I'm Not Okay

Gerard walked back into the room about half an hour later. I barely noticed his reentrance due to the fact that I was texting my friend Heather, my absolute best friend since the age of eleven. She’s the peanut butter to my jelly. The Salt to my Peppa, the Merlin to my Arthur, nuff said.

But anyways, we’ve been at it for at least twenty minutes straight, back and forth. She wanted to know everything that happened that night after I ran and since then and why I hadn’t called and even more how or why the hell Gerard Way answered my cell phone. I finally blurted it out and told her, or more like written her a novel worth of text saying that I was raped by the lead singer/guitarist of Drive By, and then found by Gerard. Pretty shocking, but all completely true.

I sent the message to Heather and then looked up to see Gerard, back in his seat and frowning at me. For some reason this made it seem like things were about one hundred times worse, and no I’m not even trying to be melodramatic.

“What are you frowning about?” I asked him as I felt my phone vibrate from the place I where I had put it on the bed.

“I just talked to Dr.Craft,” His face changed a little as turned his face to look out the window. “And well…” He trailed off.

“What is it Gerard?” I asked as the vibrating continued, I looked down and saw that there was another message, from Glen this time. I picked up the phone and played with it in my hand as Gerard turned to look at me sadly.

“There is a way for you to get what you want, but who really wants that?” He asked, but it seemed as if he was actually asking himself this question, not me. So I looked back down at the phone and flipped it open.

Holz, tell me whats going on.

I sighed and closed the phone again. I didn’t want to tell Glen, he would make it bigger than it already was. He would want to kill Todd, and I really did not want my best guy friend going to jail right about now. So instead, I focused on the problem at hand.

“Gerard, what are you talking about?”

“An abortion, Holly.” He said flatly as he simply looked at me. My breath became shallow at this. My initial thought was: No. I have always believed that an abortion was killing a living breathing child. Except, given that the girl was raped and had no control over what happened to her. I could feel the tears swelling up in my eyes as Gerard came and sat on the side of the bed.

“You don’t have to decide this now,” He said as he took my hand. Instantly, my breathing became easier. “Dr.Craft said you have to wait till you’re at least two months to get the operation.”

I nodded and he left it at that. They wasn’t much said even when the nurse came and checked my stats and vitals and came me some medication. He just sat there. Sat there on the edge of the bed, so I wouldn’t have to deal with this on my own.