destroyed you."

Ruben's face goes red when he explains, hurriedly, "I'm new to this game! Gimmie a break, dude."

"Dude," Alice mocks. "you still got fucking destroyed." Ruben grumbles and Alice does her throaty, spittle-flying laugh again, then reaches back over him to grab more chips. After a moment longer of watching, she leans forward to look me in the face. “Do you normally play with him?”

Before I can open my mouth to say anything, Ruben answers for me, muttering, “He doesn’t like video games much,” with this concentrated look on his face, eyebrows furrowed. Alice tucks some dark hair from out of her face, glances at him and me before turning back to the television screen and shrugging.

“I don’t really, either,” she says. “but I sure do like watching it. Especially when the person’s looosing.” She elbows Ruben in the ribs, makes him squirm and send a flurry of cuss words her way (playfully, of course). Despite the unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach, I have to smile, because — woah. They are a little cute together. Maybe even more than a little cute.

Alice’s got these long piano fingers that are like a feminine version of his; she likes to wrap it around his wrist when she’s fucking around with him, smile big with those white teeth and laugh when Ruben shows discomfort. And she’s got these dark eyes and deep, deep skin that compliments the washed out look Ruben’s got going on; and Alice is gorgeous — more gorgeous than I ever remembered — and if I wasn’t so attracted to her I probably would’ve been more unsettled.

What’s playing out in front of me is too perfectly movie-like to even bother to interfere: the beautiful girl who receives a heartfelt sick invitation to come by from her prince charming, him attempting to distract her from her flu so she can enjoy the life she’s been missing out on for the past week and a half. Why I’m here, in the middle of this beautiful fairy tale, ruining it? I don’t know.

So I decide to leave.

“Thanks for all the fun,” I suddenly say as nonchalantly as I can while getting to my feet. “but I should probably head home. I think Cara wanted to call me later on tonight, anyway.” I brush chip crumbs off my jeans and let them flutter onto Ruben’s un-vacuumed carpet when I’m up, and go to grab my shoes I left by the door.

Both look up from their flirtatious banter in shock, Alice’s mouth still pulled into the smile she was sporting and Ruben with his hand on her arm, tugging at the grip she has on his wrist. “What?” Alice says first. “But you just got here!”

“I know,” I say. “But I just realized I have some things to do. I’ll see you later, Ben.” I glance at Alice. “Alice.” My departing comment feels more like a business meeting just ended than me having other teenager-related responsibilities to take care of, and I know I’m not the only one who feels it when Ruben immediately follows me out of the room and down the stairs.

“Scout,” he calls out, still following me as I slip out of the house and walk, barefoot, down the driveway. I planned to put my sandals on when I got in the foyer, but what I didn’t plan was for Ruben to actually stalk me every step of the way; I decide once I manage to shake him off I’ll get them on. “Scout, wait. Wait! You don’t actually have anywhere to be, do you?”

“I do,” I answer. “I have a lot to do.”

“A lot like what? When do you ever have something to do that doesn’t include me?”
I stop on the sidewalk to look at him. He’s got this anxious, burdened look on his face, like I’m the parent leaving him on his first day of kindergarten. “And that’s the problem,” I say, as firmly as I can muster.

He raises a dirty blonde eyebrow at me incredulously. “That’s the problem? What?”

“Ruben. This is a date. You’re on a date right now.” I look over his shoulder at the open front door, then back at the incredulous — and now morphing into shock — expression on his face. “Alice is waiting for you, so go back to her, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I turn to go again, but, as I suspected he’d do, Ruben grabs me by my elbow and forces me back around. The pull is so urgent it hurts, and, in retaliation, I try to retract myself from his grip, but his fingers seem to only tighten around me. “Ruben,” I say. “let go of me.”

“Are you crazy?” he asks. “This isn’t a date. Cara and Harrison are on their way right now.” When I shake my head, his eyes widen. “Scout? What did you do?”

“As soon as they heard that you invited Alice they bailed.” I try to get away from his tight grip again, but he doesn’t ease off. I wince. “They even know this is a date.”

“Stop,” he answers, and there’s this forceful growl to his tone that takes me aback. When he sees the surprised look on my face, he softens his own, finally letting go just enough for me to pull my arm free. “Look, I don’t like Alice like that. I thought she wanted to hang out with us, so I invited her. That’s all, okay?” There’s a pause where I’m supposed to respond, but I don’t. I don’t know what to say. “So tell Cara and Harrison to get their asses over here and stop making this awkward.”

“How about you stop lying to yourself for once and go back in there?” He says stop again, but I interrupt him with a, “She likes you, Ruben. You like her. Please man up for once and enjoy this date, alright? Do it for me.” I pat him twice on the shoulder, but this time it isn’t to beckon him forward, but backwards. The guilty pull to his eyebrows is making me more and more anxious, and I needed to do something neutral to tilt the situation back in my favor. Is it to save his or my feelings? I don’t know. But what I do know is that Alice is alone in that room, waiting for him to come back to her, and I can’t let these blurry boundaries ruin anything else for him.

I’d like to say it’s a selfless thought, but Ruben doesn’t take it that way. Instead his face falls, and he looks angry. Maybe even hurt. “Why are you doing this?” he asks me, not waiting for an answer before he continues, “You know what? Fine. Let’s just say it’s a date then. Since you’re being so fucking annoying about this right now I’ll go. Is that what you want?”

Without thinking twice, I snap back, “No. But it’s what you want.”

“What?” Ruben tosses his arms up in exasperation. “What do you want, then, Scout? Because right now I’m not really sure.” He points back at his house, eyes still heavy on me, burning like a burden I can’t seem to shake. “Do you want me to go on a date with Alice or not?”

“Why does it even fucking matter what I want? I’m not your keeper, Ruben, and I don’t plan on babysitting you every step of your fucking life.”

He finally looks away from me, storming back to his house. He goes to enter through the front door, but not before he calls back, “Good, because I’m leaving for good at the end of the summer anyway.”

Who knew one, simple sentence could hurt so fucking much.