Caged Birds Don't Like to Sing

I woke up the next morning completely enveloped in fleecy softness and warmth. Wrapped around me was Jackson’s white throw blanket and I had it snuggled up to my face. Jackson’s arm was slung around my shoulders and I nuzzled into his bare upper body. I trailed my fingers across his chest lightly.

His eyes opened up for a split second, then closed again. I almost thought he was going to just fall back asleep. But when I pulled back, he had his eyes opened.

His lips had a small, closed mouth smile on. I grinned back, but just as subtly. The pain radiated out around my whole hip area. I ignored it for the most part, but it still hurt when I moved. The scooting over towards Jackson just woke it up again.

The whole idea of me actually losing my virginity hasn’t set in. It just seemed crazy. I thought it was awful when I found out when I was sixteen. But all of that distress was for nothing. Now I actually lost it. It felt like absolutely nothing. I didn’t lose anything and all I gained was an annoying pain.

“Good morning,” I yawned, stretching my arms out under the covers. My elbows and neck cracked and it helped to rid me of the drowsiness.

“Mornin’, beautiful,” Jackson said in return. He didn’t move an inch and his eyes were still locked on me. Someone was obviously content with last night’s events.

I made a ‘pfft’ noise. I felt anything but beautiful. I felt absolutely disgusting with the smeared makeup over my eyes and crispy hair curls completely saturated with hairspray. All I wanted at this point was a shower.

“No, really,” he tried to say. His voice was in a quiet tone, like he was admitting something and I’d laugh at him. “It’s kinda hot when you don’t take off all of your makeup at night and it makes those small,” He made little circles around his under-eye as he attempted to explain his reasoning. “smudges under your eyes.”

“Really?” I said with a small chuckle. He nodded. “It just burns more than anything.” I rubbed my eyes hastily as I said it.

After my hand was away from my face, Jackson’s moved closer. His thumb lightly rubbed under one of my eyes in attempt to get it off. His thumb was lightly black on the tip once he pulled away. I blinked a few times. I just needed the mascara off.

“See, now wasn’t it better now that we’re married?” I taunted at him. Jackson smiled in return, but shook his head as if to tell me to just shut up. I laughed once more and so did he. He took me in his arms and I snuggled into his shoulder.

“What time is it?” I asked after some silent minutes had passed.

He reached over on the other side of him. When he turned back, he had his phone in his hand. He tapped the screen. “Uh, twelve-thirty,” he muttered, tossing his phone over.

“What?” I screeched. “Are you serious?” I frantically sat up with the blanket to cover up my torso.

“Serious,” Jackson assured. He seemed confused as to why I was freaking out. He sat up beside me and wrapped his warm arm around me. He tried to start kissing my shoulders, but I started to get out of bed.

“I am so late for work!” I grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around me quickly so I didn’t have to run around the house naked.

Being left with nothing, Jackson took his pillow and covered himself up. “Just call off!”

I needed to get ready, fast. I turned on the shower and then ran into the guest room to get an outfit out of there. I threw it on the bathroom floor and dropped my blanket. Then got into the warm water.

As much as I wanted to stay in there, I knew I had to rush out. The hot water felt wonderful over my aching, gross body. I still felt awful, but I didn’t want to already be the girl to call off. Especially just for something as stupid as wedding consummation pains and being exhausted from the whole day in general.

I hopped out and dried my hair so it was just damp. I didn’t want to have it drip all over my outfit. I tossed on the skirt quickly and threw the blouse over my head. Brushing my teeth, I left the bathroom and pulled the door close with my foot. I grabbed my purse off the bed and stumbled down the stairs, trying to put on some high heels. The wedding definitely helped me learn how to walk in better heels. At this point, I almost felt like a pro at this.

Jackson was downstairs now in a pair of his boxers. “You don’t have to go,” he called as I blurred past him. “I bet Johnny would understand.”

“But I don’t want to disappoint anyone. Not yet!” I said. “Bye!” I slammed the door shut and ran to the car.

It felt like ages until I finally could get up to that office on the twenty-third floor. It was such a long ride in a compact room. I tapped my foot all the way up and tried to think of other things to get my mind off the potential impending doom of the elevator crashing.

When I finally got into the office lobby, Johnny wasn’t there. I remembered his more private area and I walked over to there. I knocked on the door three times and he opened the door.

“Hey,” Johnny chirped. He didn’t seem angry, not at all. He seemed pleased to see me. Even if I was over three hours late.

“Hi,” I said sheepishly. “Sorry I’m late.”

He chuckled lightly at that. “It’s fine. I understand completely. You had your wedding yesterday, for crying out loud! You could have called off, you know.”

“I just wouldn’t feel right already calling off,” I said in return. He opened the door wider, inviting me in. Plus the wedding wasn’t even a big deal to me at this point.

“Want a coffee? You need a break, you’re completely frazzled.”

I nodded and he walked over to a small coffee pot and poured me a cup. “Creamer?”

“A lot.”

He smiled and poured in a bunch. He daintily walked over and handed me the mug. I took a sip quickly, even if it did burn my tongue. I needed to wake up.

I sat down on his small couch and he sat on the love seat across from me, legs crossed. “So did you have fun at the wedding?”

“Yeah. It was fantastic,” I said, still in my gushing mode.

“So who was your friend?” he asked. He held his hand a little lower than his shoulder. “Dark brown hair to about here, blue dress, really sleazy and spunky.”

“Riley,” I recalled. He got her right on the dot.

“Yeah. She seemed a little outrageous. Her and her boy were throwing stuff at everyone, including me, the whole night,” he said with pursed lips.

God, no one told me about that. I face palmed. “Sounds just like her. Yeah, she’s definitely a force to be reckoned with. I need to talk to her anyway about some other shit and I’ll bring that up.”

“What other shit?” Johnny questioned. He started to seem concerned.

“Ah,” I started to try to explain. It was a lot to throw on Johnny and I didn’t know if now was a good time. “It’s nothing, I guess.”

He put his hand on my knee for support. “Tell me. You need to be able to tell someone.”

With a short sigh, I began to explain everything. I started off briefly with Jackson and I being in an arranged marriage, then got to how much of a prick Chase was in high school and the virginity trick they played on me. I ended with the story of how Chase snuck into my house while Jackson was out of town and had hurt me.

All that Johnny could say after my soap opera of a life was, “I think you need to tell Jackson. And I mean everything.”

I groaned and dropped my face into my palms. “He is going to hate me if I tell him. He hates when I lie to him.”

“He might be mad, but he will understand eventually.” Then with a small giggle, he added on, “It’s not like he could leave you.”

My laugh matched his as he pulled me in for a quick embrace. When he pulled back he gave me a quick peck on the forehead and insisted it would all be okay once I told him.

“What’s going on here?”

Johnny and I looked up. It was Jackson and he was not looking so thrilled. Jackson was holding a Dunkin Donuts bag in his right hand and the door knob in his other. I began to feel sort of bad. He probably assumed I was cheating on him and he just came to give me breakfast. But it honestly was nothing and I knew he wouldn’t care once he heard the story.

I looked from Johnny to Jackson and let out a chuckle. “Jackson it’s nothing, Johnny and I were just talking about-”

“Oh so that’s why you just had to go to work,” he said bitterly, glaring at both Johnny and I.

His words immediately took me off guard I didn’t expect him to react at all like that. “No, it’s not like that!” I said in my defense. “He was just consoling me.”

“Yeah, uh-huh,” Jackson hissed. The bag crumpled in his hand. “And why would you need consoling? You were just fine this morning.”

“I’m gay!” Johnny shouted out in attempt to help.

Jackson moved his hands around when he said this, “Yeah but you can still... do stuff.”

I threw my hands to my head. “Oh my God, Jackson! I’m not cheating on you!”

He started to storm out. I chased after him. “Jackson! Jackson! Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Are you kidding me?” he asked, spinning around once we were in the hallway. “You let someone kiss you and you expect me to believe you’re not cheating on me?”

“He wasn’t even kissing me. It was just a peck to the forehead. He has a boyfriend.”

“Oh that just makes it so much better!” He started to walk off. As he did, he grumbled under his breath. I couldn’t believe the was happening. I knew he was so against cheating so he was probably just assuming the worst.

I ran after him again once he was in the elevator. He was punching the button repetitively to try to shut the doors. I slid in before they shut. He let out a snarl and faced the other way, arms crossed. I knew we had a good two minutes to sit in here, so I’d attempt to use that to my advantage.

I took a step closer to him and he turned his face. I grabbed it between my hands and forced him to look at me. “Jackson, it was nothing. I love you and only you. I was just upset about something that had happened yesterday and he wanted me to open up.”

Jackson didn’t seem to take anything in. It went through one ear and right out the other. He slapped my hands off of him. “Whatever, Marissa.”

“Jeez, Jackson! Can’t you just believe me?” I screeched, my eyes started to water again. “I’m sorry for whatever I did to hurt you.”

“You know what you did!” The doors started to open and he started to walk out.

“Yeah, but you obviously got the wrong impression.”

For a second, I thought he understood because he turned around and came close to me. But he just snatched his car keys out of my purse and kept walking. I was in high heels and couldn’t keep up with his pace. I just kept calling after him, but he ignored it.

I finally gave up and stopped walking once I was halfway in the parking lot. Before Jackson got into his car he screamed, “Take a cab home! Or don’t even bother coming back.” He then quickly hopped in and sped off.

I started feeling tears run down my cheeks as I stood there in complete and utter surprise. I knelt down, even though I was in a skirt. “What the fuck just happened?” I cried over and over again.

I wiped my eyes and the mascara was all over the back of my hands. I rubbed it onto my white blouse, not realizing until after that it had stained it. I didn’t care, though. I had worse things to worry about. I walked off to the corner of the street and tried to yield a taxi.

As I did so, I pulled out my phone and dialed a number. When the taxi pulled up, I hopped in. The driver asked for an address. Then I spoke into the phone once I heard an answer.

“Ben, where do you live?”