Caged Birds Don't Like to Sing

The morning went by fast. Very fast, actually. I was dreading to go back to Jackson’s house with every fiber in my body. I was perfectly fine with Ben. He has go-lucky and cheery all the time, and didn’t pester me to no end. My parents should have picked him instead. He made me feel comfortable and at home; a good quality in a friend. And even though Ben knew that Jackson was angry at me, he didn’t let that affect him. He wasn’t judging me at all. At least it didn’t seem like it. Maybe I will come to Ben’s house more often. He could be a great ally to me in this never-ending war.

“Alright, lady,” Ben called as he walked down the stairs. Once he was at the foot of the steps, he continued, “That was Jackson on the phone.”

I got off the couch immediately and felt my eyes grow wide. “What did he say?”

“He said it is time for me to take you home.”

“I don’t want to go back,” I said, practically pleading for some kind of help. “Don’t make me go back there.”

“I wish I could do something. I feel bad sending there against your will...” His voice trailed off for a second. When he snapped back into it, he added on, “But Jackson is my best friend. He’s a good guy. Just give him a chance.”

I pouted my lip and crossed my arms. I stayed silent. Ben sighed again, “Let’s go.” He started to walk out and he took my hand. I wouldn’t of went otherwise.

The drive back home seemed quicker than the one out there. Just like how mornings with Ben went by quicker than those spent with Jackson. And now it’s the afternoon and the car ride is coming to an end, all despite my will. I couldn’t do anything about time flying. Nor about arranged marriages.

Ben started to pull into the driveway. I felt the same way I did when Joseph dropped me off. Except this time I was even more nervous, scared, worried, ashamed, guilty, and all of the above and even more. Words couldn’t express how much I wanted to sink into the seat and disappear.

“You okay?” He asked, patting my shoulder gingerly. “Your face is pale white. Maybe you are the actual vampire of the couple.” He started to chuckle at his own joke, like usual.

I released a heavy breath and flashed my eyes back at Ben. “There’s no way out of this besides death right?”.

Ben laughed again. “Don’t die on me, kid.”

“No promises,” I lamented as I unbuckled myself and got out of the car.

“See ya later. Alive,” Ben called with a wave. I waved back and turned around and walked to the front step.

Before I dared to open the door, I gulped and tried to hold some composure. Jackson never makes you this nervous, so don’t be nervous now. I

But couldn’t help it. I felt embarrassed. I was acting like a small child. Even if it is how I really did feel. I still felt frustrated and upset, I could feel it coursing through my body constantly. I didn’t know how to feel about anything at this point. Most importantly, I didn’t know how Jackson would react when I first open the door.

I drew another breath and pushed open the door. When I walked in, Jackson was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t waiting by the door or on the couch like I had expected. I felt a rush of relief run throughout me. But I would inevitably see him soon.

And that time did come. About five minutes later. I snooped around the house quietly, expecting him to be around every turn. Once the downstairs was clear, I decided just to sneak back to my room. Right before I walked into my room, Jackson came out of his room. He looked at me sternly. I started to walk into my room, not keeping eye contact with me. He trudged down the hallway behind me. It all seemed very horror movie-esque.

I left the door open. I didn’t want to seem too rude and uninviting. Even if it was how I felt. As I sat on the bed, Jackson walked in and leaned against the frame, arms folded across his chest.

“Hey,” I murmured out, looking straight into his green eyes with my head still tilted downwards.

His eyebrows were still furrowed down low, his lips pursed tightly. I couldn’t tell if he was even going to reply. He dropped his arms from the crossed position.

“Hello,” he said back solemnly. I didn’t know what to say back. I just stared back at him and sucked in my bottom lip. I couldn’t stuff my hands in my pockets or rock on my heels this time, those were my go-to nervous habits.

He took a deep breath and started walking closer. I scooted over when I realized he was going to sit beside me. When he finally did so. His face seemed to soothe out.

“I can’t put my finger on you,” He admitted, looking deep into my eyes. His glare began to make me feel uncomfortable in my seat. It was as if he was looking right into me.

“Not this again.” I rolled my eyes and started to get under the covers to get a barrier between us.

“No, no,” he started to back track. “Not like that.”

“Then like what?” I said. Not in a cynical way, though. I said it quietly and confused. I sat up and put the covers down.

He leaned in closer. I backed up a bit and gave him a weird look. “What are you doing, cat boy?” I said territorially.

He kept looking into my eyes. Then I followed his eyes as they trailed along my ace. He pouted his lips out and I could see the gears shifting in his head as he thought. “I can’t tell if I truly detest you, or if I am actually fond of you. You intrigue me greatly.”

“Oh, well that’s flattering,” I said. My voice was sarcastic this time. My nerves began to calm down as we sank back into our usual rut. I started to pull away from him. Everything was just going to get worse the more we were together. Clearly we weren’t meant to be, clearly we don’t love each other. I just wanted this to be over. All of it.

“I’m serious here,” he comforted softly. His face still was evened with the height of mine. My face was still severe, with wrinkled eyebrows hovering just above my eyes and a frown. His was tender. A small smile was on his lips and his eyes filled with compassion.

“So am I when I tell you that I don’t like you,” I flatly stated. “There has to be something we can work--”

I was interrupted by Jackson as he came up even closer and planting his lips on mine fervently. His hand slid up my body, slightly pulling my shirt up along with it, until his hand cupped my face with both hands. Something stronger than the both of us, stronger than anyone else, compelled me to.... kiss him back.

His hand reached over and grabbed my forearm. I followed his movements as he tugged me over on top of him. I straddled his hips as his hands ran up and down the sides of my body. Once his hand started to rise too far up my back and reached the bra strap, I recoiled. I got off of him. I dropped my head into my hands and ran my fingers through my hair.

“Shit,” I huffed under my breath, I hid my face in my hands. “What was that? That wasn’t me.” Then I turned to him in a furious outrage, I slapped his arm. “That was all you!”

He looked back at me as if he knew that was coming, but blew it off. Jackson’s lips turned into a smug half smile. “I think we got on good terms,” he breathed out happily.

“What does that mean?” I asked. I was still shocked at what just happened.

“I think actions speak louder than words. I think we are both... fond... of each other.”

“Speak for yourself, buddy,” I choked. His words startled me. This couldn’t be happened. That couldn’t have happened. We can’t just loathe each other than let something like that happen.

“Oh, come on. You cannot be serious,” he exploded, throwing his hands in the air. “You can’t possibly say you don’t like me. Nothing was wrong with that kiss. It was outstanding.”

I smirked. “Thanks. I’ve been told that before.”

He groaned. “Don’t try to play this off.”

“Oh, I will.”

“You... you piss me off,” he tauntingly remarked.

I laughed haughtily, liking where this was going for once. The roles had finally switched. “Good.”

“God,” he screeched, standing up. “I don’t understand you. At all!”

“Even better,” I continued on, pushing him even further.

He started to head out the door, fists starting to ball up. Before he left, he peeked his head in the door and pointed at me. “This isn’t over.”

“All is fair in love and war,” I quoted, crossing my legs, pleased with myself.

“But this is business, babe,” he added on before he left the door. I didn’t understand what he meant by that. I have a feeling I am going to figure out soon.