I'm Not Okay
Last Visions Of This Cruel World
As the taxi drove towards the airport, we were finally going home to New York, I had this bad feeling in my stomach. This was all too good. And the happiness of the moment I knew just couldn’t last, because for as happy as I was with Gerard and I knew he was too, it felt as if something was coming for us still. I tried to put the thought away as we boarded the plane and settled into our seats and it let me rest for the ride.
Gerard practiced his vocal exercises for a while, and it soon dawned on me that he was speaking in long sentences and growing into paragraphs. It amazed me, the doctors said that it may take months before he got that far- if ever at that. I smiled, as he leaned over and whispered something in my ear,
“It’s going to be okay, I’d bet my life on it.”
“That’s a bad choice of words, Gerard Arthur,” I pointed at him as my stomach flipped at the thought of his life, so young at thirty-one and looked even younger.
“I wouldn’t bet yours though, I value it too much.” He kissed my lips. Oh it soothed so much, and made me forget about all that I had worried about previously.
[>>>]
As we landed, hand in hand, talking about random things we were going to do, Gerard stopped and looked around quickly before getting down on the ground.
“What are you going, Gerard?” I smiled as he took my hand.
“Well why you were asleep on the plan, I… I called Brian and I had him look up some things about emancipation for me. You’re a legal adult, you can do everything an eighteen year old girl can do,” He studied the dirty John F. Kennedy airport floor.
“Yes…” I completely wasn’t following him.
“Holly, would you marry me?” He looked up at me with hope filled eyes. My own eyes felt like they were going to break from the weight of the tears that threatened to fall.
And then it all happened to fast. The silence of that moment breaking, with the screams from the crowd that had gathered around us just as the smell of gunpowder filled my lungs.
I fell into Gerard’s arms and looked up at him and smiled weakly and whispered as loud as I could, “Yes.” Just before my world went dark again, my last vision of the world was Gerard’s face.
Gerard practiced his vocal exercises for a while, and it soon dawned on me that he was speaking in long sentences and growing into paragraphs. It amazed me, the doctors said that it may take months before he got that far- if ever at that. I smiled, as he leaned over and whispered something in my ear,
“It’s going to be okay, I’d bet my life on it.”
“That’s a bad choice of words, Gerard Arthur,” I pointed at him as my stomach flipped at the thought of his life, so young at thirty-one and looked even younger.
“I wouldn’t bet yours though, I value it too much.” He kissed my lips. Oh it soothed so much, and made me forget about all that I had worried about previously.
[>>>]
As we landed, hand in hand, talking about random things we were going to do, Gerard stopped and looked around quickly before getting down on the ground.
“What are you going, Gerard?” I smiled as he took my hand.
“Well why you were asleep on the plan, I… I called Brian and I had him look up some things about emancipation for me. You’re a legal adult, you can do everything an eighteen year old girl can do,” He studied the dirty John F. Kennedy airport floor.
“Yes…” I completely wasn’t following him.
“Holly, would you marry me?” He looked up at me with hope filled eyes. My own eyes felt like they were going to break from the weight of the tears that threatened to fall.
And then it all happened to fast. The silence of that moment breaking, with the screams from the crowd that had gathered around us just as the smell of gunpowder filled my lungs.
I fell into Gerard’s arms and looked up at him and smiled weakly and whispered as loud as I could, “Yes.” Just before my world went dark again, my last vision of the world was Gerard’s face.
♠ ♠ ♠
i know, i know. I'm breaking tradition again.but i simply had to put it in Holly's point of view.
tell me your thoughts lovlies.
<3